Chapter 6
Luca
I’m pretty sure I’m lying to myself and to Austin. If Damien really didn’t break me, I wouldn’t be so afraid. I wouldn’t be second-guessing myself. I wouldn’t be convinced that leaving will be the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.
The airport is loud, but thankfully, the acetaminophen Austin gave me is starting to work. The throbbing ache behind my eyes is finally waning. It still hurts, but it’s not like it was, and now that the fog of pain is starting to clear, I’m more aware of my surroundings.
It was easy to ignore the eyes of everyone in the hospital.
For one, because they were looking at Austin more than me.
But also because my head hurt so badly, I couldn’t even think past it.
There for a second, my vision went a little blurry, and I thought I was going to pass out.
I chose to keep that from the doctor. I wasn’t taking any chances on not being able to leave.
I know Damien will be home before I get on this plane. He’ll probably text me first. Let me know he’s on his way. If he doesn’t get a response, he’ll most likely assume I’m getting ready. He’ll think I’m excited to go get my laptop. He’ll think I’m waiting for him.
And then he’ll walk into the bedroom. He’ll see my phone sitting on my pillow. The unmade bed. Will he be sad? Will he want to find me?
What if he does? I don’t think I deleted my last call with Austin.
Will he see that I called him? Will he make assumptions?
He could find me. He really could. My throat tightens.
I hate him, but I don’t at the same time.
The thought of angering him or upsetting him has my stomach turning with dread.
Especially because if he finds me before we get on the plane, I’ll go with him. I’ll apologize. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him to forgive me. But I also don’t want to. God, it’s all fucked up in my head.
I glance at Austin. He hasn’t talked to me much since we’ve gotten here, but I’m hoping it’s just that he’s tired and not that he’s regretting this—coming to get me.
I let my eyes scan the airport, and one by one, people turn their gaze from me. They’ve all been staring. Like I’m some fucking freak or something. Like somehow I’m the problem instead of the man who put these marks on me.
Even just thinking about Damien that way makes me almost break into a cold sweat. I let out a breath, trying to calm myself down. I’m not staying here. I’m not. No matter how much my fight or flight wants me to fly my ass back home.
Austin’s right. I’m not sure I’ll even have a future if I stay here.
“You okay?” Austin asks, pulling me out of my spiraling thoughts and making me jump a little.
“Yeah. Head’s doing a bit better.”
I drop my eyes. I don’t want to see the silent, judgy stares anymore. I can feel them. Ice over my skin and condemnation sinking into my bones. I want to tell them all that I’m the victim here. That I didn’t do anything wrong, but I can’t. Because I’m not sure that’s really true.
All I needed to do was keep a clean house and anticipate Damien’s needs.
It’s not like I didn’t have plenty of time to learn.
I should have done better. I should have been able to do what he needed.
To be what he needed. He didn’t ask much from me at all.
I didn’t even have to work. All I had to do was what he wanted.
“Luca?”
I drag my gaze up, and Austin’s staring at me in concern, his brown eyes scanning my face.
He used to complain that blonds should have blue eyes, not brown, but I always thought his eyes seemed warm.
He doesn’t look much different than the last time I saw him.
He’s filled out some, his face is a little more mature, but he’s mostly the same.
I don’t even feel like the Luca who knew him exists anymore.
“What?” I ask, trying to bring myself back to the present.
“I asked if you were sure you’re okay.”
I bite my lip, thankful for the slight sting. Something about it grounds me. Reminds me of why I’m doing this. I sigh. “Do you think I’m making a mistake?” I whisper.
Austin raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
I wave a hand in front of me. I’m not going to cry. I’m already enough of a spectacle without breaking down in hysterics in the middle of the airport. “Do you think my leaving is a mistake?”
“No.” Austin shakes his head slowly. “I think you leaving is the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.”
I sag against the uncomfortable seat. It’s not helping my aching body at all. “I’m terrified. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. He’s going to get home and be mad. He’s not going to know what happened. What if he sees my phone and sees that I called you and tries to come stop me?”
“I doubt very seriously he would cause a scene at the airport, and once we’re in the air, there’s not much he can do.”
He’s got a lot of reach, though, and I’m not sure Austin realizes that. He’s got judges and cops in his back pocket. He knows people all over the city. He could be having me watched right now.
My stomach drops out, and I sit up straighter, eyes darting around the airport.
“Whoa, whoa,” Austin says, instantly on alert too. “What’s going on?”
“What if he’s watching?” I whisper.
“Luca.” Austin’s voice is firm. Not mean, not angry, just firm, but it still makes me flinch. I slowly turn to face him. He looks concerned. “He’s not going to come find you. He doesn’t know where I live. Once we’re in the air, he won’t have a clue where we are, okay?”
I try hard to believe that. I really do. I think this fear means something. It’s the fear of being caught, and the only reason I fear that is because I don’t know what he’d do to me if he found me. That should be enough for me to know that I’m not making a mistake at all.
Austin nudges my thigh. “Do you remember that time we went camping in the woods behind the old McMurray place?”
I can’t help it, I laugh, and it feels so fucking freeing. “How could I forget?”
Austin smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “When we heard that noise in the middle of the night, I thought for sure you were going to climb into my sleeping bag with me.”
