Chapter 11 #3
With the passage of time, Gretchen seemed to pull herself together, her breathing easing, her eyes dry once more.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
He shook his head, because those words were wrong coming from her. She didn’t have a damn thing to be sorry about.
Then he considered the way he’d found her earlier, balled up in panic and fear. “What do you think will happen if he shows up here?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never made it this far.”
Theo released one of her hands so that he could cup her cheek, force her to look at him, and really hear what he said next. “This isn’t like those other times. He can’t force you to go back. He?—”
“I know that,” she interjected. “My sane brain knows that. But with him, I’ve never managed sane. Just terror. I hate that I fell apart. I’m pissed off at myself that I’m still letting him have so much power over me.”
Theo wasn’t sure if she was aware of it, but with every word she spoke, her voice grew stronger.
“I will never go back to Harrisburg or him. Never. I was a coward to run the way I did, without facing him, but?—”
This time, he did the interrupting. “You were no coward, Gretchen. Jesus. He’s a dangerous man. He could have killed you.”
“You sound like Edith.” She gave him a small, sad smile. It was nowhere near the beautiful ones she was capable of, but it was a start.
“You were smart to escape. Leaving the way you did wasn’t cowardly, it was self-preservation, plain and simple. And now? Now, you have something here that you didn’t have in Harrisburg.”
“What’s that?”
He wanted to say “me,” but he realized she had so much more. “Support. A family. A whole lot of people who will have your back no matter what.”
He hated that his words had provoked more tears, until he realized these weren’t bad ones.
“I…” She swallowed hard, clearly moved. His heart cracked when she looked at him and asked, “I do?”
Theo kissed her forehead, then placed his against hers. “You do.”
They remained like that, both of them soaking in the much-needed closeness after the confessions of the past half hour or so.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said, when they finally separated.
“I was too ashamed before.”
He frowned. “Ashamed?”
“I was weak and stupid to stay with him as long as I did.”
Theo shook his head. “You weren’t stupid. Briggs is an abusive asshole. He preyed on a scared, lonely little girl and took advantage of her. Swooped in and made you believe he was the only one who could ever love you.”
She nodded. “I didn’t realize it for a long time, but yeah, that’s exactly what he did. He was the only person—with the exception of Shaw—who ever paid any attention to me. He made me feel special and worthy of affection. I’d been starved for those things, so I stupidly viewed him as my savior.”
“Is Briggs the reason why you haven’t talked to your brother in so long?”
“Shaw and I were close most of our lives, even after he joined the Navy. We would talk on the phone at least once a week, and he used to send me postcards from all the cool places he’d been.
But after a while…I let Briggs convince me that Shaw only did those things out of obligation.
He had a way of twisting things around in my head.
I hate that I let him do that. That I let him come between me and Shaw.
I pushed my brother away, lashed out at him cruelly, and now, I don’t know how to fix it. ”
From the things Theo had learned about Gretchen’s brother through her comments, he suspected her fix would be as simple as a phone call. “You can fix it. I’ll help you figure out how.”
She smiled sadly. “I miss him.”
“I’m sure you do.” Theo gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re not alone anymore.”
He started to pull away, but Gretchen stopped him, gripping the front of his shirt.
Theo narrowed his eyes, studying her face.
“Please kiss me,” she whispered.
Theo placed a soft kiss on her lips, but he didn’t seek to deepen it. She was emotionally fragile right now, in need of comfort. Nothing else.
“I guess you understand now why you and I aren’t a good idea,” she murmured. “I’m a mess.”
“There’s not a single part of you that’s a mess.”
Her grin this time was bigger as she rolled her eyes. “You said that about me being ugly, too.”
“Applies to both.”
She snickered. “Even you have to admit I’m not normal.”
“You’re right. You’re not. You’re extraordinary. Resilient, brave, strong. God, you could never be anything as lame and boring as normal.”
Gretchen stared at him, blinking back tears. “Every time I manage to stop crying, you say something wonderful and all, of sudden, I’m a blubbering idiot again.”
Theo ran his fingers through her hair, then brushed his thumbs under her eyes, capturing the wetness there. “Should we get off this hard floor?”
She huffed out a breathy laugh. “Not sure I can. I’m too stiff. I might live here now.”
Theo chuckled, rising, then reaching down to help her to her feet.
Gretchen picked up her phone, hesitating. “I can’t go back to Edith’s tonight. Not if there’s a chance…”
“That’s okay,” Theo said. “Because I can’t let you go there. I won’t sleep tonight if I’m not somewhere nearby to protect you. Please don’t ask me to.”
She released a sigh of relief. “I won’t.”
“The B&B is full this week.” Fall was their busy season, as city dwellers escaped to the mountain to enjoy the foliage.
“You could stay with the girls if you wanted, but…” Theo paused a moment, then said what he wanted to say.
“I’d prefer it if you stayed with me and my brothers.
You can have Levi’s old room. It’s down the hall from mine. I need to know you’re safe.”
