Chapter 4 #2
But what he told me next stuck with me, burrowing deep into my heart and mind, and I couldn’t let go of it.
Not sure I ever would, either. Dad told me Lugh’s type of magic was more insidious than pure illusion and glamour.
His power fed on our own insecurities, our own doubts and troubles.
When I asked Dad what he meant, he smiled sadly, and it hit me then.
Caelan was struck so hard by Lugh’s power because he was consumed by his own doubts about my womb and suitability, even though he’d repeatedly lied to my face about how he’d be proud to have me stand beside him.
His doubts did not make me angry. Those were normal things everyone experienced, human or not.
Lying about it and saying all those awful things to me, embarrassing me in public, and making me feel all that suppressed anger toward me and himself…
that was not something I was sure I could forgive.
For the first time since he started his pursuit, he made me feel less. Worthless.
“Evie?”
I blinked. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to forgive him,” Rowan said as if he’d read my mind. “I wasn’t there for all of it, but your father filled me in on some of the details.”
I blinked away the tears. “Would you?”
He let out a heavy exhale. “Are you sure you want the truth?”
That was the good thing about Rowan. He never lied to me. Gilding the truth with gold didn’t make it any less hurtful. I nodded.
“If someone I loved treated me the way Caelan treated you, I would assume that person never really loved me at all.”
I sucked in a sharp gasp, but Rowan plowed on.
“If love has conditions, it’s no better than a business arrangement. There are all kinds of love, Evie, but what happened with him is not a love mates have for one another.”
Mate. Not the first time I’d heard the term, though it wasn’t something Caelan and I had ever truly sat down and discussed. Not in the way we needed to. Not after this.
“When you are mates, you know each other’s souls.
You know there is no doubt, no hesitation.
You’re both all in all the time.” He smiled with a quick flash of teeth.
“Being mates does not mean you won’t fight with each other.
Disagreements are normal, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in.
It also doesn’t mean either one of you is perfect, but it does mean you’re perfect for each other. ”
I studied him. “How do you know when you find your mate?”
Rowan said nothing for a while. “It’s different for everyone.
Sometimes it’s like a bolt of lightning.
Sometimes it takes a while for a bond to grow.
Sometimes it doesn’t happen until after intimacy.
But every shifter can sense when a bond is building, though many try to deny it until it’s too powerful. ”
“Why would anyone deny something that sounds so beautiful?”
He slid a glance my way. “Because men, no matter what species they are, happen to be idiots.”
Our laughter breaks the building tension, but we’re not even an hour into the drive, and I have more questions. “Why would Caelan want to marry me if we aren’t mates?”
He took his time answering this, too. “I hesitate to speak for him. That’s a question only he can answer.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to find their mate.
But he’d be a fool not to pursue you. You’re powerful, beautiful, intelligent, and kind.
You take no shit, fight for your friends and what’s right, and you have a gift that makes the world a better place. ”
My cheeks heated at his words. “But he still thought I was flawed. He didn’t think I would be a good leader to his people.” I groaned and rubbed my face, hating that my voice sounded small.
“I have no dog in this fight,” Rowan said, though fury vibrated in his voice. “You are the fae queen, Evie. You could have your pick of any man on the planet.”
I snorted. “Charmer.”
But his face was still serious. “It’s true. You hold more power than any of the Lords, any non-human in the entire world right now.”
I blinked, which made him huff a laugh. “Never thought of it that way, have you?”
“Shit. No. The queen thing came because Lugh was being a dick, and I needed help.”
“Your father strong-armed you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course he did. We need to talk about that, too. If I stay here, he will have to visit. And Barrett, too. I still don’t know a lot of what I need to rule a kingdom, and my training remains incomplete.” I sighed. “Because people won’t stop fucking with me.”
Rowan grinned. “You’re the fae queen, Evie. Your father does not need my permission to visit you. Barrett, on the other hand, will be required to check in. The Chimera are new to society, or at least to most of us.”
“Thank you.”
We fell silent for a while, and it was a companionable one. Snow started falling, a gentle wisp of flurries lightly coating the ground and road. Not enough to be dangerous, but Rowan reduced his speed a little anyway. “Does that mean you’re seriously thinking about staying?” he asked later.
There were only a few cons and so many pros, so yes, I really was thinking about uprooting my life once more. “I have a lot to think about, but yes.”
Rowan reached over and took my hand, lacing our fingers together.
“I’m glad. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a fresh start.
I know you can take care of yourself, but you’ll have an added level of protection here.
My territory is more densely populated than Caelan’s.
He has more open land and a larger area, but I have many more powerful paranormals here, and we defend our own. ”
“I’m not part of this place. Not yet. I never fully assimilated into Joy Springs. There were things I could never tell them, secrets I had to keep.”
“Every citizen here knows what you are.”
My jaw dropped. “What?” I stared at him, completely stunned. “Is there a…newsletter or something? Gods, Rowan. You dropped a bomb on those poor people!”
