Chapter Six
Alara stared out the windshield as Reaves drove them back to the estate.
She felt bad for him. She'd hardly spoken to him since she came out of Dr. Ambrose's office.
She just couldn't find the words. She didn't know what to think, so how was she supposed to know what to say?
But that wasn't fair, and she knew it. Reaves had been so good to her, and he was so worried.
When he'd told her that she was scaring him, she'd been on the verge of telling him everything.
And now she was grateful that the server had interrupted them.
If the results from the bloodwork came back confirming what she feared, she was going to have to figure out what to do. Reaves didn't need to carry that kind of burden with her. It wouldn't be fair to him.
Her thoughts seemed to alternate between swirling madly and freezing into horrified stillness. All she knew for certain was that she needed to get back to Zia. She needed to take care of her daughter.
She pressed her lips together. She needed to be around to take care of her daughter.
What Grady had said about Zia going over to their place if she needed them had simply been a kind offer.
But she hadn’t been able to stop herself from making the connection.
If the worst-case scenario were to come true, she'd need to find someone to take care of Zia.
And not just for an afternoon here and there.
She shuddered at the thought. No. She couldn't go near it.
Reaves shot her a quick glance. "Are you cold? Do you want me to put the heater on?"
"No, I'm fine. It's not that."
She knew why he pursed his lips—she'd gone and used that same word again. Fine. She hadn't meant to. But she could see how it must feel like an insult. He'd done so much for her, and all she was giving him was that one four-letter word that meant nothing.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"
Want? Of course she wanted to. But it wasn't his burden to carry. He was already doing far more than he needed to for her and Zia. And that reminded her…
"As a matter of fact, there is something I want to say to you."
He glanced over at her again, his eyes wide this time.
She smiled. "Don't look so worried. What I mean is that I want to thank you."
"There's no need."
"You don't even know what for yet."
He gave her a rueful smile. "Okay. Sorry. Go ahead."
"I know you told Ollie and Callie about my appointment."
He cringed. "Yeah. Sorry. I…"
"No, Reaves, please don't apologize. What I'm trying to say is thank you."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. Seriously." She smiled. "Well, maybe not thank you for telling them. But I know why you had to."
"Ah. Yeah. Right."
"It's okay. I'm not mad at you. Just a little surprised. You said that you weren't working today."
"I know. And…" He let out a short laugh.
"Damn, Alara. I want to tell you that I’d never lie to you, but…
that'd be a lie, wouldn't it? I try to be as honest as I can.
But in this case, I figured I'd tell a white lie.
I knew that it'd be easy enough for me to get out of the flight—knew it wouldn't make any difference to Ollie, or to Elliott, who's covering for me.
But I also knew that it would make a difference to you if I told you I was supposed to be flying.
You wouldn't have agreed to let me come with you, would you? "
"No."
The silence dragged on for a few moments. And just before he reached the gates at the entrance to the estate, she rested her hand on his arm briefly.
"I wouldn't have let you come. But I'm very grateful that you did."
"I'm very grateful that you let me."
He brought the Land Cruiser to a stop while he waited for the automatic gate to swing open in front of them. When he pulled through, Alara inhaled deeply and let her eyes drift closed, glad to be back.
What she wanted to do right now was hold her daughter tight and curl up on the sofa in her room.
Her eyes popped open. What was she even thinking? It wasn't her room. It was just the room where she was staying. She couldn't allow herself to start feeling too much at home.
Yes, Reaves and Charles seemed to genuinely enjoy having her and Zia here. She could accept that. Their presence wasn't a burden—not in itself. She could see that from their point of view.
But it didn't stop her feeling like one. And depending on what Dr. Ambrose told her next time she saw him, she could easily become much more of a burden than they should have to bear.
~ ~ ~
When they arrived back at the house, Reaves followed her up the steps, knowing that he'd missed his chance to get his questions answered, at least for today anyway.
He hated that whatever Dr. Ambrose had said had spooked her—possibly more than that, he just didn't know.
He wanted to be there for her, to be in it with her, but he knew damn well that he couldn't force his way in.
Inside the house, she smiled at him when they heard the sound of Zia's laughter coming from his dad's study. Before they reached the door, she reached out to touch his arm again.
