Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MILLIE
“ G ive me another hug.” Mom pulls me in, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close, and although I’ve had a lot of support from Holden, his sisters, and my sisters of the heart, I really needed this.
A hug from my mom.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper into her ear. “I knew Dad would be mad, but I didn’t expect that. ”
“Come on. Let’s sit and talk. Do you have tea?”
“In the kitchen.”
Mom leads the way and takes control of filling the kettle and finding the mugs. I pull out the tea bags and honey and set them on the counter for her.
“Your father is a good man,” she says after turning on the burner under the kettle. “A wonderful man. But he’s human, darling, and even I don’t know everything that went down between him and Holden’s father. I know snippets, but John was always adamant that I be shielded from him.”
Now that I know more about what kind of person Lawrence was, I understand more. Mom turns to me with shrewd eyes.
“Do you know some of what he did?” she asks.
“Some,” I confirm and blow out a breath. Jesus, I need to confide in someone, and my mom has always been that person for me. “I guess I need to admit to something, and I really need to talk this out.”
“That’s why I’m here.” She smiles softly, but her eyes are sad. “You never used to keep secrets from me. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
The kettle starts to whistle, and we take a minute to make our tea and then move to the small, round kitchen table and sit facing each other.
“I hate keeping secrets. I’m not good at it.”
“You usually just say whatever’s on your mind, unapologetically. I’ve always admired that about you.”
I take a deep breath, let it out, and start at the beginning.
“I was nineteen,” I begin, and Mom leans in, listening intently. I tell her all of it. How much time Holden and I spent together that summer, how sweet he was to me, how tender he was with me. So many emotions flit over her pretty face, from concern to swoon to anger when I get to the end and tell her how he spoke to me, how he drove me away. “I was so heartbroken.”
“Of course, you were.” She reaches for my hand. “I remember that year. You became so distant when you went back to school, and I thought it was just because you were consumed with classes.”
“I was consumed, but it wasn’t with classes.” I shake my head and drink my tea. “I was so confused. His whole personality just did a one-eighty, and I didn’t trust myself with people after that. I didn’t trust my own judge of character.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” She squeezes my hand, and I hold on tightly. It feels so good to share this with her.
“I know that now.” I’m not going to tell her why Holden came to me about this fake marriage. Not yet. I haven’t discussed with him how he wants to handle that part, and it’s his family business. “Over the past couple of years, I started to soften toward him. He’s been flirty, and nice, and since his dad died, he’s sort of back to himself, the man I knew during that month before it all fell apart. And then, after we went to the ranch yesterday, and Dad did what he did, I was so upset . So Holden took me to his special place at his ranch, with a view of the exact mountain I go to.”
Mom’s mouth tips up into a smile.
“And he apologized again and finally told me why everything happened the way that it did . ” Her eyes widen and then fill with tears as I relay the story of Holden’s dad threatening his sister and me. And when I finish, she has to wipe tears from her cheeks.
“That poor boy,” she whispers, shaking her head. “What a horrible man.”
“That’s too good of a word for what he was.” My voice is full of anger, but I can’t stop it. “He tormented those kids all their lives, Mom. Made them suffer. And I don’t even know half of what he put Holden through, but I bet it was pure abuse, plain and simple.”
“I suspect you’re right.” She sighs and presses her fingers to her forehead. “And now, after all this time, you’ve found your way back to each other.”
Leave it to my mom to be the romantic.
“Yeah, I guess you could put it that way.”
“I’ve always liked the Lexington kids,” she says. “I know they’re all adults, not kids at all, but I like them. And I really loved their mom. She was so much fun in school. She loved the drama club, and she was a cheerleader.”
“I didn’t know that you knew her.”
“Sure, Barbara and I were in the same class. She was funny and full of life. And then she married that man, and we hardly ever saw her around town. I don’t think she was allowed to leave their ranch much, and when I ran into her at the grocery or around town, she was kind, but the light was gone from her eyes. It made me so sad. Her husband…what an asshole.”
I nod in agreement and let my mom talk it out. Obviously, she has a lot of feelings about this.
“When she died?—”
“Wait,” I put in. “How did she die? She was young.”
