Chapter 1
Amelia: Five years later
If I was a deadly sin, I think I would be glutton. I must crave the punishment from a twelve-hour shift if I was wanting to do it all over again the next day. No matter how the shift ended, I was either full of energy or on my last brain cell and needed sleep.
Maybe that was dependent on the days. Some days you could tell what type of day it could be, others, you better hope and pray you survived until the end and await your reward. And I knew what waited for me. If you thought it was my bed, you would have lost money.
That’s funny considering the situation I was in. Money. I guess I never considered my deadly sin to be greed. Maybe envy, but never greed.
I cracked open my second energy drink within twenty-four hours, took the morning dose of my ADHD medication, and I was a brand-new woman.
The crash and burn would happen after I took care of my last patient of that day.
With the extra opportunity, I would have been a step closer to getting a signature, closer to getting out a hole that I never dug.
You would think that as a nurse I would learn better habits. Then again, glutton for punishment.
The bright sun was more of a gift from walking away from interior harsh lighting.
I always missed the feeling of the sun on my face, the sudden warmth that made you want to close your eyes and look up into the blue sky.
It was the little things that made you smile, that you never wanted to take for granted.
It had been almost two months since I met with a fiery, stubborn, and odd woman that laid in a hospital room with a supposed “accident”.
But once I saw Lt. Greene standing by a crew of men that waited for the news of one woman, I knew it wasn’t a typical accident.
I didn’t pry, and yet curiosity was a bitch.
The girl, Melody, was a sweet thing. And after all that she went through, medically, she was surrounded by people who loved her and only breathed when they knew she would live.
I wiggled my way into her life, because I knew she needed someone who may have been through what she had been through.
The healing part, of course. To show her that even the darkest of demons never win and you could grow stronger.
At least, that’s what I hoped I gave her.
So, when I was asked by her boyfriend or partner or lover or whatever you wanted to call him, to help her with rehab because no one else was working out, I couldn’t say no. And apparently she was more of a stubborn outpatient care patient than she had led me to believe.
Normally, side work doesn’t float my boat, but for a price and just being able to help a new friend, I didn’t turn down the opportunity. Plus, to know that she was safe with the man she called “Hound Dog”, and to see the devotion in his eyes, well it was good enough for me.
Every day with her seemed the same, and I did find some comfort in that.
To know that nothing was going to happen outside of the norm made it easier to come by.
She didn’t have long; she was progressing better and I feared our time was coming to an end.
Her mobility was up, she was compliant with her medications, and she made for an easy patient.
But the guard dog that greeted me each time I came to the house, he was another story.
I guess his feelings were hurt that Melody chose me for her care provider and not the tanned skin, muscular man that looked like he could split me in half, in any perspective.
His dark beard caressed his face and his dark, almost black waves were tied in a bun with his sides shaved.
He stood there like a strong, haunted protector.
Sometimes I didn’t know if I was on his good side or bad side or any side.
If I was looking for a night of pleasure, I’d be jumping into his lap.
At least, that’s what my body sang any time he was nearby.
The way he just stared at me, watching my every movement.
Oh boy, I was a helpless fool. But he would never know that.
So, I’d continue to be the spastic, energetic woman that gave off the attitude of “you can’t handle this ride, big boy” and move on.
As I parked my old Ranger truck in the extended driveway, I was welcomed by the very same man’s presence, his arms folded, blocking the entry way.
He watched every move, like I was walking into a den of wolves.
Yet something stirred in me that almost teetered toward liking it.
I shook off the thought and yet it still lingered.
“It’s been almost two months, do you really think you need to watch over me?
” I asked, heaving my work bag over my shoulder.
Shooter quirked an eyebrow up, his heated eyes never leaving my sight.
“You know you don’t have to be mad that she chose me over you?
I know you’re this big medic man or whatever but no need to be mad. ”
It was the same argument we had every day. I must’ve been brave or stupid or both because I kept hoping for a different response, to poke that bear. But that day, he really shocked me. “And miss the chance to see your beautiful face? Never.”
A rush of heat went in every direction. From my cheeks to the very needy part of me that shouldn’t like it. Shooter was someone I couldn’t want nor need in my life. But he could fill the deepest fantasies that I would keep to myself.
I brushed off the compliment or pick up line, whatever you want to call it. “Careful, Shooter, someone might think you’re being nice to me.”
I stepped closer, and he released his arms. “Maybe I am.” There was a small, playful smirk on his face.
Oh, he was playing with fire.
“Well, you saw my face, so you’re not needed here.” I shrugged, brushing past him. Though I could feel his eyes following me through the front door. It was the deep chuckle that made me shiver.
His banter made it normal for me, comforting me and giving me something to look forward to.
A wave of something sweet and mouthwatering filled my senses. Then another wave of spices and something savory swirled around the other aroma. I knew where my patient was and I was completely okay with that.
My stomach, on the other hand, turned into a needy bitch and grumbled from the door. I couldn’t remember when I ate last, but knowing Melody, she wasn’t going to let me go hungry.
Sure enough, she was humming along to something in her head, swaying side to side like she was lost in her own world. The only thing missing was her man, Hound Dog, gawking at her like she was the only thing in his world. Almost smitten. She had that man wrapped around her little finger.
She wanted to work on standing in the kitchen for a longer period without getting winded. She was a strong woman, just needed someone to sit her ass down and comply with medical directions and help her as much as possible.
Before I could step forward in the kitchen, she stopped humming and cleared her throat. “There is a bowl of chili and cheese on the island and if you finish that, you can have some of these snicker-doodles that I just pulled out of the oven.”
