Chapter 44
“ I can’t fathom how you could ever believe I’d think anything bad about you,” I tell Peace. “When you were the only one who ever saw anything good in me.”
“It was a messed-up time.” With a contemplative expression, her teeth sink into her plush bottom lip. “I was dealing with the bullying. My relationship was rocky with my parents. It’s still rocky. Then all that trouble between you and me. My confidence wasn’t what it should have been.”
“I understand.” I shrug, but it was no shrugging matter back then. I don’t blame Peace for my downward spiral after she cut me out of her life. I was the one who made the choices I did. “So you went away and stayed in LA for four years.”
“Harmony told you.” Her delicate brow furrows.
I sought out every bit of information I could about her. Harmony just filled in a few gaps. “I wish you had told me. Talked to me like you used to. Maybe I could have helped you.”
“I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet.” Her eyes flash determinedly.
“You were a scared kid who was going through a lot.” My brows draw together. “Your parents should have supported you.”
“The way yours did when they sent you off to military school?” she asks pointedly.
“Touché.” Another sad shared detail in our lives. “So how are things with your parents now?” I ask.
“Mostly the same,” she replies. “Yours?”
“Worse.” Yet it’s not me I’m thinking about. My heart aches for her.
“I’m sorry.” Apparently, her heart aches for me too. She starts to reach for my hand but draws hers back at the last moment, curling her fingers into her palms instead.
Yes, there’s some shared understanding, maybe even some perspective between us now. But the damage is done. I blew it with her like I do with most things. She was…she is better off with me out of her life.
“Harmony says you’re already in college.” I try for a less thorny subject matter.
“I finished my first year.” Her shoulders that had slumped when we were talking about her parents go back and her chin comes up.
“That’s incredible.” My eyes widen as I absorb what she’s telling me. “But you’re only eighteen.”
“I finished high school early.”
“Of course you did.” My lips curve. “I should have guessed. I’m proud of you, baby.”
“I’m proud of you too.” Her eyes sheen with emotion. “You’re living out your dream. You have a record deal. You’re playing your guitar. You’re doing exactly what you always wanted to. It’s no easy feat breaking into the music business.”
“Harmony said you might be coming home for the summer.” My throat thickens as her approval settles deep inside me, warming the cold and filling the empty spaces.
“Maybe here and there.” She glances away. “It’s what Harmony and my parents want, but?—”
“You should do what makes you happy,” I interrupt.
“Happy is too far a stretch.” She brings her eyes back to me. Her lips parting, she starts to say something more but decides not to. She’s not touching me the way she used to, nor is she sharing her confessions.
“Are you unhappy?” I peer deeper into her pretty eyes. I took care of Mark. I’ll take care of anyone else who stands in the way of her happiness. But then I remember I hurt her. I contributed to her unhappiness. No matter how much I long to be her knight in shining armor. The reality is I’m nothing more than a knave. In a champion’s role, I’m destined to disappoint her.
“So you got in a fight tonight.” She switches subjects.
“Harmony told me Mark forced himself on you.” My eyes flare just thinking about it.
“He mashed his mouth to mine.” Her cheeks flush.
“Without your permission.” I want to hear her confirm it.
“Yes.” She nods tightly.
“That’s assault, Peace.” Frowning, I point out the obvious. “You should report him.”
“I just want to forget it.” She twists her hands together.
“Pretend it didn’t happen, you mean? That’s the way you dealt with the bullying.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“How’d that work out for you?” I press her.
“How’s getting a handle on your temper working for you?” She presses back, her gaze defiant.
I almost grin. She has the startling ability to ignite my anger and to nearly instantaneously extinguish it. “I just want you safe, baby. Happy and healed. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
“Is it?” She tilts her head, considering it, and I lose my train of thought, watching her beautiful golden hair spilling over her slender shoulder.
“Yes,” I confirm, returning my attention to our conversation, but it’s a challenge to focus with my fingers tingling with the desire to sift through her satiny hair.
“Right.” She bobs her pretty head. “Well, you came to apologize. I accept your apology, and I take responsibility for my share of the blame. But it’s late.” Her movements stiff, she slips around me. Her familiar fragrance wafts to my nose. Awash in a freaking rose garden, my mind drifts. So many memories are associated with that fragrance and so much pent-up desire.
“It’s not that late.” I shake myself out of it. I don’t want to go backward, and I don’t want to leave her. Not yet.
“I’m tired.” She glances away.
“Bullshit,” I snarl, getting angry. I don’t deal well with rejection. “You want to put me in the past with all the other bad stuff. You want to lump me in with all of it. Forget me too.”
“Bo, no.” She brings her gaze back to me. “That’s not it at all.” Her eyes glass up. The sand on the shore saturated, the flecks of gold are muted. “But we’re in different places in our lives now. You have your band. Your bandmates. Women. Even if you wanted me in your life, where would I fit in?”