Chapter 30 #3
The question is laced with good-natured humor, but Kieran doesn’t find it funny. There’s nothing funny about the way his body unravels at Ash’s every touch, about the fire that spreads through his veins with every corny, dirty word out of Ash’s mouth.
There’s nothing funny about how much, how desperately Kieran wants all that.
He nods erratically, not trusting his voice.
Ash is still close enough that Kieran can both hear and feel his stuttered exhale, as if the permission unlocked the last of his restraint.
He doesn’t move back as Kieran expects him to.
He stays where he is, braced over Kieran, sharp gaze fixed on his face like he doesn’t want to miss a thing while he fingers him open.
Nice and slow, as promised. Or threatened?
Kieran thought he’d appreciate being eased into his first time, but he’s changed his mind.
There’s absolutely no reason for Ash to work up to two fingers—which Kieran can easily take—only to switch to one a few minutes later.
There’s absolutely no reason for him to successfully locate what must be Kieran’s prostate, only to avoid it completely afterwards, apart from the occasional graze.
When Ash gets a third finger in, Kieran’s so wound up he begins driving his hips back.
Anything to chase away the emptiness that’s started building inside him since he took the first finger.
It’s as if his body subconsciously craves the fullness, as if it…
remembers. Remembers what it’s like to be stuffed full.
Thinking of this body makes him think of future Kieran. The Kieran who gets to have this all the time, gets to have Ash all the time. Future Kieran who won’t be sucked back through the time vortex into the past, away from…all of this.
Tears spring to his eyes, from his thoughts or from Ash rubbing his prostate with intent now, he can’t say for sure. He buries his face in the cradle of his arms, but doesn’t get to hide for long.
The fingers inside him stop moving, then withdraw completely, leaving him awfully empty. Before he can demand to know what’s going on, he’s being forced onto his knees.
“Wha—”
Ash is behind him, hard dick poking his tailbone.
He nudges Kieran’s thighs apart, then slots himself in between.
Wrapping an arm around Kieran’s front, he places a hand over his chest and pulls him up until Kieran’s straddling him, his back flush against Ash’s chest. His other hand curves around Kieran’s jaw, turning his head for an open-mouthed, uncoordinated kiss that’s more tongue and breath.
Kieran hooks a hand behind Ash’s neck, silently demanding more, and Ash obliges like he’s been waiting for the request all along.
Kieran’s dizzy by the time Ash releases him, the room spinning around him. Which is why it takes him a good while to register what’s in front of him when Ash forces his gaze forward and says, “Look.”
After some blinking and drawing in the oxygen he’s been deprived of, Kieran’s vision stabilizes and he sees…himself. Naked and hard. Straddling Ash, who is fully dressed and staring back at him. Well, at his reflection.
Because there’s a fucking mirror in front of them. Multiple mirrors, embedded in the doors of the built-in closet.
And Ash wants him to look.
Hell to the no.
He turns away, and promptly gets turned back, Ash’s grip on his jaw tighter than before.
“No, you don’t,” Ash tells him. “I want you to look, Kieran.”
Kieran shakes his head as much as possible while practically immobilized. This…he can’t. It’s one thing to give into what he wants, to accept what’s being offered. To enjoy it.
There’s no way he can watch while it happens.
He doesn’t want to see the pathetic desperation that must be pouring off him.
He doesn’t want to see himself cry through the pleas for more, harder.
He doesn’t want to watch himself fall apart on Ash’s cock, which he knows will happen.
Because all Ash has done so far is take him apart.
He can’t watch himself greedily take every little thing Ash offers him after spending all his life telling himself he doesn’t need anything. From anyone.
“Kieran.”
Kieran doesn’t budge. Ash might be able to keep him in place, but he can’t force his gaze.
Ash seems to realize that, and changes tactics. There’s a sigh before the grip on Kieran’s jaw lets off.
“Firecracker.” His voice is soft, coaxing. “I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”
Look at him. Yeah. Yeah, that…that’s fine. That, Kieran can do.