"Thank you, Reaves. Not just for coming with me today, but for everything. For all of this. For you and your dad taking us in the way you have. It means more than you know."
He covered her hand with his own, awkwardly. "It means the world to me, too. And to Dad. I know it wasn't easy for you to accept our help, but I mean it when I say I'm grateful. And Alara…"
She took her hand away, but he had to say it.
"Whatever's going on, whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm here. Don't think I'm not pushing because I don't want to know. I do. I'm trying to be respectful, okay?"
She nodded, and kept nodding, the way people do when they want a conversation to be over. "Thanks, Reaves. We should get in there. I bet your dad will be ready for a break from her by now."
He shook his head. "I'm gonna call you out on that this time. We both know that the two of them are having fun."
His heart sank when she nodded again and said, "Okay, I'll admit it. It's me that needs her right now."
"Damn, Alara, that's not what I meant. And I'm sorry. I was trying to stop you from feeling like a burden. Trying to reassure you that he really doesn’t mind."
"I know, and I appreciate it. But…"
She held his gaze for a long moment, looking helpless. He reached out, wanting to tuck one of her unruly curls behind her ear, but stopped himself, letting his hand fall to his side instead.
"Let's get in there, shall we?"
He knocked on the door before pushing it open. He and Alara both burst out laughing at the sight before them. Zia looked as though she was coated from head to toe in glitter, and Charles, clad in sparkling denim, sat beside her, looking like the world's most dignified glam rocker.
"There you are." His dad greeted them with a smile, but if Reaves wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of relief in his voice.
Zia got to her feet and shook herself like a dog, sending a cloud of glitter through the air to settle mostly on the paper—although Reaves suspected that his dad's study would never again lack a sparkle.
"You're home," Zia greeted them with a big smile. "We had lots of fun, didn't we, Grandpa Grape?"
His dad slowly pushed to his feet before attempting to brush himself down. "We certainly did, sunflower. And how about the two of you? How did you get on?"
Alara nodded. "Yes, it was…"
Reaves braced himself for that fine word again.
She shot him a quick look before she continued. "It went well. Thank you. I had some tests. I'll have to go back next week."
The words themselves sounded innocent enough. But Reaves had some idea now of the dread that came with them.
"Well, that's good," said his dad. "Now we can get the ball rolling on getting you better."
Zia, however, studied her mom closely. She came all the way to the edge of the piece of paper before stopping.
"Are you okay, Mom?" she asked, in a tone Reaves hadn't heard her use before.
Alara just stared at her for a moment, and Reaves caught his breath when he recognized the same flash of fear on Zia's face that he'd seen on Alara's the first time she admitted to him that she was scared.
"Maybe you need a nap," Zia suggested. "You feel better after you take a nap." She glanced back at his dad. "I think we're done playing. Aren't we, Grandpa Grape?"
His dad nodded.
"I can go with you," she told Alara. "You like it when I nap with you, even though I'm too big now."
Alara seemed to waver on her feet beside him, and he rested his hand at the small of her back, wanting to give her all the support she claimed she didn't need.
She smiled brightly. "I don't know about a nap.
I think what you need is a shower." She shot Charles an apologetic look.
"We'll try to leave as much glitter here as we can, so we don’t track it all through the house. We’ll give you a good dusting off, Z.
But I think your next stop has to be the shower. "
"Okay." Zia started to brush herself off, and when she'd removed as much as she could, she turned back to his dad. "Do you think I'm safe to leave our paper island now?"
"I do. And I think your mom has the right idea. I'm going to head for a shower myself."
"Okay. We'll see you later. And thank you. This was so much fun. We should play again tomorrow."
Reaves bit back a laugh at the look on his dad's face as he said, "We'll definitely play tomorrow. But perhaps we should try a different game."
Zia surprised him when she came to him before her mom and held her arms up. He scooped her up, and she planted a kiss on his cheek.
"I'll see you later, Prince Daddy. I wanted to play with you this afternoon. But…" She glanced at Alara. "Mom needs me now."
She wriggled and he set her down. All he could do was watch as she went to take Alara's hand and led her out of the room, as if somehow, in this moment, she were the adult.