Rowan #2
“Alright then,” Rowan said. “I’m going to get the bed ready. Feel free to use the bathroom. There’s an extra toothbrush in the cabinet.
Without any more argument, Milo grabbed the shirt and scurried into the bathroom. Rowan set about building his promised wall, but he found himself only putting one body pillow down the middle of the bed and calling it done.
Would it be weird to get into bed and wait for Milo? His hawk provided him with the very unhelpful image of Milo emerging from the bathroom naked, and Rowan pulling back the covers for them like they were going to—
“To what?” Rowan growled under his breath.
His hawk flapped his wings once before settling back down into his nest.
Rowan decided to just stand by the bed, fluffing the pillows like he was at a fancy hotel doing turndown service. If he was feeling really absurd, he could always fetch some of the decadent chocolates he’d received from a client that week to put on Milo’s pillow.
Thank the gods Milo emerged from the bathroom before Rowan could do anything ridiculous.
Although, perhaps that remained to be seen. The shirt ended right above Milo’s fingertips, leaving their long legs fully exposed. As they walked over to the bed, a bit of navy blue peeked out under the white shirt, and Rowan had to force himself to look away.
“I’m not usually one to comment on the height of a person’s wall, but I fear yours might be a bit on the short side,” Milo said, managing a halfhearted smile as they picked up one of the two pillows Rowan had set out for them.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’ll work fine.”
He had no idea how to explain that even though he hadn’t been the one having nightmares, he also needed to know that Milo was here next to him. For possibly the one and only time.
The night’s earlier whirlwind of anxiety and fear had subsided, leaving a suffocating exhaustion in its wake. He just wanted to feel Milo’s slight weight dip the bed beside him and hear their soft breathing as they fell asleep. Maybe that would somehow help soothe the upcoming loss.
Milo was still clutching the smaller pillow as they stared down at Rowan’s insufficient wall. “You said…we could have breakfast together?”
“Yeah. I can make pancakes. Or waffles?” Rowan offered.
Maybe appealing to Milo’s sweet tooth would coax them into bed.
“And…we can talk?”
Rowan had to swallow forcefully to keep down the bile that was rising in his throat. “Sure. We can talk.”
Milo’s fingers tightened around the pillow. “I think just to be safe…”
They bent forward to place the pillow, around halfway down the body pillow, but it tipped off onto Rowan’s side. Rowan reached forward to grab it just as Milo scrambled onto the bed after it.
As if in slow motion, their hands landed one on top of the other in the middle of the pillow.
Rowan’s hawk stood up from his nest, tipping his head back to let out three piercing kee-aww’s in a row. The walls of Rowan’s room wavered, and the air thinned like they were approaching the top of a mountain.
In fact, it felt almost exactly like when Rowan’s hawk crested over the top of a mountain range. There was a momentary drop in his stomach right before a rush of elation as he dove back down the other side.
His hawk began to dance, but Rowan already knew what this feeling meant. He could practically see the path ahead changing and reworking itself.
Maybe things could actually work out. Maybe their relationship didn’t have to end because Ruben went home with Ray. It might cause some turbulence, but just like his hawk always rode the airwaves over the mountain, maybe he and Milo could, too.
Because Milo was his fated mate. The person he hadn’t been looking for and had never let himself dream of having.
“Rowan? You’re squeezing my hand pretty tight,” Milo whispered.
Rowan released his grip but didn’t lift his hand.
This was a trick he’d learned as a child.
If he was the one to place his hand on someone else, even on their skin, it was decidedly more tolerable than someone else putting their hand or other body part on him.
Maybe it was because he could control the pressure or because he could pull away whenever he wanted.
Either way, he left his hand on top of Milo’s as he desperately searched their face.
Milo looked a little surprised, staring down at their joined hands, but they didn’t exactly look like their entire world had just been turned upside down.
They were a beta. Could they not feel the fated mate bond as clearly as Rowan could?
For Rowan, it felt like a physical thing wrapping around his heart and leading out of his chest and across the dinky pillow wall to Milo.
Could Milo feel it, but…they didn’t care?
“Milo… You… I…”
“I know,” Milo said softly. “Earlier tonight, you shifted into your hawk form, and I held you—”
“What?” Rowan gasped, pulling his hand back on instinct.
