Chapter 21
Luca
Everything’s tingling, and my heart is soaring, and Austin is staring deep into my eyes like he really means what he’s saying. For too long, I haven’t been able to look myself in the eye; I haven’t been able to stand in front of a mirror and feel good about myself.
Even now that the marks Damien left have faded, I still see them marring my skin. Ugly finger-shaped bruises on my throat, eyes black and blue from his fists, lip split open and bleeding—raw from his abuse. When I close my eyes, I can still feel the sticky heat of his cum.
“Yes, really.” Austin brushes my hair out of my face, a small smile stretching his lips. “You’ve always been gorgeous, Luca. But now? Fuck. You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. Like this. I didn’t see you before.”
My heart pounds. “Yeah, but we were kids back then.”
Austin snorts, drawing me in closer and rubbing his nose up and down my cheek, then behind my ear, and down my throat. I let my head loll to the side while he breathes me in.
I want his lips on me again. I want his tongue on my body.
I want to be spread out under him, sheltered in his warmth and drowning in pleasure.
My cock throbs heavily in agreement, but he said just kissing.
And I’m okay with that. As long as one day it can be more.
“Eventually, we’ll do more than kiss, right?
” I ask tentatively, prepared to be shut down.
“Yeah,” Austin breathes, brushing his lips over my pulse point and making a shiver race down my spine. “Yeah, one day.”
My hips jerk forward, pressing my cock firmly against his stomach. “When?” I moan, fighting with all my might to keep my hips still.
Austin groans, burying his face in my throat and sucking at my skin. My head falls back with a ragged moan as I work to keep my composure.
“God, Luca.” Austin grips my sides, hauling me closer, and my dick pulses hard, happy to be trapped between us, the bit of friction mind-numbing after going so long without pleasure.
Even when Damien wasn’t rough with me, he still wasn’t concerned with my pleasure. I know—just know—Austin wouldn’t be like that. Heat races through me as I think about him holding me with his calloused hands, stroking me, and kissing me.
A warm tongue travels down the length of my throat, and a loud moan rips from my chest. We need to stop.
Shit. Not because I want to, but because I want to keep going, and I’m worried that if Austin doesn’t stop touching me like this, I’m either going to implode or explode.
Neither are great options when he just told me no sex.
I breathe in deeply through my nose, trying to maintain some semblance of control. “Feel good?” Austin rasps against my throat, and oh my fucking God.
“Uh-huh. So fucking good. Please don’t stop.” God, we really should probably stop. “Take me to bed. No sex, just more of this; in bed, though. Please.”
Austin hesitates. I can feel it in his body. In the slowing of his lips against my throat. Then I’m being lifted and held tightly. I wrap my arms around Austin’s neck, clinging to him as he carries me into the bedroom.
Without letting go of me, he climbs into the bed.
He somehow manages to get tangled up in the blankets and falls forward.
When he crashes into me, I’m expecting a wave of fear.
What bubbles up instead is a laugh and then another.
“I’m sorry,” Austin mumbles sheepishly, but then he’s laughing too, and before I know it, the laughter is dying between our lips as we come together in another kiss.
Austin stretches out over me, his solid weight pressing me into the mattress. He skates a rough hand up my side, and sensation explodes across my skin, goosebumps pebbling in the wake of his touch.
A breathy little ungh type of sound leaves my lips, and my hips roll up without permission.
“Fuck,” Austin groans against my mouth before sweeping his tongue past my lips and sinking back into the kiss.
It’s slow this time, seeking, and so deep my toes curl and my breath catches in my throat.
With a trembling hand, Austin grips my hip and guides my movement, coaxing another slow roll of my hips. A broken moan vibrates my throat, and he echoes the sound with a groan of his own.
His lips pull from mine but linger close, brushing against them with his softly spoken, “Still feel safe, baby?”
“So safe,” I choke out, gasping when he urges me on again.
He sinks more of his weight onto me, and I drop my legs open further, letting him nestle between them.
“Just kissing,” he pants, like he’s trying to remind himself more than me.
“Just kissing,” I echo, tangling my fingers in his hair and forcing his mouth back to mine.
He rocks against me like he can’t fight it, and God knows I don’t want him to. With each rock of his hips, he plunges his tongue past my lips, swallowing each needy sound I feed him.