“Safe and sound,” she murmured to herself, and he recalled the song they danced to on Halloween.
Their song.
Theo clasped hands with her, the two of them walking along the path that led from the brewhouse to the farmhouse he shared with his brothers. They’d installed solar lights along all the main paths on the farm, so it was easy to make their way through the trees.
When they arrived, Theo was unsurprised to find all six of his brothers, Levi included, sitting in the living room. He wasn’t sure where Kasi was. Most likely she was with the girls at their place.
“Everything good?” Levi asked.
“All good,” Theo wrapped his arm around her shoulders, tucking her close as he replied for them. Gretchen’s head remained bowed as she tried to hide the fact she’d been crying.
Mercifully, his brothers were good at reading social cues, so none of them stared at her or asked questions.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Levi replied.
“I’m sorry for being a bother,” she said, glancing around at them before focusing on Sam. “And for ruining your party.”
Sam stepped closer. “You threw me the best party ever. Nothing was ruined, Gretchen. We’re glad you’re okay.”
She smiled at his brother. “Thank you.”
“Gretchen’s going to stay here tonight. I offered her your old bedroom,” Theo said to Levi.
“Sounds good. I was just heading out. Need to grab Kasi from the brewery on the way back to Lucky Penny Farm. The girls wanted to put a dent in the party cleanup.”
“That was nice of them,” Theo said.
“We stayed here. Just in case…” Levi paused.
Just in case Theo needed them. He smiled, nodded in understanding. “Thanks.”
Levi gave Gretchen one last friendly smile, then said goodbye.
Theo added his own goodbyes, waving to his brothers before guiding Gretchen upstairs. “Let’s stop by my room first. I’ll grab one of my T-shirts for you to sleep in.”
She followed him without hesitation. He wanted to tell himself that was because she wasn’t afraid of him, but part of him suspected she was running on fumes, sapped of all energy.
Theo quickly grabbed a soft cotton shirt for her, then led her to Levi’s room. Opening the door, he handed her the shirt. “The bathroom is right across the hall and the sheets on the bed are clean.”
Gretchen stood next to him in the doorway, without entering.
“I can walk you over to the girls’ house if you’d prefer.” If she chose that, he was sleeping on their couch, because there was no way he was leaving Gretchen and his cousins unprotected if this asshole was on his way, as she feared.
“No. I’d rather stay here. It’s just…”
“What?”
She bit her lower lip, looking uneasy.
“You can ask me for anything, kitten.”
He noticed a slight flush rose to her cheeks whenever he used the term of endearment. Considering she’d been pale since he found her own the floor, he was glad to see some color on her face.
“Would you stay in here with me? Not to— I mean, just to?—”
Theo placed his hand on her back, pushing her into the room. He followed, then closed the door behind him. He turned off the overhead light, the moon bright enough through the open curtains to illuminate the room.
Taking her hand once more, he led her to the bed. Turning her to face him, he slowly unbuttoned her blouse, his eyes locked on her face. Tugging it off her shoulders, he drew his T-shirt over her head.
She remained perfectly still, allowing him to dress her for bed.
“Toe off your shoes,” he murmured.
She did as he asked, never once breaking the connection of their eyes. Not even when he reached beneath the hem of the shirt and unfastened her jeans. Together, they pulled them off.
Theo drew back the covers, gesturing for her to crawl in. Once she was snug beneath the duvet, Theo shed his own shoes and jeans, leaving on his boxers and shirt.
Joining her, he closed his eyes, thanking every god who ever existed when she shifted to her side, wrapped her arm around his stomach, and rested her head on his shoulder, curling into him like the spot was tailor-made for her shape.
That was when she came undone, her body trembling with the tears she tried to shed quietly. He didn’t want her trying to hide her pain from him.
“Let it out,” he murmured. “Let it all out, Gretchen. I have you.”
So, she did. She cried out years’ worth of pain and fear, her tears soaking his shirt as he held her tighter, whispering soft words of promise.
“You’re safe.”
“No one will ever hurt you again.”
“I’ll never let you go.”
“It’s going to be okay now.”
After several minutes, the crying slowed, and her body softened against his. It felt as if all the bad shit had been expunged through those tears. Theo wrapped his arm around her upper back, holding her close, then placed a kiss to the top of her head.
Gretchen’s face lifted to look at him.
“Don’t say ‘I’m sorry.’ You’ve done nothing wrong,” he said quickly, brushing the last traces of wetness from her cheeks with his thumbs.
He noticed the way she changed course instantly. “Okay. Then thank you,” she whispered, shifting up enough that she could give him a proper kiss.
“No thanks necessary. Good night, kitten.”
She resumed her original snuggle, sighing softly, asleep within minutes.
Sleep took longer for him. A lot longer.
But by the time it found him, he’d made up his mind that he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure this woman knew she was loved, that she was safe and sound.
He was going to be her shelter in every single storm.