Chapter 9
Luca
For the first time in almost two weeks, I’m standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself. The dark, black and blue bruising around my throat has faded to a gross yellow and green. My bottom lip is healed; only the ghost of swelling and blood remain where the split was.
And most amazing of all, I woke up without a headache. Even on the better days, it’s still been painful—a low, throbbing ache behind my eyes and in my temples. But today? I woke up without pain.
I’m not sure what to do with that. Living with Damien was constant pain. If not in my body, in my mind. My ribs aren’t sore anymore, and even though the bruises are lingering on my throat, they don’t hurt now. Thankfully, Damien’s… assault didn’t cause any permanent damage to my body.
I don’t know if I know how to live in a body that doesn’t hurt.
I lift my t-shirt, studying my side in the mirror.
There’s nothing there to see, but I touch my fingers to where the bruising used to be.
It’s… unsettling. It feels like something is missing from my body.
And how fucked up is that? Living without pain feels like something that shouldn’t be happening to me.
It feels fake in a way. Like I’m going to wake up in my bed at Damien’s house, and all of this will have been a dream.
I drop my shirt, then step away from the mirror and into Austin’s bedroom.
I haven’t left the house since I’ve been back in town, but Austin is on hour eighteen of a twenty-four-hour shift.
I’m bored out of my mind. I’m going stir-crazy, and I’m about to fucking lose it.
I can only watch so much TV. I can only sit on the couch for so many hours.
Especially since Austin banned me from cleaning anything in the house. What kind of bullshit rules are those?
His friend Jasper has been driving him to work, so I have Austin’s truck if I want to leave. Jasper’s older than us—in his mid-thirties with prematurely graying hair. He’s nice, at least from what I’ve seen. For some reason, I was expecting him to be younger than he is.
I glance at the keys hanging on the hook by the front door.
I really wanted to be free of bruises before I saw Austin’s parents, but I’m starving and, as I previously mentioned, bored out of my fucking mind.
I think I’d rather count the cracks in the sidewalk leading to the gazebo outside than watch another episode of MasterChef.
Even the food doesn’t look appealing anymore, despite how hungry I am, but I know what will.
I’m sure Austin has something I can use to cover my throat, so I take it upon myself to raid his closet.
This isn’t something I could have imagined myself doing when I first got here, but this is Austin.
Every day that I spend here makes me feel more and more secure in the knowledge that he won’t hurt me. I can move and breathe freely here.
It’s not hard to find something to wear, and when I have a black scarf and one of Austin’s oversized hoodies, I grab the keys off the wall and step out into the crisp air before I can talk myself out of it.
I’ll pop into the diner, grab one of Deb’s grilled cheese sandwiches, let them know I’m home, and then come back here.
I blow out a deep breath, my hand lingering on the door handle of the truck. I can do this.
I open the door and climb in. I’m not sure why I’m building this up so much. It’s not like I’m incapable of making a quick run into town. This was my home for years. I know this town and these people like the back of my hand.
I have to adjust the seat just to reach the pedals, and it almost makes me laugh. I can’t believe there used to be a time when I was taller than Austin. Sure, it was a short-lived time, but it still lives fondly in my memories. Tall asshole.
I check my phone before backing out. There are no messages, not that I was expecting anything different, since Austin and Jasper are the only two people who have this number.
The drive into town is familiar and quiet, and when I pull into the parking lot of Daisy’s—Austin’s parents’ diner—I smile to myself.
It looks the same as it always has, and I love that some things never change.
Austin and I basically grew up in here, spending time together, enjoying Deb’s cooking, and causing mayhem.
One time, after we acted like fools and knocked over a whole bowl of flour, Art, Austin’s dad, kicked us out.
We took off running down the road together, laughing and covered in white.
After steeling myself, I open the door of the truck and jump out before I can talk myself out of turning around and going back home.
The door dings as I step inside, and I glance up. Deb is standing with her back to the dining room. “Hey, Austin. I didn’t think you’d be off—” Her voice dies as she turns around, her eyes landing on me. “Luca?” she whispers in shock, then she comes around the counter and wraps me in her arms.
Tears spring to my eyes and spill over before I have even a single hope of stopping them.
I hug her back. This is the first good old-fashioned mom-hug I’ve had since my own’s funeral.
“How long have you been in town?” she asks, pulling back and raising her eyebrows in concern when she notices I’m crying.
“Uh.” I wipe at my face with the sleeves of Austin’s hoodie, trying to get my wayward emotions under control. “About two weeks now.”
“Two weeks?” Confusion mars her face, and she reaches up to brush my hair back. The motherly touch makes my heart ache, but I also have to fight incredibly hard not to flinch as she touches me. “Why haven’t you come sooner? Does Austin know?”
I nod. “Austin knows. He, um… he came and got me. Don’t be mad at him. I asked him not to tell anyone.”
Her eyebrows pull together. “I don’t understand. Did we upset you? Is that why you didn’t want us to know?”
I shake my head slowly. God, is that really what she thinks? I guess it wouldn’t be a stretch for that to be the case. I haven’t exactly been an open book the last few years. Especially not with her. Austin is the only person I’ve kept in contact with, and even that wasn’t as much as I should have.
I can’t let her think it’s her fault, though. I just can’t. With a deep breath, I clear my throat and reach up to pull the edge of Austin’s scarf down. My throat convulses as I swallow, and when I’ve exposed the faded bruising to Deb, she lets out a choked noise.