“You feel so fucking good,” he mumbles, sounding lust-drunk. Every slow roll of his hips pushes me closer to the edge, and it’s not long before I can’t even begin to slow the frantic jerking of my hips.
Every thrust forces an uh, uh, uh from my throat, and I’m practically lost in the desire swimming in my veins. “We have to slow down,” I rasp, tearing my mouth from his when the pleasure becomes almost overwhelming.
Austin’s movement stills instantly, his hand leaving its place on my hip and finding a home in my hair instead. “Luca, Luca, Luca,” he whispers, punctuating each word with a soft kiss to my mouth.
He doesn’t try to deepen the kisses. Not this time. Instead, it seems like he’s using them to bring me back from the edge. I’ll barely admit it to myself, but I’m thankful for it. For the slow return to reality. For the gentleness.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, pulling back far enough that he can look down at me.
“I’m perfect,” I whisper back, afraid to say the words any louder.
Austin collapses on me, tucking his face against my throat as his almost ragged breathing slows.
I let my fingers sink into his hair, holding him to me.
It’s the wildest thing; even though my cock is still aching, I feel sated.
It’s almost as if being with Austin this way released something inside me that had been wound tight.
Like I had a noose around my throat, and each soft kiss and stroke of his tongue loosened it bit by bit until I could finally breathe.
I let out a long, slow breath and stroke Austin’s hair. “I’m sleepy,” I whisper. I have no idea why I’m so tired. With as much as I’ve slept in the last twenty-four hours, I shouldn’t be tired at all, but I am. “I’m not sure why.”
Austin raises up on his elbows, peering down at me with a soft smile. “You went through something traumatic.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Jasper putting his hand around my throat wasn’t traumatic. Fighting for air as Damien choked me until I passed out was traumatic.”
The look on Austin’s face would almost be funny if it weren’t so serious and sad.
“Luc.” He shakes his head. “You did go through something traumatic. The body doesn’t understand the difference between real danger and not in situations like that.
Jasper would never hurt you, and I would never let him, and sure, maybe logically, you know that.
But you weren’t thinking logically. You were in survival mode. ”
I nod slowly because he’s right. My throat gets tight—not from fear, but from emotion—so I swallow hard, trying to get it to calm down a bit. “I know.”
Warm fingers skate over my cheek as a smile blooms over Austin’s face. “So sleep, baby. Listen to what your body needs.”
That’s foreign to me. I didn’t listen to my body’s needs at all with Damien. I listened to him, to his voice inside my head. Time to get up. Get my dry cleaning. Cook dinner. Why can’t you be bothered to dust? On your knees, love.
A shiver wracks my body. It didn’t matter how much I was hurting.
It didn’t matter whether I had bleeding wounds or bruises.
Hell, it didn’t even matter when he broke my wrist. Nothing mattered but what Damien wanted and expected.
It didn’t matter if I was still sore from last night, and it didn’t matter that there was no prep because I should have still been plenty loose from the night before.
Never mind that I also wasn’t prepped the night before.
Hurt on hurt on hurt, compounding until it became a part of me. As much a part of me as my gray eyes or my hair. Never-ending and always around. My constant companion, even without visible marks.
“Luca?”
Austin’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I find his concerned gaze. “Yes?”
“You zoned out there for a second.” He eyes me for a second. “I said if you want to sleep, sleep. Listen to your body’s needs.”
“Will you stay with me?” I ask, not even thinking before the words come out.
Austin’s answering smile could chase away even the most dangerous of storms. “Of course.”
With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he rolls to the side, wasting no time before pulling me into his arms and wrapping me in warmth and comfort.
“No. I can’t name a character that. Not even a side character. No one should have that name.”
My eyes fly open, and I take in the mostly dark room, confused about who said those words. Me, I think. Which makes sense, given that I was dreaming about writing.
My stomach gives a tumble. It’s been so long since I’ve done that.
“Here, baby.” Austin’s sleep-roughened voice makes me yelp, and something landing on my lower stomach makes me flinch.
I reach down, confused as I feel around on my stomach. It feels like… I sit up, picking up the item Austin left on me. In the soft glow of light spilling in from the bathroom, I hold the little spiral-bound notebook in the air. “Oh my God.”
“What?” Austin mumbles, rolling to his side and facing away from me.
What? Is he serious right now?