“She was only in her thirties,” Mom agrees. “Charlie was hardly walking, if I remember right. Officially, it was reported that she fell down the stairs.”
I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands. “Oh, my God.”
“Your father and I have suspicions, though.” She sips her tea. “And I’m sure we’re not the only ones.”
“What kind of—oh, God, do you think he killed her ?”
She stares into her cup for a moment and then looks up at me. “Yes. I do. In my gut, I do think that. I told your father, even back then, that I wanted to run over there and scoop those kids up and bring them home with me. Of course, there was no legal reasoning to do that, and I hated that they had to stay there.”
My lip quivers. I wonder if Holden saw…I can’t even think about it.
“Well, damn,” is all I can say as I wipe a tear from my cheek. “I’m selfishly glad you didn’t, because then I would have been raised with Holden as a brother, and…yikes.”
She laughs at that and pats my hand. “Your father will struggle with this for a long time, my love. I hate that he took it out on you, and I told him as much. I saw the shame in his eyes, but whatever happened between those two men sparked an intense hatred and fierce protective instinct in your father. He’s going to need a lot of time.”
“That’s what Holden said,” I reply softly. “That he needs time.”
“Your husband is smart.” We’re quiet for a moment, and then she adds, “He’s also quite handsome.”
I grin at her. “I know. Damn it, I tried to not be affected by his chiseled jawline and hot blue eyes, but I failed miserably.”
Mom laughs again and sips the last of her tea. “No one could blame you. Not at all. Now, you need to stop worrying so much and trust that all of this is going to work out.”
I nod. “I hope so. I love my family too much to never see them again.”
“Psh,” she says, shaking her head. “It’s been two days, Millie. Trust me, it’s going to be fine.”
“When should I try to talk to Dad? Should I give him space and let it fester or go confront him right away?”
“Your father loves you deeply. Don’t ever forget that. I’d give him a couple of days, and then go see him. Maybe by yourself this time.”
“Okay.” I feel so much better . I needed this time with her. “I’m really glad you came over.”
“Me, too. I wanted to run after you as soon as you pulled away from the house, but I had to settle everyone else down and help your father process some stuff. I think the bottle of whiskey he nursed all night did more for him than I did.”
My eyes go wide. “He drank a whole bottle of whiskey?”
“He went for a second bottle, but I intervened and sent him to bed.”
I blow out a breath. “Poor Dad.”
“He’ll be okay. You both will. Now, I’d better get back home.” She stands and pulls me in for another hug. “Just be happy, Millie. That’s all we want for you. If Holden gives you that happiness, you take it, and you hold on to it.”
“Thank you, Mama.” I kiss her cheek and then walk her to the door. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She pats my cheek, and then she’s off, headed to her SUV. “Oh, I made you a meatloaf.”
I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles through me. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I needed to do something, and being in the kitchen soothes me.” She pulls an insulated box out of the back seat and brings it to me. “It’s cold. I had it in the fridge all afternoon. Just pop it in the oven until it’s heated through.”
“You’re the best mom.”
She laughs and returns to her car. “Call me tomorrow.”
I wave and watch her leave, then take the meatloaf to the fridge and put it away.
I have so many feelings running through me. I’m sad for Holden and his family, and relieved that I got to talk it all out with my mom. I’m not as tired as I was when I first saw her, and I feel like a big weight has been lifted, but I really need some air.
I could go for a walk. It’s not dark out yet, and I could just take a nice, long walk through the neighborhood. But I know half of the people who live on this street, and I don’t want to get stopped to chat.
Without overthinking it, I grab my keys and bag and get into my SUV. The drive out to Holden’s ranch only takes five minutes longer than if I were going to my family ranch because the two have neighboring property lines, and I take the little dirt road to the spot that Holden took me to yesterday.
I pull up to a stop and get out of the car and stare at my mountain.
I’ve considered it to be my mountain since I was a little girl.
I take a long, deep breath, pulling in all the freshness and stillness around me, and then exhale, letting go of the hurt and pain.
I’ve carried sadness and hurt for a long time. Far longer than the past two days.
And it’s time to let it all go and move forward.
Because the bad is just too heavy to carry.