Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
MILLIE
“ Y ou’ve been looking very happy the past few days,” Candy says as I slip past her to make an Americano. “Like someone who’s been getting lucky.”
“The luckiest.” I wink at her and then smirk when Macy looks back at us, her eyes wide, before turning back to take an order from the next customer. “Thanks for noticing.”
“Girl, it’s impossible to miss. I’m happy for you. Love looks good on you.”
Love.
My heart stumbles a bit at that. Do I love him? Absofuckinglutely. There’s no denying it, even to myself. If something were to happen and I couldn’t be with Holden anymore, my world would stop spinning.
He is my whole heart.
But we haven’t said the words yet. Eight years ago, I was young and inexperienced and completely bold with saying those words to him.
And now, despite everything we’ve been through, the words are the piece that I hold back. However, every single night, we make love and fall asleep wrapped up in each other, as if we never want to let go.
It’s the fucking sweetest.
And, I’m becoming a hugger.
Which is just weird.
I’ve just slid the Americano across the counter and called out Jeff when Jackie Harmon walks into the shop.
“Did you guys hear?” Her eyes are wide, and I suddenly have a very bad feeling. “There’s a big fire out at the Lexington Ranch. I hear it’s a rager. I sure hope no one’s hurt.”
“Go,” Candy says, nudging me along. “Get out there. We’ve got this, no problem.”
I look at her, unseeing, and she takes my shoulders in her hands. “Millie. Go to the ranch. Right now. Go.”
“Oh, God.” My voice breaks, but I run out the door, grateful that it was chilly this morning and that I brought my car to work. I pull my phone out of my pocket as I run.
With my heart in my throat and tears threatening, I dial Holden’s number, but he doesn’t pick up. It just rings and rings, and when I get the voicemail, my voice is trembling.
“Husband, you better call me right now. RIGHT NOW!”
I toss the phone into the passenger seat and head off for the ranch, driving way faster than I should, but I know this road like the back of my hand.
I could drive it blindfolded.
And I kind of am because I’m blind with fear. Absolute terror.
What if he’s hurt? My God, what if?—
“No, don’t do that,” I lecture myself and brush tears from my cheeks. “He’s fine. Everything’s fine. Deep breaths, Mill. He’s fine.”
I breathe deeply, but then I choke on a sob.
If he was okay, he’d answer his phone. Or call me back.
Why hasn’t he called me back?
I turn onto the main ranch road, and I can see the smoke. God, there’s so much smoke. This is a huge fire. And when I get closer to the old farmhouse and Holden’s old cabin, there are so many firetrucks, I can’t get through.
So, I stop the car, slam it in Park, and don’t bother to turn it off or shut the door behind me as I bust out of it and sprint to where the smoke is coming from.
There are so many people. Someone calls out, “Hey, you can’t?—”
But I ignore them.
“Holden!” God, I can’t see him. I only see firefighters. So many firefighters.
“Millie.” A strong arm wraps around my waist, pulling me off my feet and stopping me just before the roof of the farmhouse caves in, and I start to scream.
“HOLDEN! HOLDEN! Oh, my God, where is my husband?”
“Millie, you have to stop?—”
But then I see him. Oh, God, I see him! He’s running, sprinting, toward me, and I shake off the person holding me and run to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping myself around him as I weep.
“Oh, God. You’re okay. Oh, Jesus.”
“Hey, I’m fine. I’m right here, Rosie. I’m fine.”
He’s holding me and squeezing me, kissing my face, but I can’t stop crying. I look up in time to see men with huge, long poles pushing the outside walls of the house toward the middle, as if they’re stoking a fire.
Which, I guess they are.
And I can’t stop crying.
“I th-thought.” I swallow hard as I press my face into his neck. “Fuck, Holden.”
“Baby girl, listen to my voice.” His lips are at my ear, and he’s carrying me away from the fire. I can’t take my eyes off of it. Oh, God, what if he’d been inside? “Do you hear me? I need you to listen to me, wife.”
Wife. God, I love it when it says that word.
I give a tiny nod.
“I am safe. No one has been hurt. No one is hurt, Millie. ”
“Y-you can not be hurt,” I insist through the shudders moving through me.
“Baby. Hear my voice.” He sits on something and sets me in his lap, dragging his fingers down my cheek. “Look into my eyes, Rosie.”
I do, and it’s the first moment that I start to calm down.
“I’m right here.” His hand moves to my throat, and his thumb brushes over my jawline, but I can’t help the tears that won’t stop. “Ah, baby girl, please don’t cry.”
“You didn’t tell her?”
I frown and look over my shoulder, stunned to see Remington here. His thumbs are in the loops of his jeans, and my mouth opens, but no sound comes out, and I have to try again.
“Am I dead?” I ask.
“Don’t you ever say that again,” Holden growls into my ear.
