Chapter 33
Austin
“Please, Austin. I need it. Need you.”
I can hear it in his voice. In the breathy way that he says it and in the low tone. I can feel it too, with the way his hole is pulsing and contracting around my fingers, hot and slick with lube.
It’s echoed inside of me, like our bodies and souls are already connected. His pleasure is my pleasure. His need is my need. And right now, I need to bury myself inside him and feel him.
I’m in agony, my fear and worry and lust and love tangling up inside me. I can’t think straight. I can’t see anything but him.
When I pull my fingers out of him, I’m almost burning with need. The same need he’s feeling.
“Please, Austin,” he begs, rocking his hips like he’s trying to fuck himself on nonexistent fingers.
I slick my cock, then cover his body with my own, sinking my weight onto him as he moans and thrashes his head back and forth. I don’t even bother lining up my cock with my hand. I just press between his cheeks, rutting against him carefully until I find his hole.
When the tip slips in, Luca cries out, arches his back, and exposes his throat to me.
I know he loves my marks, but it took forever for the last set to fade, and I don’t want to leave any he can’t hide easily if he chooses, so as much as I want to pepper his throat with little purple and red spots, I don’t.
I lave my tongue over his skin, collecting the salt clinging to it, and moan, driving my hips forward until I’m sinking deeper into him.
He lets out a keening cry, hands coming up to grip my back. Just like last time, his blunt nails dig into my skin, leaving a burn in their wake. It feels good.
“Keep going,” he gasps.
I nibble and kiss his neck, working my way to his mouth. He pants against my lips as I push my cock deeper, bottoming out and pausing.
I’m almost feral for him. Desperate in a way I’m not used to feeling. My fear for him has nowhere to go, and it’s apparently decided that he’s safe here, stretched open on my cock and writhing below me.
Pulling out almost all the way, I pause, letting the head of my cock hold Luca’s hole open for a second. He inhales deeply, not exhaling until I slam back in. His moans spur me on, and I find myself thrusting into him at an almost unrelenting pace.
Close isn’t close enough. I need more. I need this. I need everything. Him. Forever.
He doesn’t have to need me, but I fucking need him. And I can’t let him go. Not now, not ever.
“You’re mine, Luc,” I groan, lost in a sea of pleasure and his heady scent. “Not my possession. Not my belonging. But mine. My heart. My soul. My love.”
Each word is punctuated with a thrust I can’t control. I’m losing it, unraveling and dragging him down with me.
With each thrust, he makes a whiny, breathy noise, his fingers digging harder into my skin. So hard I’m almost convinced he could draw blood. I wouldn’t even care. Just like him, I’ll wear his marks with pride.
Luca moans loudly, hands sliding down my back to cup my ass cheeks. His fingernails dig in again as he uses his grip to force me deeper, as he forces me to move faster.
Sweat is beading on our skin, slicking the space between us where his cock is rubbing against my stomach.
I change the angle of my hips slightly, and Luca arches, exposing his throat as his head tilts back into the pillows. “Oh, fuck,” he chokes out. “Oh holy fuck. Again. Harder.”
He cries out again—even louder—when I do the same thing, all but slamming into him. My breath is coming in ragged pants, and heat is pooling in my lower stomach, my orgasm rushing toward me much faster than I’d like for it to.
I try to slow my pace, try to hold on, but Luca’s grip tightens. “Don’t stop… don’t… oh don’t—fuck—” His hole tightens around my cock, and I groan, hips stuttering as I fight with everything in me to keep going. “—coming, oh coming, coming, coming.”
Oh fuck, it’s too much. I thrust into him one last time, holding deep inside him as pleasure explodes at the base of my spine and my cock jerks over and over.
Cum is leaking out around the base of my cock, and Luca is nearly sobbing with pleasure, the space between us soaked in his cum and our sweat.
I’m gasping, my orgasm so intense that I can’t stop shaking and shivering. It’s not until Luca’s gray eyes widen and he shushes me, dragging me down to him, that I realize I’m crying. With one hand, he tangles his fingers in my hair, and with the other, he strokes my back.
My chest heaves against his with each shaky inhale I take. “It’s okay,” he whispers.
“I’m afraid to lose you,” I say, repeating myself.
