Chapter Twelve #3
He squeezed her hand again. "Like I’ve told you. I'll always be here for you."
Her eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight.
"But that's the thing, Reaves. That's what I'm really afraid of.
I don't know if I'm going to be here for much longer.
I mean, if you think about it—everything that's been going on with me.
The headaches. The tiredness. The losing weight, not being able to put it back on.
And then bloodwork, and lymph nodes, and… "
She closed her eyes and made a visible effort to steady herself. "It could be something incurable."
"It won't," he said immediately. "It can't be."
"But what if it is? I couldn’t ask you…"
"You wouldn’t need to—I’m going nowhere."
~ ~ ~
Reaves set her down in the hallway at the foot of the stairs—he'd carried her! Carried her all the way into the house, just like he'd carried a sleeping Zia up to bed a few times. He set her on her feet but kept his arm around her waist.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come upstairs with you?"
She chuckled at the way he rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean—are you going to be able to make it?"
"I am. Thanks. I'd have asked you to come up there to talk earlier, if it were just about us. But if Zia woke up and found you in my room—or your dad did." She shuddered. "That wouldn't feel right."
"No, I know. And I only meant…"
"I know. And I'll be fine, I promise."
"So, I'll come get you in the morning. I'll talk to Faye about watching Zia. Dad will probably be fine to watch her too, but… I'll text Ollie now. We're not flying tomorrow. I'll ask him and Callie to be on standby if we need them. If Dad and Faye—"
She looked up at him. "You don't need to drag people in to help. If Faye can't watch her, she can come with us."
His arm tightened around her waist. "I'm not dragging anyone.
They're all standing in the wings, waiting to be allowed to help.
" He trailed his fingers down her cheek.
"You said you're not used to having anyone around to help.
You haven't noticed it yet, but here, you already have a whole bunch of people. All you need to do is let them in."
"I don't know how."
He smiled. "So, let's take it one step at a time. You took a huge step tonight—and I know it, and I'm grateful that you let me in. We can work on the rest from here; this is just the beginning."
She nodded, desperately trying to ignore the little voice in her head that was whispering that this might be the end.
"You'll see," he told her, as if he'd read her mind. "You should go and get some sleep."
"Yeah." She doubted she'd be able to. "You should, too. And thanks, Reaves."
He leaned in close, and the tender look in his big brown eyes made her melt against him. "There's nothing to thank me for. We're in it together."
She lifted her lips, expecting, hoping, but all he did was brush his lips over them in the sweetest, briefest touch before straightening up with a rueful smile.
"I want to kiss you so bad right now. But I don't want either of us to feel like I'm taking advantage of you in a vulnerable moment." He stepped back, and cool air rushed in where his warmth had been.
"Goodnight, Reaves." She made her way up the first few stairs before turning back. "I wanted to kiss you, too. Not because I'm scared or grateful, but because I've wanted to ever since the first time I saw you at the gas station."
He moved so fast he startled a little laugh out of her. He followed her up until he stood on the step beneath her. He rested his hands on her waist. "I was trying to be considerate."
She laid her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. "You could never be anything else. It's who you are."
His hand came up to cup the side of her neck, his fingers sliding into her hair. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. It started out slow and tentative, but soon she had her arms wrapped around his neck, his arms curled around her waist, holding her to him as they took it deeper.
It wasn't like a first kiss. There was no awkwardness, no learning each other. He already felt so familiar, so comforting. He felt like something she'd never really known before—like home.
When they finally pulled back, his eyes shone as he brushed his thumb over her cheek.
She held his gaze and nodded. A dozen questions and answers passed between them, but none of them needed words.
"See you in the morning, then."
"See you then."
Back in her room, she went straight to the window, getting there just in time to see him put his window down and wave. She waved back before getting into bed, piling the pillows against the headboard, and wrapping her arms around herself.
Reaves was going with her tomorrow. He said he'd be with her through whatever came after tomorrow.
A little ball of hope bubbled in her chest. It wasn't enough to chase away the cold dread, but it was there, warm and bright in the darkness.
She rested her chin on her knees. Sleep wouldn't be coming anytime soon. But for the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn't feel so alone.