“No, really. My brother is standing on Lexington property. You can see it, too, right? What in the alternate universe is going on here?”
“This was a planned fire, Millie,” Holden says, pulling my gaze back to his. “Bridger and his guys are using it as a training exercise, and I get to rid this ranch of the last of my father.”
“You didn’t tell me.” The words are a whisper. I’m so mad. And still in the middle of a panic attack. “I can’t breathe.”
I stand up and pace away from him, willing my lungs to fill, and then I finally look around and see that it’s not just the farmhouse that’s on fire.
The shed.
The garage.
Holden’s cabin.
All lit up in flames.
“Oh, my God.” I cover my mouth with my hands and spin back to where Holden’s standing next to Remington. “What have you done?”
“I’m exorcising the last of the ghosts. We’ll talk about the why later.” Holden crosses to me and tips my chin up so he can look me in the eye. “Just trust me.”
“Jackie came into the shop and said there was a huge fire, and I was not prepared for that, Holden Lexington! I panicked. Jesus, I’m still panicking.”
“Millie.” Remington’s voice is the same tone he’s taken with me since I was little, and it kind of pulls me out of my head. “Stop. Everything is okay.”
“Don’t you ever run toward a burning building again,” Bridger snarls as he walks past me, scowling and pointing at my chest. “Do you hear me?”
“You’re not the boss of me, Chief !”
“There she is,” Holden murmurs and kisses my forehead. “My fierce wife.”
“Your wife is about to be even fiercer, Holden Lexington.”
“Who’s that?” He lifts an eyebrow, but I scowl at him.
“I am in no mood for this game today.”
I hear more footsteps behind us, and Holden’s eyes narrow as he looks over my head at who’s approaching.
When I turn, my heart stumbles in my chest.
All four of my brothers are standing there, looking around, then turning to me with concern.
“Everything okay here?” Brady asks. “We saw the smoke from the barn and thought we’d better see if you need help.”
Holden swallows hard, and I grin at them through the tears that still roll down my face.
“Was this fire today ?” Chase asks, making me frown.
“You knew about this?”
“I thought everyone knew about this,” Chase replies and then shrugs when we all stare at him. “I do have conversations with the fire department, you know.”
“Thanks for telling me,” I mutter and then glare up at my husband, who watches me with impassive eyes. “I’m not leaving.”
“Okay,” Holden replies easily. “But you’ll stay out of the way.”
“I shut your car off and closed the door,” Ryan informs me before he reaches out and pulls me out of Holden’s arms so he can wrap me up in a hug of his own. “Don’t worry, okay?”
And that just makes me cry again.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Suddenly, I’m this hugging, crying person.
“Oh, God, you broke her,” Brady says, and then I’m passed to him, and he rubs his big hand up and down my back. “You know we hate it when you cry.”
“I’m not crying.”
They laugh at that, and then I pull out of Brady’s hug and scowl at all four of them before zeroing in on Remington.
“I’m sorry,” he says, surprising the ever-loving shit out of me, because my grumpy oldest brother never apologizes. I feel my eyes widen, and the tears dry up, and all I can do is stare at him. “I should have done better.”
“ Damn it. ”
Now Rem hugs me, kisses me on the head, and then I pull away and wipe my face on his flannel shirt.
I should blow my nose in it, too. He deserves it.
But I don’t.
“I don’t like fighting with you guys.” I sniff, swallow, and then look at Holden, who’s watching me with narrowed eyes. His hands are in fists. The sexy muscle in his jaw ticks.
He doesn’t like to see me cry, either.
“Did he take a swing at you?” I ask my husband.
“Dude, we just got here,” Ryan reminds me.
“No, him.” I point at Rem, and my oldest brother just grins at me. “You did not!”
“No, I didn’t.” He crosses his arms over his chest.
Finally, I turn into Holden and wrap my arms around his middle, bury my face in his chest, and breathe him in, not caring in the least that my brothers are watching.
He smells like a campfire, but he’s alive and not hurt.
“Do you need us?” Chase asks.
“We have a lot of people here,” Holden replies. “You don’t have to stay. The firemen are using this as a training exercise, and they’ll be here until everything is cold.”
I don’t pull away. I just close my eyes, wrapped in his arms, and listen to my husband and my brothers talk as I will my heart to slow down and my breathing to return to normal.
I never want to relive this day again. Not ever.
“We’ll head out, then,” Brady says. “We’re breaking in a new horse. But we can come back if you need us.”
“Appreciate it,” Holden replies. I can feel him move and let go of me with his right arm so he can shake their hands.
“Bye, guys,” I call out. “Love you!”
“See you, Mill,” Brady replies, and then I hear them walk away.
“I’ll go, too,” Rem says quietly. I feel him run his hand down my hair, and it brings tears back to my eyes. “Call if you need me.”
