Chapter 16 #2
We closed our eyes once more, and I thought about Caelan.
Many emotional wounds marked my life, but his betrayal was the freshest. Every time my memory went back to that day in the square, pain squeezed my heart in an iron grip.
I awoke most nights in a damp sweat, tears in my eyes.
The last thing anyone wanted to think about themselves was how flawed they were, but Caelan had managed to take the things about myself I hated the most and bring them to the forefront, to twist the knife in so deep I couldn’t free myself.
That pain roared to the front of my mind, bringing fresh tears and hurt to the surface, but a moment later a gentle rain of sky-blue magic washed over me, and suddenly, the pain wasn’t as fresh.
Things didn’t hurt as much. I could see past those wounds to the fragile person underneath, the woman who only wanted to be loved.
Sometimes when we were trapped by pain and hurt, we couldn’t see the reason why.
All we felt was the pain. But with Simone’s magic washing that agony away, I could see myself again, first as a child flinching from my mother’s sharp words, then the sting of being abandoned, and later as a married woman trying to wash away the images of my husband with another woman.
Scotland came and went, and even that night in the heather field wasn’t as painful as normal, flashing forward to meeting Caelan and my loneliness, and how he’d washed that away and brought with him a mix of fear and trepidation and love all mixed up in a tangled knot.
I wanted to be loved so badly, I’d forgotten that love didn’t always mean pain.
I’d somehow managed to convince myself that loving someone meant constantly questioning yourself, your motives, and someone else’s motives.
My magic and background also factored in, and when my origins were revealed, I wondered whether Caelan had always wanted me for me or if he’d always suspected something was off about me.
But now I could look at that without the sharp pain accompanying the thoughts.
And my answer was yes, he’d known. Had it mattered to him was another question I couldn’t answer yet.
Like most of the Lords, he craved power, and I could give him more than he’d ever known, but when I was able to see things a little more clearly, away from that haze of my broken heart, I knew the things I could give him weren’t the only reasons he was with me.
Caelan had loved me, maybe still did, in his own way.
Doubts were normal, but some doubts could not be overcome, no matter the pretty words you used to cover them up.
He worried about his future line, and whether the children we made together would be something monstrous or something that might conquer the heavens.
No matter how powerful Caelan was or might become, the thought of a child more powerful than him or one who might not look or act the way he expected terrified him.
As Simone’s magic washed through me, tears fell from my eyes, long suppressed anger and grief giving way to realization and healing. Things with him were unresolved, but they wouldn’t stay that way forever. When her magic trickled to a halt, I knew what I had to do.
Moira’s face was wet with tears, her slender body trembling. I scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. When her eyes opened, she focused on Simone.
“Caelan is an idiot for letting you go. Your power is—” Her throat worked. “You’re a healer, Simone. I hope you know that.”
Simone’s lower lip wobbled. “Any time you want to see me, Moira, just give me a call or come by.” She let out a heavy sigh. “It might be a while before we figure out where we’re going next, but you’ll know the moment I do.”
Everything hinged on the decisions I made. Simone gave our hands a gentle squeeze and let go, closing her eyes and leaning against the trunk. A happy smile curved her lips. “Thank you. It’s been far too long since I’ve used my gifts.”
“Have you thought about asking Rowan? I’ve only met a couple of his people, but I know Rowan well enough to know he’ll utilize talented people.”
Simone cracked an eye open. “I’m loyal to you.”
I didn’t understand. “Thank you for that, but one doesn’t have anything to do with the other, does it?”
“It does,” Moira said. “If Simone was still in a Pack, but she’s not.”
Simone opened her other eye and frowned. But then she slowly sat up, her lips parting.
“Free agent, baby,” Moira said. “You can start charging for your services.”
Simone looked at me. “Don’t ask me. It’s your gift.”
“Yes, but you’re my…” Her brow knit together. “I’m sworn to you.”
“Only in that you have to protect my people. There’s nothing in our contract about acting as a freelancer.
” I nudged her with an elbow. “I’m not Caelan.
Use your magic wherever you have permission to do so.
Charge for it. Hell, start a business. I might be the ‘official’ fae queen, but as you can see, things are a little shaky right now.