“There is, in fact, a newsletter. Let me know if you want to be added.”
I smacked his arm. Rowan laughed and smoothly changed lanes to exit onto another highway. “This was a meeting of the town reps. We had a vote.”
“A vote,” I echoed. “They willingly allowed a Chimera into your territory?”
“A Chimera who’s been a model citizen and a business owner for almost a decade. A Chimera who defended another Lord’s Keep. A Chimera who ripped territory from another Lord who failed in his leadership duties.”
“You make me sound like a hero,” I said with a laugh.
“A fae queen who stood up against a god and defeated him to save her home,” Rowan said quietly.
Nothing he said was false, but he made me sound so noble. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. “You know I just wanted to be left alone, right? None of this would have happened if I’d stayed in my little corner of town.”
Rowan barked a laugh. “Mess with the bull and you get the horns?”
I sent him a wry look. “Pretty much.”
“If you decide to stay, maybe you can have a peaceful life once more.”
I thought peace had passed me by the moment I decided to save a Shifter Lord’s life. “Maybe.” The thought was certainly nice, wasn’t it?
We stopped in a small town bordering Coeur d’Alene, a stunning city with views to die for. I needed complete privacy for what I was about to do, so Rowan pulled off onto a side road I hadn’t even noticed until he was in motion and drove up a steep gravel road until the path ended.
I grabbed my pack, jacket, hat, and gloves and was about to open the door when Rowan popped up and let me out.
“Thanks.” I slid out and hissed as the cold air hit me. “Shit. It’s freezing here.”
Rowan glanced at me with concern as he adjusted his pack around his neck. “You normally aren’t so sensitive to temperature. Is everything alright?”
“I think it’s the tattoo. Maybe it was helping me a lot more than I thought.”
He helped me into my jacket and watched me put on my hat and gloves. Lips pressed tight, he looked away and up the steep and narrow path. “We have to head in about two miles. Will you be alright?”
I scoffed. “I can just shift into a bird and fly.”
Rowan’s lips twitched. “Forgot about that.” He shrugged. “Or I could shift, and you can climb on my back.”
“You want me to ride you?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them.
His eyes sparkled. “A red-blooded male will never say no to a good ride from a woman like you.”
“Shut up,” I said with a laugh. “You let me walk right into that!”
He laid a hand over his heart. “I would never be so crass.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course not.”
“Whaddya say, Evie? Ever rode on the back of a grizzly?”
I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. But I was tired and heartsore, and the magic leached into my bones, dragging me down. I needed to get it out and rest, in more ways than one.
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Live a little. I’m very warm.”
Damn it. I was tempted. Too tempted.
“I can see that brain of yours working overtime,” he chided, his eyes softening. “You’re safe with me. We’re still inside the boundaries of my territory, and I am its Lord. No one will harm you.”
“I’m more worried about you dropping me,” I grumbled, uncomfortable with his kindness.
He clicked his tongue. “Have you seen me? I’m positively massive.”
“Arrogant ass,” I muttered.
Rowan winked. “Climb onto my back, little wren. You won’t regret it.”
In a flash, Rowan shifted. A massive grizzly with laughing eyes plonked down onto the ground, waiting.
When I made no move to climb on his back, the enormous grizzly huffed and rolled its eyes, making me bark a laugh. “Fine,” I grumbled. “But if you drop me, it’s open season on bears.”
He showed me his massive teeth and jerked his head, telling me to climb aboard.
What the hell. He was right. I should live a little.
Who got to say they rode a grizzly and lived to tell the tale?
I slipped off my gloves and climbed atop Rowan, something I never in a million years would have thought I’d do and held on while he adjusted, muscles rippling and contracting as he stood.
I gasped at how high above the ground I was. “Rowan. Do you want me to shift into wren form so I’m lighter? Or something else?”
He shook his enormous head back and forth.
“Are you sure?”
A nod.
“Alright then.”
My spine was rigid, white-knuckled hands clenching fistfuls of surprisingly soft and silky fur. Rowan walked for a bit, then stopped abruptly and twisted his head, gently snapping at my thigh.
“What?”
He snapped again, then nudged me. “Do you want me to let go?”
A head shake.
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “I have no idea what you want me to do. Shift?”
Another head shake.
He snapped at me again.
“Oh. Relax?”
A sigh and a nod. Yes.
“Easier said than done,” I grumbled.
Rowan leaned forward and settled his massive bulk on the ground once more.
“You…want me to lay down? On your back.”
Another nod.
Dammit, Rowan. “Will you stop grumbling at me if I do?”
Nod.
“Fine.”
Rowan lumbered to his feet and waited. I adjusted my position, finding it surprisingly easy because he was right. He was positively massive. Soon enough, I was curled onto my side, my hands still holding onto his fur.
Not long after that, my eyes began to drift closed, Rowan’s gentle swaying motion lulling me into a much-needed rest.