I nod, unable to speak, and then his footsteps leave, and I’m left with my husband.
“My brothers just walked onto this ranch as if it was nothing . ”
Holden kisses the crown of my head. “Yeah. I liked it.”
“Holden.” I look up into his eyes and feel the tears want to well again. “Holy shit, I’ve never been that scared in my life.”
“Everything is okay. We’ll talk about it later tonight, but I have to be on hand here until it’s over. Do you want to go home and wait for me? Or go back to work?”
“I told you, I’m not leaving you. If you could just carry me around like a koala on a tree, that would be perfect.”
He grins and presses his lips to my forehead, giving me a little squeeze. “I don’t think that’ll work. You stay here, sit on this log, and do not go near any of these burning structures.”
“I was only running for the one that looked like it might have you in it.”
His eyes soften, and he presses his lips to mine. “Never do that again, either.”
“Fine, I’ll let your ass burn.”
Holden rolls his eyes, then points at me. “Stay.”
It’s a long day. I heard someone say that because of so many structures being in play, it takes a long time to get everything done that they want to. Bridger leads drills that I don’t understand. Around lunchtime, I go into town and get about twenty pizzas for anyone who’s hungry, and within twenty minutes, they’re all gone.
I guess they were hungry.
Finally, just when the sun is starting to set, some of the men start to climb onto firetrucks and pull away.
Bridger and his team of about five guys are the last to go. There’s no more steam coming up from any of the piles of ash, and he assures Holden that it’s all cold to the touch.
“I appreciate it,” Holden says, shaking Bridger’s hand. “I owe you.”
“We’re good.” Bridger looks over at me. “Don’t scare me like that again.”
“I thought my husband was being burned alive.” I have to swallow hard after saying that. “You tell me that you wouldn’t do the same.”
He mutters something about being a dumbass and stomps away.
“Let’s go home,” Holden says, holding his hand out for mine.
“Where’s your truck?”
“Out at the barn. I’ll get it tomorrow. For tonight, I want to ride home with you.”
I slip my hand into his, and he laces our fingers together before bringing them to his lips, and then he guides me to where someone relocated my car so it was out of the way for everyone to leave, I’m sure, and he puts me in the passenger seat.
When he lowers into the driver’s side, I’m still trying to push my seat belt into the buckle, but my hands are still shaky, and I keep missing.
Holden takes it from me and clips it into place, perfectly calm.
“Are you okay?” he asks me, holding my gaze with his.
“Let’s just get home.”
He nods, starts the car, and then drives us into town, to the little house that we rent from my brother and Polly.
Without a word, I cross through the house to the shower, strip down, and get into the hot water, washing away the day. When I’m dressed in sleep shorts and a tank, with my wet hair twisted up on my head, Holden gets in the shower to do the same.
Usually, one of us would either make a comment about joining the other in the water, or we would just help ourselves.
But neither of us is in that mood at the moment.
I’ve just poured Holden a shot of whiskey and myself a shot of tequila when he comes walking out in a pair of gray sweatpants and absolutely nothing on top. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, this man is beautiful. With all that ink, those muscles, and the scruff on his face. That dark hair.
Did I mention the muscles and the ink? For fuck’s sake, he looks like he should be in a movie. Or on the cover of a magazine.
Hell, both.
“I can’t talk to you when you look like that.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Like what?”
I wave my hand in a large circle, indicating him. “That.”
My husband smirks and reaches for the whiskey. “I arranged with Bridger a week ago to burn all the buildings at the ranch.”
My eyes go wide as I lean against the kitchen counter across from where he leans against the sink. “Why?”
“Still getting those ghosts cleared out of there,” he replies. He’s almost too calm, as if it’s taking everything in him to fight the emotions running through him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He blinks and frowns down at his whiskey. “Because when I’m out there, taking care of business, I don’t think of you at all.”
Arrow, right to the heart. I can’t help the small gasp as hurt moves through me, and suddenly he’s against me, holding me, those blue eyes intense.
“I didn’t mean it how it sounded. I can’t think of you when I’m out there because it makes me panic.” That tightly reined-in control is slipping now. His eyes are hot, his hands tremble as he drags his fingertips down my cheek. “Because I have so much fucking baggage from that son of a bitch that when I think of you even considering stepping foot out there, I have a goddamn panic attack. He would have killed you, Millie, without thinking twice. Jesus.”
“But he can’t kill me now . ”
He pushes away and prowls around the kitchen as if he wants to punch something. His muscles ripple, his hair is wet and still dripping a little down his back, and he’s magnificent.
He’s mine.
“Holden—”
“That’s not my fucking name.”
Those blue eyes are fierce as he watches me, his chest heaving, and I boldly cross to him and take his face in my hands.
“Husband,” I say softly, loving the way his scruff feels in my hands. “You have to tell me these things.”
“Why?”
“ Because I’m your wife. ”