Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
HOLDEN
G et. Her. Out of here.
I do not want Millie anywhere close to this ranch. She can’t be here, not under any circumstances.
“Let’s go back to town.” My heart is hammering as I step outside. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about where I live. I just don’t want her here. Not here, with all the ghosts that could still hurt her. “We can sit on your patio and talk.”
She scowls at me as if she’s wondering if I’ve lost my mind. “No, I’m here now, and I want to just get this out.”
“Millie, let’s go somewhere else. Anywhere else.”
“Jesus, Holden, I don’t care if your house is messy. So what?”
“That’s not it.” I shake my head. My stomach is jittery, my palms sweaty, and every molecule in my body is screaming at me to get my girl the fuck out of here. “I just don’t want you here.”
“For fuck’s sake.” She rubs her fingertips over her forehead, and if I’m not mistaken, she looks hurt. Jesus, that’s the last thing I want. I’ve inflicted enough pain on this woman to last a lifetime. “If you’ve changed your mind about the whole thing, that’s great. I’m off the goddamn hook.”
She turns to leave, but I grab her elbow, stopping her. As much as I don’t want her here, I don’t want to fuck this up, because I think she’s going to say yes. “I haven’t changed my mind. That’s not what this is about.”
“You’re not making any sense,” she says as she turns back to me. “I just want to talk.”
“I know, but I don’t want you here. On this ranch. Not today or any day.”
Her eyes soften, and she doesn’t pull her arm away. “Holden, no one is going to hurt me out here. He’s dead.”
“Don’t care.” God, is that my shaky voice? “Let’s get off of this property. Please.”
“Okay, okay.” She swallows hard, still frowning. “There’s a scenic overlook about a mile up the highway. State property. Let’s go there. I’ll meet you.”
“I’m right behind you.”
I climb into my truck as Millie slips into her SUV, and I’m ten feet behind her as she makes her way down the long driveway to the highway. And when she finally turns right, off of my land, I let out a long, shaky sigh of relief.
Seeing her out there made me panic. If Dad were alive, she’d be dead by now. I never want her there.
She drives up to the turnout I know and pulls in, making room for me to park behind her, and then we both get out of our vehicles.
This is a great viewing spot for tourists driving through. The mountains are tall and proud in the distance, with pasture in the foreground, full of black cattle. This is Lexington property, and those are my cows. And I fucking love those mountains.
“Okay,” Millie says as I approach, and we both sit on the rock wall, turning to face each other. “We’re on neutral territory. Better?”
“Yeah.” I lick my lips and have to remind myself not to reach for her. Whenever I’m within twenty feet of her, I want to yank her against me and bury my nose in her hair.
Old habits die hard.
“I see you still have that old Ford truck,” she says, trying to sound nonchalant. She doesn’t look me in the eyes.
“Of course, I still have it. It needs a little work. I’m taking it in to Brooks this week, and he’ll tinker with it when he has time.”
She nods and shoves her hands in her pockets.
“You said something about ground rules?” I ask as my system slowly evens out.
“I have several,” she confirms. “And they’re firm. Deal breakers.”
“Let’s hear them.” This should be good. It seems my life is full of conditions right now. I cross my arms over my chest, and her eyes dip down, watching the motion. Her tongue runs over her bottom lip as she eyes my biceps, and I can’t help but smirk at that.
Yeah, baby, I’m hot for you, too.
“One,” she begins, raising her index finger. “I get my own bedroom. I’m not sleeping in the same room as you.”
Fuck that. I just raise an eyebrow, and she keeps going.
“Two.” Her middle finger joins the first. “This has an expiration date. One year. I’ll help you keep your inheritance and make sure your sisters get their share, and then I’m out.”
Like hell.
“Three.” Another finger. “No swoony bastard.”
“Excuse me?”
“No swoony shit from you. No looking out for me, bringing me flowers, or tucking my hair behind my ear. This is a contract, not a real marriage.”
Now I’m getting pissed.
“Four.” She tucks her thumb against her palm. “You will not call me Rosie. Or wild rose, or baby girl, or any of those pet names.”
She hears the growl that escapes my throat, but she swallows, ignoring it, and that thumb pops up.
