Chapter 38 #3
When she reaches up to touch the collar of my shirt, my pulse wobbles. She’s nearly as close as when I held on to her in Cosgrave’s car, the delicate jasmine scent of her skin filling my nose.
She grasps one lapel and tugs down. “Would the renowned Colson Raith bend his ego enough to beg for forgiveness?”
There’s a teasing note in her voice. I don’t think she’d be insulted if I refuse. But my heart lifts, because it’s the easiest thing in the world to follow her request and sink to my knees on the thick carpet.
I take her hand and clasp it between both of mine. It feels too distant with the fabric of our gloves in between, but looking up at her rather than down is already dizzying in a way that feels dangerous.
The words tumble out with painful honesty.
“I’m sorry for being a total ass. I’m sorry for coming down so hard on you, before I knew what was happening and afterward too.
I’m sorry for lashing out and making you feel you disappointed me.
I don’t know if I can promise that I’ll never fuck up again, but I can promise that it won’t be because there’s anything wrong with you.
It’s just me. I will do my best. You’ve had to be so strong, and brilliant, and brave, and you’ve had to do so much of it on your own since you got here…
Not anymore. I’m yours. I’m honored to be yours. ”
A tear slips from Elodie’s eyes, and then she’s kneeling across from me, her arms looping across my shoulders. She tips her head against my neck with a sound like a stifled sob.
My heart rips in two. I hug her closer against me, guilt and protective urgency rippling through me.
My voice comes out in a mumble against her hair. “Elodie, I’m sorry. I’m here. Whenever you need me, I swear I’ll be here.”
I half expect her to tell me to get out after all. How much pain has she been holding in all this time, acting as stoic as she can, trying not to make more trouble for me?
Instead, her breath steadies. She eases back just far enough to look up at me, her gaze searching mine.
Her gloves patter against the floor. She sets her bare hands against my face. Her thumbs graze my cheekbones, palms against my jaw.
The scent of her floods my lungs. Her touch sends a quiver of electricity over my skin.
All I can do is answer the question in her eyes.
I tip forward and bring my mouth to hers.
Even though I’m the one who initiated it, the kiss hits me like a tsunami. A deeper desire than I’ve ever felt before rolls through my body. My nerves flare with the rush of heat provoked by every shift of her soft lips.
I’m drowning and soaring all at once.
The recognition sings through my veins beyond denial, beyond doubt. This is my match, my mate, the woman who’s meant for me. I need her like I need air.
The thrum of the bond urges me to solidify the connection, to follow the torrent of passion to its necessary climax. But the clamor stirs up a pang of recalled shame from the first time I lost my head.
I jerk away, catching myself before I’ve yanked right out of our embrace. My breath has gone ragged. Elodie peers at me, her cheeks flushed.
Utterly fucking dazzling.
No, I can’t think about that. Not with an erection straining against my slacks like lives depend on driving it into her.
“I’m sorry,” I say, for a different reason this time. “Part of treating you right is remembering that for the moment, I’m still your professor. I’m not going to forget that again. We’ll find the right course, but it’s not—it’s not like this.”
Elodie’s smile sends relief fluttering through my chest. “I understand. I’ll try not to sabotage your self-restraint.”
A guffaw sputters out of me. I push myself to my feet, drawing her with me and then unwilling to let go of her hand once we’re standing.
I can allow myself that one small pleasure, can’t I?
The squeeze of Elodie’s fingers around mine suggests she welcomes it as much as I do. We move toward the door together, but she stops me before I can reach for the handle, gazing up at me.
“It’s already better,” she says abruptly.
I search my addled thoughts for the thread she’s replied to. “What?”
“You said the other Cole was better to me. But I—” She appears to gird herself. “I could never be honest with my original matches about so many things: Asher’s death, my glim… The lies were always hanging over me. I don’t know what they’d have done if they’d found out.”
Another protective bristle comes over me. “They should have seen it wasn’t your fault and stood by you exactly the same.”
“That’s easier for you to say when you still have your Asher.
” Her smile turns softer but no less sweet.
“Maybe you didn’t go about it the nicest way, but I’m glad you got the truth out of me.
We can go forward knowing everything that matters about each other.
That already makes what we have better.”
She nudges the door open, and I follow her with a stutter of my pulse. Beneath my joy at her words, I can’t help wondering whether she really does know everything that matters about me… and whether her opinion would change if she did.