Chapter 37
Chapter
Thirty-Seven
Fear had no place here. There was nothing to be afraid of except for my thoughts.
Granted, those were terrifying on a good day, but right now, it was just me and my consciousness floating along like one of those long-lasting batteries.
The moment my metaphorical battery died, I’d be in deeper trouble, but I still possessed all my faculties, and I’d come up with a real dumb plan.
If it failed, no harm, no foul. I was basically a space rock so no big deal.
But if it succeeded…the fae were going to be real pissed off at me.
A tug to my left caught my attention. Nothing had tugged me since I’d been in this place. I sent my thoughts in that direction and let myself float along. But the thing, whatever it was, kept tugging, and I caught a hint of something familiar.
Something…someone who loved me.
Hazel. If I could cry, I would.
Hazel was calling me home.
And I would do my damnedest to answer her call.
I let go of everything fae. I let go of my first knowing of Cliona.
I let go of my mother’s eyes and cold demeanor and the later revelations that told me maybe she really did love me.
I let go of my father, my plants, my roses, my shop, everything that connected me to the fae.
My Floromancy was the hardest to let go, but I needed the burning fury of something else to save me.
When my mind was clear and I’d buried my heritage so far down I could no longer find it, I let the fiery rage of the Chimera fill my thorned heart.
I thought about Finn and his hands and lips on me, and how I’d felt such hope only to be let down and wounded both in spirit and in body.
Fury filled my missing bones, my veins, my heart.
I let the anger drive me until I hurtled through the ancient magic like a rocket, heading straight for Hazel’s summons.
I remembered my hurt and pain and confusion, and I remembered Finn’s burning eyes when he savaged me. I remembered how hard I fought to come back to myself.
All I ever wanted was to be loved.
And someone had used that against me, sending me into a years’-long spiral of grief and self-recrimination.
No more.
Even when I’d worked so hard to overcome what happened to me, I still held the feeling so close to my heart that I was flawed.
Nothing.
No one.
I didn’t deserve love or friendship or anything because I was fundamentally flawed.
Fuck that.
I was Evie godsdamned Quinn, and I would no longer be afraid of who I was, even if it scared the shit out of everyone else.
If I had to become the Chimera to find my way back to the people I loved, then I would. I’d gladly wear the crown of a savage monster if it put me back into Caelan’s arms. If I could see my friends again. If I could touch the ground and feel the living earth between my fingers once more.
A jagged split tore through the never-ending nothingness, the color of my Chimera.
Red and gold, like a bleeding heart of fourteen karat gold.
Take that, fucker, I roared inside my thorned heart and hurtled toward the opening.