15. Kelly
15
KELLY
E va and Irina showed me the kitchen and we made coffee after our chat. This wasn’t anywhere near the amount of coffee I would’ve normally had by now. On a normal day, I was three cups in by this hour. Nothing was normal about being here, though. Surrounded by state-of-the-art appliances, stainless-steel surfaces, and so much room it surpassed the total square footage of my apartment, it was as though Rurik had saved me and whisked me away to another dimension, one full of expensive things and immaculate cleanliness, not a hint of poverty in sight.
I stared at the dark brew before sipping it, savoring both the aromatic steam wafting up to me and the warmth of the cup in my hands.
This was a far cry from the crappy coffee I had at my place, the cheap ground beans and flimsy dollar-store thermos mug. And standing around while Eva talked about wedding plans was nothing like the hectic mornings I was used to, where I didn’t have the downtime to stand around idly and merely catch my breath. By now, I would’ve gone from one class to another, then rushed to something else.
Spring break would start after this weekend, but still, I’d be busy. Without classes to fill my days, I’d pick up more shifts at the bar and work extra in the admin office.
Ugh. The admin building…
I didn’t even want to think about that place right now, not with the “suggestion” from Oleg Baranov hanging over my head about it. What he’d so casually said was a lot like what that other student worker seemed capable of doing, spying and snooping with access on the computers. Oleg wanted me to go further than that and actively seek out information about Marcus James and Eric Benson, and that felt like committing a crime.
But that’s nothing new. I’ve already done worse than snooping and eavesdropping…
“Kelly?” Eva asked, noticing that I was zoning out. “Are you all right?”
I nodded. I would be. It seemed so silly to be dramatic and undecided while I was here as a guest. Like Irina had challenged me to consider, what was the worst that could happen? I could be pampered here and never have to worry about a thing. But was it worth the sacrifice of my independence? The dream that got me through all the bad days was the hope that one day, I’d be able to control my fate, that I could work hard, earn and save up, and know that all the good I had in the world was due to me and my determination. I wanted to be successful in my own right, to provide for myself when no one else wanted to. Here, I would be provided for in ways I could only dream of. Rurik could spoil me rotten if I let him, and that hovered as a looming threat I couldn’t analyze.
“There you are,” Rurik said, entering the room. He saved me from having to answer Eva or try to explain why I felt—and likely looked—so bewildered.
I sighed at the sight of him approaching me, and when he reached out to hug me, I sought the now-familiar warmth of his body to sink against him.
“Have they been overwhelming you?” he teased.
Eva sighed heavily. “How could I be overwhelming her?”
Rurik pointed at the counter. “Based on the number of bridal magazines and planners you have spread out there, a lot.”
“Oh, be quiet.” Eva rolled her eyes at Irina laughing lightly as she left the room.
Before she was gone, she turned and pointed at me. “You think about what we talked about, huh?”
I nodded, leaning against Rurik again.
“How about we go to my place for a while instead of hanging around here?” he asked.
I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t been expecting that. I was trying hard to believe Eva and Irina when they said I wasn’t a hostage. A houseguest, but also a person they’d want to monitor under house arrest. “Sure.”
More privacy with this man would be a blessing.
In the car, he asked me the same thing Eva had. “Are you all right?”
I nodded but then settled on a shrug. “It’s just a lot. A lot has happened so quickly.”
He held my hand as he drove. “It has. But don’t feel pressured.”
“By you?” I joked.
“By anyone or anything.” He kissed the back of my hand, still paying attention to the road. “I didn’t save you because it was my job. I didn’t help you because I was expected to. I wanted to. I missed you since Eva’s protection detail wasn’t needed on campus anymore. I’d been looking forward to seeing you again, however I could, but please do not think that you have to stick around and be with me because you’re obligated to.”
I sighed, appreciating his words more than he could realize. That meant something to me, that he could be so altruistic without demanding anything in return. If that wasn’t love…
No. Stop. Don’t go there and start with the wistful thinking.
