Chapter 15 #2
What the fuck? I may not know a lot of things, but I know that Luca was out and proud as gay and fuck anyone who dared tell him that was wrong at fourteen years old. He didn’t hesitate for a second, and he didn’t care who knew. Hell, he’s the reason I felt safe enough to come out.
My mom even teased me that it made sense, considering we had to do everything together.
“Accusing you of cheating is low.”
Luca sits up in a rush, turning to look at me. “I wasn’t, though. I wouldn’t. You have to believe me.”
The panic in his voice has my stomach tightening in pain. “Luc.” I sit up beside him, wrapping an arm around his upper back and pulling him in for a hug. His ragged breaths fan across my collarbone with each shuddering exhale. “I know you wouldn’t cheat. You don’t have to convince me. I know.”
I rub his back, waiting until his breathing returns to normal before pulling back. When we’re both settled, he continues. “It wasn’t all bad, y’know? He was nice to me sometimes. I wouldn’t have stayed so long if it was all bad.”
“I know. That’s the thing, though. He preyed on that. He made it not all bad on purpose. That was a choice, like anything else.”
Luca sighs. “I know.” I watch as he bites at his bottom lip, eyes flashing with indecision. “Can I tell you about the first time? I think telling you will help… purge it. I haven’t ever told anyone.”
“You can tell me anything, Luc,” I whisper, meaning it with my entire heart.
“I was making dinner.” His voice goes soft and hollow, like he’s detaching himself from the memory and from himself. “I messed it up. I’d had a couple of glasses of wine. Katie had texted me, wanting to know when we could go get lunch, and I just… I don’t know—I forgot I was cooking, I guess.”
I hold a hand out in front of me, offering him comfort if he needs it. Warm fingers slide between mine, and I grip his hand, giving it a little squeeze to let him know I’m here.
“It was a new recipe. I didn’t set a timer for the pasta, and he had told me a hundred times to do that. Anyway, I overcooked it. It was a mushy, gross mess. I laughed it off and told him we could get Thai takeout and cuddle up on the couch. He—”
His eyes squeeze closed, pain contorting his features. “He backhanded me.”
Anger rises in my chest, burning a hole through me and threatening to destroy me from the inside out.
“I was shocked. Hell, I was never even spanked as a kid. You know that.”
I do know that. I wasn’t either. Our parents believed there were better ways to teach kids respect. They weren’t wrong. “I know.” I rub my thumb along the back of his hand.
“It was crazy. One second, I’m giggling and a little wine-drunk; the next, I’m holding my throbbing face. He said it was an accident, and I believed him.” Luca snorts a laugh. “How fucking stupid was I to believe that? How do you accidentally backhand someone?”
“Hey,” I quietly admonish him. “You’ve been a lot of things in your life, Luca, but you’ve never been stupid.”
He snorts. “Sure. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
He swore it would never happen again, that he’d had a long day and he was upset.
That it was about work and not me. Then he cried, and we…
” He trails off before letting out a breath.
“Then we had sex. He was so sweet and kept telling me how sorry he was. I didn’t get off.
My face hurt too badly to even get hard. ”
Luca falls silent, and so do I. I let the weight of his words settle over us, over me. There’s anger, sure. At Damien. But also at myself. When Luca’s parents first died, I wanted to bring him back home with me. I tried to convince him; my parents did too. But he wouldn’t budge.
I should have fought harder. Damien sat at that table across from us, going over the details of Luca’s parents’ estate, eyes greedily taking Luca in, and I didn’t say a word.
I was grieving too. Marjorie and Ronald were like a second set of parents to me too, but that’s no excuse.
I should have spoken up. I should have worked harder to convince him.
“I’m sorry.”
Luca laughs. “Why are you sorry? You’ve never hit me.”
No, and I never, ever would. Not even with a gun to my head. “No, but I shouldn’t have left you there.”
Luca squeezes my hand, then pulls his away from mine. “There’s nothing you could have said or done to convince me to leave with you. That city was the last place I had my parents. I wouldn’t have left without being hogtied.”
“That could have been arranged.”
“Look, you can’t blame yourself,” Luca says, not taking the bait of my joke.
“What makes you think I am?”
“I know you. You’re lying there overanalyzing.
Wondering if you could have made me leave, spared me the pain, and changed the outcome.
You couldn’t have. I was stubborn. I was determined to stay where I was, and Damien was determined to win me over.
” Well, shit. He’s got a point, I guess.
For as much as I know about him, he knows just as much about me. “Can I ask you a favor?”
I nod. “Anything.”
“Do you think we could cuddle tonight?” Even in the dim lighting, Luca’s face nearly glows with his blush. “I just think I need a little… closeness, and you’re basically the only person in the world I trust right now.”
His words hit me square in the chest, making my heart thump heavily. “Anytime, Luca.”
He rolls to his side, facing away from me. Before he has time to get settled fully, I snake an arm around his waist and splay my fingers wide over his stomach, then haul him back to me.
His body aligns perfectly with mine, the curve of his ass the perfect complement to my hips, his back pressed firmly against my chest, and his thighs flush with mine.
I slide my arm under his pillow, letting his head rest over it, and hold him. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, his muscles relaxing one by one and his diaphragm rising and falling evenly under my palm.
It takes much longer for me to fall asleep with the heat of his body pressed to mine—both new and familiar all at once.
Comforting and confusing. I focus on his breathing, trying to keep my mind from spinning out of control with all the changes happening in my heart as my best friend in the entire world sleeps soundly in my arms.