Con of the Gates Panel Transcript
Moderator: Maria and Peter, you’re the two newest Gods of the Gates cast members, but you’ve managed to make quite a splash during the second season of the show. You’ve quickly become fan favorites,
and we’re glad you could both join us today.
Maria: That’s very kind of you to say. Thank you.
Peter: If we’re truly fan favorites, that’s entirely due to Maria. No one can resist her Nordic wiles.
Moderator: Did you get along well from the beginning? Because otherwise, finding yourself stuck on an island together could have been
awkward .
Maria: [laughs] Yes. Very awkward.
Peter: Incredibly awkward.
Maria: I can honestly say I liked Peter the first moment I saw him.
Peter: Same here.
Maria: And fortunately, filming together on the island allows us plenty of time to work through any disagreements that might crop
up.
Peter: Yes. For example, disagreements about the appropriate number of times one actor should threaten to beat the other with a glass
jar of pickled herring. I.e., none.
Maria: Stop calling me Pippi, and I’ll stop menacing you with herring, skitstovel .
Moderator: What does that mean?
Maria: It means Peter deserves a fistful of salty licorice shoved down his throat.
Peter: Even after The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo , I don’t think people realize the startling amount of seething violence buried beneath those bland Swedish facades.
Moderator: Um—
Peter: Just ask the Norwegians. They know all about unprovoked Swedish aggression.
Moderator: Let’s—
Peter: Also the Danes.
Moderator: —go to—
Peter: Iceland moved halfway across an ocean to get away.
Moderator: —our next—
Peter: Finland has been cowering for centuries now. They hide in their saunas.
Moderator: —panelist, shall we?
Peter: Can an entire country take anger management classes? Because—
Maria: I should have kidnapped you, put you in a boat, dumped you in the water in front of Dolphy McBlowholeface, and watched her
smack the shit out of you, Reedton.
Peter: Again with the shit. Another thing I don’t think people realize about Swedes: their unswerving obsession with—
Maria: Keep talking, skitstovel . Keep talking, and good luck digging out your blue cupboard.
Moderator: His... blue cupboard?
Peter: If you know, you know.
Maria: And believe me, he knows . From very personal, very smelly experience.
Moderator: I . . . think we should move on to Marcus Caster-Rupp now. What can you tell us about the upcoming third season?
Marcus: I think fans will be absolutely delighted by my new hair care routine!
Alex: We should talk about beards. Specifically, whose beard was fuller and more becoming over the course of the second season.
Because it’s clearly mine, and I want that publicly acknowledged.
Moderator: [mumbles] Jesus Christ.