“And I want you to understand that your protection—whether you want to just be Eva’s friend instead of my girlfriend, or to be a collaborating independent party to Oleg’s investigation into the Benson family—is not contingent on anything you do. If you want to be with me, good. If you don’t, then I’ll deal with it.”
“Thank you.” I leaned over the center console to kiss his cheek.
“I don’t feel pressured to make a decision yet. The girls were telling me to think about it, and I will. I don’t know how to explain it to you since you were born into the Mafia, but considering working for the Mafia is a very unique job offer.”
“I understand.”
“I do feel pressure to decide in terms of what I’m giving up, though. Classes are on hold for break, but…” I shrugged, feeling silly to say what mattered to me. He’d saved me from being attacked. When comparing things to a life-or-death matter, being concerned about grades seemed frivolous.
“But what?” he asked once he parked in the underground parking area of a well-maintained garage.
I followed him out of the car and happily took his hand again as we walked to the elevator.
“But it’s a big ask to just stop my life and make it something else. I had my jobs, and I need that money. I missed my shift last night already, and if I’m expected to stay with you for my safety and until I accept Oleg’s ‘job’ offer, I’m not working.”
He framed my face after we got on the elevator. “I’ll pay you.”
I rolled my eyes. “For sex?”
He grinned, kissing me deeply before saying, “No. But I’ll have an account set up. For every shift or hour you miss, I’ll pay double.”
“What if I lose my job and when I leave, I won’t have anything?” I was borrowing trouble playing with what-ifs, but financial security—and independence—were important to me.
“First of all,” he replied once the doors opened directly to a penthouse floor, “I don’t want to think about your leaving.” He picked me up and carried me inside, lowering to a couch with me and spooning me.
Just like my dreams. I smiled, knowing it would be the hardest thing I’d ever do to leave this man. Rolling onto my back so I could see him, I admired the hard angles and lean lines of his rugged, handsome face.
“And if you were to leave, I would make sure you are covered. With a new job. With all lost wages. I want to take care of you, Kelly. In whatever way you’d let me.”
I sighed, staring into the depths of his serious, dark eyes. “I don’t want to leave,” I admitted softly. “I’ve only just found you again. We’ve only just started, and leaving is the last thing on my mind.”
He kissed me tenderly. “It’s happening so fast,” he admitted.
I nodded, reaching up to kiss him again just because I could. Just because I liked to.
“But I mean it. I missed you. I worried about you. I wondered about you. And I’m excited for the chance to get to know you and keep you.” He set his hand on my hip and pulled me closer in a hug as we cuddled.
“So you’re saying I’m not a one-night stand?” I teased.
He growled, kissing me soundly. “No.”
“Then what do you see?” I asked. “What do you want with me?” This sort of question would’ve made more sense before I slept with him. When “normal” people dated, they’d get a preliminary feel for what the other was looking for—if they were on the market for casual hookups, dating, or seriously hunting for a partner to marry and start a family. I hadn’t been on the market for any of that. Only with Rurik did I let myself fantasize about trying to trust a man enough to let him into my life.
“Are you asking if I want to marry you?”
I laughed once, incredulously. “Marry?”
He smiled, seeming amused by my reaction. “Well, all those bridal magazines and wedding planners put it on my mind.”
“Rurik.” I licked my lips. “I gave my V-card to you last night. I’ve never dated anyone. No hookups. Not a single boyfriend.”
He growled his appreciation, kissing me. “I like that.”
“You like that I’ve had no experience in dating or romance or anything like that?”
“Yeah. I could be your first and last.” He kissed me deeper. “All mine, Kel. You could be all mine.”
While he was jumping way, way ahead of himself, I couldn’t lie and say I was intimidated by what he said. He’d already shown me how far he’d go to keep me safe. Last night, he proved how skilled he was at bringing me pleasure.
What more is there to question?
“You’re moving at light speed here,” I teased.
“Then tell me to stop. Tell me to slow down.” He caressed my hip, stroking his thumb back and forth slowly.
I bit my lower lip and shook my head. “Would you?” I asked.