“Five.”
“How many are there? Should I be taking notes? I forgot my legal pad at home.”
“Just one more,” she says calmly, those golden eyes holding mine. “No sex.”
“No.” Absolutely fucking not.
“I know you.” Her chin raises, but her voice has more shake in it now. “And I know that if I say no, you won’t push me. The only reason I’m agreeing to this certifiably insane idea is because, despite everything else, I’m physically safe with you.”
Physically safe.
Damn it, she’s right. I’d never force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. I’d take my own life first.
“Fine.” My jaw is tight as I grind my teeth together. I should have expected this. I didn’t think she’d agree at all, but on the slight chance that she did, I should have known that she’d have stipulations. “And what do you get out of this, Millie? Do you want money?”
She recoils as if I hit her.
“Come on, sweetheart, no one gives up a year of their life for nothing. Not out of the goodness of their heart. Especially when you can’t even stand the sight of me. So, what do you want? How much?”
She swallows hard and looks out over the view. Her eyes skim our mountains, over my land, my cows.
Does she want some of my property? I’d give it to her. I’d give her whatever she wants, as long as it’s mine to give.
She’s so fucking beautiful. Her hair is a rich chestnut brown in the sunshine, and her lips are plump and kissable. As if reading my mind, she bites down on that lower lip, making my stomach clench and my cock harden.
Christ, I want her.
And if this is the only way I can have her, so be it. Because this isn’t a one-year contract for me. I’ve been waiting eight horrible years for her.
I want her to be my wife. I want to make a life with Millie Wild, and if it takes all of those 365 days, I’ll win her over.
I’ll make her mine.
“I want—” she begins, but then she has to clear her throat. She lets out a humorless laugh and turns to me with tear-filled eyes. I hate it when Millie cries. She’s so fucking strong, so badass, and seeing her vulnerable unravels me every time.
“What, Mill? Tell me what you want in exchange for this.”
“I want to be able to move on.” She lets out a shaky breath, swallows, and says it more firmly. “I need to be able to move on.”
God damn. Of anything she could have said, I was not expecting this.
I’m such a son of a bitch.
My throat has closed, so all I can do is nod, but I have no intention of letting her move on from me.
“Seal it with a kiss?” I ask, and that has the desired effect because she laughs and shakes her head at me.
“Did you not hear the rules?”
“There was not a rule about kissing on your long list. Trust me, I was listening.”
“Hmm.” To my relief, she doesn’t add that as rule number six and simply holds her hand out. “Shake on it.”
I close my hand around hers and feel the electricity move up my arm. I know she feels it, too, because she gasps, just a little. Unable to resist, I bring her hand up to my lips, and I press a kiss to her knuckles, ignoring the way she narrows her eyes on me, as if she wants to toss me over this cliff.
“Thank you,” I murmur as she slowly pulls her hand away from me. “Thank you for this, Millie.”
“Do we have to live together?” she asks.
Fuck yes, we do.
“We have to be married for a year.” I shrug a shoulder. “Married people live together.”
She bites that lip again, and I can’t resist reaching out to tug it free with my thumb.
“I don’t want to live at your ranch,” she admits.
“You won’t set foot out there,” I reply easily. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“Tell me how you really feel.” Her voice is dry with sarcasm, and she narrows her eyes at me. “Why?”
“Too many ghosts.” I shake my head. “We’ll live at your place.”
“Just like that?”
“Sure. There are the required two bedrooms and everything.”
“But that means you’ll be commuting back and forth, making your days longer.”
“Don’t look now, but it sounds like you’re worried about me.”
I grin as she shakes her head in denial.
“Whatever. Do what you want. I prefer the house in town anyway.” She lifts that chin, and I can’t help but think, good girl. I love it when she’s strong and stands up for herself.
“We’ll go tomorrow.”
“Where?”
“To Idaho. To elope. No waiting period for a marriage license, and we can get there and back in the same day. Easy.”
She’s shaking her head, panic suddenly in her eyes. “I have to work tomorrow.”
“Have it covered, Mill. It’s your wedding day.”
I wink at her and then chuckle when her face goes pale.
