Chapter 10
Fawn
The condoms are in the bottom drawer. After checking the expiration date, I grab one, pause and grab a few more. Catching my image in the mirror, I pause. I’m not beautiful, or fancy, or even sexy. Not what anyone would call a great catch.
He is so hot. He could do so much better.
I’m loyal. I won’t cheat. I’m in love with him.
This is a hard life. Isolating. He’ll leave.
Maybe he won’t. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’ll have the memories.
He’s turned down the bed, stoked the fire and is at the door wiping down the dogs, apparently having let them out one last time.
Straightening, he runs his gaze down my body. I’ve taken off the pajama bottoms, and the shirt is unbuttoned, hanging loosely over my body to mid-thigh.
“Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” he says as he passes me.
A couple minutes later he walks out of the bathroom as I’m giving the dogs a final treat for the night. Sidling up beside me, he gives both dogs a scratch on the head. “Brownie and Marble, bed.”
They both obey. Damn alpha pheromones. Turning back to me, he pulls his T-shirt over his head and drapes it on a chair.
He’s beautiful. A couple good sized bruises from his fall, an old scar on his side, the healing wound on his bicep. He’s still beautiful in that manly way that makes women’s girly parts flutter.
Flat stomach and an eight pack. The borrowed lounge pants ride low on his hips providing a teasing glimpse of the beginning of his adonis V. Oh yeah, he’s quite the specimen.
He clasps my face in his broad palms and kisses me. Soft, sweet, a gentle brush. Then kisses my temple. Sliding the sleep shirt from my shoulders and dropping it on the floor, he sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the bed, lying me gently in the center. I toss the condoms on the side table.
“Fawn, I…” Shaking his head he smiles and starts over. “Tell me everything you like, what you don’t. What feels good. What you want. I want to please you.”
“You. I want you. I want to feel everything, do everything with you. Quit stalling, Spade. I won’t break. I know what I’m asking for.”
He chuckles, drags his pants off, dropping them on the floor and crawls onto the bed, covering me. “Damn, I love your directness.”
His kiss is intense, consuming, demanding.
The way he wraps his body around me feels possessive yet cherishing.
Not controlling or stifling. Claiming, nevertheless.
He strokes his calloused hand across my shoulder, down my arm then skips over to palm my breast. Lowering his head he suckles one taunt peak then the other.
A jolt of need lights up my every nerve ending before striking my core. “Yes. Yes more, Spade. More.”
Lips still locked on my nipple, he slides his hand down my side, over my hip, and belly before slipping his hand between us, covering my mound.
A breath catches in my chest. I’m afraid to move least he stop.
Gently he slides two fingers through my folds stroking my most sensitive nub before testing my opening.
“Yes, more. There. Right there.”
“You like that?”
“Yes. More. Harder.”
“So perfect.” He meets my gaze. “So responsive. I love that you tell me what you like. What you want. Love, I’ll give you anything you ask for, all that you ask for.”
Slowly he circles my entrance before filling me with one finger, then two. Stroking my nub with his thumb he pumps his fingers into me. Close. I’m so close. My eyes flutter closed. The pull of his lips on my nipple sends me over the edge. “Y-e-s-s-s.”
He holds me through my release, then cuddles me to his chest stroking my back as my heart rate comes back to normal. I’ve almost dozed off when I realize he hasn’t come. Hasn’t pushed for his own release. “Spade?”
“Hush, love. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”
I take him for his word and let sweet dreams embrace me. When I wake, he’s cuddled to my back with our hands clasped between my breasts. The same as before. Smiling, I realize this is fast becoming my favorite place to be. Cuddled just like this in his arms.
He won’t stay.
“Turn your head off, love. I can hear you overthinking from here.”
“How do you do that? I didn’t make a sound.”
“Years on the frontlines. You learn to sleep with your ears and senses wide open. Now tell me what’s got you stressing?”
“When are you leaving?”
He shifts until I’m lying on my back and he’s on his side looking down at me. Moonlight pours in the window highlighting his furrowed brow. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No. I—I don’t want to get to use to you being here. It will hurt too much when you go.”
“I don’t want to leave. But I don’t want to rush you, or this. I also don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you. This is your home. Your business,” he explains before continuing.
“I have some personal rules. I pay my own way, earn my own keep. I need my own job and identity. I’d like to be a deputy. That comes with risks and long hours. Could you live with that? With the potential danger?”
“Life is filled with dangers. People get sick, hit by cars, die in plane crashes. You survived the army. I assume you can take care of yourself.”
He smiles. “So that’s a yes.”
I nod.
“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t work my ass off around here. I’d help with the animals, chores, shearing, whatever you need. But I’d also have a career of my own.
“It’s important to me that you trust I’m not taking advantage of you and what you have. I’ve been on the exploited side, where I was a paycheck. I’d never do that to you. I have to pay my own way. My share of the bills.”
“Kind of sounds like we both want the same thing but also have the same fears,” I say.
He nods. “I know I want you. I want us. But I also understand we’ve both been hurt. We need to see if we can be enough for each other. I can absolutely promise that if we commit to doing this, I will not cheat on you.
“I’d like us to try. If you’re open to it… I’d spend as many nights here as you’re comfortable with. I’ll keep my place in town and only come when you invite me. We can even just take it day by day.”
“I want you to have the career you want, Spade. You survived the military and that fall on the mountain.” I smile.
“I’d guess you have pretty good reflexes and instincts.
I trust they will serve you well as a deputy.
I’ve managed my business and animals for years on my own.
A little help would be appreciated, but not necessary, you deserve your own career. Something that fulfills you.
“All that said, I would like us to try as well. It’s been pretty easy so far with you here.”
He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “I think so too.”