21. Chapter 21 - Cole
I t seems like all I do lately is fuck up. While I can’t deny the sex earlier was mind-blowing, the best of my fucking life, it was definitely ruined by Matteo coming into the room and flipping out. Now he’s missing. Moved out. Never to come back.
I’m not naive, I know he meant what he said. We’ll never get through this. What I didn’t expect was for Emiliano to stop me from trying to make it right. Him or me . Choosing gutted me, yet it was also the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life. I don’t regret it, but I am broken up over it. I’m suffering. Regardless of everything, Matteo is my best friend in the entire world. He’s fucking irreplaceable, and he always will be. There’s no lifetime in which he’s not that for me, and I’m gutted, absolutely destroyed at the thought of never speaking to him again.
I know Emiliano probably thinks I have feelings for Matteo right about now, but it’s not in the way he believes. Matty has been part of my life for over almost two decades. I was just a scared little boy when he took me in, nurturing me, healing me. He’s the most selfless person I’ve ever met, and that’s what gave me hope for the longest time. For years, really. Even before Emiliano and I got together, I dreamed of being in his arms. And a stupid part of me thought Matteo would come to accept us being together. But not like this. Not the way he found out. That had to be the most painful way he could’ve ever found out about us. And I know he’ll never forgive me—us.
When he kicked down the door, I thought it was someone else. Him discovering us was the last thing on my mind, which is why I grabbed my gun from under my pillow and pointed it at him. But nothing could’ve prepared me for the sight before me. Him looking absolutely blind-sided by us, and how angry and destroyed he looked over it.
When he hit Emiliano, though, I snapped. Nobody touches him—no one. Not even him. Even though I know Emiliano welcomed it, I couldn’t stop myself from intervening. And that seemed to piss off Matteo even more. Now, we’re both broken beyond repair, but I still can’t bring myself to regret Emiliano. I don’t know what happens next, but I do hope that now we’ll be out in the open. That this was the push Em needed to close the gap between us.
The vehicle comes to a stop in front of Luna’s Den. Well, what’s left of it, anyway. It’s mostly ashes now. Emiliano’s brothers are standing in front of the burned building along with Amy, and something in me snaps. Before I can get out, though, Em grabs my arm and halts me in place.
He looks tired, and there are bags under his eyes. It’s late—three in the morning—and we should be in bed right about now. But something tells me we won’t be sleeping tonight. We’ll be doing damage control. Plus, I know he won’t sleep a wink with what just happened. He’ll probably just toss and turn, thinking of Matteo and everything he’s lost today. I’ll more than likely do the same, to be honest. It feels like in the blink of an eye, I’ve lost it all. Everything but him.
He is enough, though.
I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted—what I’ve wanted for years—and it’s finally coming true.
“Don’t,” Emiliano says softly. “Don’t go out there and make a scene just because she’s here.”
I nod slowly. “Alright, Em.”
He nods too now. “Let’s get this over with.”
I get out of the SUV and he does too, rounding it and grabbing my hand, tugging me toward his brothers. He links our fingers together, and my heart flips in my chest. They all look at us, but there’s no surprise on their faces. Instead, they look relieved. Like they were waiting for this.
“Amy,” I breathe, and she lunges herself at me. She’s crying, and when she pulls away, I frown. “What’s wrong?”
“They gave me a note, Cole.” Her voice trembles. “And it was for you. They want you.”
“I heard,” I tell her. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“It happened right after you left,” she whispers. “They knew you were here. Probably burned the place down because they thought you were in here.”
Em’s hand squeezes mine roughly, and I look over at him. His eyes are wide, and he looks scared.
“You’re done wandering, Cole,” he tells me. “From now on, you don’t leave my side.”
I huff. “I’m not a child, Emiliano. You can’t keep me attached to your hip.”
“Watch me,” he says through gritted teeth. “You’re mine, and I’ll protect you at all costs. Don’t make me handcuff you to my bed. I’ll fucking do it.”
Giovanni chuckles, then says, “Kinky.”
Even Amy smirks, then winks at me. “He has a point, Cole,” she murmurs. “You’re not safe.”
“I haven’t been safe for years.” I sigh. “I can handle myself.”
“That’s what you think,” Alessandro says. “But this is war now. And they’ll do whatever it takes to win it. Now that they’ll know they didn’t get you in there, they’ll do whatever it takes to get their revenge. Especially now that they struck first. They know we’ll retaliate.”
“Blood will flow like a river in New York City,” Emiliano declares. “Nobody touches what’s mine.”
“Andrey needs to die,” I tell them with a sigh, and Emiliano grunts his agreement. “It won’t be over until that happens.”
Alessandro shakes his head. “No fucking way. Then they’ll really want your head.”
“What do you suggest, then?” Emiliano asks.
“That we lay low,” Alessandro replies.
“We’re not laying low.” Em laughs loudly. “They just burned down my business. Are you fucking kidding me, Alex?”
“It was just a suggestion.” Alessandro sighs. “But you’re too hot-headed.”
