Sheltered

Chapter 14

Luca

I can’t believe Austin came up here. Actually, I can. I’m truthfully more surprised that he waited as long as he did. He even made it through the lunch rush. That’s got to count for something.

It’s not that I’m not happy he’s here. Of course I am, but at the same time, after this morning?

I needed a bit of space. I needed just a bit of time to myself.

I can’t believe how I woke up. I can’t believe I was tangled up with Austin.

And even worse, I can’t believe I was staring at his abs and chest.

When we were teenagers, we both knew and accepted that we were the only two gay boys in our tiny town and that if we had any hope of losing our virginity, we’d need to do it together.

It was fun. I mean, hell, who doesn’t love a good orgasm—especially someone just learning how good it can feel—but it was never more than that.

Maybe I wanted it to be, but Austin never seemed like he did.

And hell, I was so young. What did I know anyway?

This morning, just staring at Austin, sprawled across his body and soaking in his warmth, had my heart going crazy and my stomach a mess of knots. The heat burning my cheeks had to be visible to him. The only consolation is that he didn’t seem to have any idea.

Austin’s good-looking. Of course he is. Good ol’ southern boy with a strong body and dirty-blond, sun-kissed hair, a perpetual tan, and the warmest brown eyes I’ve ever seen.

But there’s a difference in knowing someone is attractive and being attracted to them, and after this morning?

I’m not sure I can deny that I’m attracted to Austin.

I give myself a shake, peeking around the corner of the kitchen and staring at him and Jasper. They’re deep in conversation. Jasper is shoveling food in his mouth, but Austin isn’t eating at all. In fact, he doesn’t even have a plate in front of him.

Arlo walks around the corner, nearly running into me, and lets out a surprised squeak. “Oh! I’m sorry,” he blurts out, turning red to the tips of his hair.

“No worries. Sorry I’m in the way.”

He lets out a little sigh. “He’s something special, huh?”

That takes me by surprise. “Who? Austin?” A wave of possessiveness hits me square in the chest.

“What?” Arlo shoots his gaze to mine. “No. Not Austin. The guy he’s with.”

“Jasper?”

Arlo sighs. “Is that his name?”

“Um, yes.” I guess Jasper’s alright. If you’re into older men. I, however, am not. Nope. Did that once. Never again. Fuck that. “He’s alright.”

I like Arlo. And sure, I’ve only known him for about five hours, and our introduction started with Deb acting like she was gonna set us up together, but still. He seems nice, and I definitely wouldn’t mind exploring a friendship. Nothing more, though.

“He offered to teach me self-defense,” I say for some reason.

Arlo glances at me. “Are you gonna do it?”

I think I might, honestly. It can’t hurt, right? I never could defend myself against Damien. There was nothing I could do to fight him off, but if I could learn to fight, maybe I’d never have to worry about that again.

“I think so. Do you want to do it too?”

Arlo laughs. “I wouldn’t be any good at it.”

“Never know until you try.” I shrug. “I probably won’t be either, but no harm in trying, eh?”

“Are you sure they won’t mind?”

“I don’t see why they would.”

Before Arlo can answer, the bell on the door dings. “Your table,” he murmurs before walking into the kitchen.

I can’t hide my smile as I approach the table to find Burt sitting there. “Hello, welcome to Daisy’s. What can I get you to drink?”

Burt glances up at me, a grin stretching his lips. “They got you working here now?”

I laugh. “Had to do something. Austin was driving me crazy.”

“Sure,” Burt says, shaking his head a bit. “I’m gonna have a Diet Pepsi, please, and have Deb fix me up the special. Should be Beef Manhattan, yeah?”

I glance over my shoulder at the board. “Sure is. I’ll get that in for you and be right back with your drink.”

Being with someone who abused you for years tends to make you hyperaware of your surroundings, which is the only reason I can tell that Austin’s eyes follow me the entire time I’m walking to the kitchen.

When I round the corner, I can still feel the lingering weight of his gaze on me. Normally when I feel the weight of someone’s stare, it’s Damien’s, and even with just his eyes and not his words or fists, I can feel his disdain and contempt.