Milo lowered their head like they’d been scolded.
“I promise, I was just waiting until the morning to tell you. You shifted, your hawk sat in my lap—through a blanket, but at some point, you must have shifted back in your sleep and, I mean, obviously you weren’t wearing any clothes, and your bare leg touched mine, and… ”
Rowan collapsed sideways, coming to rest against his headboard, with his elbow propped up on the ornate wood. “I don’t have any memory of that.”
Milo pulled their knees to their chest. “If it makes you feel any better, you were really out of it after Ruben fended off that guy at the club.”
Rowan chewed on the inside of his cheek, but his hawk didn’t seem shocked by this news, clearly because he had been out and about while Rowan had been…what? So stressed about Ruben and Ray he’d blacked out? Hank really had been serious about adrenaline drops.
Except…
“It was more than that,” Rowan murmured. Milo cocked their head, an action so adorable Rowan had to look past their shoulder at the painting of his cabin he’d commissioned Raina to do. “I was…terrified sounds a little dramatic, but honestly, that’s how I felt.”
“That Ruben was going to get hurt?”
“Well, yes, but I’m always worried about that.
” Milo grimaced, and Rowan forced the words out.
“I was terrified that Ruben was going to hurt Ray.” Milo gaped at him, and Rowan hurried to clarify.
“Not at the club, but afterward. That, as you said, he’s exactly Ray’s type, and I was afraid they would start something, and Ruben would finish it, just like he always does, and Ray would get hurt, thereby hurting you, and you would both blame Ruben and… me.”
Milo reached out a hand, but stopped halfway, resting it on the pillow still between them.
“I would never blame you for something your brother does. I mean, if you, like, somehow planned for Ruben to start something with Ray just to end it and hurt his feelings, that’s one thing, but you fought just as hard as I did to go to Ray’s side—which was admittedly not very hard because it made more sense for Ruben to do it. ”
Rowan nodded, his eyes fixed on Milo’s hand. “It did, but as soon as they came back over to the bar and told us they were leaving, I…”
“Started to panic?” Milo suggested.
Rowan didn’t even have the energy to nod again. All he could do was tick his chin up in agreement.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Milo said, pain and something far gentler ringing through that single word.
Rowan’s heart pounded against his ribs like it wanted to break out of its bony confines and go to Milo. “I don’t want to lose you. Because of Ruben and Ray or…”
“Because we’re fated mates,” Milo whispered, finishing Rowan’s sentence once again.
“I actually have a question about that,” Rowan said, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand like he could magically get his memory back that way.
“I guess I can understand how I shifted, given how stressful the evening was, but I can’t believe I don’t remember us touching for the first time. ”
Milo’s shoulders rose up until they looked almost like a turtle, half inside Rowan’s shirt. “You were still asleep. I promise, I didn’t try to touch you. It’s just you were really…naked.”
Rowan’s lip curled up almost against his will. “As opposed to sort of naked?”
Above them, the heat vent kicked on, spreading Milo’s sweet scent throughout the room. Their bangs ruffled over their swirling gray and green eyes, and Rowan thought he could probably spend the rest of his life getting lost in them.
“You’re really sexy, okay?” Milo blurted out, popping their head out of the shirt and startling Rowan’s hawk, who had also been a bit lost in their eyes.
“Like, so unbelievably sexy, and your legs were on top of the blanket I was using, and I felt like a creep for seeing you naked without your consent.
I yanked the blanket over you, but that left your legs bare on top of mine, and I could immediately tell we were fated mates.
I know some shifters can tell when they meet, but it's harder for betas, and I guess it took actual touch for us to figure it out, even though my pony seemed none too surprised.”
The burst of fast talking and oversharing was so quintessentially Milo that Rowan’s shoulders relaxed a degree. “I think my hawk’s known for a while, too. He’s been—”
Gods, it was probably far too early in their relationship, and far too late at night, to mention his hawk’s mating dance.
Of course, Milo wasn’t going to let that one go, though. “He’s been what?”
As if in demonstration, Rowan’s hawk began bobbing his head, shaking his tail as if eager to show off the rest of his dance.
“He’s been bobbing around a lot,” Rowan said, ignoring his hawk for now. “Which I suspect was a sign he knew.”