Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
HOLDEN
I f my girl doesn’t stop staring at me like she’s starving to death and would like to eat me fucking alive, I’m going to break rule number five in about six seconds.
She’s in those baggy pants and a big, oversized sweatshirt that hides all her curves, but I know how goddamn amazing her body is.
And I know that she’s wearing those clothes for comfort because today was rough on her. When we were saying our vows, so many emotions swam over her gorgeous face, and I wanted to interrupt the old lady and tell Millie that everything would be okay.
I wanted to wrap my arms around her and comfort her.
And I likely would have had sharp nails raked down my face for it.
It’s been a long, uncomfortable, exhausting day. And it’s barely dinnertime.
Millie pulls the lasagna out of the oven and says, “It has to rest for a few. We can sit in the living room, if you want.”
“Lead the way.”
We each take a small glass of tequila with us. Millie curls up in a chair, pulling her legs under her, and I sit on the couch across from her. We watch each other quietly for a moment.
Jesus, I’ve wanted nothing but this exact moment for the better part of the past decade. To be alone in a room with her. To be able to talk to her, touch her. Hold her.
For now, talking is fine. For now.
“What time do you have to leave for the ranch in the morning?” She’s not looking me in the eye. She’s plucking at a string on the seam of her pants. She looks tense, her eyebrows pulling together, making little lines that I want to smooth out with my fingertips. Or my lips.
“Around five.”
She nods and sips her tequila. You have to admire a woman who can fucking sip tequila.
“That’s when I leave for work, too.”
“That’s pretty early.”
She nods again and takes a deep breath. God, I hate seeing her be so fucking uncomfortable around me.
“I open at six. People want coffee on the way to work, you know? I go in around five, get ready for the day, and pick up the baked stuff from Jackie at the Sugar Studio. I actually really like the early mornings in there by myself. It’s quiet, and I can think.” She shrugs and sips. “Do you have a lot of animals at the ranch? Aside from cows?”
So, we’re going to just limp our way through small talk this evening. It’s fucking torture, and I’ll need more tequila, but I can do that.
“No.” I shake my head and cross one ankle over my knee. “We haven’t had any other animals since the girls were young.”
Because my dad would use those animals to torture my girls, so I put a stop to it. Made him think it was his idea, but stopped it, nonetheless.
“Why do I think there’s a story there?”
I press my lips together. I don’t want to tell Millie about the ugliness of my childhood. I didn’t back when I was dating her, and I don’t want it to touch her now.
“We live together, Holden,” she says simply. “You can tell me stuff. I’m not a blabbermouth, and even though I don’t particularly like you, I won’t be a huge bitch.”
I lift an eyebrow. “You won’t refer to yourself as a bitch ever again.”
She narrows her eyes. “I can be a bitch. I was raised with four older brothers. I can hold my own just about anywhere. But I’m pretty chill in my own house. So, why no chickens or pigs or goats?”
“Because my father was fond of torturing them to upset my sisters.”
All the blood drains out of Millie’s face, and I don’t look away from her as I sip my liquor.
“Fuck,” is all she says.
“Yeah. Fuck. He didn’t hurt the cattle or horses because those are the bread and butter, and the girls were taught that they’re not pets. None of my sisters have ever ridden a horse. It wasn’t allowed. Also, no dogs or cats, either.”
“No dogs or cats on a ranch,” she whispers and shakes her head slowly. “No wonder my father hated him so much.”
“What are your favorite animals?” I ask her, trying to change the subject. Jesus, we never had a hard time talking before. Never resorted to fucking small talk. It’s torture.
“I always liked the chickens,” she says with a shrug. “I’ve thought about getting a dog, but I’m not home enough, and I can’t take a dog to a place where I serve food. Maybe a cat would be okay; they tend to be more independent. Maybe two cats, so they have each other. I don’t know.”
She checks her watch and then stands.
“Let’s eat.”
She dishes up the lasagna, and we stand at the kitchen counter to eat. I’m holding the plate up, leaning my hips against the counter, watching her.
“We could sit,” she says around a bite.
“Sat all day,” I remind her around mine.
“Exactly.” Her eyes actually smile at me as she chews. “I eat like this most nights. Just stand here and gobble it down. Where do you eat?”
I shrug. “Wherever. This is good. You can cook.”
“I’d like to take the credit, but Erin made it.” She laughs a little, and it’s a shot to my stomach. I fucking love her laugh. “My sister-in-law is an excellent cook, and she likes to stock my fridge because she knows that I work long hours, and she claims that she doesn’t want me to starve. Not that I would because I’m a grown woman who can feed herself, but if Erin wants to make me delicious meals, who am I to turn them down?”
“So you can’t cook?”
She grins. “If I say no, will you want a quickie divorce?”
“No.” I narrow my eyes at her. “No, Mrs. Lexington, you’re stuck with me.”
The humor leaves her eyes, and she swallows hard at the sound of her new name. “Anyway, I can cook okay. It’s nothing to write home about, but I won’t starve.”
