Chapter 8
CHAPTER 8
Izzy
Izzy adjusted her wetsuit under her arm as she quietly slipped on her sandals by the door. The house was still asleep, the faint hum of the refrigerator and the distant crash of waves the only sounds keeping her company. Dawn light filtered through the kitchen windows, soft and muted, casting long shadows on the terrazzo tiles.
She had hoped for solitude — her usual escape. Surfing at this hour meant no one was watching, no one was talking, it was just her and the ocean. The water was the only thing that had ever made her feel truly weightless, like she could shed the world’s expectations and simply exist. Out there, floating on the tide, she could disappear into something vast and steady, something that never required anything but to be present. As she turned to leave, Kiera appeared at the bottom of the staircase, her dark waves tied loosely back and her expression soft with sleep.
“Heading out already?” Kiera asked, her voice hushed as she glanced at Izzy’s wetsuit under her arm.
Izzy nodded. “Best time to catch a wave.”
Kiera hovered near the counter, looking as though she was still deciding whether to go back upstairs. “It’s not even light out yet.”
Izzy shrugged, reaching to adjust the heel strap of her sandal. “That’s kind of the point.” She paused, something in Kiera’s hesitant expression drawing her in. “What about you? Couldn’t sleep?”
Kiera smiled faintly, her arms crossing loosely over her chest. “Something like that.”
For a moment, they stood there, the silence stretching between them. Izzy's thoughts drifted back to the night before, to the charged moment on the dance floor when she'd felt the warmth of Kiera's body so close to hers. That near-kiss kept her up all night. She couldn't stop thinking about Kiera's breath on her lips. Had Kiera felt it too? Or had Izzy let herself get caught up in the moment, reading into something that wasn't really there? The charged energy between them was an undercurrent she couldn’t quite shake. She surprised herself by not rushing to leave. There was something disarming about seeing Kiera like this, the strain she'd been appearing to carry on this trip seemed softened by the early hour. Izzy surprised herself by asking, “Want to come with me?”
Kiera blinked, surprised. “Surfing?”
Izzy shook her head. “A walk. It’s quiet this time of day. Peaceful.”
The invitation hung in the air, and for a second, Izzy almost regretted extending it, feeling antsy and unsure. She half-expected Kiera to decline, to retreat back upstairs and leave Izzy to her solitary ritual. But then Kiera nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Alright. Let me grab a sweatshirt.”
By the time they stepped onto the sand, the sky had begun to lighten, hues of gray streaking the horizon. A thin veil of early spring fog clung to the shoreline, blurring the edges of the world around them. The ocean air was rich with the scent of salt and something cool and earthy. The water glimmered under the soft dawn light, waves rolling steadily toward shore. The beach behind them was empty, save for the occasional runner or dog walker. Izzy had left the surfboard back at the house and she fidgeted with the strings of her hoodie, while Kiera tucked her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants.
They walked in companionable silence at first, the only sound the rhythm of the waves and a few far-off sea lions hollering. Izzy stole a glance at Kiera, noticing the way her shoulders had started to relax, her gaze fixed on the ocean as if it held answers she couldn’t quite articulate.
“Do your girls like Denver?” Izzy asked, breaking the silence.
Kiera nodded, her expression softening. “I think so. They've been amazing about all of the changes, especially given a new school and new house and not seeing their dad, but I can't help but wonder just how terribly I'm traumatizing them. Maybe instead of a college fund, I should just start a therapy fund."
“Sounds like something all parents should start,” Izzy said with a small smile.
“I should start one for myself,” Kiera admitted, kicking at the sand as they walked. “I’ve been so caught up in… everything. I don’t remember the last time I just let myself enjoy anything."
Izzy raised an eyebrow. “Why is that?"
Kiera hesitated, then shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m too busy trying to keep it all together.”
Izzy glanced out at the water, her jaw tightening slightly. “Telluride didn’t exactly help with that, did it?” The words were out before she could stop them, and she immediately regretted the flat directness in her tone.
Kiera stopped walking, her expression clouding. “Izzy, I…” She trailed off, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I handled that all wrong. I thought I was helping, but I only made things worse. For everyone.”
The sincerity in Kiera’s voice gave Izzy pause. She had spent so much time convincing herself that Kiera’s actions had been selfish, but what if it had been something else? What if, beneath the interference and misguided attempts to help, Kiera had been struggling just as much as the rest of them? She’d expected Kiera to defend her actions, to try to explain them away. She hadn’t expected this.
“You did make it worse,” Izzy said, though her voice lacked the edge it had carried moments ago. “You acted like you didn’t trust your best friend to handle her own life and make her own choices, and you hurt my best friend in the process."
