Chapter Five
Viv
Mother was a beautiful woman before she had kids.
At least that’s the gospel she preached my entire life, and from the photos I’ve seen of her past, I can’t argue that.
She had this thick mane of dark brown hair and these golden hazel eyes that I bet attracted a lot of attention.
There was light in her eyes, so bright that she looked like an entirely different person than the one I grew up seeing.
She had dreams and a whole lot of life ahead of her.
And one day, she fell in love with a man.
In her own words, she allowed herself to be charmed by a man who had the looks of a devil and the heart of one too.
She turned a blind eye to all the things that were wrong with him and believed the love she felt for him was strong enough to smooth his rough edges.
And when she realized she was pregnant with Knox, she thought a baby would give him even more reason to stay.
But no, that man abandoned her, leaving her alone with her son.
By her own admission, Knox practically had to raise himself, especially after she started caring more about drugs than her own child.
Sixteen years after having Knox, my mother fell for yet another handsome devil. No different from the last and yet, she believed her love would save them. She fell for his smooth tongue and endless promises, forgave or chose to ignore all the things that were wrong with this man as well.
And then she had me.
And just like with Knox, her pregnancy scared off her man.
Neither Knox or I ever met our fathers. And our mother was often on a bender, unable to give us the love we deserved.
Knox found friendship and belonging in other places, and took care of himself and me.
When he was around, I always felt safe and loved.
Then, after she forced me to leave Knox behind, my mother was all I had. So I tried to be good, never complained. I was quiet as a mouse and tried to make myself small so she and whatever guy she was dating wouldn’t notice me. I didn’t say a word even when she used me to get Knox to send her money.
And then she met Rick, yet another “handsome devil” she fell for. But Rick was different from the others.
He stayed.
The two fed into each other’s toxicity, reveled in the chaos they both brought into our home, but unlike the others, Rick didn’t just have eyes for my mother.
For five years, I pretended I didn’t notice the lustful looks he tossed my way, the suggestive comments he disguised as jokes, or the little touches he managed to sneak when he thought my mother wasn’t watching.
Though I didn’t get the impression that she would care even if she did see.
I never wanted to be anything like my mother. Told myself I would never allow a man to lead me astray. I’d never fall in love with one so hard that I would feel rooted to them.
But now, I’m in love with Kyle, tangled up in him so deeply that I don’t know how I’ll ever let go.
Like my mother, I’ve fallen in love with a man with the face of a handsome devil and a tongue so honey-sweet it would give you cavities.
I’ve allowed myself to fall, enough to have unprotected sex…
over and over again. On every surface of that gorgeous hotel room, from the window to the bed and the bathroom counter, the shower then back to the bed again.
We made love like rabbits and I can still feel it—him.
The imprint of his fingers on my skin and the soreness that tells me I probably should have taken it a little easier, you know, being my first time and all.
But it’s more than just sex. There was a sense of relief and freedom when I shared that part of me with Kyle, when he held me close to his chest and whispered sweet nothings in my ears.
Maybe if all we had between us was just sex, then I wouldn’t be panicking on the inside, but I am in love with Kyle.
Christ, haven’t I learned a lesson from my mother?
A Rebel?
He belongs to a group of criminals.
I sigh when I spot the sign that tells us we’re approaching Omaha.
A reminder of how close I am to finally meeting the brother I haven’t seen in ten years.
Knox is the one person who has showed me the love and care I never got from our mother.
Though I’m nervous about seeing him in person after all this time, and still unsure about his connection to the Steel Rebels, I feel like I’m finally going home.
And Kyle?
Will I stop mattering to him when we get there? He asked me to be his for the duration of the trip, so does that mean we go back to acting like strangers once this journey is over?
It’s at the tip of my tongue to ask him just that, but when I turn to him, I forget how to speak.
All thoughts fly out of my brain as my gaze falls on that strongly defined jawline, those strong brows, and eyes the color of emeralds.
His red hair is a charming mess, falling across his forehead in a way that makes me want to reach out and smooth it back.
