Chapter 25
Luca
“Do you still wanna do self-defense?”
I finish wiping down the table, then toss the rag into the tub Arlo is holding.
“Yeah, I do. Sure, it was scary, but it was fine.” Well, it was fine after a solid forty-eight hours of cuddles and attention from Austin.
Being triggered sucked, though, and I’m not in a big hurry to repeat it. “What about you?”
Arlo props the tub on his hip, blowing an unruly lock of hair out of his face. “What about me?”
The hair falls back over his eyes, and he tries to blink it away, so I reach up and tuck it behind his ear. “Are you gonna do more self-defense?”
“Uh.” He turns on his heel, motioning with his head for me to follow him. “I think so. If Jasper still wants me there.”
“Why wouldn’t Jasper want you there?”
Arlo hesitates. “I don’t know. Just in case he didn’t, y’know?”
I’m not sure what’s changed between the last time and now, but I’m sure Jasper’s fine with it. Even if he’s not, either Arlo goes, or I don’t. “He’ll deal with it if he doesn’t, or I just won’t go either.”
“Yeah?” Arlo sets the tub down on the counter by the sink, and we work side by side to unload the dishes and get them put in the soapy water.
“Yeah, we’re friends. So either he deals with it, or I won’t go either. It’s that simple.”
Arlo hums under his breath. “It’s nice having you as a friend. I still can’t believe Deb was trying to set us up.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “Me neither. Not that it would have mattered.” I shove at his side playfully as I pick up a plate and start scrubbing. “I’m not sure I’m your type. Something tells me Silver Fox Jasper is more in line with your tastes.”
When I glance at him, he’s beet-red, but he doesn’t deny it. Dipping his hands into the soapy water, he picks up some silverware and starts washing them. “I’m glad you’re back at work.”
“Oh.” I chuckle. “So we’re just gonna skate right past what I said, huh?”
Arlo shrugs. “We can talk about my crush, sure, but then we’ve gotta talk about yours. You and Austin worked through that sexual tension yet?”
I hesitate. It’s not that I don’t trust Arlo; I really do, but I’m not sure how much I want to tell him. We’re friends, though, and it’s important to me to have friends I can be myself around. Friends who Damien can’t take from me.
I huff a laugh, face already burning. “Uh, yes. Kinda. He gave me a blowjob.” After I fucked myself up and sent myself into a tailspin.
Arlo’s gasp has me smiling. “No way!”
“You asked, not me.” I chuckle when he turns incredulous eyes on me.
“I guess I just thought the answer would be no.”
I sober, my throat closing up. “Can I tell you something personal?”
Just as quickly as I turn serious, Arlo does too. “Of course.”
“It was triggering.” His eyes widen. “Not the blowjob—the before.” Heat crawls up my spine, and my face flushes under Arlo’s intense stare. “Can we do the dishes while we talk about it? I’m not sure I can handle telling you if I have to look at you too.”
“Yeah,” Arlo says, turning his gaze from me to the sink.
“So, my ex was really abusive. I know I already told you, but not to the full extent.” I pause, taking a big breath.
“He’d slap me around sometimes. Gaslight me and shit.
Sometimes it was worse. Punches, kicking me…
Anyway…” I swallow hard. “The last time—when I called Austin to come get me—was the worst.”
I fall silent. Instead of pushing for more, Arlo sits in that silence with me, carefully washing each dish and putting it in the rinse sink.
Something about that makes it easier to keep going, makes it easier to fight against the fear and shame that always threaten to swallow me whole when I tell anyone about what happened to me.
“He raped me—my ex. I can’t call it anything but that.”
Arlo’s sharp intake of breath is the first chink I’ve seen in his armor, and it makes him so perfectly human and real that a small smile splits my lips even though I hate this entire thing.
“Do you want me to keep going?” I ask softly.
“Yeah,” Arlo says. “As long as you’re comfortable.”
It’s sweet that he worries. “Yeah, I’m fine. So, I thought it would be easier with Austin if he didn’t treat me well.”
The dishes are done, so I start rinsing them, and without commentary, Arlo takes them from me and starts stacking them on the drying rack. “Like I said, I thought it would be easier. It wasn’t. I basically asked him to fuck me like he didn’t care about me.”
“I can’t see him doing that,” Arlo murmurs.
I shake my head with a laugh. “No. He tried, for my sake, but it didn’t work out, and he knew it wouldn’t. It triggered the fuck out of me, honestly. My mind went right back to Damien. He was touching me, not Austin. At least in my head.”