“Oh, Luca.” The quiet concern in her voice has my heart tightening in pain. She reaches up, her fingers hovering over my throat. “Damien?”
I nod, swallowing hard again.
She doesn’t touch me, and for that I’m thankful. “I didn’t know, baby. I’m sorry,” she whispers, shaking her head.
I almost laugh at that. “I didn’t want anyone to know. It’s not your fault.”
Her eyes—brown and warm, just like Austin’s—meet mine. “And you’re safe now?”
A tentative smile forms on my lips. “I’m staying with Austin, so I’m sure I am. This is the first time I’ve left the house since I got here. I figured between Austin’s house and Momma Deb’s diner, there wasn’t a safer place I could be.”
She laughs. “You got that right. Are you hungry?”
I adjust the scarf, moving it back into position to hide the bruising again.
“I’m starving. Austin made me grilled cheese the other night, but it wasn’t as good as yours.
” I give her my best smile. The smile I’d used as a kid to get what I wanted, to talk her into a sleepover, or to convince her that even though Austin was grounded, it wasn’t fair to punish me too.
She shakes her head. “You can find a seat, and I’ll get you one whipped up. Our soup special today is tomato. Do you want a bowl of that too?”
“Yes, please.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m shoveling bites of tomato soup into my mouth like it’s my last meal. I think I had gone so long without Deb’s cooking that Austin’s grilled cheese really did just seem amazing. And it was, but I was right; he’s got nothing on this.
I take another bite, almost moaning at how good it tastes. I’m not sure what she does differently from Austin, but I can’t wait to get back to his place so I can tell him how wrong he was.
Actually… I pull my phone out of my pocket and snap a photo of my half-eaten soup and grilled cheese, then send the photo to Austin. I don’t know how busy he is, or if he’ll even be able to respond, but I’m sure he’ll appreciate knowing that I got out of the house and did something.
A few minutes later, he responds.
Austin
Oh how dare you. I’m so jealous.
Me
Why are you jealous? You make them just as good, right?
Austin
You know damn well I was full of shit. No one makes a grilled cheese like Ma. I’d ask you to bring one home for me, but it’ll be gross by the time I get done today.
Me
Poor you.
I exit out of my messages and shove my phone back into my pocket, then go back to eating. I might have to come back again tomorrow and get another sandwich, and I haven’t even finished this one yet.
My phone starts ringing, and my heart drops. But then I remember there’s no way Damien knows my phone number. I take a second to collect myself, then pull it back out of my pocket, smiling when I see Austin’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hello?”
“You can’t just say, ‘Poor you,’ and then nothing else. I’m glad you got out of the house.”
I know he is. He’s only told me about ten times that he’s worried about me.
Every day that he’s gone to work, he’s shaken his keys around before hanging them up, showing me where they are and making sure I know I can go anywhere I want.
“I was hungry and tired of watching MasterChef. Your mom was happy to see me,” I whisper, glancing over to where she’s talking to Burt, a man who looked like he was on death’s door when I still lived here ten years ago. He looks even closer to it now.
Austin hums. “I’m sure she was. It’s been killing me not to tell her.”
My stomach twists. “I’m sorry I made you lie to her.”
“Nah, it’s not like that, Luc. I just knew she’d be excited to see you.”
Deb walks away from Burt, carrying his plate. “She was. She gave me a huge hug and made me cry.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. It was just a wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a hug from a mom cry. No big deal.”
Burt wipes his mouth with his napkin, then stands, dropping a five-dollar bill on the table before walking toward the front door. When he looks up, he sees me, and recognition lights up his face. “Well, little Luca Pierce. I ain’t seen you in years, kid.”
I smile. “No, I’ve been living in Cincinnati, but I’m home now.”
He nods, bracing himself on the back of the booth across from me. “We were real sorry to hear about your parents. You getting along okay?”
“Thank you. I am, yeah.”
“You gonna be in town a while?”
Am I? I don’t think I’m leaving. Not this time. Where would I even go? “Yeah, I don’t have any plans to leave this time.”
Burt smiles. “Well, that’s good to hear. You have a good day now. I’ll see you around.” And with that, he tips his hat at me and walks out the door.
Austin chuckles in my ear. “Burt?”
“How is that man still alive?” I hiss quietly into the phone.
“I have no idea. We should all be so lucky to live to be a hundred and eighty-five.”
I burst into laughter. “Oh my God. Shut up. He’s not that old.”
“No,” Austin concedes. “Of course he’s not. He’s not a day over one-fifty.”
That sends me into another fit of giggles. “Really, though, how is he still kicking?” Austin’s quiet for so long, I think maybe the call has disconnected. “Austin?”
“I’m here.” He lets out a small noise. “Just happy to hear you laughing again.”
Sitting at Daisy’s and talking to Austin makes me feel like me again.
Like maybe all the pieces of Luca Damien stole from me aren’t actually gone, just hidden beneath the surface in a place he couldn’t touch.
Like my subconscious knew it needed to put them there for safekeeping until I got out and was free again.
Until it was safe for those little pieces to come back to the surface.
“Well,” Austin says, catching my attention. “I’m gonna let you go and finish up my shift, but I’m happy you got out of the house. Tell my ma I said hey, and I’ll see you tonight when I get home, okay?”
I smile. “Sounds good. See you later.”
I hang up the phone and finish my food in silence. I missed this.
Being home.