Peter’s E-Mail
From: [email protected]
Subject: Your monthly roundup of smutty RPF starring YOU!
To my favorite shipwrecked Viking dude, who has, ironically, inspired fervent shipping—
This month’s treasure trove of Real-Person Fiction is especially rich in delicious smuttery. Probably because the end of the
series is coming soon, so fans have realized their well of inspiration is about to run dry and are taking advantage of the
bounty while it lasts. (However much credit you’re giving me for not elaborating on the “running dry” metaphor, IT’S NOT ENOUGH.)
Some of this month’s highlights: In the first link, you’ll find that you and Maria end up sea-soaked and freezing after a
scene filmed on the shore, and to warm yourselves quickly, you’ll need to—what else?—strip and cuddle to share body heat.
As one does with one’s colleagues. And then you’ll go to town on various hotel room surfaces, including those that would surely
not withstand your “INTENSE VIKING LUST,” not to mention your “DETERMINATION TO PILLAGE” (direct quotes). Neither one of you
is tiny, and most coffee tables can’t withstand that kind of abuse. That’s just physics.
The second link is a story where you and Maria get caught in a freak snowstorm while scouting a location for a future scene.
Whereupon you escape to a convenient nearby hut, and to warm yourselves quickly, you need to—stop me if I lose you here; it’s very complicated—strip and cuddle to share body heat.
In the most professional way possible. And then you’ll defile various hut surfaces, including those that would definitely splinter under the force of your “DESPERATE, REPRESSED PASSION” and “FORCEFUL CLAIMING OF YOUR WOMAN AT LAST” (direct quotes).
I’m pretty sure all that rubbing up against stone walls won’t be good for Maria’s back. Just FYI.
The last link is my favorite for the month. It’s a three-way between you and Maria and Dolphy McBlowholeface, and it takes
place entirely underwater, because you and Maria are merpeople actors or something? It’s a little unclear. Anyway, Ol’ Dolphy
gives you a finjob at one point, and apparently inspired by your oceangoing lover, you make whistling and trilling noises
when you come. You’re welcome!
Well, that’s it for now. Links below the signature, as always.
Enjoy!
Alex
P.S. You realize I send these links to Maria too, right? At her request, once she heard I was sending them to you? Again,
just FYI.