Chapter 29 #2
“I was absolutely the instigator and it was worth every glorious second.” I sink onto the futon, exhaustion sinking into my bones.
“But then you mentioned how her uncle was there, and I saw everything you’ve worked for falling apart because of me.
I didn’t want to ruin your life anymore than I already had. ”
Eddie crosses the room and drops down beside me, taking my hands in his. “You didn’t ruin anything.”
“But I almost did. I’m toxic to everything I love.” The harder I try to refrain from crying, the more determined the tears become. “I’m so sorry for everything. You are, quite honestly, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. All I wanted was a chance to love you.”
He pulls me into his arms, and I collapse against him, basking in the safety I always find here. “You should have told me,” he murmurs against my hair. “You should have told me the second that lawyer came to see you.”
“I couldn’t, because I knew what you would do.”
“Bury my ex-wife somewhere and hope they never find the body.” A rough laugh rises from his chest. “I’m kidding. I’d never lay a hand on Deirdre, but she is not my favorite person right now.”
“I know you’d sooner die than hurt her, but I also know you would have fought for me. You would have wasted time, money, and energy, all because you believe I’m a good person.”
“I know you are.”
I interlace our fingers, pressing a soft kiss to his hand.
“But that would have hurt you. Hurt Theo. Torn apart the relationship you three share. I never wanted to see that happen. And I worried that even if you took her to court and somehow won, that one day you’d look at me and regret every single moment. ”
“You listen to me. The only moments I’ve regretted were the ones where you walked away from me. I have never regretted any other moment with you. Not one.”
“Not even the night of the party? I’d never seen you so mad. Well, until now.” I wipe my cheeks with the heel of my hand, managing a stilted chuckle.
The corners of his mouth lift. “Are you kidding? You felt fucking amazing. Best night ever, right up until you decided to rip my heart out of my chest again.”
My face crumples, a second wave of tears threatening to break free. “I’m sorry—”
But I don’t get to finish as Eddie claims my kiss, his lips yielding as his tongue slides against mine, healing all the hurts in my battered heart. I wind my arms around his neck, inching ever closer, desperate to bask in every inch of him.
He breaks away, nuzzling my nose. “I prefer these kisses more than the angry ones.”
“The angry ones were pretty damn hot, though.”
“Yeah, they were.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Look, we can’t win the war tonight, but at least now I know who I’m fighting. And I know it’s not you.”
Eddie and I spend the next couple of hours talking. Not about surface-level crap. Not easy, banal conversations.
The deep thoughts we keep hidden from the light. The dreams we don’t speak aloud. The truths we barely admit to ourselves.
Eddie tells me he always dreamed of playing professional soccer, until a blown knee in college ended that path before it ever began.
So he decided to major in architecture. But somewhere between the drafting tables and the blueprints, he realized he didn’t want to sit behind a desk designing new homes. He wanted to restore what already existed. Bring something broken back to life.
We talk about Theo—how he never planned on becoming a father, but wouldn’t trade him for the world. I don’t ask him about more children, because I remember his words. That he already has his family and he’s complete.
Besides… that’s a conversation for another lifetime.
“What are your dreams?” Eddie asks, his fingers sliding gently through my hair, his gaze tender as it melts into mine.
“I don’t dream anymore.”
Sadly, that’s the truth. Survival has a way of stripping dreams from your soul.
“If you woke up tomorrow and your life was fully restored, with everything behind you, what would you do?”
I hesitate, not because I’m unsure of the answer, but because I don’t know how much more brutal honesty the man can handle tonight.
Let’s start with the easy stuff.
“I’d take on more design work,” I muse. “Boutique hotels, historic homes. Then, I’d go to Europe. See the cities that color my dreams.”
“Good plan,” he murmurs.
“Oh, I’m not done.” I pull the blanket tighter around me and shift to face him. “Most importantly, I’d go after you.”
His brows lift, an amused expression on his face, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“I’d pursue you with reckless abandon until you caved and agreed to spend forever with me. Tons of sex. Cuddling non-negotiable. Happiness until the end of our days.” I bite my lip and shrug. “Standard stuff, really.”
A faint smile touches his mouth as he brushes his hand lightly along my jaw, but he says nothing.
Doesn’t tell me this could be our future. Doesn’t intimate we have one.
And that’s when it hits me.
A life with Eddie isn’t my reality, and it likely never will be. For a second, I recall my jealousy from months ago, when Eddie and I were just friends, and I knew one day a perfect woman would come along and snatch him from me forever.
For a brief moment in time, that woman was me, but now…
My gaze drops as I pick at the pills on the blanket. The fire still crackles between us, but it doesn’t chase the chill from my chest.
“I know it’s just a dream,” I whisper. “I know that’s not my life, but I still cling to the hope, even as it fades a little more each day. But I know one thing for certain.”
“What’s that?”
I lean over, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. “I love you. I’m absolutely totally in love with you.”