“You did realize that getting married requires a wedding day, right? Even if it is before the justice of the peace.”
“Well, shit.”
Could there be a bigger fuck you to my father than marrying Millie Wild to get around his stupid conditions for getting the inheritance?
I don’t think so. In fact, I kind of wish he could rise up out of hell just for a minute so I could toss it in his ugly, fat face.
I’m actually surprised that he didn’t have it added to the will that I could marry anyone but Millie. That was an oversight on his part.
I know that he was relieved when all four Wild brothers found women that weren’t one of my sisters. I think the bastard was holding out on dying just so he could make sure that none of them ended up with a Wild.
Because even though he didn’t give a rat’s ass about his daughters, he still wouldn’t have stood for them being part of that family.
I just returned to my cabin and am packing a few bags, getting ready for tomorrow because tonight is my last night out here for a long while.
And if I ever do come back to live on this property, it’ll look very different.
I grab my phone and open the group text with my sisters and type out a message to them.
Me: FYI, I’m headed to Idaho tomorrow to get married. I won’t be reachable for the day. Don’t ask me who because I’m not telling yet. Also, if any of you want anything out of the farmhouse, you need to come get it. I’m tearing the fucker down next week.
It takes a millisecond to start getting responses.
Dani: WTF? WHO IS SHE? I don’t want anything out of that house.
Charlie: SPILL IT! FFS, you can’t just say that to us, Holden.
What does FFS mean? Why can’t these girls just type the goddamn words?
Darby: Can I have Mom’s china set? I think she got it from her grandmother.
Me: You can have anything. It’s all in there.
Alex: We’re all coming out there tonight. I’m bringing pizza.
I sigh and press my fingers to my eyes. I love my girls. I raised them since Mom died not a year after Charlie was born. I wasn’t quite nine at the time. Dad didn’t give a shit about the girls and could be really cruel to them, so I did whatever I could to keep them calm, happy, and quiet.
That’s not easy to do with toddlers.
I’d never tell them that they can’t come out here. This is theirs as much as it’s mine, but I don’t really want to see them tonight. I should have waited to send that text until tomorrow. But they have the right to know what’s happening, and I really do want them to take whatever they want from the house.
Instead of tearing it down, I should burn it.
In fact, I think I will. I’ll call Bridger and ask him for help to keep the fire under control.
I’ve just finished packing and loading the couple of bags into the back seat of my truck when Dani comes driving up, all three sisters with her in her Ford SUV. I motion for them to drive over to the farmhouse, and I set off on foot to meet them there.
I fucking hate this house. Most of my shitty memories are in here, and I only go inside when it’s absolutely necessary.
I know the girls don’t like it any more than I do. So, maybe it’s good that they came out tonight, so we can just get it all over with.
“Hey,” Charlie says, giving me a side hug. “You look considerably better than you did this morning.”
I grin down at her. “Duh. Also, it’s an improvement that no one is spraying water in my face.”
I hug each of them and keep Alex by my side, my arm looped over her shoulders, as we walk to the porch.
“We’ll eat pizza after,” Dani says.
“Maybe we should eat it before,” I reply. “Might not have an appetite after.”
Hell, I don’t have an appetite now.
“I hate it here,” Alex says with a whisper and shivers as her eyes are pinned to the front door. “I hate everything about this house.”
“I know. Me, too.” I squeeze her to me and then feel Dani push her hand into my free one. “You know, you guys can just give me a list of what you want, and I’ll pull it out for you. You don’t have to go in. We can just go over to the cabin and eat pizza.”
“We’ll go in,” Charlie says. “And get it over with. Then you can do whatever you want with it.”
The front door isn’t locked. Hell, even the wildlife steers clear of this house, as if it knows what kind of evil lived here. So, we walk right in, and the smell of must assaults my nose.
Dust motes filter through the air. No one has been in here since the son of a bitch died.
I was the lucky one to find him. Dead in that chair. Likely had a heart attack while watching TV, since it was still on.
That was too easy of a way for him to go out, in my opinion. Too fast. Too painless.
“I think that anything I want is in the kitchen,” Alex says, moving quickly that way. “I want Mom’s recipes and China.”
