Chapter 10 #2
Austin shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. You’re shivering. Let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”
His hands fall away from my face, and he grips my forearms to help me to my feet. My knees almost buckle again, and he wraps an arm around my shoulder, tucking me against him and supporting most of my weight.
He gets me into the bathroom and helps me sit down on the closed toilet lid. I follow him with my eyes as he grabs a washcloth and wets it in the sink, then grabs an antibiotic ointment.
When he kneels in front of me, he methodically cleans my face, and I keep my eyes locked on his. When he’s done, he starts dabbing the ointment onto my skin with his pinky, careful not to be too rough.
I must look confused because he sighs, darting his eyes to mine. “You’ve got a couple of cuts on your face. Nothing too bad. But we still needed to get them cleaned up.”
I nod slowly. That makes sense, I guess.
When he’s done with my face, I hold my hands open for him, palms up.
He repeats the process, only this time he has me stand and rinse my hands in the sink.
The warm water feels good, but it stings too, especially when he carefully works to get the grit and dirt out of the scrapes on my palms. He makes quick work of drying my hands, and then he sits me back on the toilet to put ointment on them and wrap them.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had anyone tend to my wounds like this. Normally, I just avoid the mirror and hope nothing looks too bad. Sometimes I’ll get the blood off my skin so I don’t embarrass Damien, but that’s it.
“My knee,” I whisper when he starts to stand up.
“Alright, which one?”
“My right one.”
Austin nods, then lifts my foot, placing it in his lap. He unties my shoe, pulling it off my foot, and tosses it onto his bedroom floor, then he pushes the leg of my sweats up until he exposes the angry, bleeding wound on my knee.
He hums, almost to himself, before carefully moving my leg and standing up again. He grabs a fresh washcloth, using it to wipe away the blood on my knee. Before I know it, I’m bandaged and free of blood.
“Is anywhere else hurt?” he asks, looking up at me.
I take stock of my body. My heart has finally slowed, my breathing easy and deep. My knee, my face, my hands. No. Nothing else hurts. I shake my head. “No. Thank you.”
I hate to say it, and I wouldn’t dare say it out loud, but I feel decent. Aside from the panic attack, of course. The pain is grounding. It definitely feels strange to be in a body with no pain, so I revel in the stinging of my hands, the dull throbbing of my face, and the aching of my knee.
Austin takes off my other shoe, then helps me stand.
As we walk past the bathroom mirror and into his bedroom, my heart sinks.
I don’t know how to live in a body with no pain, but I am sad to see my face like this.
I was almost healed. The bruising had faded to almost nothing.
I was starting to recognize myself, to see the person I was before I met Damien.
And now? Now I’m covered in his marks again.
“I’m going to try to sleep,” I say softly. “I’m genuinely sorry I woke you up.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Austin says again, just like he did outside.
He leads me back into the living room, and I sit down on the couch. Austin hovers while I get situated and lie down, pulling the blankets over me and burying myself in a soft cocoon. “Goodnight, Austin. Thank you for taking care of me.”
He’s quiet for a second, but then he sighs. “You’re welcome. I’m going to lock the door, okay?”
“Okay.”
After he locks the door, he walks past me and into his room. He doesn’t shut the door. He hasn’t at all since I’ve been here, and for that? Especially tonight? I’m thankful.
I try to get comfortable, try to relax, but some part of me is still worried.
Still concerned that Damien is out there.
The black front door mocks me from a few feet away from me.
It’s not far at all from the couch. Close enough that if Damien did come in, he’d be able to take me without a fight.
He’d be able to grab me right off the couch and drag me out.
My heart slams against my rib cage as I stare at the door. It’s close and getting closer by the second, distorting and stretching out as my mind plays tricks on me. I nearly fall off the couch as I try to get away from it.
I climb to my feet and rush to Austin. When I stumble into his bedroom, he sits straight up in bed. “Are you okay?”
“Can I sleep in here?” I blurt out, heart beating an unsteady rhythm.
“Of course.” He climbs out of bed, then pats the spot where he was just lying.
That’s a little strange, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.
I dive into his bed, not even caring about my aching body, and burrow my way under his blankets.
It’s still warm from his body, and it’s far more comfortable than the couch.
His soft chuckle pulls my attention, and I flip the blankets off my head so I can look at him. “I’ll be right in here if you need me, okay?” he says, taking a step away from the bed.
“Wait.” I sit up, confused. “Where are you going?”
His brows furrow. “To the couch.”
What? “Why would you do that? I didn’t want to take your bed. I wanted to be with you in it.”
Austin stops midstep. “You—what?”
“I—” I swallow hard, feeling very small and very clingy, and suddenly very fucking annoying. “I just don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you,” I whisper, breaking eye contact and looking down at the bed.
Seconds tick by. I probably made it weird.
We used to share a bed all the time, but then we grew up, and that stopped being allowed.
It started being weird. It’s one thing for two kids to sleep together in a bed.
It’s something else entirely for two grown adults to do it.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. “You don’t—” I start.
“Okay,” Austin says, cutting me off, and then the blankets are being lifted and he’s slipping into the bed beside me.
I roll to my side, and he does the same. We’re close, but not too close. Not touching.
I kind of wish we were. I just feel like this would be so much easier if I were being held. Hugged. The physical comfort from someone I trust would be everything, but this is fine. It’s okay. It’s perfect. I don’t need to be greedy. “Thank you.”
Austin’s lips curve into a smile. “Anytime.”
I close my eyes. Austin’s here. He won’t let anything hurt me. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Damien’s not here. I’m safe.
He won’t find me.
He can’t.