Cautiously, he lets his eyes find Ash’s in the reflection. It’s strange, so strange to see him so far away while his warmth is so palpably wrapped around Kieran.
Looking at Ash isn’t that much easier, not with the way he’s looking back, full of desire and…love.
“Good boy.” His lips curl into a proud smile, forcing another tear out of Kieran. His dick twitches at the praise, dribbling pre-come. “You wanted proof that you’re mine. I’m going to do exactly what you asked, so you better burn it into your memory.”
Huh? Burn what in his memory?
“Now, I’m going to describe, in great detail, what you’re going to do,” Ash continues. “And you can decide to safeword out.”
The opt out should be a relief, but instead it makes Kieran’s stomach twist uncomfortably. He doesn’t…he doesn’t actually want to stop. He wants to please Ash, wants to earn the praise, the sweet words. But this…it’s just too much. Why can’t Ash choose something else? Anything but this.
“You are going to use those pretty brown eyes of yours and look at us. Us,” he stresses.
“You and me, right here, right now. And then you’re going to watch while I take my cock and slide it in here…
” Kieran doesn’t have to look. He feels Ash’s fingers, still covered in residual slick, probing gingerly at his entrance.
“You’re going to watch while I fill you up inch by inch, the exact way I know you like.
And then—” He places his mouth right by Kieran’s ear.
“You’re going to watch as I make you come from my cock alone, until you paint all this pretty skin with your jizz. And I’ll pump you full of mine.”
Fuck. Fuck he wants that. Everything Ash just said, every depraved fantasy.
Which means…he has to look. That’s the condition.
With a whimper he’ll deny to his dying breath, Kieran shifts his gaze from Ash to himself.
To his pleading, greedy expression. To his flushed, trembling body.
To his dick, leaking from hearing all Ash’s promises.
Between his spread legs, where…where he can feel Ash’s cock nudging his hole.
It flutters at the contact, and his body moves on its own, pressing down.
The punishing grip on his hips prevents him from going any further.
“Kieran,” Ash growls. “That wasn’t the deal. Did I tell you to move?”
Kieran lets out a noise of frustration. “You take…too damn long.”
A sharp sting at his nape makes him cry out, and his cock twitches.
“You’ll take what I give you,” Ash tells him, licking the place he just bit. “I won’t have you rush this, you impatient little brat.”
Damn right he’s impatient. His thighs are burning, his dick aching, and his ass keeps clenching around nothing. Ash is one shift of hips away from filling him up, but he’s staying put instead, just for shits and giggles. Just because he loves torturing—
“G-god.”
Ash presses into him without a heads-up, and without resistance. It’s easier to believe that the latter is due to surprise, and not because Kieran’s so desperate for him that his body accepts him like Ash is already a part of him.
“That’s it. That’s it, firecracker. Just let me in.”
Kieran nearly laughs. ‘Let him?’ His body is practically sucking him in, shivering at every inch that fills him.
Watching Ash’s dick disappear in his ass is surreal, but not nearly as embarrassing as he’d expected.
Strangely enough, it’s easier than having to look at his own face, twisted with pleasure instead of pain.
A small eternity later, Ash bottoms out with a ragged exhale. It turns into a moan when Kieran clenches around him involuntarily, as if his body refuses to let go.
“I missed you so much,” Ash whispers, kissing his neck.
Kieran keens, a shiver running through him. Not ‘I missed this’ but ‘I missed you’. Maybe it’s just Kieran’s overheated, mushy brain grasping at straws, but the distinction feels important.
“I’ll m-miss you too,” Kieran says before he can stop himself. Isn’t it ironic how he couldn’t wait to return to his time at first? Now, the mere idea makes everything inside him ache.
Ash doesn’t seem to appreciate the reminder either. His body stiffens, and there’s a dangerous undercurrent in his eyes when they meet Kieran’s in the mirror.
Ash’s arms around him tighten, one of his hands sliding to his belly where—fuck. Where Kieran can feel the bulge of his cock from the inside. He’s lean enough that if he squints, he might even see the outline. He can’t decide if that’s freaky or hot.
