4. Avani
I sat in my kitchen, drinking iced coffee and thinking about Akari.
Boy, had he changed from a boy to a grown sexy-ass man.
He looked so different, and from the way he acted, he was different.
He was light-skinned with a rectangular face, heart-shaped lips, a long, bulbous nose, and small, brown eyes.
The man was a muscular, tattoo-covered, tall tree.
He still kept his hair cut short. I wanted to run my fingers through the full beard he had on his face.
I knew I always saw him on TV, but seeing Akari in the flesh was too different.
How embarrassing it was of me to cry in front of him like that.
It was a good thing to get it off of my chest. I hated crying since I wasn't a weak woman, but sometimes it was okay to cry.
I got out everything I was feeling. It was the way he held me, too, that made me cry harder.
Gosh, it felt so good being wrapped in his arms. That caught me off guard, too, as to how well we fit together.
Although Akai was tall as hell, and I was short, if he wanted to kiss me, he'd have to pick me up.
Wait, what? Where the hell did that thought come from?
Hell no! He wouldn't be kissing me ever in life.
I needed to stop thinking about that man.
I was heading back to my old house to start cleaning up. It looked so bad in there and needed a lot of work done. Still, I had time on my hands to get it done.
I came across a letter my mother wrote me a long time ago.
As much as I wanted to read it now, I wouldn't. I didn't want to get emotional again, so I'd leave that to read for a later date.
I still didn't know how to feel regarding my birth mother's death.
Since I wanted no parts of it, I didn't know what they did with the body.
I just made the arrangements and went on about my business.
That was all I could have given her since she didn't give me anything for most of my life.
To lose a parent, I thought I'd be down about it, but all I felt was anger. She didn't even care about me when I came back to see her. That was cold of her to say that her daughter died at the age of ten years old. She didn't think about me or how I'd feel. That's what crushed me.
My adoptive mother had been there for me, but she wasn't my real mother.
My adopted sister had been there for me, but she wasn't my real sister.
Still, I wouldn't trade either of them for anything in the world.
I was placed in their life for a reason, and I must admit, I was happy to be in their life.
I didn't often see my adopted parents, but I'd visit them or call every blue moon.
Whenever I needed them, they were a phone call away.
That was what I was grateful for as well.
I was upstairs in my old bedroom and couldn't help the tears that rushed to my eyes.
"Gosh, I don't want to cry anymore," I whispered.
I thought I was all cried out, but apparently I still had tears available.
Nothing had changed in my old bedroom. It was still as messy as I kept it.
My mother stayed fussing at me to get my room clean, but that was something I always paid little attention to.
I laughed as I thought about my mother coming into the bedroom with a belt, and I acted like I was praying.
She tore my ass up for playing with God.
I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face from that.
"Mommy, I needed you the most," I whispered.
Deep sorrow pushed its way into my heart, causing me to sob. It was best to get this out, or it would hinder me, and that was something I didn't want to happen. I had never felt this deep pain unless I had a nightmare. I was much stronger than this, but it was hard to let go.
"Yo!" I heard a voice call out, and I already knew who it was.
I quickly wiped my eyes and sniffed, trying to get control of the deep agony I felt inside my body. My heart stuttered as it felt like I was walking in a dream, wanting to wake up. I couldn't escape this feeling if I wanted to.
I cleared my throat. "I'm upstairs. I'll be down in a minute."
"I can always come up there to you."
Akari didn't give me a chance to say anything back before I heard him coming up the stairs. Hopefully, he didn't see any traces of me crying.
I felt his presence before I turned around and saw him leaning against the door. His eyes roamed down my body as before, and I didn't know how to feel. The stare was too intense for my liking . Why was he even staring at me like that?
"Wassup? I know you weren't crying. What's the matter?" He stepped closer to me and gripped my shoulders in his large hands. He peered down at me with a concerned look on his face. That was something I didn't need — his pity.
I tried shrugging him off me, but it was no use. "I'm okay."
The frown on his face deepened. "It doesn't sound like you are okay. Were you crying again?"
I didn't know what to say to this man, so I kept quiet. I had a feeling he wouldn't let me go until I told him the truth. "It's all good. I've stopped, as you can see." I sighed, pulling away from him.
He finally let me go and peered around the room. "I guess this was your junky ass room."
I burst out laughing with a nod. "Yes, it was mine. You didn't have to come for my room like that."
He chuckled. "It is junky."