“No.” Emiliano shakes his head, and I look at Amy, who seems terrified. She’s looking around at the wreckage. Probably wondering how she’s going to survive now without a job. Fuck. “I’ve never been more level-headed in my life. I can see things clearly now. It’s time for them to know who the fuck is in charge of this city.”
“And that’s us?” Tony asks.
Giovanni shoves him with a grin. “Of course it’s us, dumbass.”
Lorenzo is just quietly staring at all of us.
“The brothel will be rebuilt.” Alessandro announces, and we all nod in unison. “The firefighters declared that gasoline was at play, so the insurance company should pay for it.”
“I want it even bigger and better than the last one,” Em says.
Alessandro grins. “I’ll make sure of it, brother.”
Emiliano sighs. “I need to get out of here.” He rubs a hand down his face, and he looks about ten years older than his thirty-six right about now. “I’m exhausted. It’s been a long night.”
“Care to share?” Giovanni asks, frowning.
“Maybe after I’ve gotten some sleep,” Em replies. “Matteo found out. That’s all I’ll say for now.”
Amy gasps, gripping my arm tightly. I direct my attention back toward her, and her eyes are wide with what seems to be concern. “Are you okay?” she asks me.
“No.” I shake my head. “But I’ll have to be.”
“Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“Short of convincing him to forgive me, I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do,” I tell her with honesty. “I fucked up big time.”
“Tell me about it later?” She squeezes my arm once more, then lets go.
“Of course,” I sigh. “I’ll text you.”
“Okay,” she replies. “We’ll meet soon?”
“Yeah,” I say softly, then clear my throat. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Yes,” she replies instantly, but I don’t believe her. But I’m also not going to call her out right in front of her boss. “I’ll be fine.”
“We’ll talk soon,” I tell her, and she nods, walking away from me and to an Uber waiting at the curb. I didn’t even realize they were there.
The brothers talk about rebuilding the brothel, and what’s next, for about thirty more minutes. I just stand here with Emiliano’s hand in mine as he grips me tightly. Our fingers are still interlaced, and I can’t help but think about how perfectly we fit together. No one’s ever held my hand like this before, not romantically, at least. It’s nice. It makes me feel like he cares about me. Like we’re in this together.
“Ready to go?” he finally asks me, and I nod.
We go back to the vehicle, and the ride to the penthouse goes by quickly in complete silence. Emiliano looks out the window the entire time, and I can’t see his face. I’m sure that’s probably on purpose, but once we get home, he can’t fucking avoid me. We have to talk about this.
When we finally make it to the penthouse, Emiliano gets out and leaves me behind. I run after him, suddenly feeling desperate. My chest constricts, and my hands start to shake. Is this it? Is he changing his mind? Is he choosing Matteo over me? In a way, I can’t blame him if he is. I can’t say I’ll be understanding, but I fucking get it, too. It’s his son.
“Emiliano!” I yell as he gets in the elevator, and I run in before he can shut the doors. “Don’t do this.”
“I just need time.”
“Fuck that,” I snap. “I lost him too, and I need you.”
His eyes are sad, begging me to understand, but I can’t. I need him too much. I need him to make this better—the ache in my chest that’s about to take me the fuck out. I meant what I said; he’s not the only one who lost him tonight. I fucking need him to hold me.
“Please,” I whisper just as the elevator opens and the living room comes into view. “I need you.”
But Emiliano just keeps walking, headed toward his room.
“Don’t be a fucking coward!” I call after him. “It’s us now. You and me.”
He stops in place, and I follow after him until my front is to his back. I wrap my arms around his waist, tugging him closer to me until there’s no space between us, then lay my head on his shoulder. He takes a shuddering breath, and I can feel him shaking in my arms. And then I realize he’s crying. Suddenly, I’m holding him up. He’s sagging against me, and we slide down to the floor. I hold him to me. This man, who’s usually bigger than life, is broken now. He turns to straddle my lap, burying his face into the crook of my neck, and I just hold him.
Emiliano sobs into my neck, wetting my skin with his hot tears, and my eyes sting with my own. We hold each other and cry in earnest, our sobs filling the silence, and it’s cathartic as we break together. Hopefully, I’ll be enough for him. I swear to try to be. I’ll do everything in my power to deserve him, whatever it takes.
I soothe him by rubbing circles over his back, and he shakes in my arms. I’m not sure how long we stay there for, but eventually, he gets up and holds out his hand for me. I take it, and he leads us to his bed. We don’t bother with going to the bathroom or brushing our teeth. He can’t seem to part from me, and I’m just fine with that.
We climb into bed together and I take my side, burying my face into the pillow and inhaling shakily. It smells like Emiliano, and it soothes my soul. He comes closer, throwing his arm over my waist and tugging me into his strong body. He’s all hard muscles, all man. I can’t fucking get enough of it, of him. I close my eyes and try to focus on breathing. I know I won’t get any sleep, and he probably won’t either, but at least we’re together. At least I’m finally in his arms. Finally, truly his.
I’m right where I belong.