I guess some habits die hard, and my body hasn’t quite figured out that I’m safe now because even though I know Austin would never hurt me, feeling his eyes on me still sends a shiver down my spine and makes my hair stand on end.

I take my time putting in Burt’s order and getting his drink, and by the time I’m back in front of his table, I’ve decided that I do want to take Jasper up on his offer.

“Here you are.” I set the glass down, then drop a straw beside his cup with a smile. “Your food’ll be out in just a few.”

Burt grins at me. “You can take the boy out of the country, but not the country out of the boy, huh?” I quirk an eyebrow at him, confused. “Your accent’s comin’ back.”

Oh, well, that makes sense, I guess. My accent was never super strong, but for some reason Damien hated it.

Never stopped telling me how uneducated it made me sound.

I worked hard to get rid of it, and fear crackles down my spine at the thought of what he’ll do if he finds out all his hard work was for nothing.

No. No. Damien can’t hurt me because he isn’t here, and I can talk however I damn well please. Fuck him and his never-ending attempts to control me.

I force myself to shake off thoughts of Damien and give Burt another smile. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll get your food out to you as soon as it’s ready.”

Burt nods, so I take a step away from the table and go back to Austin’s. “I’ll do it. The self-defense stuff,” I say before Jasper even has a chance to look up. “But only if Arlo can too.”

Jasper’s brows furrow. “Arlo?”

I wave a hand behind me toward the kitchen. “Your server. Arlo. He wants to do it too.”

A lazy grin stretches Jasper’s lips. “He can join, sure. No problem at all.”

I glance at Austin to find him studying me. “You’ll be there too, right? I don’t want to do it without you.”

“If you want me there,” Austin says, nodding.

“I do. You work all the same shifts as Austin, right?” I ask, dragging my gaze from Austin to Jasper.

“Sure do.” Jasper raises an eyebrow. “You guys free this weekend? We can start on Saturday.”

I look at Austin because I don’t think we have anything going on Saturday, but like I said, he has to be there. Otherwise, I’m not going. He nods. “Yeah, should be fine. Make sure it works for Arlo.” There’s something about his voice that sounds a little off, but I try to overlook it.

Austin is a safe person for me, and I don’t know what I’ll do if that changes.

He’s not Damien. The slightest change in tone doesn’t mean he’s going to hurt me.

It’s okay. I repeat the words to myself over and over like a mantra, hoping that if I say them enough times, I’ll fully trust in them and my own judgement.

“You alright, Luc?” Austin’s soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I blink at him. His eyes are narrowed in concern, his head tilted in question.

I clear my throat. “Yeah, better go check on Burt’s lunch. See you at home.”

After speeding away from the table and getting Burt’s lunch to him, I approach Arlo. “Hey, we’re gonna do self-defense on Saturday. Do you still wanna come?”

“Yeah,” he says, glancing at the empty table where Austin and Jasper were sitting. “Thank you.”

“Do you want us to come get you? I can give you my number, and you can text me your address.”

Arlo gives me a shy smile. “Sure.”

The rest of the workday goes well. I’m not used to being on my feet anymore, so by the time I get off and am driving home, they’re killing me, and so are my legs. I hope Austin isn’t busy because I plan to take full advantage of his bathtub.

Halfway home, I have to turn on the headlights.

It’s getting dark earlier and earlier, and while I used to love this time of year, nothing feels the same anymore.

Sure, the town is mostly the same, but I don’t feel like I fit into it anymore, and that might be the biggest problem.

I didn’t fit with Damien—I thought I did, but I was wrong. I’ve been wrong about so many things.

Austin is the only thing that feels the same to me.

His steady friendship. That’s the only normal I have right now.

Him and his family. It’s nice, but it just feels like something is missing.

I feel like I’m missing. Like part of me is still stuck in Ohio with Damien. The most important parts of me.

I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m doing. Hell, I don’t even know what I want out of life. Or what I deserve.