I sat on the edge of my old twin bed. "Whatever. What are you doing here?"
He told me he saw my car and decided to stop by again. That was sweet of him, but I didn't know what it meant for him to show up the way that he was. I took a moment to observe him, and my mouth watered.
"It's cold outside, and all your arms are out. You're going to catch a cold."
Akari snickered, taking a seat next to me on the bed. "Nah, I am used to it. Plus, it don't be as cold as y'all make it out to be."
I rolled my eyes. "It's fifty degrees. That's cold. It's cold in this house right now."
His eyes bulged. "Well, duh. There is no power in here. Hell, I bet there is no water, either."
I laughed. "Ha, you got me there." I rose from the bed and picked up some clothes off the floor. "You'd think she would clean up this room after I left," I muttered.
"Maybe she wanted to remember you like this — messy."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "You know what, if you’re going to start your mess, be prepared to go tit for tat," I warned.
Akari threw his head back and laughed. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "Bring it on, baby."
We started cleaning the room out. I knew I was going to throw everything in the trash. There was nothing to keep in this house. We worked well together, and I found myself laughing out loud at Akari.
"Your man's not going to get mad that you're in here flirting with me?"
Oh, he was fishing. I could see that from a mile away.
"Flirting?" I frowned. "With you? I wasn't doing that at all. But I don't have a man. I should be asking you that question, Mr. Star." I sized him up.
Akari groaned, shaking his head. On the court, everybody called him the Star. It was a given to be the man he was... so talented.
"You know I don't like that name. Hell, everybody knows I don't like that name, but I don't have a woman in my life. I have too much going on, and I don't need a woman to be down my back every time I have a game. There are groupies."
I fought back a laugh at his words. "Trust me, I know. They dick ride you a lot."
He guffawed. "Man, chill that out. I'm not about to say nothing else to you."
I threw my hands in the air. "Sorry. Sorry, I'll chill. But what is the real reason you're not in a relationship if any?"
"Truthfully, I don't have the time for it.
I've had several relationships, but they all ended the same way.
They didn't trust me, and I'm big on trust. I can't be in a relationship with someone giving them my all, and they don't trust a word I'm saying when I'm telling them I'm not doing anything wrong, and they don't believe me.
It's like some woman wants you to come out and say, yeah, I'm cheating on you.
Nah..." He chuckled unamusingly. "Been there, done that.
I'm good off it. Why are you not in a relationship? "
I lifted one shoulder and dropped it back down, not knowing how to answer that question.
"I don't know. There had been men in my life.
I just never wanted to stay in a relationship too long.
You know?" I sighed, knowing I was babbling and not giving him a real answer.
What would be the point, anyway? Why would it matter to him?
"I don't do relationships because I don't want to one day be happy, and a man decides to up and leave me," I voiced truthfully.
Akari was silent, and so was I. What else was there to say after that?
"I guess both of us need to work on something in our lives."
I took a shuddering breath and nodded. "Yeah... one day. But I know I won't be in a relationship anytime soon, so I am happy with not working on that."
He cackled. "You are too much."
"I’m just calling it like I see it."
We grew silent again and started back cleaning up the room. It didn't take long to bag up all my old stuff.
"What are you going to do with everything?"
"Everything will be going in the trash."
He looked like he wanted to agree with me. "Word."
Once we were finished with my old bedroom, we exited and headed down the stairs. We stepped out of the house, and I locked the door. I shivered, pulling my jacket closer to me. It was too cold outside today.
I stood next to my car, peering up at him. "Thank you for stopping by to help me clean up. It was appreciated."
He smiled. "It's all good. If you need help in cleaning, all you have to do is call me, and I'll come by."
That was something he didn't have to worry about me doing. "I don't want to take up too much of your time. Plus, you have practice and basketball stuff to worry about. I can manage."
Akari gave me a tight smile. "I heard you say all of that, except okay, I'll do just that."
I tilted my head to the side. "That's cause?—"
He stepped closer to me, stopping what I was going to say.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn?"
I didn't have an answer to that, so I remained quiet.
"That's something I'm going to have to break you out of."
I chuckled. "You can try, Mr. Star."
He groaned. "I'm about to let you go before we get into an argument."
I laughed. "It wouldn't be the first time. It's cold out here, anyway, and it looks like it's about to rain."
"I'm going to let you go. Text me when you get home," he commanded.
I gave a quick nod. "Will do."