19. Kelly
19
KELLY
E arly the next morning, I woke up Rurik. He was a light sleeper, so it didn’t take much for me to get him grumbling and reacting to my gentle nudges.
“No. Just a few more minutes,” he said, not opening his eyes.
Then, like he did every morning, he tucked me closer so he could spoon me, resting his face against my hair and sighing like he was the most perfectly contented man on earth.
I smiled and bit my lip to keep from grinning so widely.
Just like my dreams. It was crazy that he’d made this our morning “thing”. It was even crazier that we had a “thing”. Or several of them.
Already, a catalogue of his quirks was lining up in my mind. In a crash course of living together, he’d shown me what he liked and didn’t like, and that wasn’t only about in bed and sexually. We were learning more about each other as partners, roommates, friends, and lovers.
And I had to follow Irina’s advice—to let love in. I couldn’t be sure whether this was love. I’d never been in love before to know, but this soul-deep, all-consuming need to be near him and wanting him to be happy couldn’t be a silly little crush. The way we clicked and just worked together as a couple had to be a sign that we were doing something significant here, not just screwing around for the hell of it.
“Can we go talk to Oleg?” I asked when I worried he’d fallen asleep again.
His arm tightened around me a little bit. He was awake. “What?”
“I know he told me to think about it, to consider whether I would like to help out the family by spying at the admin office. Well, tomorrow is the first day after spring break that I’m supposed to be there. My time to think about it and consider it is up.”
Moving quickly, he slid back so he was still on his side but I was flat on my back. Looking up at his very awake face and seeing the seriousness in his eyes, I smiled to keep him unworried.
“No.”
I scoffed. “No?”
He shook his head. “No. I really don’t like this idea.”
“What idea? Going to talk to him? He’s waiting for an answer.” And now I felt kind of crummy to have waited this long and kept him stalled. I was sure whatever I’d do wouldn’t be some earth-shattering, expert spy work, but I bet Oleg Baranov wasn’t used to people telling him no .
“No, I don’t like this idea of your talking to him and telling him your decision.”
I blinked up at him.
“I don’t like the idea of you potentially putting yourself in danger for the family.”
“You don’t even know what I was planning to tell him!”
He furrowed his brow. “What were you going to tell him?”
“I am going to tell him that I’ll do it.”
He cringed. “No, Kelly. Please don’t. I don’t—” He exhaled a hard breath. “Are you saying you want to help because you feel like you have to?”
I shook my head.
“Are you saying you want to help because you are afraid that’s the only way you’ll still be under the Baranovs’ protection?”
“I’m saying I want to help. I want to do my part—any part—in helping you and your family members be as safe as possible.”
“I appreciate that, but?—”
“No buts, Rurik. I decided. And I’ve decided to help because I care for you too much to let this hang between us for any longer.”
He looked down at me for a long moment. I couldn’t read him then. I wasn’t able to decipher what was going through his head.
At last, he nodded once and sighed. “All right. If that’s what you want to do, then that’s what you’ll do.”
He gave in too quickly for me to really believe he was okay with this plan. But it was obvious he would respect my wishes and let me make my choices. I’d been so obsessed with not losing my independence, and he just showed me how he would let me make decisions. He would stand by them, even when they went against what he thought was the right thing to do.
What have I ever done to deserve you?
We got up, and instead of a lazy, playful morning that would end with sex, we got ready to head out. I put on one of my new outfits while he was in the bathroom preparing to leave with me.
Once we were both presentable, he drove us to the Baranov mansion.
Neither of us said a single word. We could enjoy companionable silence with each other. We didn’t have to fill every moment with noise or chatter. He didn’t push me past my comfort zone in any way, and that included when I was more introverted and withdrawn. Not because I was drawing away from him but because I’d had a long day. And I appreciated that he would let us have this quiet now, like the calm before the storm.
When he reached for my hand after we arrived and he parked, I felt my spirits lift a little higher. He would stand by me. This wouldn’t be my last and biggest practice of learning what it meant to let it all go, to let love or the hint of it to set me free.
Oleg was just finishing with breakfast when we entered the mansion. “Oh, damn. You just missed her.” He craned to look past us. “Eva just headed to the gym, Kelly.”
I shook my head. “I’m not here to spend time with her. Not today.”
“Then why…?” He glanced at Rurik.
“I want to help,” I said, even though Oleg was talking to Rurik, not me.
Oleg faced me, wiping his mouth one last time, then placing his linen napkin on the table. “Please excuse me for my bad manners.” He gestured at the table. “Have you eaten yet?”
