Chapter 16
It had been hard to look Jamari in the eye for the past week.
I hadn't been staying at his place either.
He kept trying to get me to talk, but I couldn't form the words to let him know what was running through my mind.
He'd still check on me and come by, but I felt distance surrounding us.
It was more on me than on him. I dealt with morning sickness on my own, too.
Every night, I tried to will the tears away, but it was hard keeping them at bay.
I wanted to give in, but I had to be strong, even if I had to raise this baby on my own.
I knew that was my doubt talking, but I didn't know how else to feel.
I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant yet. The only person who knew was the man who got me pregnant. Sadly, the only thing I'd been doing was pushing him away.
I wrapped myself in a blanket on my couch as tears fell down my cheeks.
My cellphone rang as a knock came at my door.
I didn't know which one to answer first. I retrieved my cellphone and saw Jamari's name on the screen.
That could only mean one thing: he was at the door, too.
With a huff, I threw the blanket off me and went to open the door.
Jamari greeted me with a scowl on his face.
I moved aside to let him in and closed the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"
He scoffed and whirled around to face me. "Is me being here a problem? What's going on with you?"
I checked my face to make sure there were no tears left behind. "Nothing is wrong. I never said it was a problem for you to be here. I just asked why you're here. You didn't say anything about coming over."
Jamari never asked or said when he'd be dropping by. He just showed up. I knew I was wrong for not talking to him about how I felt.
He threw his hand up. "When have I ever let you know when I'm coming over?" He walked up to me and palmed my face in his hands. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. This isn't like you."
Tears welled in my eyes and fell down my face. "I'm scared you're going to walk away from me. You have kids of your own to raise. I feel like you won't have anything to do with our baby. You might leave me all alone to raise this baby on my own."
Jamari caressed my face in his hands and only stared at me. It had me wondering what ran through his mind. Would he up and leave me? The uncertainty I felt clogged my heart, making me feel like I wanted to crumble to the ground.
"Is that what you really think?" Emotions filled his voice. "You think I'll get you pregnant and walk away from what's mine?"
More tears fell from my eyes. "You're already raising kids and have a lot on your plate. What will you do with another child you didn't ask for?"
"I don't remember you asking for this either.
I'll never leave you alone to raise my child on your own.
You will never have to worry about that.
I'm not this fucked up person who would do something like that.
You didn't make this baby on your own, Chy.
I never told you I'd walk away from you.
You put that thought in your own head. Get it out right now.
I won't allow you to put distance between us again. Do you understand?"
I weakly nodded, unable to say anything else. I owed Jamari a big apology, and I was surprised he showed up the way he did.
Jamari stepped back, letting go of my face. I leaped into his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close. He rubbed my back soothingly as I sobbed against him.
"I'm so sorry, Jamari. I should never have doubted you." He had me feeling awful about the way I handled the situation.
"Don't do something like that again. That's disrespect to me when you know what type of person I am."
I nodded, knowing I was wrong. He was a good man who cared about people. He took care of his siblings when he didn't have to. I could see why it felt like I had disrespected him when I questioned if he'd be there for our baby. I didn't know how I'd make it up to him, but I had to.
When we pulled apart, I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. I stared at Jamari, still seeing the hurt on his face. It made me feel so bad. Gosh, how could I have done that to him?
"What can I do to make this right?" I questioned.
Jamari shrugged. "It's not something we have to think about right now. What I want to do is hold you. It's been a whole week since you distanced yourself from me." He held out his hand for me to take, and I did.
We made it back to my bedroom, and he stripped me of my clothes. Once he was undressed, too, we got into bed and spooned. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, happy to have him back in my bed.
"Where are your siblings?"
"Ready for me to come back home with you. You've forgotten you're not just with me, you're with them too. They see you as a sister. When you went ghost this week, you were all they talked about. They wondered where you were."
That caused me to sigh deeply in defeat. "I see I have to make up with them as well."
I felt Jamari's hand caressing my stomach. It felt too good. "Mhm. You sure do, but I need you to make up with me now." He licked the back of my neck.
I grinned, knowing I could do that. One thing I was never shy about was the way I pleased this man. He brought out a special type of freak in me. He should be proud.