“I considered it. I’m not sure why we thought it would be a good idea to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and then go into the woods.”
“What did I tell you that night?” Austin asks softly.
The smile slides off my face. “You said that anything that wanted to hurt me would have to go through you first.”
He nods. “I did, and I still mean that, Luc. You did the hard part. Calling me? That was you watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This?” he says, gesturing around the airport.
“This is the part where we’re in the woods.
You survived that night, and you’re going to survive this too.
And just like back then, he’ll have to get through me before he gets to hurt you again. ”
“You should be the writer, not me,” I say, my eyes burning with the force of trying to hold back my tears. “Why did you drop everything and run for me?”
“That’s a silly question, but I’ll answer it anyway. You’ve been my best friend since we were in diapers, Luc. A couple of years of us barely talking can’t erase sixteen years of us being shoved up each other’s asses.”
I nod slowly. “Thank you.”
Austin shakes his head. “No need to thank me. You’d do the same thing for me.”
Would I? I’d like to think so. But I’m not sure Austin ever would have gotten himself into this position to begin with. “You’re right.”
“I know I am.”
Before I can respond, they call for us to board. Austin picks up my bag, slinging it over his shoulder.
I stand, following him to the line. He’s got our boarding passes in his hand, and now that we’re in line, everyone is openly staring.
I know what they’re thinking, or at least I can guess.
My face looks terrible, but my throat looks even worse, and I know that.
I know it looks awful, but it’s not like I can do anything about it.
I try to keep my eyes away from theirs. I just need to get on the plane and get out of here. Austin’s right. This is the woods. Dark and twisty and noisy with creaks and thumps, but I did survive that night. I’ve survived Damien, and I can survive this too.
I really fucking hate that they all keep looking at me, though. I raise my hand to cover my throat, trying to give myself at least a little protection.
“Hey, Luc?” When I turn, Austin is pulling his scarf off his neck. It’s nothing fancy. Just a gray knit scarf. He’s had it on since he got here earlier today. He holds it between us. “Can I?”
My heart’s in my throat, but I nod. Austin won’t hurt me. I know this. He wouldn’t.
He’s careful. Methodical. His fingertips barely graze my jaw as he wraps the scarf around my throat. His brow furrows as he tugs it up around my chin, careful not to make it too tight, then he tucks the end. After another couple of quick adjustments, he smiles. “There. That covers the worst of it.”
My heart aches at the tenderness. I can’t remember the last time someone did something like that for me. It’s just a scarf around my neck. But all of Damien’s gentle touches follow fists. His gifts follow pain. His non-apologies leave me hurting and wanting more.
Austin’s not even doing it to hide me because he’s ashamed that his friend let himself get into this position. He’s doing it to protect me.
This is… just Austin. Gentle and kind to a fault.
He always has been. I lost track of the number of animals he nursed back to health when we were kids, and I’ll never forget the tears he’d shed when he couldn’t.
I made the right choice to call him. Maybe with his friendship, even I can be nursed back to health.
Or perhaps you’ll be another dead thing he couldn’t save. Another thing for him to shed tears over.
I shake my head against the thought. No. I won’t be.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
Austin nods, giving the scarf one more quick adjustment, and then he’s stepping forward in line.
I’m expecting the lady scanning boarding passes to tell me I can’t go, and the anxiety of Damien finding me returns full force, but she doesn’t.
She scans them, smiles at us, and waves us on. I let out a breath as Austin and I board the plane. When we get to our row, Austin gestures for me to take the window seat. After I’m seated, he puts my bag in the overhead bin and sits down beside me.
My stomach twists with nerves as the plane boards. I study each face, trying to see if I recognize anyone, if Damien sent someone after me. If he even knows I’m here. He has to know by now that I’m gone. There’s no way he doesn’t.
My hands start shaking, so I shove them under my thighs. I can do this. I’m doing this.
“You’re okay,” Austin murmurs under his breath. “Just a little bit longer, okay?”
I nod. Breathe in and out.
The seats are mostly full when the flight attendant starts going through the safety checks, but Austin and I remain the only two in our row. I’m thankful for that.
I listen as best I can, trying to remember all the things I need to know in case the plane goes down.
The second the plane starts rolling down the runway, a wave of nausea washes over me.
I don’t think it’s sickness or even my headache.
It’s the worry. The unrelenting pounding in my chest that’s telling me I’m making the wrong choice.
The tug-of-war in my head telling me I’m not.
Fighting back and forth and back and forth, one trying to gain control over the other.
I close my eyes, then let my head tip to the side, resting on Austin’s upper arm.
He doesn’t say anything, which is probably for the best, but when he taps my leg and I open my eyes to find his hand held out, palm up, I take it.
“I won’t let the squirrels get your nuts,” he whispers.
A choked, wet laugh escapes me. “Thanks. I knew you’d always have my back.”
The plane leaves the ground, and I lift my head from Austin’s shoulder just long enough to watch the city I used to love disappear into a tiny dot before closing the window shade.
The higher we get and the further away we are, the more my body relaxes and the more my exhaustion seeps in.
“Take a nap, Luc,” Austin says softly. “We’ll be home soon.”
I don’t have it in me to argue. I let my head fall back against Austin’s arm and close my eyes, safe in the knowledge that up here, Damien can’t touch me.