I shook my head. “No. But no, thanks.” I glanced at Rurik, worried he’d protest again.
I’d seen enough of the welcome that I could count on if I chose to stay with Rurik as his girlfriend. And as his girlfriend, I would feel awkward and guilty to not help their… cause. I’d only stayed with him for a week, but that was enough time for me to feel in my heart and know in my head that this was the right choice.
“I want to help spy or listen, or whatever you’re asking for. It makes sense. I am in an ideal position working near the dean’s office.” I reached out to hold Rurik’s hand again. “And I know I’ll be protected.”
Oleg nodded. “I’m not asking you to do much of anything, really.”
Rurik huffed as he rubbed his hand down his face and looked off to the side.
“You’ll just go to work like usual.”
“And?” I asked.
“And happen to wear a wire or record anything you might hear.” Oleg shrugged. “Anything that might be said near you, should you happen to meander close to a particular office when certain people are expected to be there.”
“Kelly, I will be there.” Rurik released a heavy sigh. “No matter what the details are and how this is supposed to be rigged and set up, you will not be alone.”
“That’s right,” Oleg said. “Rurik will be there with you to watch over you.”
He already has been.
“I appreciate your willingness to support our investigation.”
Is that what they call it? An investigation?
I was pretty sure that recording people against their knowledge was a crime. Compared to the other crime I’d committed, this seemed like child’s play.
“And if anything were to come back to me, if I were to get in trouble or something…?” I asked.
Oleg chuckled. “Don’t jinx yourself, Kelly. You’re borrowing trouble with those what-ifs.”
“But,” I said again, “what if…?”
“If anything should happen or go wrong, now or ever, we will handle it.” He tilted his head to the side, studying me. “What are you afraid of?”
He would’ve been better off asking what I wasn’t afraid of.
“Getting caught. Someone hurting me. All of you throwing me under the bus and leaving me in a bad situation.” I shrugged. That kind of stuff.
“Who’s done that to you before?” he asked.
I opened and closed my mouth, stunned that he’d ask that. “What?”
“You would worry about such a thing if you’ve had the time and exposure to count on it being possible. Who’s left you in a bad situation before?”
Damn, was he good. He was intuitive and sharp, and I wasn’t sure how this big, bad Mafia Boss would react if he knew what I had done years ago with one of the area’s favorite cops.
“It’s a generalization,” I lied. “My parents were addicts and they abandoned me.”
Oleg nodded. “I saw that in your file.”
For fuck’s sake. They have a file on me. Worries flogged me at the chance that they’d have something in there about O’Malley.
“And then in the foster care system, every one of those counselors and supposed foster parents only looked out for themselves, no matter what it meant to us kids.”
“The only things we ‘foster’ here are mutual respect and honesty.”
I strained not to react to that. Honesty? I wasn’t being honest right now…
“We can go over the details later,” he said. “Rurik will arrange for this to go without a hitch. Just you watch, Kelly.”
We left soon after, and still, Rurik was quiet.
At first, I appreciated that he wasn’t pushing me to talk about my decision that I truly was still worried about. Back and forth, I debated whether I was doing the right thing or if I was letting my emotions rule me.
All day and into the night, Rurik stayed quiet. He was busy, arranging things with a couple of soldiers who’d been on campus to check on that activity from the rival families. Since spring break was over, we’d be returning to my apartment. That was something he spoke about the most with a pair of Baranov soldiers. They were to get my key, then go there and tidy the place up. They were also expected to check the building and scope it out to make sure it was safe and that no bugs or threats had been placed there.
Plans were underway for me to return to the former life I had, as a busy student and overworked employee. I was amazed by how efficiently the men all collaborated and communicated. Watching and hearing Rurik act like a commander with the men, I got a front-row view of how they really did behave like brothers or like members of a family.
By the time we got into bed, I felt twisted and torn. I was hopeful to help and contribute to the safety and prosperity of this family. But I couldn’t dismiss the growing, gnawing nerves too.
Rurik noticed. Of course he did. He pulled me closer and hugged me before kissing me slowly. Any time he had his lips on me, it felt like a segue into sex, and that was just what we did. Without a rush, and with him taking such delicate care to worship my body, he tired me out so thoroughly that I didn’t last long. Anxiety didn’t keep me up all night after we made love.
I fell asleep in his arms, safe and secure. His hard back was like a formidable wall behind me, and his touch, his hold, was all I needed to keep the worry and dread tucked away in the corner of my mind.