Chapter 3
Luca
My head is pounding. Worse than it ever has.
Where am I?
I try to sit up, but my body hurts, and my eyes don’t really want to open. I finally make it into a sitting position, peeling my eyes open as the throbbing in my temples and the back of my head threatens to make me throw up.
I force a deep breath through my clenched teeth and look around. I’m in bed. Damien is beside me, dead to the world, chest rising and falling with each breath.
What the fuck.
Everything hurts, pain exploding so acutely through my body that I can’t quite tell where it’s coming from, only that it’s relentless and awful. My skin feels like it’s being flayed from my body, and my thighs are sticky with something that I don’t even want to think about. Can’t think about.
Things come back to me in flashes of panic and pain.
A hand around my throat.
My head against the wall.
My… No. I shake my head, gasping as my stomach lurches. Fuck.
I glance at Damien. I have to get out of here. He was… he was going to kill me. I swear he was. And maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he just wanted to scare me. But I know I can’t… I can’t do this.
Not again.
Not anymore.
Not another night. Or even another minute.
My knees almost buckle when I try to stand, the pain in my head nearly taking me to the floor. My ribs hurt. Worse than before, and the throbbing in my head is making it difficult to think.
Damien shifts, mumbling something under his breath. I freeze, panic filling my chest so quickly it takes my breath away. I won’t survive him waking up right now. When he settles, I reach for my phone, my fingers shaking.
The backlight turns on before I can grab it, and it feels like a knife in my eyeballs. I close them, breathing through the nausea.
I pick up the phone and walk to the bathroom. It’s slow going, but when I make it, I shut the door behind me and sink to the floor. I don’t even look in the mirror. I can’t. I’m not sure that I can handle seeing myself reflected back at me.
I dial Austin’s number, hoping like hell he answers. I don’t even know what I’m going to say. I don’t even know why I’m calling him.
His voicemail picks up, and my heart sinks. I dial again, tears burning my eyes.
Please pick up. Please pick up. Please pick up.
“Hello?” Austin’s sleep-soaked voice comes over the line, and my entire body sags in relief.
What am I going to say? Why did I call him? It’s not like he can help me. “I lied,” I blurt out.
“What?” he asks, confusion thick in his voice. “What are you talking about?” A sob works its way out of my chest. “Luca? What’s going on?”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “I lied. Something’s going on. Damien’s… I—I lied.” I choke on nothing, my throat convulsing as I fight down a retch. “Please come get me. I want to come home. I want to come home. Please, Austin. Please.”
It doesn’t hit me how much I mean those words until they come flying out of my mouth. I want to go home. I want to see Austin’s parents again. I want to see Austin. I want to be safe. I can’t be here anymore.
“Is Damien hurting you?” Austin asks, his tone sharp.
So much. All the time. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t lie anymore. He almost killed me. He was going to kill me. A whimper explodes from my throat, but I can’t get my voice to work.
“I don’t have your address, Luc. Text it to me.” Austin’s voice is slightly frantic but mostly calm, and it makes me feel calmer too. “I’m getting dressed, then I’m booking a flight.”
I still can’t get my voice to work, but I text him my address, fingers shaking, and tentative hope blooming in my chest. “There’s one that leaves in three hours. It’s the earliest one. It says it’s a two-hour flight. Will you be safe until then?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, finally finding my voice. “I think so. He’ll… he’s going to work soon. Then I’ll be alone.” I swallow hard. “You’re coming?”
“Yes, I’m coming.” Relief burns through me. “I just booked the flight. Stay with me on the phone until I have to leave.”
I shake my head, which is a mistake. God, my fucking head hurts. “I can’t. He’ll be waking up soon. You’re really coming to get me?”
“Of course I’m coming.”
I need more. I need more than that. “You promise?” I whisper.
“I promise. In just a few hours, I’ll have you out of there, okay? Just hold on a few more hours. Will you tell me what happened?”
I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t. I can’t even think about it. “I can’t.”
“Okay. You don’t have to,” he says softly, his voice low and soothing.
If Damien wakes up and I’m not in bed, he’s going to lose his shit. He’s going to… He might… “I have to go. Don’t call me unless I call you first,” I choke out, not even bothering to wait for a response before I hang up and delete the call from my call log.
I somehow make it to my feet and back into the bedroom, then crawl into the bed. I don’t sleep, though. I don’t trust it.
I don’t trust Damien.
Instead, I stare at the ceiling in the dark, thinking while my head pounds and my eyes water.
I miss the old me. The me who was happy and carefree.
I miss sitting on the dock with Austin, our bare toes dipping in the water, fishing and laughing.
I miss waking up to the early morning call of mourning doves and the scent of honeysuckles.
I miss space.