“Look at me.” I lift myself up, locking eyes with Luca. “You’re not going to lose me. I promise.” I’m not sure how to believe that. I just fucking got him. What does he not understand about it? “Austin, you won’t,” he repeats. “You won’t.”
I nod, because what else is there to do, and lay my head against his shoulder, burying my face in his throat.
God, I hope he’s fucking right.
We had our first snow of the season. It came way later than any of us expected, but since we’ve already gotten some overnight and they’re expecting more to fall every day for the next five, it’s almost a guarantee that we’re going to have a white Christmas.
“Are you nervous?”
I glance at Luca for a quick second. Thankfully, my truck is four-wheel drive, because there’s no way Luca’s car would make it down the back roads we have to take to get to Mom and Dad’s right now. I shake my head, slowing a bit for a patch of snow. “No. Are you?”
Luca laughs. “To tell your parents we’re together? No.”
“Me neither.”
“Then why did you ask?”
I carefully pull into their driveway, then put the truck in park before turning in my seat to look at Luca. “Just wanted to make sure you weren’t having any regrets.”
“Regrets?” Luca blinks at me a few times, then smiles. “No. I told you once before, I could never regret you.”
My heart damn near flies out of my chest. “Then let’s go in and tell them. Wait for me.”
I climb down from my seat and walk around to Luca’s side to open his door and help him down. The driveway is basically a solid sheet of ice, so I hold his gloved hand in mine, leading him to the door.
Ma’s got it decorated like a winter wonderland inside, so when I push the door open and lead Luca into the house, he gasps. “Wow. I love this.”
I knew he would. His love for Christmas genuinely knows no bounds, and I’m so damn happy that for the first time since he was eighteen, he gets to celebrate it with people who truly love him.
There are already presents piled under the tree, and Ma even brought out the stockings Luca and I made when we were kids. They’re old now; the puffy paint we used to write our names on them has faded some, and the cotton itself is threadbare. But they’re still hanging proudly on the mantel.
“Wow. I can’t believe she still has these,” Luca says, pulling his hand from mine to go see them.
I stand back and watch as he runs his fingers reverently over the green paint his name is written in. The smile he gives me over his shoulder is stunning, and the way his eyes are sparkling in the lights adorning the tree has my breath catching in my throat.
“Boys! You made it!”
Ma pops her head around the corner, wiping her hands on her apron.
“We did.” Luca steps away from the mantel and directly into her arms. “Did Arlo accept your invitation?”
“He did.” Ma pulls back, tapping Luca on the nose. “He said he’s going to have Jasper bring him, since the roads are bad.”
“Is Art in the kitchen?” Luca asks, but he doesn’t wait for a response. He just takes off his gloves and steps around the corner like he’s at home, and in a way, he is.
“Hey, my boy.”
She steps forward, then gives me a quick hug. “Hey, Ma. Thanks for inviting Arlo.”
“He’s a good boy. I like him quite a bit.”
“We do too.”
He and Luca have struck up quite a good friendship. It makes me happy that they’re finding that with each other. I still just wish I knew what was going on with him and Jasper. Luca’s convinced they’re into each other, but I’m not. Or at least, I’m not convinced that Jasper is.
There’s a soft knock at the door. “I’ll get it.”
Ma gives me a nod, then heads back into the kitchen.
I open the door to Jasper and Arlo. “Hey, guys. Come on in.”
It takes me a second and a double take to realize that Jasper is wearing a thick sweater, but Arlo is wearing Jasper’s jacket. I study the two of them as Arlo takes it off and hands it back to him. Luca’s gonna lose his fucking mind over this one.
Arlo mostly ignores me and Jasper, heading into the kitchen like he’s been here a million times already. I watch him go, then glance back at Jasper to find him doing the same.
I narrow my eyes. “What’s that about?”
It takes Jasper a second to drag his eyes from the empty doorway. “Huh?”
“Why are you staring all… longingly and shit?”
He laughs, brushing past me. “I’m not.”
Yeah, okay. Fuck. Luca may really be on to something here. I let out a sigh, then follow Jasper into the kitchen. Luca immediately finds my eyes, then raises his brows.
I roll my eyes. Yeah, I see it too. You win.