She finishes her dinner and stacks both of our plates in the dishwasher, and just as she turns to cover the leftovers, her toe catches on the mat and she stumbles, but I easily catch her.
Millie gasps, and I instinctively pull her against me, wrapping her up in a hug, and plant my lips by her ear.
“Are you a little drunk?”
“No. Just clumsy.”
She takes a deep breath, and after a long moment, she wraps her arms around me and hugs me back, and if I died right now, I would die a happy man.
There is nothing like having Millie Wild-Lexington in my arms.
“I don’t like that we’re so awkward with each other,” she admits, so softly that if I wasn’t twelve inches from her mouth, I wouldn’t have heard it. “I don’t know what to say to you, and we never used to have a problem talking.”
She’s basically saying my thoughts out loud.
“I know.” I sigh and rest my lips against the crown of her head. “Maybe it’s just because of the day, Mill. It was a weird one.”
“But I’m not the only one feeling awkward, right?”
“No.” I’ll admit to anything if it makes her feel better. “I feel it, too.”
“I can’t talk about cats and my work schedule for the next year, Holden. I’ll go crazy.”
That makes me chuckle until she turns her gaze up to mine, and I see that tears are beginning to well in her beautiful eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry, baby girl. It’s okay.” I tuck a lock of her soft hair behind her ear. “Thank you so much. For everything. I don’t deserve you.”
“I know.”
My lips twitch. “I’ll never deserve you. But I’m so grateful to you and, honestly, in complete awe of you because you’re so fucking strong and good.”
“Don’t be nice to me.” She shakes her head sadly and starts to pull away, but I hold on tighter. “I don’t trust you when you’re nice to me.”
The wind is sucked from my chest. Trust is the one thing that we need, or this will never work. And I’m reminded that I have one hell of a hill to climb to earn hers.
I trust you more than anyone. Her words from years ago echo in my ears. In that moment, I felt like I could fly.
And I need to get there again. So, I’ll climb that fucking hill as high as it needs to go to make her see that she can trust me with anything.
“How do you want me to be, Millie?”
“Just be yourself.”
“I am.”
She shakes her head and then pulls the rest of the way out of my arms, and the magical moment is gone.
“I’m doing this for your sisters.” I can’t tell if she’s reminding me or herself. “Charlie is actually my friend . I like her. I like all of them, although Darby always kind of gives me the side eye when she comes into the coffee shop, as if I’ve poisoned her or something, but on the whole, I think they’re all good people. So, I’m doing this for them. ”
“Ba—”
“Rule number two.” She points her finger at me as her eyes flash with annoyance. God, she’s gorgeous when she’s pissed. “Stop breaking the rules.”
“Is it number two? Or was it number three?”
“Argh.” She turns to stomp away. “Good night.”
“Sleep well, wife,” I call after her, and she flips me off before she disappears into her bedroom and lets the door slam shut behind her.
I sigh and drag my hand down my face before I finish tidying up from dinner and drinks, make sure the doors are locked, and head down the hall to my bed. I pause by Millie’s door and can hear her moving around, getting ready for sleep.
I want to barge in and tell her that I’ll be sleeping by her side, and she won’t argue with me about it. But she might try to smother me in my sleep.
So, I turn to the other bedroom, resolved that this will be the only night we spend apart.
“There are about to be some big changes around here.”
We’ve just finished the early morning chores, and I’m standing in the barn with all three of my full-time hands, Vance, Levi, and Tim. I’ve worked with Vance and Levi for eight years, from the day I hired them.
Since the day that I pretty much took over running this ranch.
And Tim’s been around for as long as I can remember. He worked for my dad, and he’s stayed on with me, too.
“Good,” Vance says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You did it your old man’s way for too long.”
“Even though I ran things, he still held the purse strings.” I shrug at that and don’t let the anger seep in today. “But that ends now. I want to move some pasture. We’ve had the beef in the same fields for too long.”
“Agreed,” Levi says with a nod. “Where are you thinking?”
I lay out the plan for them, and when all three nod in agreement, I take a deep breath.
“This would make room for more head,” Tim says. “You could expand, make more money.”
“That’s the goal this year.” My horse, Peanut, nudges my shoulder from his stall, and I reach back to pet him. Now that Dad’s dead and gone, I can actually put the plans I’ve had for years into action. I know I can grow this business and do better than our ranch ever has before, now that my hands aren’t tied by a tyrant. “We’re going to start here. I have some other ideas, too, but I need to make some calls and do some research.”
“This is a good start, boss,” Vance says. “A damn good start.”
We run down what we’re all up to today, and then we head our separate ways. Just as I’m walking out of the barn, I see Bridger driving up in his big red work truck with the Bitterroot Valley Fire Department shield on the door.
I wave as he pulls up in front of me and then hops out.
“Thanks for coming out here,” I tell him as I shake his hand. Bridger’s been my friend since I was a kid. I was fucking pissed when I thought he might have something going on with Millie, and when I confronted him about it, he wouldn’t confirm or deny.