“We should look for photos,” Charlie suggests. “There are probably albums somewhere.”
“Closet,” Dani says, pointing to the hallway.
There are so many fucked-up memories already assaulting me. Dad throwing Mom down those stairs because she was wearing lipstick, and what the fuck was she doing wearing lipstick on a ranch? Who was she fucking behind his back?
Dad holding Dani’s face under the faucet because she forgot to feed the chickens.
Dad backhanding me when I was six because I couldn’t finish my dinner.
“Jesus,” I mutter, wiping my hand over my face.
“I’m sorry,” Darby says softly, her eyes full of tears as she watches me. “I know this is hardest on you.”
“I’m fine.” I eye the photo of Mom on her graduation day in Darby’s hands. “Is there anything else you want to grab?”
“Did Mom have any jewelry to speak of?” Charlie asks with a frown.
“Maybe. Let’s go see if there’s a jewelry box upstairs,” Alex says, but Darby’s shaking her head.
“I’m not going upstairs,” Darby informs them. “Never again. You can have the jewelry.”
Darby is the next oldest, after me, younger by two years. The fact that his second child was a girl infuriated Dad, and he took it out on Darby as much as possible, almost on a daily basis.
“Do you want anything else?” I ask her, and she shakes her head no, so I take her hand and lead her outside. “We’ll wait for them out here.”
She takes a long, deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Whenever I’m in that house, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. The energy in there is just horrible .”
“I know.” I rub a circle on the middle of her back. Before long, the other three come outside, carrying totes they found somewhere in the house full of what they want.
“We found the jewelry,” Alex says. “She had some pretty things, so we just took the whole box and we can go through it later, and I grabbed what I wanted from the kitchen.”
“I found the photos,” Dani adds.
“And I grabbed a folder full of documents. Marriage license, death certificates, that sort of thing. We may never need them, but you never know. And I found Mom’s diaries. I kept them. I don’t know if I can read them, but we have them.” Charlie swallows hard and then turns her eyes up to the house. “You’re going to destroy it?”
“And everything inside of it,” I confirm.
“It’s a hundred years old,” Darby murmurs. “And Dad ruined it for us.”
“He ruined everything,” Alex reminds her.
The farther away from the house we walk, the more relaxed we all become, and we get the things stowed in the back of the SUV.
Dani drives her SUV over to my cabin, and the five of us open the two large boxes of pizza and dig in, quietly chewing as if we’re thinking about what we saw inside the house. Finally, it’s Darby who speaks up.
“Who is she?” Darby asks, her pizza in hand, staring me down.
“You’ll find out soon enough.” I shove my crust into my mouth and reach for another slice. I’m hungrier than I thought.
“Are you embarrassed by her?” Charlie demands, and then her eyes go wide. “Oh, shit, is she a hooker?”
“What? Jesus Christ, no.” I scowl at my sister. “Why the hell would you say that? Are there even hookers in Bitterroot Valley?”
“I mean, maybe you’re paying someone,” Charlie continues. “So it’s more of a business transaction and not so personal.”
“I know he’s gross because he’s our brother,” Dani points out, making me glare at her, “but he’s cute. He doesn’t need a professional for something like this. Most women throw themselves at his feet when he breathes in their direction. Have you seen the reaction he gets when he smiles ? It’s kind of appalling.”
I blink at her, stunned.
“I mean, he’s okay,” Alex says with a shrug.
“Gee. Thanks. I shouldn’t have pulled you out of the swimming pond when you were six, saving your life.”
Dani just rolls her eyes.
“She doesn’t deserve you,” Alex says, pressing herself against my side for a hug. “No one in this world is good enough for you.”
The love these girls show me every day is humbling.
But Alex is wrong.
It’s me who doesn’t deserve Millie.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Darby says, shaking her head. “Because this could go really badly for you, brother.”
“It’s going to be fine.” I have to keep telling myself that. “Everything is going to be just fine. Trust me.”
“We trust you ,” Charlie reminds me. “That’s not what worries me. It’s the woman. Maybe she’s a gold digger.”
“Just trust me,” I repeat and reach out to tweak her nose.