Space to breathe.
Space for my brain to run wild with tales of imaginary lands where love is always soft and pure and hands are meant to hold people close and touch them gently.
I think that version of me exists somewhere. Hopefully. If that me doesn’t exist anymore, then what’s the point? No. I have to believe the person I used to be is still there somewhere.
I roll to my side, curling into a ball. It seems to be the most comfortable position. I should probably take something for my head, but I don’t even know if it would help.
Instead, I stay curled in on myself, trying to keep my breathing deep and even.
I don’t know how much time has passed when Damien’s alarm blares. My body jerks before I can stop it, and a harsh breath leaves me at the pain that ricochets through me.
The alarm shuts off, and a heavy arm wraps around me, making me wince. Damien nuzzles the back of my neck. “Good morning, love.”
“Morning,” I croak out.
He tightens his grip, making me flinch again. He pauses, and I hold my breath. “Are you okay, love? I didn’t mean to be so rough with you last night.”
I just need to keep him happy. Austin is coming. He’s probably already at the airport. I just need to breathe. Get through this morning. “I’m okay,” I whisper.
Damien rolls me onto my back. His eyes search mine. There’s warmth there today. What looks like love. I don’t trust it. At least when they’re filled with coldness, I know what to expect.
He leans in, pressing his lips to mine. I want to resist. Turn away. I don’t. I open for him, letting him take what he wants.
Austin is coming. He said he was coming. I’ll be free soon. Austin is coming.
Damien breaks the kiss, then cups my face, brushing his thumb along my cheek. “You’re so beautiful, love. I’m so lucky to have you.” I try to smile at him. “How about when I get off work today, we go to the store together?”
I cock my head to the side. “Oh? What did you have in mind?” I ask softly.
He brushes his nose against mine, placing another soft kiss on my lips. It’s such a contrast to last night. Not only to that, but to the throbbing in my head. It’s so sharp I can barely even focus. Can barely even think.
“I was thinking we could get you a new laptop. For your stories.”
I blink up at him, confused. My writing. Why does he care about my writing now? I don’t understand, but it feels like a lifeline. Like he’s trying to meet me halfway. “That would… that would be really nice.”
He smiles. “Of course. If you want to write again, I want to help you do that.”
My heart skips a beat, hope rising in my chest. I nod slowly. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” He kisses me again. “I need to get ready for work.”
He rolls away from me, climbing out of bed. I need to get my body to do the same. I didn’t lay his suit out last night. I didn’t get anything ready for him. I have to get his clothes and pack his lunch, if nothing else. Especially if he’s going to get me a new laptop.
I try to stand, but my knees buckle and I fall back onto the bed on my ass. Which… fuck, it hurts.
Damien rounds the bed, concern marring his features. “Hey, love. Stay sitting. Are you okay?”
Am I okay? Fuck. I almost fell for it. I almost fell for the pretty lies and the empty promises. I should tell him I’m not okay. That I’m not okay and it’s all his fault. I swallow the words down. Just a few more hours. Austin is coming. I’m going home. “I’m alright.”
He frowns, the lines between his eyes growing deeper. I force myself to sit still when he grips my arms. “Lie back down, love. You need some rest. I’ll get my things together.”
Normally, I’d argue. I’d balk. Tell him it’s okay. That I can do it. That I enjoy doing it, but that’s because I’m terrified of what my evening will look like if I don’t. Tonight, I won’t be here. I’ll be with Austin. On my way home. Safe. “Yeah… okay. I’ll rest.”
Damien urges me to lie back, then pulls the blankets up around me, tucking me in. He kisses my forehead, then steps away from the bed.
I watch him as he goes to the closet. Watch as he takes out a black suit, white shirt, and blue tie. Watch as he gets dressed. Watch as he sits on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on.
“I have a lunch meeting today, so I don’t need you to pack one for me.”
I nod. “Okay. That’s good.”
He brushes a piece of my hair back, and I flinch. He freezes, and my body goes cold. But then he smiles. “You rest today. I’ll see you after work.”
He stands, adjusting his tie in the mirror. I think I’m free when he walks out of the room. I wait for the click of the front door, but it doesn’t come, and I’m starting to panic when he walks back into the bedroom.
“Everything okay?” I ask, trying to sit up.
He nods. “Yeah. I just wanted to tell you I love you. You know that, right?”
Oh. “I know,” I whisper. Let that be enough. Please don’t make me say it back.
“Good. I’ll see you later, love. Have a wonderful day.”
And with that, he walks out of the room. This time, the click of the front door comes a few seconds later, and I let myself relax. Let my muscles unclench.
My throat burns with the force of holding back my tears. But I won’t cry. I won’t. I refuse.
Austin is coming.
I just have to hold on until then.