Kiera’s shoulders slumped, and she nodded. “I was really going through it, and I didn’t even know it at the time. Things with Alex made me feel so out of control, and watching Danica be so reckless, or so I thought at the time… I did the wrong thing, and I’m truly sorry.”
Izzy studied her for a moment, the vulnerability in Kiera’s expression catching her off guard. For so long, she’d held onto the frustration, the hurt. But now, standing here in the soft morning light, those emotions didn’t have quite as strong a hold as they once had.
“Okay,” Izzy said finally, her tone softer.
Kiera offered a small, tentative smile. “Okay? That’s it?”
Izzy shrugged.
“Maybe someday when I'm feeling more... I don't know, like a person, I’ll be able to unpack that more. For now, you just get to tolerate this weird broken version of me.” Kiera bit her lower lip.
Izzy watched as Kiera's brow furrowed. There was clearly a lot of truth behind her words. "You know what really helped me feel normal after my divorce?"
Kiera tilted her head, holding the loose strands of her hair back from her face in the gentle morning breeze. "What?"
"Doing something I'd never done before, only for me. I took up ceramics for a while, weirdly enough. It was just some hobby that I enjoyed that had absolutely no tie to anything that could make me think of my ex-wife," Izzy said, remembering how empty she'd felt after Paisley had left her. She'd stumbled upon a queer pottery studio and started making wonky little bowls that made her inordinately happy.
Kiera's expression softened. "That's actually a really good idea."
"You will have absolutely no one else to impress or answer to about it, either. It can be something solely for you. You don't even have to be good at it." Izzy grinned, remembering how terrible she was at throwing clay on the wheel at first and how frustrated she'd been for weeks until it finally clicked. It had been such a personal victory. Meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but such a bright spot in her own little life.
"That's a good point. You know, I’ve been really wanting to work out again. I used to do Pilates, but maybe I’ll become like one of those people obsessed with CrossFit and… throwing around tires, or whatever they do.” Kiera smirked.
"Hell yeah. You should try it." Izzy nodded, picturing Kiera with massive muscles, talking about WODs. She grinned.
They continued walking, the tension between them easing slightly. After a while, Izzy nudged Kiera with her elbow, a glint in her eyes. “Want to see something cool?”
Fifteen minutes later, Izzy had driven her rental car to the rocky coastline of Point Loma to show Kiera the Cabrillo tide pools. They climbed down the cliffs, the rocky ledge of pools stretching out before them. An early morning marine layer rolled in, cloaking the cliffs in mist and giving the area an otherworldly feel. Waves crashed against the rocks, sending sprays of seawater into the breeze. Kiera crouched down, peering into one of the pools where tiny hermit crabs scuttled along the rocks.
“My parents met in San Diego when my dad was in the Navy, so I grew up visiting here,” Izzy said, watching as Kiera trailed her fingers through the water. “It’s one of my favorite spots.”
Kiera looked up, a soft smile on her lips. “I didn’t know your dad was in the Navy.”
“He was. He’s dead,” Izzy said with the same detached air she always reserved for that statement.
Kiera’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry.”
Izzy nodded. “It’s been like nearly twenty years. It’s okay.”
Kiera watched her for a second, like she was really seeing her, and Izzy’s stomach clenched with nervous energy.
“This place is beautiful,” Kiera said finally, reaching into the tide pool to lift a rock and examine it.
Izzy shrugged, stuffing her hands into her pockets. “Figured you might appreciate it. Something about watching these little creatures just living their lives, oblivious to everything else going on… it’s kind of nice, isn’t it?”
Kiera nodded, her gaze lingering on the water. “Yeah. It really is. Lucky dummies.”
They stood there for a long moment, side by side, the wind tugging at their clothes, the ocean stretching endlessly before them.
Izzy loved how otherworldly this place was. The red and beige rocks all around, the tiny sea life hiding out in the tide pools… no where else ever felt like this place, which was both reassuring and made her heart ache with nostalgia. As she watched Kiera crouch and smile, looking at a starfish, she was surprised with herself for even bringing Kiera here. She was surprised mostly because she’d wanted to share this with Kiera, a place she hadn’t even brought Pete before.
Kiera glanced up, her eyes gleaming with excitement as she pushed her large glasses back up her nose, looking at Izzy. Izzy’s stomach did a giddy flip in response. Oh no. What was that? Her heart pounded uncomfortably in her chest, and she suddenly felt too warm despite the cool sea spray misting over them. It was one thing to acknowledge that Kiera was attractive — that was an objective fact — but this was something else. This was wanting to reach out and tuck that loose strand of hair behind Kiera’s ear, wanting to see if her skin was as soft as it looked under the morning light.