His smile is the only response I need, and I shake my head before joining him at the giant table.
I miss having family dinners here like this. Sure, the company is different now, but the world feels so much better with Luca sitting beside me at the family dinner table. Sunday dinners used to include Ronald and Marjorie. They were as much a fixture here as we were at their house.
If I miss them this much, I can’t even imagine how much Luca does.
Easy conversation flows around the table as Jasper and Dad talk. Arlo and Luca are telling Ma about a funny toddler they had in the diner last night after they sent her home, and I’m sitting back, enjoying it all with a smile on my face.
“So,” I say when there’s a lull in conversation. “Luc and I have something we want to tell you.”
Ma squeals before either of us has a chance to even say anything. “Oh my God, I’ve been waiting forever. When’s the wedding?”
Dad chokes on his water, and Arlo bursts out laughing.
“Wedding?” Luca chokes out, face turning beet-red.
Holy shit. If the thought of being in a relationship was terrifying to him, I can’t even imagine how much he’s against the idea of marriage.
“Are you not engaged?”
I shake my head slowly, casting a glance at Luca. “No, but we did want to tell you that we’re together. Dating, though. Boyfriends. Not getting married.”
Mom blinks at me a few times, her eyebrows pulling together.
“Well, I’m happy for you both,” Dad says, raising his glass of water in the air. “Can’t say I’m real surprised, but I’m happy.”
“Can’t say you’re surprised?” Jasper cuts in, chuckling. “Have these two lovebirds always been lovey-dovey?”
Luca and I both shake our heads, but Dad goes on. “Maybe not like this, but we were both surprised to find out Luca was engaged to someone else. Thought for sure these boys would end up married by twenty.”
Wow. This night is taking a damn turn.
“I’m sorry,” I mouth at Luca, who shrugs and offers me a small grin. It’s not like he doesn’t know how this family is, though, so I’m not sure this reaction is a shock to either of us.
Mom clears her throat. “I’m with my darling husband. I’m happy for you both.”
“Wait,” Luca says, leaning forward and looking at Ma. “If you’re not surprised, then why were you trying to set me up with Arlo?”
Mom looks as surprised as Dad at the question. She shakes her head. “I wasn’t. I thought you two would be great friends. That’s all.”
Arlo and Luca share a glance before cracking up laughing.
“So,” I say, sitting back in my chair and grabbing Luca’s hand under the table. “Anything the two of you need to share?”
Arlo bites his bottom lip, glancing at Jasper before turning away.
“About what?” Jasper asks, cool as a cucumber, like always. This man is impossibly hard to rattle, and it’s the bane of my existence.
“The two of you,” Luca cuts in, waving his hand back and forth between them.
Ma is entirely too invested in this if the rapid flipping of her eyes between Jasper and Arlo is any indication.
Arlo shakes his head slowly. “No. Nothing notable.”
I can’t be sure, but it seems like Jasper’s shoulders slump a little at that. Just the tiniest amount, like he’s disappointed.
After sharing a look with Luca, I can tell he saw it too, and by silent agreement, we decide to let it go. If there is something going on, it’s nothing that either of them wants to talk about.
The timer on the stove goes off, and Mom stands to get dinner.
She’s prepared a damn feast. Ham, mashed potatoes with homemade gravy, green beans, mac and cheese, and rolls. “Is this an early Christmas dinner?” I ask, glancing over the spread on the table when she’s got it all laid out.
“Something told me you and Luca would want a quiet Christmas morning at your own house, and I shouldn’t expect you guys to be here for dinner.”
Dad leans forward in his chair, looking at the food. “And I’m not complainin’ one bit. Thank you, honey.”
Everyone piles their plates high with food, and Dad breaks out a bottle of wine. Dinner is delicious, and the company is even better. The longer we talk, the more Arlo comes out of his shell, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he tells us stories about his childhood.
I’m glad that he’s finding some peace here. Something tells me he hasn’t had the easiest road. The longer he talks, the more convinced I am that Luca’s right, because Jasper can hardly pull his gaze away.
Luca laughs and smiles throughout dinner, his eyes bright with happiness and his posture relaxed. He’s home, he’s safe, and he’s loved, and that’s visible in his every interaction.
I’m so fucking glad his home and safety and love are with me.