Likely at her request.
I should spank her for that alone.
“No problem. Are you going to kill me and bury me somewhere out here just because I’m friends with Millie?”
“Not today.” I give him a toothy grin, and he shakes his head with a laugh.
“You’re an ass.”
“Takes one to know one.” I clap him on the shoulder. “I need to burn some shit down.”
His eyebrows climb into his dark hair in surprise. “What shit would that be, exactly?”
“Every standing building on this property. Including this barn, but it’ll have to go last because I need it until I can have something else built. We’ll start with the farmhouse.”
Bridger scowls and props his hands on his hips. “What the fuck, Holden?”
“Come on. Let’s go have a look.” I climb into the passenger side of his truck so he can drive us the quarter mile or so to the farmhouse. When he’s behind the wheel, he glances over at me. “I’m not crazy, man. Just trust me.”
“You sound crazy,” he mutters, but drives us over to the house that haunts me every minute of every fucking day. When he’s parked, we sit here for a minute, staring at it. “It’s a fucking creepy house.”
“It’s about to be gone. We start here. I want this house, and everything in it, reduced to ash. Then we’ll move on to my cabin and the other outbuildings.”
Bridger looks my way. “Why?”
“Because my father ruined everything he touched. He killed my mother in that house.”
My friend’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops. “Holden, everyone was told it was an accident. You told me it was an accident.”
I remember watching my mother fall down those stairs and shake my head.
“No. No accident. Not one square inch of this house holds anything good in it. The girls came and got whatever they wanted, and now it’s time for it to go.”
“ All the girls?” He frowns over at me. “Even Dani? She’s in Bozeman.”
“She’s moving back here,” I reply, shaking my head and continue staring at the fucking farmhouse. “Now that he’s dead, she feels safe to be in her own hometown again. It’ll be good to have all my girls here, where I can keep an eye on them. Anyway, back to this. I didn’t want to just pour some gasoline and light a match. I don’t want to start a forest fire.”
“I appreciate that,” he says dryly, then rubs his hand over his mouth. His hand isn’t altogether steady. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“If my dad had been your father, would you have told anyone? Even your best friends?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Okay, we can do this. You’re outside the city limits, so you don’t need a permit. We can use it as a training exercise for my guys. That would be great, actually.”
“I’m down for that. Anything good that can come from this, I’m all for it. Can we do the cabin and the garage at the same time?”
Bridger climbs out of the truck, and I follow suit, and we stand side by side, looking out over the property.
“Yeah,” he says slowly. “We could do them one after the other and simulate an accidental fire, where one blaze ignites the next.”
“Good. When?”
“As soon as next week, if you want. Hell, I’ll call some neighboring departments and see if they want in on the training. We don’t get this opportunity often.”
“I’ll have my guys here, too. I wish I had another place to store the horses so they’re not afraid of all the noise. I can move the cattle out a ways, so they won’t be any the wiser.”
“You can board the horses at our ranch,” he offers without hesitation. “I’ll call Beckett today. There’s plenty of room in the barn.”
Emotion runs through me. The fact that these men would help me after all the shit my father pulled means a lot.
“Appreciate it.”
Bridger nods, biting his lip. I can tell that he’s still running scenarios through his head, the best way to run the fires and what all goes into it that I don’t know anything about.
“So, you weren’t fucking my wife.”
He doesn’t turn to look at me for a second, and then he blinks and scowls, as if my words just penetrated his brain, and he spins to me.
“What the hell did you just say?”
“You weren’t fucking my wife. I asked you, over and over, and you wouldn’t answer me. Pissed me the hell off.”
“I’m sorry. Who in the hell is your wife, Holden?”
I grin at him. “Millie.”
“Do you need a hospital? Has all the stress finally tipped you over into crazyland ?”
“Married her yesterday.” I rock back on my heels. It feels fucking fantastic to tell someone, and I hold my hand up, showing him the gold band on my finger.
Bridger blinks at me, then his face goes red, and he makes a fist, and he punches me right in the jaw, but I move, so he only grazes me.
“What in the actual fucking fuck?” he demands. “You can’t just fucking marry her. You weren’t even dating her.”
“I did marry her.” I shrug. “So, you’ll be careful around her.”
“Jesus Christ.” He shakes his head. “She’s my friend, Holden. And you’re telling me to be careful with her? You’re the one who?—”
He shakes his head, and I narrow my eyes. “The one who what?”
“Fucked with her head. You fucked with her head and then left everyone else to pick up the goddamn pieces, and now you’ve married her? Fuck!”
“You’re still going to burn my shit down, right?”
“Oh, I’m going to do more than that. How did you… why ?” He stares at me. “I’m out of here. I need to talk to her.”
He rushes to his truck, climbs in, and kicks up rocks and dirt as he takes off for town.
I run my hand down my face. Maybe I could have handled that better.
But I didn’t lie. She’s my wife.
And she’s going to stay that way.