Slowly, I trail my eyes down and something stirs in me as I take in the way his muscles ripple as he grips the steering wheel.
There are tattoos all over his forearm. The same arm that held me up this morning against the bathroom counter as he slid in and out of me in the most erotic of dances.
Christ, I can still feel him inside of me.
As if feeling my gaze on him, Kyle turns to look at me, and when his eyes meet mine, I feel a jolt. A spark that ignites a fire inside of me, leaving a trail of need burning my skin.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, turning back to the road.
“Nothing.” But I say it way too quickly for it to be true.
He chuckles, the sound low and deep. “Hmm,” he hums, reaching over to take my hand in his and something inside of me shifts at the move. There’s a sense of comfort I feel in this car with him, and a part of me dreads the moment we make it to Chicago. “Are you hungry?”
“Uh?”
“There’s a city just ahead, Omaha. We can make a stop and grab something to eat,” he says, squeezing my hand in a way that makes me wonder if he, too, is unnerved by the thought of our trip coming to an end.
“I could eat,” I say, not pointing out the snacks we packed for the trip. We drive the rest of the way in silence, but I can’t help but keep stealing glances at him. I would give anything to know what’s going on that beautiful head of his.
Does he want this to last? Is it just sex to him?
I turn back to the road, watching the passing scenery as I try not to worry about what will come once we get to Chicago, but it doesn’t work. I think and I worry. I stress over it enough that I don’t realize we’ve stopped until Kyle taps my shoulder and jolts me back to the present.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks.
It’s so freaking tempting to voice all the questions plaguing me, but my mother’s voice echoes in my head, scolding me for being so darn needy all the time. And like I always do when she does that, I shrink back.
“I’m fine,” I tell Kyle with a smile before turning to take in our surroundings.
We're parked in front of a single-story building with weathered brick walls and large, inviting windows.
My stomach growls when I catch the thick aroma of food.
I gasp, clutching my stomach even as heat climbs up my cheeks.
“I guess we’d better feed you,” Kyle says with a laugh as he reaches for his door. “The reviews of this place were positive, so I bet their food is good.”
“It already smells so good,” I muse, following him out.
I’ve only taken a single step when something lands on my eyelid.
I blink in surprise but before I can reach up to brush it off, the wind changes and I watch with amazement as a snowflake, a delicate crystal, sweeps past. Then another and another, silent flakes dancing in the air, swirling and twirling around me.
I lift my face, and the snowflakes kiss my skin, melting instantly into cool droplets. “It’s snowing.”
I’m grinning widely when I turn to Kyle, and something stirs in me when I find him watching me, something dark and heated in his eyes.
“You have no idea how you look right now, do you?” he mutters, almost as if he didn’t mean to say the words out loud, and something in me settles at the look on his face.
I watch him as he crosses around the car to me and I hold my breath as he lifts his hand to my cheek, his eyes crowded with affection.
I’m terrified to interpret it as love. I’m scared to read into something that’s not there, but even so, I have to allow myself to believe that this man has feelings for me that go beyond his lust. “I’m in awe of you, Vivienne.
You are so beautiful. The most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. ”
He doesn’t give me much time to react as he takes my hand in his again and then we’re walking towards the restaurant.
I’m immediately hit with the delicious aroma of food and my stomach is back to begging as Kyle leads us to an empty booth.
We place our orders and I find my eyes wandering to the window to watch the snow fall.
“It’s falling fast,” I comment, idly wondering if it’ll be safe to drive in the snow.
“You’re right,” Kyle comments, digging into his pocket for his phone, and I watch him scroll through it for a moment. “Oh shit, I think there’s a snowstorm coming. Won’t clear up until tomorrow mid-morning.”
“It’s not safe to drive in these conditions, is it?”
Something crosses his expression as he shakes his head. “We’ll probably need to spend the night in Omaha.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “It will add an extra night to our trip.”
I bite into my lip, unsure if it makes me a terrible person that I haven’t thought much about Knox in the time I’ve been with Kyle. Of course I want to see him, hug and talk to him as I used to when I was a kid, but…Chicago means the end of whatever it is Kyle and I have.