” I still hadn’t told them what was happening with my rule or what I’d promised my mother and father.
Time enough to deal with that later.
Rowan caught my eye and waved us back over, but when Moira wandered toward them, Simone tugged on my hand. “Evie. Stay back for a moment. There’s something I need to tell you.”
Concerned, I stopped and turned. Simone’s expression was serious, her eyes soft. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” she assured me, “but there’s something you should know. I meant to tell you earlier, but other things were happening, and…” she exhaled. “Well, this will be hard to hear and might change things, but you deserve to know.”
My heartbeat intensified, and my palms went clammy. “Is this about Caelan?”
She tugged me down, and I sat once more, my back against the tree trunk.
“I’m sorry, Evie.” When she opened her mouth again, the words she said didn’t register at first. But when they did, the world fell out from under my feet.
Dad was looking over our shoulders as we retook our seats.
A tingle of familiar magic shimmered from behind, revealing my mother, casually dressed in a pair of trousers and a silk blouse, the same color as her eyes.
Her hair was loose and curled, and her makeup, which she never needed, carefully applied.
Mom only dressed like that when she dealt with humans.
She smiled at me as she came over, taking the seat Dad offered her.
Poe and Fee had disappeared somewhere, and I made a mental note to speak to the raven to see if Fee was comfortable revealing herself to Cliona.
I remembered the day I took the phoenix home and how worried I was the entire time as I waited for her to hatch.
Mom had eventually revealed herself to not be the monster we all believed her to be, but Fee had never met her.
I wondered if they would like each other.
“Evie?” Mom’s brow knitted with concern. “Everything alright?”
“Lots on my mind,” I said, smiling to wipe the worry from her expression. “Dad has something to tell us, and it’s been itching at him for hours now.”
“Danu,” Mom said. “We all felt her rise.”
“Something poisons the earth,” Dad began. “But the magic is more subtle than we would be.”
Mom’s lips pursed. “You think it’s a spell then. From witches?”
Dad nodded. “Much harder to pin down the identity of a witch than it is a god or goddess.”
“Every witch has a power signature,” Moira said. “If you show me what you’re talking about, I might be able to help.”
“Are there more places with visible damage?” I asked Dad. “Everything I saw was under the surface.”
“I haven’t seen them all.” He turned to Moira. “If you’re willing, I can quickly transport you to those places to see if you can get a read from them. Time is of the essence. The outskirts of Rowan’s land are damaged. Every day we delay, the Lord’s power will weaken.”
My attention snapped to Rowan. “Are you okay?”
“I’ve felt nothing so far,” the Lord said.
“The magic is new and spread all over the country,” Dad said, “concentrated at the edges of two of the Lord’s territories. In a few days the Lords in the affected areas will know something is wrong.”
“Caelan?” I asked.
“No. Your healer Lord.”
“Ben?” I closed my eyes. “Shit. He might realize it sooner. Ben is sensitive to magic. We should call him when we’re finished with this meeting.”
“They targeted who they perceive to be the less dangerous Lords,” Mom mused.
Rowan bristled, making Mom laugh. “Those of us here know you are a deadly thing, but the face you show to the public is that of a friendly, peaceable Lord. Ben is untried and known as a Healer. Fae healers are not warriors.” Her eyes glittered.
“Our kind continually underestimates how powerful the Lords are. Perhaps it is a good thing you and Ben were targeted first. This gives us more time to plan and discover who’s responsible. ”
“Any ideas?” Moira said, reaching for a cracker.
Dad shook his head. “Lugh is trapped. Titania is dead. There are others who do not support your claim to the throne, but they’ve remained relatively quiet.”
“So it could be anyone.” Unsurprising. Nothing was easy these days.
Dad inclined his head. “Mom will give you a list.”
“How mundane,” Moira drawled. “A list of potential criminals.”
Rowan had stayed uncharacteristically silent. “What’s the purpose of the spell?”
Dad’s jaw tightened. “That is why I’m here. The spell will weaken your claim on the land, eventually shattering the bond.”
Rowan paled. I reached under the table and took his hand. “And mine?”
Dad shook his head. “Your blood will always be the wildcard. The magic is anathema to Danu. Getting too close weakens her.”
