Chapter Twenty-Five #2
He took her hand and led her to his bed. She perched on the edge of it for a moment and then scrambled into the middle. He laughed and came after her, and she covered her face with her hands.
"I must have looked like Zia. Is that why you're laughing at me?"
"No. I'm laughing because you just showed me that you really want to be here.
I've seen you sit on the edge of a chair looking like you were ready to run.
I figured out a while ago that you perch because you don't feel as though you'll get to stay.
" He grinned. "Now you've scooted right into the middle of my bed like you own it and don't plan to leave. "
He planted his hands on either side of her hips and leaned in to brush his lips over hers before adding, "I'm going to do my best to make sure you never want to."
As he leaned forward, she leaned back until she was lying beneath him, looking up into his eyes. She slid her hands inside his shirt, finally able to touch his smooth, warm skin. She knew how muscular he was from seeing him in swim shorts at Ollie's pool, and now she got to touch him.
He pulled his shirt off over his head, then unfastened his jeans and rolled to the edge of the bed to take them off.
She froze, realizing that he'd expect her to do the same. She was so comfortable around him that she'd forgotten to feel self-conscious. She'd put a little weight back on, but she was still…
"Hey." He was back at her side. "Are you okay?"
"I am." She wriggled around, hitching up the skirt of her dress before pulling the whole thing off over her head. "I'm not proud of my body right now, but it's the only one I've got."
He ran his hand down her side. "You're beautiful, Alara. I mean that. I was attracted to you the moment I met you. But if you gained a hundred pounds, and fifty years from now, you'd still be beautiful to me. I love you. I see who you are."
She held her arms out to him. "I love you, Reaves."
He was so tender. They helped each other out of their underwear and lay facing each other, his hands moving over her.
"I'm learning you," he told her.
She rested her hand in the middle of his chest. "I want to learn you, Reaves." She chuckled. "And I'm ready for the advanced class."
She watched him fish a condom out of his jeans pocket and roll it on before turning to face her.
His smile was tentative. "Still ready for the advanced class?"
She nodded, but when he moved closer, she caught his shoulder. "Wait."
He stopped immediately, and her heart squeezed. He didn't ask what was wrong or try to persuade her. He simply waited, his gaze steady on hers.
"I don't know how to do this anymore," she admitted. "I mean, obviously I know how. But I don't know how to be…" She searched for the word. "Seen."
His expression softened. "Then we don't have to do anything."
"I want to." She tightened her fingers on his shoulder. "I really want to. I just don't want you looking at me and seeing how thin I got. Or thinking about how sick I was."
"I am going to think about it," he said gently. "Because I know what it cost you to get here. But I'm not going to look at you and see someone who's sick."
He traced his fingers down her cheek.
"I'm going to see the woman I love. The woman who kept going when she had every reason to fall apart.
The woman who made a home for her daughter wherever she could.
The woman who brought my dad back to life and filled his house with glitter.
" His mouth curved. "A frankly alarming amount of glitter. "
She laughed, the sound coming out shaky.
"And I'm going to see the woman who invited me into her bed," he continued. "Which might be the bravest thing you've done yet."
"I don't know about that."
"I do."
She reached up and drew him down to her. This kiss was different from the others. There was no uncertainty in it, no question about where they were going. She opened to him, and he followed her lead, giving her everything she asked for and nothing she didn't.
His hands moved over her slowly, as though he meant what he'd said about learning her.
He paid attention to every breath, every small movement, every place she leaned into him.
For once, she didn't have to anticipate what someone else might need.
She didn't have to be careful or capable or prepared for what came next.
All she had to do was feel.
"Reaves," she whispered.
He lifted his head. "Tell me."
"I need you closer."
The look in his eyes made her breath catch, but he still didn't rush. He shifted over her, holding himself above her as he searched her face.
"Is this okay?"
"Yes."
"And you'll tell me if it isn't?"
She slid her hands around the back of his neck. "I promise."
He kissed her again as he brought them together.
For one startled moment, she went still—not because she wanted him to stop, but because the reality of it overwhelmed her. After all the waiting and wanting, all the times she'd convinced herself she had no right to hope for this, he was here.
Reaves froze.
"Alara?"
She opened her eyes. The concern on his face undid her.
"I'm okay." She brushed her fingers over his cheek. "I'm more than okay. Just give me a second to believe this is real."
His forehead came down to rest against hers. "Take as long as you need."
She wrapped her arms around him and held on. He stayed exactly where he was, his body warm and solid against hers, until the tightness in her chest eased.
Then she moved beneath him.
His breath broke against her lips.
"Like that?" she whispered.
"Exactly like that."
He followed her rhythm at first, letting her set the pace. She loved him for that—for understanding that after so much of her life had been taken out of her hands, she needed to be the one who chose.
But soon, it felt like they were choosing together, deeply and slowly, and it felt like freedom.
The pleasure built slowly, warmth unfurling through her as he learned what made her gasp and what made her cling to him. He murmured her name against her neck, and every time he did, it sounded like something precious.
She buried her face against his shoulder, trying to muffle the noises she was making.
He gave a breathless laugh.
"I know. I can’t help it!"
"That wasn't a complaint."
She bit his shoulder to stop herself from laughing, and his whole body shuddered.
"Careful," he whispered. "I'm trying to be patient here."
She drew back enough to see his face. "I'm done with patient."
Something changed in his expression then. He kissed her hard, and she held on as the last of his restraint slipped away.
The world narrowed until there was nothing outside this room.
Nothing beyond the heat of him, the sound of their mingled breathing, and the feeling of being held without being trapped.
When the pleasure finally broke over her, she pressed her face against his chest and clung to him, trembling as he followed her a moment later.
For a while, neither of them moved.