He exhaled a long breath and kissed my forehead. “Kelly, I’m so fucking crazy about you that I’ll do anything to make you happy.”
I cupped his face and kissed him in reply. “I don’t want to,” I whispered. “I don’t want you to stop thinking about a forever with me. I don’t want you to slow down and act like you need to tread carefully with me. It’s just so much to take in at once. Yesterday, I figured I’d be alone until I died. Today, I’m trying to adjust to the possibility that it doesn’t have to be true anymore.”
He cuddled against me. “Why would you be alone forever?”
“Because I’d never be able to trust anyone and let them in.”
“You let me in.”
“Is that a lewd joke?”
He chuckled. “You let me into your life. You trusted me to protect you.”
I smiled. “I did. I do. Part of why I was so attracted to you before when you were there to be a backup bodyguard for Eva was because of your position. That you were in a protective job, but not a man of authority.”
His brow furrowed. “Do you not trust figures of authority?”
No. Not since I had an interaction with Officer O’Malley…
Instead of revealing that dark nugget of my past, I turned that back on him. “Do you?”
He huffed. “No member of any Mafia organization will admit to liking the cops or Feds.”
“Then we have that in common.” When he still seemed overly curious and about to ask something else, I hurried to keep talking. “I asked you what you saw with me, what kind of future you’d want with me.” I cleared my throat. “But I’ve never even let myself think that far ahead.”
“Then do it now.” He moved until he hovered over me. “Dream with me, Kel.”
I smiled and closed my eyes as he kissed up my neck, licking and sucking lightly. “Wanna get married someday?”
I laughed once again, shocked. “Are you proposing?”
“We’re daydreaming. Answer me.” He slid his hand between me and the couch and squeezed my ass.
“Yes. I wanna have a wedding someday. And I want a house. Not an apartment. Not something I pay rent for and could be evicted from. I want to own a house.”
“In the city?”
I frowned. The city was all I knew, that and the college area. “Okay, I want to own a vacation house and something in the city. An apartment.”
“Go on,” he urged, tugging my shirt up and cupping my breast beneath the bunched-up material. He kissed my lips, then moved back down to my neck. Already, he’d taught me that the area beneath my ear was so, so sensitive to the touch of his soft lips.
“Um, why?” I arched up to force my shirt higher, giving him a hint that I’d rather talk later and do this now.
He smiled, taking over to remove my shirt and unclasp the front of my bra. “Go on,” he coaxed before sucking on my breast. “What else?”
I whined, holding his head to my chest as the welcome burn of desire chased away all thoughts. “Now? I can’t think when you do that.”
He nipped a little harder and I gasped. “I want to hear your dreams, Kelly. How about kids?”
“What about them?” I asked, threading my fingers through his hair as he teased my nipple.
“Want any?”
I nodded. “Lots of them. I’ve always wanted a big family because I’ve never had any family.”
“What else?”
He moved on from question to question as though he was saying next , as if everything I daydreamed about now was a done deal. He’d deliver on it all. And damn, was that a beautiful wish.
“Pets. I want a bunch of pets. Dogs, cats. A whole busy, chaotic household.”
I felt the curve of his lips smiling as he moved to my other breast and gave it attention too.
“What else?”
“You,” I begged. “I want you, Rurik. Right now.”
And maybe forever.
It was scary to lower my guard and let him near my heart, but as he lifted up and pierced me with that lusty, smoldering gaze, he tempted me to lower my pants, to lower my inhibitions and just experience this moment in the present with him.
“Then have me. Take me.” He worked with me to get our clothes off, and in a hurry, he was sliding into me and stretching me with that big dick. “Take it all,” he ordered.
I let my head drop back, already so lost to the amazing sense of completion that I could feel with him ramming his hard length into me.
“Yes,” I replied breathlessly. I’d tell him yes to it all if he kept this up and continued to weaken my resolve.
Yes. I want it all with you, Rurik.
But I couldn’t get over the danger of how it could go wrong, because so far, everything good in my life was nothing but a mirage, vanishing like a trick of the eye.