“She’s a goddess,” Simone said thoughtfully. “If this is a spell created by witches, how could it overpower someone like her?”
“Whoever is targeting her knows her weaknesses and designed the spell to keep her from destroying it before the work is done.” Mom poured herself a glass of lemonade.
“Targeting Danu targets me because of my Floromancy, but the spells were placed right on the edges of the Lords’ borders, increasing the odds they wouldn’t notice until it was too late to do anything. Whoever this is targets the Lords, too.”
Dad nodded. “Likely. The fae are making a play for the land and cannot take it when bonded to another, this includes Danu. Assume, Evie, they’re trying to wrest yours away too.”
“I’ve felt nothing,” I admitted, “but I haven’t been the best at bonding with Donovan’s old lands.”
Dad rose, holding his hand out for Mom to take. “Then I suggest you start soon.” His ancient gaze rested on Rowan. “I would speak with you once more before we leave.”
Simone and Moira both frowned at my father. “You know what happened the first time you started keeping secrets from Evie,” the vampire said.
Dad laughed. “Relax, little vampire who is more than she seems, all my secrets will soon be revealed. Think of this as more fatherly advice than secrets. I will return at sunrise to escort you to those foul places that need your sharp eyes.”
Moira nodded, watching him warily.
Rowan’s jaw tightened, but he rose and followed my father. Mom glided over and brushed a kiss against my cheek. “I’ve seen Caelan,” she murmured. “He travels this way.” When she rose, her eyes were laughing. “But your vampire refused to give him any more potions, so his travel is mundane.”
Moira’s innocent expression didn’t fool me.
“He will be here soon.” Mom cupped my chin. “I want the best for you, Evie, but I will not stand in your way on a choice like this.”
My throat tightened.
“A bit of advice if you don’t mind?”
I nodded and waited. Mom rarely offered guidance, our past still very much a tender thing we tiptoed around.
“You can love someone so much your heart aches, but it does not mean they are right for you. Someone can pluck your strings like a master harpist but every once in a while, play a discordant note that echoes. Listen to those notes, Evie. Listen for that echo.” She dropped to her knees and took my face in her hands.
“The world has been a harsh place for you, darling. Think about what you want and who you want standing beside you when peace finally comes. Think about the people you’ve never questioned, the places that make your heart sing.
Even if you’re standing alone at the end, it doesn’t mean you’ll be lonely. ”
Tears burned the back of my eyes. “You don’t think I should go back to him.”
Mom’s eyes burned with love. “I think he became your world when your world was small. But you’ve seen universes since then, my darling—experienced different kinds of love.
I want you to have someone who stands by your side no matter what challenges are thrown before you, someone who lets you make mistakes without judgment, someone who looks at you like you are the sunrise and sunset.
Choose someone who does not choose their crown over you.
Choose someone who would never make you feel small.
If that is Caelan, then you know what you need to do.
But if you hold doubt in your heart, do not take that final step.
When you know for sure, there will be no doubt.
A choice will present itself soon, Evie—one that will change the trajectory of your life.
The decision will not come from your head. It has to come from your heart.”
With that, Mom disappeared in a shower of light, leaving me more confused than ever.
“Is she always that confusing?” Moira murmured.
Simone let out a snort, followed by a giggle. My lips twitched, but I couldn’t hold the laughter in either. Moira belly laughed.
“Can you believe I’m the queen of these people?” I cackled. “Especially when I’ve always been so bad at solving riddles?”
Simone wheezed.
Moira cackled. “Remember that puzzle that sat on your coffee table for eighteen months?”
I had tears coming out of my eyes. “Puzzles are dumb!”
“That’s because you put the corners together first, then work your way inside! Don’t approach it like it’s a Salvador Dalí!”
“Those are different from riddles,” I say through bouts of laughter. “I would have put it together eventually if I hadn’t lost some of the pieces.”
Moira rolled her eyes. “It’s still in the office if you want to try again.”
“No!” I barked, sending Simone and Moira into another fit of laughter.
Dark things awaited us on the horizon, but for now we had each other, a gorgeous sunset, and a full pitcher of strawberry lemonade.
All the crises could wait for a little while longer.