His eyes shine, bright with unshed tears. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, which makes what I’m about to say that much harder.”
Heart, I can’t handle anymore today.
“Look, I get it, Eddie.” The words trip over each other in my rush to expel them. “I know the damage. I understand, but I needed you to know—”
“You should go to LA.”
Did I hear him correctly? After all that, baring the entirety of my heart and soul, he not only doesn’t want a future, but he wants me thousands of miles from him?
“What?”
Eddie slams the last of his whiskey, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “Kiki, your life has been hell. Nolan’s right. You need to start over where you can thrive.”
“But—”
“What if I hadn’t gotten to you tonight?” he goes on. “I feel like there are wolves everywhere, and I don’t know if I can protect you.”
“I don’t want you to protect me,” I whisper. “I just want you to love me.”
“Trust me, I do love you, and that’s exactly why I’m telling you to go. But tonight you’re mine.” His lips crush against me, and for a moment, my troubles fade into oblivion.
Will I let him make love to me, even though it’s likely the last time?
Absolutely. I’ll need that memory to survive the foreseeable future.
But that’s not on Eddie’s agenda. He scoops me into his arms and carries me to the futon, pulling me against his chest. “Go to sleep.”
“That’s your big plan for tonight?”
“Yep, because you haven’t slept in forever.” He glides a gentle hand along my back, easing away the tension.
“Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a second.”
Eddie presses soft kisses to my head. “I’m so sorry, Kiki. For every night you were alone. For every morning you woke up scared. For not seeing it. For not being there.”
My throat tightens, but I don’t answer him. I don’t think I can.
His arms tighten around me like a cocoon. “But I’m here now.”
My eyes drift closed, but even as sleep starts to pull me under one thought lingers.
No matter how much I love him, he can’t stay.
I awaken to sunlight streaming through the office window. My gaze drifts around the room and lands on Gus, still curled up by the remnants of the fire, fast asleep.
But as I push myself upright, I realize Eddie’s gone.
I don’t know when he left or how long I’ve been asleep. After searching the room, I realize there’s no note, no explanation—just the echo of his absence where he’d been only hours before.
I swallow hard against the lump in my throat, turning my attention to my dog. “Hey, Gus,” I murmur, gently scratching his head. “Let me go to the bathroom, then I’ll get you some breakfast, okay?”
His tail thumps once against the floor, but he doesn’t get up. Seems he’s still worn out from the events of last night.
That makes two of us, buddy.
I open the office door and startle when I find Mike waiting outside, a cup of coffee in his hand.
“When did you get here?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“Early.” He steps forward and pulls me into a hug. “Eddie called. Told me what happened. You okay?”
I blow out a shaky breath. “At this point, I don’t have a clue.”
Mike nods. “That’s an honest answer.”
I glance around, my eyes scanning the site, wondering if by some miracle the man I love is still here.
“It’s Theo’s birthday weekend,” Mike says, as if reading my mind. “Eddie had to go. He and Deirdre always make a big deal out of it. I think they’ve got some laser tag place planned this year. Kid’ll love it.”
A dull ache settles in my chest as reality claws its way back in. Eddie has his family, and I’m not part of it.
Somehow, I need to accept that fact.
“But he asked me to step in,” Mike continues. “I’m staying onsite for the duration. Sent a couple guys over to your cabin already. We’ll get the door and window fixed, clean up the glass, make it less of a disaster. I can take you over later if you want to go through things. Grab your car.”
“Thank you,” I mumble.
“You might want to file an insurance claim.”
I shake my head, averting my gaze. I have no desire to explain the entirety of my situation again.
Seems my answer doesn’t surprise him. “No cops either, right?”
“No.”
“Alright. Then we handle it our way.” Mike pauses for a moment, then claps his hands together. “I know you want to shower and eat, but first, I have something important to show you.”
He drops an easy arm around my shoulders and guides me to where the crew keeps their toolboxes lined up, ready for the next shift.
“And before you argue,” he adds, raising a hand to ward off any incoming protest, “this is non-negotiable.”
I frown up at him, completely confused. Then I see it.
A small toolbox sits off to the side, a hard hat perched on top. A scrap of paper is taped to the front, one name scrawled across it in thick marker.
GUS.
Mike gestures toward it. “Your pup has officially been hired as a member of the crew.”
I step forward, tracing my fingers over Gus’s new workstation.
“Which means, he’s gotta be here every day. Can’t miss a single shift.”
The tears come fast and hard, and this time I don’t even try to stop them. I throw my arms around Mike, gripping him tight as I press my face into his chest, because I know exactly who made this happen.
Mike rubs a hand over my back. “Yeah, Eddie figured you’d like that.”
Of course he did.
The same man who told me Gus couldn’t be here… made sure he’d always be safe.
I pull back, laughing through my tears. “I do.”
“Sounds like you’ve got some big decisions to make, kid.”
“Right now,” I admit, my voice barely a whisper, “I don’t feel like I have any choices at all.”