10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
O ver the next few days, Connor became a silent presence wherever I went.
It unnerved me the way he was always a few steps behind, always watching. There to protect me, nothing more, both indifferent and relentless while he hovered in the background.
Everywhere I went, he was there—a few paces behind me, his gaze never softening, his solemn expression never giving a damn thing away. He dropped me off at each class and then stood there waiting to pick me up and escort me somewhere else. He even followed me into the dining hall, leaning against the wall in that Connor way, while I got my midday sandwich. I couldn’t walk, think, or even breathe without feeling his eyes on me.
Nor could I shake the feeling that he wasn’t the only one watching me.
It made no fucking sense. He didn’t want me here, didn’t want me talking about Lifewell. Why was he defending me instead of just letting the creep resurface and chase me off? Or worse, make good on his threat to kill me?
The days passed, the threat lingering in my mind like a dark cloud.
By the fifth day of Connor shadowing me like some grim-faced bodyguard, I needed answers. He couldn’t keep doing this forever. I wasn’t sure how much longer either of us could stand this arrangement.
But then what? I found myself running through escape plans, wondering where I could go if I really had to leave. The answer was always the same—nowhere.
I stopped abruptly just outside the library—to actually check out a book for my Econ class—and Connor nearly bumped into me. He took a step back, his usual cool mask slipping for just a second as his eyebrow quirked up in annoyance.
“What?” he asked around his pen, as if I was in his way, as if he wasn’t the one in my space.
I exhaled, searching his face, looking for even the tiniest crack in that cold, unreadable expression. “Why are you even doing this?”
“Doing what?” Something flickered in his eyes. Something defensive.
I gestured vaguely at him. “The whole white-knight thing. Am I supposed to believe it’s out of the goodness of your heart?”
His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing. “I already told you. I’m making sure no one fucks with you.”
I shook my head, blowing out an exasperated breath. “You’ve been fucking with me since day one! You, Malcolm, and Kade .”
Kade’s name fell off my lips loaded with extra disgust.
Connor said nothing, which only fueled my frustration. I took a step forward, close enough now that I could see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes, the way they reflected the light like shards of glass.
“You know what I mean,” he finally said. “I’m making sure no one else hurts you.”
“I know it was Kade.” I grew more convinced each day. “The attack in the library. You know it, too. You’re just trying to cover it up.”
Connor’s eyes darkened, his body going rigid, but he didn’t move, didn’t even flinch.
You fuck with her, you fuck with me , he’d told Malcolm and Kade.
But that…had to be performative, right?
“It wasn’t Kade,” he said, his voice steel. “And I’m not covering for anyone.” He shoved his hands in his jeans’ pockets and exhaled slowly. “Why do you think it was him?”
“Because I know it wasn’t you. The guy was beefier. And I know it wasn’t Malcolm because…” I faltered, but then I lifted my chin. “I’ve seen Malcolm’s dick up close and personal. It wasn’t him. Plus, whoever it was had a voice-changer just like Ghostface in Scream . Ring any bells?”
Connor didn’t react—or tried not to. But his Adam’s apple lifted and fell. Almost imperceptible.
“It could’ve been anyone,” he said.
“Anyone who wants me gone!” I cried. “Who else would that be other than you or…?”
Xander . I knew it wasn’t Xander himself, but he had the means to hire someone…
Or the professor who’d caught me staring in the library? Maybe he thought I was a threat to the little three-person party he had going on?
“What?” Connor demanded, searching my face.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it wasn’t Kade. Maybe it was just…random.”
I didn’t believe that for a hot second, but…that professor did have motive. So did Xander, if he really wanted me out of here.
“What about what you said to Kade and Malcolm, though?” I asked. “That they know the rules?”
He shook his head, and I balled my hands into fists. I wanted to smack him. Shove him up against the wall of the library the way the guy who’d attacked me had shoved me against the wall upstairs. Make him tell me what fucking rules .
“That’s none of your business,” he said.
Oh my fucking god. Forget smacking him. I’d skip straight to killing him.
“You and your cronies have rules about me, and that’s not my business ?”
“That’s what I said.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. The first step to killing him was smacking him, so I socked him in the shoulder.
As I reeled back, pain shooting through my knuckles, wondering how many fingers I’d broken, he shouted, “FUCK!”
His eyes wide, he reached up to rub where my fist had landed. “That actually hurt. The fuck are you? Some kind of lightweight boxing champ?”
I shook out my hand because ow . I wanted to scream, too, seeing his FUCK and raising him a FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. I bent and flexed my fingers to make sure I still could.
“I told you I could take care of myself,” I told him.
He glared at me, rolling his shoulder. “You’re a goddamn spitfire, that’s for sure.”
Was that… Was that the first thing he’d ever said to me that wasn’t dismissive or insulting?
I blew out a slow breath, concentrating on anything other than the pain in my hand, like the fact that he was talking to me. “Who is Lena, Connor?”