I sigh, trying to pull myself from my maudlin thoughts.

I turn the radio on, and Austin’s favorite station is already playing.

It brings a smile to my face. Old country music has always been his thing.

The summer we turned fifteen, he used to croon George Strait to me like he was trying to win American Idol.

Almost like I’ve willed it into existence, the very next song that comes on is Amarillo By Morning, and a loud laugh bubbles up and spills from my chest. I sing along, allowing myself to get lost in the nostalgia as I drive up the gravel lane toward Austin’s house.

I’m feeling a little better when I come to a stop, and I wait until the song is over before climbing out of the truck.

Austin looks up at me from the couch when I step inside. “What’s that smile about?”

I laugh. “Amarillo By Morning was on in the car. Just got me thinking about teenage you serenading me.”

He shakes his head. “I was not serenading you.”

“Sure you were.”

I barely resist flinching when Austin jumps up and rushes toward me. Jesus, what is wrong with me today? Was getting out of the house and doing something alone really that hard on my psyche?

Austin grabs my hand and tugs me to him. I’m confused until he wraps an arm around my waist, hauling me closer. This is… new. “What are you doing?” I ask, trying to keep my voice low.

“Serenading you.”

My heart trips over itself, my throat going dry so fast I can’t get any words out before Austin starts singing.

His fingers flex against my lower back as he sways me back and forth, voice low as he croons out Carrying Your Love With Me. My sore feet are all but forgotten, my hands hanging loose and useless at my sides because what in the actual fuck is happening right now?

“Uh, Austin, what are we doing?”

His voice cuts off, and his hand falls from my back. “I was showing you what it meant to be serenaded.”

Heat floods my cheeks, so I glance at my feet so he can’t see it. I’m not sure why; it’s not like I can control it. “It was fun, but my feet are killing me. I’m thinking about taking a bath.”

Austin’s silence has my stomach doing nervous flips, so I force myself to look up at him.

The concern etched into his face shouldn’t make me feel good, right?

It’s just… I’m not used to being looked at that way.

It’s so genuine. “You okay?” I ask anyway.

Mostly because something feels strange with us today, and I’m not sure how to fix it.

“Totally fine. Let me go run your bath.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

Austin shrugs. “I know, but I want to. Give me a few.”

And just like that, I’m standing alone in the living room.

Damn. Serenading me. That’s new. Huh. I wish I could go back five minutes and let myself enjoy it—maybe wrap my arms around Austin in return.

Feel his warm, solid body under my palms, let the sound of his low drawl in my ear soothe me.

A shiver runs down my spine. That’s enough of that. What the fuck?

I sit down on the couch and strip my shoes off, rubbing at my sore feet while I wait.

I’m starting to get hungry, but it can wait until after I’m done with the tub.

I’m not gonna wither away, and I definitely can’t wait to relax.

Plus, I won’t risk making Austin upset by not getting in the tub after he went through the trouble of filling it.

He’s doing something nice for me, and I don’t want him to think it’s not appreciated.

“It’s ready.” Austin’s voice startles me, and I jump a bit. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

God, why does it feel like I’m backsliding? Getting a job was supposed to make things better, not worse. I don’t understand. “It’s alright—I was just lost in my head.”

I force myself to my feet and walk toward the bathroom. Austin stops me with a soft grip on my upper arm. “You alright, Luc?”

“I’m okay. Just tired, I think.”

“Okay. Go enjoy your bath. I’ll get you a snack made, and then we can chill and watch TV, and I’ll rub your feet.”

Holy shit. “Really?”

His eyebrows draw together. “Yes?”

I’m not sure why I keep being so surprised by Austin. He’s not doing anything besides what he’s always done. He hasn’t changed a bit, but I have. I’m a fundamentally different person than I used to be, and I don’t know how to handle this.

Mostly because as much as I want to trust it and trust his kindness, I’m struggling. I’ve never struggled to trust Austin. Never. And up until now, even, I haven’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I offer him a smile and slip past him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me with my heart in my throat and my stomach doing violent flips.