I turned in his arms and pecked his lips. "I'm ready to make up for it, in any way you want me to."
Jamari pulled out of my arms and got on top of me.
I opened my legs wide for him to fit perfectly where he'd belong.
He lowered his head and kissed my lips. I felt breathless as our lips and tongues tangled together.
Heat coursed through my body and stopped in the middle of my center.
The wetness that built between my legs leaked out of me. That was how badly I wanted Jamari.
He ripped my panties from my body, and I felt his hardness, and he ground against me. I bit my bottom lip and moaned, opening my legs wider to receive him when he was ready for me.
I put this off long enough. If I didn't call my mother now, I'd never get up the courage to do so. I sat on the edge of Jamari's bed with my hand cradling my phone. Why was I even scared to call my mother? I was a grown ass woman and should be able to call her with no problems.
When I called to share the news with Jacey, she was happy for me. She squealed on the phone and wanted to talk to Jamari. I didn't know what they talked about, but he told her that she didn't have to worry about anything.
Now I dreaded calling the one person who mattered a great deal to me.
Hopefully, she was happy for me as I was.
Jamari and his siblings were in the kitchen eating the lasagna I made for them.
As soon as Jamari and I walked through the door, the kids said they were hungry, so I wasted no time getting into the kitchen to feed my babies.
One thing I was glad about was that they accepted me into Jamari's life.
I also wanted to see if my lasagna was better than Jamari's, since that was his specialty.
I found my mother's name in my phone and made the call. This was probably something I should do face-to-face, but I couldn't face her right now. Would she be disappointed in me? I knew it was too late to even think about that right now.
I pressed the screen, and the phone began to ring. My heart was pounding, but I could get this done. I had to.
"Hello," she answered.
I gulped. "Hi, Mama."
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Could she tell I was up to something? That was one thing my mother could always tell when I was a child.
"What did you do, Chy?" she asked, causing me to cringe.
I had to let her know since I had come this far. "Mama, I'm pregnant," I blurted.
Again, silence was on the other end of the phone.
"You are? By who? I didn't even know you were seeing someone."
I gulped since I didn't tell her about Jamari and me. "Yeah, we started dating a couple of months ago, back in November."
"November!" she bellowed. "What the hell do you know about this man to be pregnant by him?"
I had to remove the phone from my ear because of the yelling she was doing. Once she calmed down a little, I gave her a rundown of what I knew about Jamari. The more I talked, the more she scoffed.
"You don't even know this man, and you're pregnant by him. He's already taking care of kids. You weren't thinking when you laid down with this man and had a baby. You'll be a single mother just like I was," she ranted.
I gasped when she hung up in my face. Tear after tear rolled down my face.
The doubt I had before returned. I couldn't believe the words that spewed out of my mother's mouth at me.
I'd never known her to be so cruel when it came to me.
I tried to get the angry tone she had out of my ear, but it was impossible.
The door to Jamari's bedroom opened, and he stepped in. When he saw the tears running down my face, he quickly approached me. He pulled me into his arms, and I cried into his chest.
"What happened?" he asked, caressing my arm.
I told him what my mother said between my sobs.
"This is too much. My mother isn't happy for me."
"Nah, you didn't deserve what she said to you. You have nothing to worry about. As I told you earlier today, I plan to be in your life no matter what. I'll never turn my back on you or our child."
I smiled through my tears. "Jamari, I know that. Her words stung. My mother has gotten mean to me for no reason, and I don't like it."
I hated it when my mother was mean to me for no reason.
Maybe she had problems of her own and took out her frustration on me.
Either way it went, I shouldn't be the one catching hell because of her problems. Maybe I needed to talk to her and see what she was up to.
My mother and I used to be close, but I didn't know the lady she had become.
Could she and my father be having problems?
Was their friendship not working out anymore?
"I don't know your mother to answer those questions, but I'm here to let you know that what she said wasn't truthful. I'm here with you until the end if you'll have me," Jamari voiced.
I lifted my head from his chest and gave him a small smile. "I'll always be here, Jamari."
He kissed my forehead, and I laid my head back on his chest. I enjoyed the silence that wrapped around us. I planned to stay the night with him and his siblings, too.