I hadn’t seen her around again. Poof, she was gone, and this college wasn’t that big to lose track of someone. So if she’d been part of a set-up, whether it was Connor or Xander who’d put the whole thing into motion, I wanted to know. Now.
He stared at me, rubbed his chin, and stared at me some more. The look in his brown eyes radiated pure confusion, but not only could I see it in his eyes…I could feel it.
I could feel it. He didn’t know what I was talking about.
“The fuck are you talking about?” he demanded. “The girl in the café?”
“Yes, Lena. Do you know her?”
Connor scowled. “I know her, and I use that phrase loosely, because the only thing I know about her is her name, which she told me when she was in the café with you.”
“That was the first time you met her?”
“That was the only time I met her. Why? You sound suspicious of her. Do you think she might’ve had something to do with your attack?”
I shook my head. “Obviously not. I told you, big beefy dude with a penis.”
Unless she’d orchestrated the attack for some reason? But why?
Okay, now I was just being paranoid that everyone was out to get me.
“Do you know anything about my phone?”
“What about your phone?”
I swallowed hard. Once I said this, it would get to Xander. But…the longer I went without finding it, the more it hit home that the recording wasn’t, by far, the most valuable thing on it. All of my pictures of my mom. All of her voicemails to me. Gone.
“I can’t find it.” My voice broke at the end, and I hated myself for that show of weakness.
“And you think I took it?” Connor’s eyes narrowed.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if someone took it or if I just misplaced it.”
“I could help you look for it,” he said.
Well, excuse me while I fall over dead from the shock of it all.
“Wow,” I said with a humorless laugh. “If I didn’t know better, I might believe you actually gave a damn about my well-being.”
Connor’s gaze dropped to the ground. His jaw clenched, a muscle in his cheek twitching. He looked up again, his eyes blazing. “If I didn’t give a damn, I wouldn’t be here.”
The words left his mouth, raw and intense, every syllable freezing me in place. His fierce expression made my pulse quicken, my breath catch. He stood so close now, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off him. Close enough that I could see the faint shadow of stubble along his jawline. Close enough that I could feel the tension crackling between us, thick and heavy.
Even if I didn’t—couldn’t—fully trust him, part of me had to admit that it was nice having someone looking after me, watching my back.
I wanted him to kiss me again. I didn’t understand it, and I hated myself for it, but the need vibrated over my skin nonetheless.
Ridiculous. Stupid. After everything, I should’ve been repulsed by the idea. I should’ve been disgusted even thinking about it. But instead, I found myself holding my breath, wondering if he’d close that final few inches between us, if he’d pull me in the way he had before, with that same passion that left me reeling, the same heat that made me forget, just for a moment, who he really was.
But he didn’t move. He just stood there, his eyes flicking down to my mouth, his hands balled into fists at his sides, like he was fighting some inner battle.
I reached up, my fingers grazing his chin, and pressed up onto my tiptoes. “If you give a damn, tell me what the Lifewell is.”
Wait…what? What about the kissing?
Connor grabbed my wrist and flung my arm away from his face. He took a step back, putting distance between us. But he didn’t look disgusted.
He looked furious.
“Tell you what…” he hissed.
Despite his tone, my heartbeat sped up in my chest. “What?”
Was he actually going to tell me something?
“You don’t ever fucking ask me that again, and I won’t tell Dean Bennett you did this time. Stop pushing, Tuesday,” he ground out. “You don’t even understand the questions you’re asking.”
“Then help me understand! Why don’t you want me to know what the Lifewell is?”
His jaw tightened, and he gave me a long, measured look, like he was deciding just how much he wanted to tell me. Or how little.
“The truth is, things are the way they are for a reason.” He tapped me hard on the temple. “You need to learn how to accept that and stop looking for answers that won’t do you any good.”
“ Fine .” I placed my hands on my hips, my stance wide, my eyes so full of fire I could practically smell the smoke. “Maybe I’ll just leave Whispering Ivy altogether. Maybe I’ll go somewhere else, somewhere far away, where I don’t have to be constantly looking over my shoulder.”
The moment the words left my mouth, panic clawed its way in. Besides the fact that I had nowhere to go, no money, no family, the thought of leaving Whispering Ivy, of walking away from whatever secrets this place held, whatever my mom sent me to discover, rattled a chill through my bones.
Plus, I had nothing to justify it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut that I was in just as much danger out in the world as I was here. If not more. That whoever was after me would follow me wherever I went to make sure I never learned what the Lifewell was.
Connor’s eyes flashed with something—anger, maybe, or disappointment. “So do it. Leave if you want to leave.”
His voice sounded colder than I’d ever heard it.
My stomach twisted. The thought of going to Xander and demanding he refund my tuition so I could take the money and run, disappear somewhere, maybe even leave the country, popped into a brain like a flipped-on light bulb, but it felt flimsy. Desperate. Childish, even. What would that even accomplish?
On the other hand…what was I accomplishing here? Horning it up in the library and sometimes in the apartment with Malcolm?
It wasn’t worth my self-respect.
I nodded slowly, my decision made. “I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said, Connor.”