She was like a damn magician. “Funny, it sounds like my patient is trying to take care of me instead of letting me do my job,” I protested, although it wasn’t going to work. I had at least this week left with her and then I would return to a life I wasn’t wanting to go back to.
“Even funnier if you think that’s supposed to stop me from taking care of my friend,” she noted in her sweet little voice, pouring a bowl of chili for herself, as she sat next to me at the island.
I hummed at the word friend. Call it trust issues or the fact that I didn’t let people in so easily.
I guess it was intuition, waiting to see if this person was trustworthy enough, or would they just walk away or take what wasn’t given to them.
Melody was the unique factor. She seemed to be the only other friend other than my nurses at work.
I took a few bites of her white chicken chili, and it felt like home.
The warm spices and hearty flavor was like a warm hug.
While she ate, I took it upon myself to perform a small examination, looking at the scar tissue, having her lift her arms, and getting her to bend over.
It wasn’t that she was completely immobile, but the height of her injuries meant that there needed to be extra time for rest and slight movement.
I rolled up my sleeves, letting my arms breathe. I got up to move around the stool and check her spine, but Melody grabbed my hand.
“If you wanted to hold my hand, all you had to do was say something.” I chuckled, but she gripped it tighter.
I looked to see her saddened eyes turned back to me, it took me a moment to realize what she actually saw. I quickly pulled my sleeve down, hiding the evidence from a couple of days ago. My burden to bear, my problem to solve.
“Mia,” she started to whisper, knowing that no one else knew what was happening. “Tell me that wasn’t from him.”
I shook my head, trying to hide the truth that the hand print shaped bruise was from my ex-husband that won’t sign the damn papers because he put everything else in my name with his, so his problems and debts were mine. “Okay, I won’t.”
“Amelia.” Her voice turned stern.
“Oh, we’re throwing birth names. Melody Rae,” I snipped, trying to laugh it off.
“Come on, you know this is not okay.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” I brushed her hand away, returning to my final checks. Fine was the typical word I used.
She huffed more in frustration than stubbornness. She only knew because she saw me wince in pain one too many times, and started to press for answers. When my mind told me that I could trust her, the truth flowed out of me in the form of words and many tears.
I didn’t need or want sympathy, because most of the time it turned to pity and that’s not what I needed.
I took out my stethoscope, listening to her heartbeat, listening to her breaths. She was truly strong and didn’t need me. Equal sounds, no signs of scattered breathing.
Her head turned to the side as I adjusted her shirt back down. “You know they can help you.”
They meaning the Saint’s Outlaws Motorcycle Club: Memphis Chapter.
Yeah, a lot of people knew who they were.
But only Melody and a handful of people knew deeply who they actually were.
People who protected their own, riding the line of legal and illegal activity.
There was nothing in the city that they didn’t know about and no one dared to challenge them.
They were the roughest people out there.
Sometimes being too involved may get you an early grave, or so I heard.
“I don’t need anyone else involved,” I protested, which wasn't a complete lie.
The only way to protect others was to not involve them in the world that revolved around toxicity that I was too blind and too cowardly to leave long ago.
And it was too late; I was in too deep. I was close to the end of it.
“Please,” Melody kept begging. It was sweet and enduring to know that she cared, but I wasn’t going to do that, especially after the hell she went through.
She brought me in front of her and wrapped her hands with mine.
“Hound Dog already said you were like one of us. That means a lot more than you think.”
Again, I shook my head. “Melody, as much as that’s sweet, everything is about to be done and over with. I’m fine.”
I’m fine.
What a blatant lie. A statement that has so many meanings that there’s never an accurate interpretation.
Add a fake smile or even incorporate anger, and you still mask the true meaning of being “fine”.
Fine was the filler version of “I don’t know what to feel right now”.
It was a placement holder for the time I could find how to say that I wasn’t completely okay but I was surviving.
It’s why I had tattoos along my arms, why my hair was short, why I had gotten good at cover up makeup. I stuck with my demons and I tried every day to find that light.
“Mia?” Melody’s small voice broke me out of a trance.
“Sorry, you were saying?” I asked, finishing the food in front of me before I wanted to bury myself in my bed, looking like a baby blanket burrito.
“I was saying that our home is always open for you. If you need anything,” she started to say.
I flashed her a smile. “Your friendship is enough, plus your man has already paid me,” I joked with her, and she gave me a smile in return. “But your friendship is worth more than anything.”
“That and you don’t mind the eye candy that comes around here.” She giggled.
I rolled my eyes. “Like I need to be looking. Not all of us can get split in half and ask for more.”
She blushed. “I just got lucky. But maybe there’s a certain man that has his eyes on you.”
I smirked. “You mean Rambo out there? Yeah, sure. The man looks at me like I’m about to be a little bunny running from the big wolf. Shit, he looks like he’s ready to strangle someone.”
Melody shrugged, “Sounds kinky to me. Then again…”
“Please spare me of what you and Hound Dog do when I’m not around.
” I shoved that thought back down. Because to find a man that would worship you and almost break you just to put you back together even stronger was a dream.
And most dreams are just fantasy and only come true to those that get all the good things in life.
I was reminded that I wasn’t one of the lucky ones. And I had myself to blame for the spiral of thoughts that swarmed me.
After a few exercises and her boxing up food for me to take home, she gave me a tight hug that only lingered for a bit longer than usual and I left.
And yet there was still one man that wouldn’t leave. He was just a shadow, hidden but you knew he was there.