This was dangerously close to the pattern she’d never tried to break — it was easier to chase someone who could never love her than to face someone who might, risking that they might not stay.
Izzy forced herself to look away, to focus on the shifting tide instead of this attraction, this pull toward Kiera. It was ridiculous. She barely tolerated Kiera most of the time — so why did she suddenly want to know what it felt like to have Kiera’s fingertips graze hers as they both reached for a seashell at the same time? Why did she have to notice the way Kiera’s hoodie slipped off her shoulder slightly, exposing a sliver of skin that Izzy couldn’t seem to ignore?
She inhaled sharply, stuffing her hands in her pockets as if that could keep her emotions in check. This was Kiera — straight, recently divorced, a mom, and not someone Izzy should be entertaining thoughts about. And yet, she felt herself drawn in, her chest tight with something that felt too much like longing.
This was what she always did. Pete had been right. Kiera was unavailable, and that was why she was attracted to her now. Izzy had better be careful, or Pete was going to crow for days about this revelation.
“You okay?” Kiera’s voice was soft and gentle.
Izzy startled, glancing away quickly as if she could physically shake off the thoughts flooding her mind. "Yeah, fine," she said, clearing her throat.
Kiera tilted her head, studying her. "You’re quiet all of a sudden."
Izzy forced a small laugh, rubbing at the back of her neck. "Just thinking."
Kiera didn’t push, but her gaze lingered, searching. Izzy resisted the urge to fidget under the scrutiny, her heartbeat a steady thrum in her ears. She needed to get out of here — away from the pull of Kiera’s presence, away from her own traitorous thoughts. "We should head back," she said abruptly.
Just before Izzy turned to walk away, Kiera straightened from where she’d been crouched beside the tide pool, brushing a lock of hair from her face.
Kiera’s eyes sparkled behind her glasses. “You make that face when you’re flustered.”
Izzy blinked. “What face?”
Kiera stepped closer, just enough to make Izzy’s breath catch. “The one where you stare really hard at the ocean so you don’t have to look at me.”
Heat rushed to Izzy’s cheeks. “I do not make that face.”
Kiera laughed softly, turning back toward the parking lot. “It’s cute, don’t worry.”
Izzy gaped, but something very annoying and very tender clenched in her chest as she hurried after Kiera.
As they walked into the beach house, Izzy could feel her chest tightening with every step closer to reality. The tide pools had been quiet and secluded, where she wouldn’t have to worry about everyone else noticing what she was so desperate to hide. But now, back in the orbit of their friends, with the house looming ahead and the wide stretch of sand inviting them down to the shoreline, Izzy’s panic set in full force.
She needed space. Needed air. Needed Kiera to stop looking at her with that soft, open expression that made something inside her unravel.
“I think I’m going to head down to the water and try to surf a bit,” Izzy said abruptly as they stepped inside, already toeing off her sandals by the patio doors. The house smelled like coffee and sunscreen, the others clearly awake and already moving about. Pete’s voice carried from the kitchen, something about eggs being overrated, while Maggie and Danica laughed in response.
Kiera hesitated, brushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “Oh. Do you… do you want company?”
Izzy swallowed hard, something about Kiera’s casual question making her feel cornered. “Nah,” she said, a little too quickly. “I just need to move.” She forced a smile. “You should, uh, grab some breakfast. Danica’s probably already made something.”
Kiera’s expression flickered, unreadable, but she nodded. “Alright. Maybe I’ll see you down there.”
Izzy didn’t answer. She just turned, grabbed her board, and strode down the path toward the beach like she had somewhere urgent to be.
By the time she hit the sand, the weight in her chest hadn’t eased. If anything, it pressed heavier. She walked straight toward the water’s edge, the morning tide licking at her ankles as she tossed her towel and board onto the sand and stood there, hands on her hips, watching the horizon.
This was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous.
Kiera was still trying to piece together her life after everything crumbled, and Izzy was feeling this intense draw over a woman who didn’t even see her that way.
And yet.
No.
She squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn’t stop the image from flooding her mind — Kiera’s wind-tousled hair at Point Loma, her dark eyes glinting with amusement as she’d teased Izzy, the way her lips had parted slightly when they’d stood too close on the rocks, like maybe she’d been thinking about this attraction, too.
Izzy groaned, pressing her palms against her face. No. No, she was not doing this.
She needed to push these feelings down, bury them deep where they belonged.
With an exhausted exhale, she picked up her board and headed out toward the waves, toward the only place where her mind felt clear.