Austin was right. I want soft and sweet and loving, especially from him.
No. Only from him. I don’t think my heart would survive a rough touch from Austin, honestly.
His softness means too much to me. His gentle care breathes too much life into me.
I survived Damien and his cruelty. I couldn’t live with Austin’s.
“So, like, at the self-defense thing the other day?” Arlo glances at me from the corner of his eye. “It wasn’t Jasper touching you…”
“Right. It was Damien. At least in my head.”
We finish up the dishes in relative silence. When Arlo puts the last dish in the rack, he turns to me. “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
I try for a smile, hoping I hit the mark. “Thanks. I’m getting a little better every day. But that’s why I want to keep doing self-defense. I don’t ever want to be caught unawares again. I want to be able to protect myself, you know?”
“I do know,” Arlo mumbles, gaze falling. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“You’re a good person.” I shrug. “I can tell. I like you.”
Arlo chuckles. “I like you too.”
I dry my hands off, then pass the rag to him. “Do you wanna come for dinner again soon?”
The smile Arlo gives me is so bright it’s almost blinding. “I’d love that.”
I glance down at my notebook, checking over my notes.
Names: River Nix Knox and Noah Jett
Ages: R: 28 N:25
River and Noah are best friends. How did they meet? I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.
River is tall (6’3”). Noah is similar (6’2”).
River: dark hair, dark eyes, a tan, and an average build. Big dick, though, because this is fiction and everyone gets big dicks in fiction.
Noah: reddish hair, freckles, pale skin, green eyes, and dimples. Big dick too. See the above notes.
There’s something keeping them apart. I don’t know what it is, though. I’m sure it’ll come to me.
It’s very important to me that Noah blushes every time River says something nice to him. I don’t know why. Just is.
“Whatcha doing?”
I nearly jump out of my skin when Austin’s voice sounds out. Not even a trauma response this time, just a good old-fashioned jump scare. I place a hand over my heart and laugh. “Trying to plot this stupid-ass book idea I have.”
Austin’s eyes light up. “Can I see?”
I hold the notebook out, waving it in the air.
He kicks off his boots, then sits down beside me.
Ignoring the notebook, he cups my face and pulls me in, pressing his lips to mine in a soft, slow kiss.
It’s been over twenty-four hours since my last kiss.
On the one hand, I like that he’s off for two days in a row and then only works for one.
But nights like last night, where I’m home alone and sleeping by myself, suck.
When he pulls away, he brushes my cheekbone with his thumb. “I missed you.”
It was a slow night and day for him, so we talked nonstop. We even FaceTimed last night until I fell asleep, but it’s so different from having him here. And so different from being wrapped in his arms. “I missed you too.”
It’s not until after he steals another quick kiss that he takes the notebook from me.
I don’t really have a lot going on yet, but I’m still thankful I was at least able to conceptualize characters.
It’s a far cry from the stories I used to churn out in a matter of days as a kid and even as a teenager, but it’s better than what I’ve been doing for a long time—which is absolutely nothing.
I watch Austin as he scans the page, smiling when he bursts into laughter. “Everyone gets big dicks in fiction, huh?”
I shrug. “Yeah, it’s the rule.”
“This makes me so happy.” He scans the page again, lips pulling up into a smile. “You’re gonna keep going, right?”
“I’m gonna try anyway. This is further than I’ve gotten in years.”
He reads the paper again, chuckling to himself before handing it back to me. “God, I’m so happy you’re finding your spark again, Luc. And so fucking proud of you.”
His words make something warm and happy rush through me, and I can’t resist; I climb into his lap, knocking the notebook to the side. His hands find my hips on instinct, fingers tightening. Not to control me, just to hold me close. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He pulls me down, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me again. This is everything. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I had come home back then.
It used to be thoughts of how much less pain I’d be in. How I’d be less damaged and hurt. Now? Now all my thoughts center on Austin.
Would I be right here, in his arms? Would we have been like this without the years of growth and the time spent apart?
Would I have fallen in love with him? I’m sure I would have.
Maybe not when we were young, but I also can’t see a future where I didn’t.
Can’t imagine a life in which Austin isn’t holding me and kissing me and making me feel good.
“Ah, Luca,” he breathes against my lips, sending a shudder through my body. “Luca, Luca, Luca. You’re such a perfect thing to come home to.”
My stomach flips. “Yeah?” I whisper.
“For sure.” He drags his fingers up my nape, then buries them in my hair. “I’m so fucking lucky.”