He clenches around Ash again, drawing a guttural groan out of him. Hot. Decidedly hot.
Then Ash applies pressure right over the bulge. Kieran nearly comes from that.
“Can you feel me in here, firecracker?” He presses harder.
Kieran claws at his arm, a breath catching in his throat. “Y-yeah.”
“Good,” Ash says, pleased. His hand moves to Kieran’s waist to keep him in place. “Now, eyes up. I want you to know what you look like when I’m taking you.”
Kieran doesn’t even hesitate to obey this time, fixing on his reflection. What's there to get embarrassed about at this point? He’s already hit rock bottom, anyway. Might as well embrace it.
Ash doesn’t waste time after that. He pulls out halfway and thrusts back in. Hard. It jostles Kieran’s whole body, Ash’s hold on him the only thing keeping him from faceplanting into the mattress. The next thrust, slower but harder than the first, punches the air right out of his lungs.
Ash never speeds up, fucking Kieran slow and deep, as he told him he would.
The languid pace amplifies everything. It feels as though years pass every time Ash pulls out, his cock dragging over Kieran’s walls with torturous slowness.
There’s nowhere for his mind to wander off to, all his focus aimed at that one point of connection.
The friction makes every nerve in his body light up like a Christmas tree.
And then fireworks go off when Ash slides back in, filling him up in one long, hard stroke.
Kieran can’t even do anything, apart from clinging onto Ash’s arm as he gets rocked with each thrust, moans he’s unable to stop spilling out of him whenever Ash’s hips smack against his ass.
“I love the sounds you make,” Ash says just as he draws back, almost all the way out. He pauses with just the tip inside Kieran, then drives into him so that another of those moans slips out. “You make me so fucking hard, Kieran.”
Really? Because to Kieran’s ears, he sounds like a dying cat. But Ash is not buttering him up; he means it. Kieran swears he can feel him twitch and grow bigger inside him.
“P-pervert,” he chokes out, turning his head in a silent demand.
Ash chuckles, the sound sending a rush of warmth through Kieran’s chest. He tilts Kieran’s head and slots their mouths together.
He swallows Kieran’s moans like they’re water and he’s dying of thirst, and pounds into him faster.
His movements become less controlled, more halted, and Kieran’s witnessed him come enough times to know what that means.
Thank god, because he’s hanging on by a thread too. A frayed thread. Heat is building low in his belly with concerning speed, and he can’t stop the way his hole flutters around Ash’s cock whenever he pulls out.
He gasps into Ash’s mouth, then whines when he’s denied another kiss. Instead, his gaze is being guided forward again, locking with Ash’s in the mirror.
“Look carefully, Kieran. Really carefully. And tell me; who do you belong to?”
Kieran’s eyes fill up. Any normal person would balk at the unapologetic display of possessiveness. A normal person wouldn’t feel relief from being owned, they wouldn’t feel loved.
Kieran’s okay with not being normal as long as he gets to have this.
“Y-you,” he sobs. Something inside him shifts with the statement, the irrefutable truth of it. As though the pieces of him that have always felt misplaced finally fit where they belong.
It’s like he’s finally coming home after years of aimless wandering.
Ash groans, mouthing at the side of his neck where his pulse must be fluttering like a trapped hummingbird.
“Now say it. Say it, firecracker. Loud and clear.”
The tears spill over.
“I belong to you. I–I belong to you.”
The words are like a spell, lifting the curse that followed him around his whole life. The curse that made him feel so unlovable, so unimportant.
So unwanted.
“That’s right.” Ash is pounding into him relentlessly now, as if he’s trying to banish every dark, self-deprecating thought from his body and mind. “You belong to me. Me, no one else.”
The thread snaps, sudden and violent, and Kieran’s gone.
His mouth falls open on a soundless scream, his cock shooting come all over his stomach and chest. It goes on forever, because Ash continues hammering into him, getting his prostate on every thrust. It hurts, the release making every nerve in Kieran’s body sensitized to an unbearable point.
It hurts, and Kieran loves it, the pain anchoring him in the moment. In this moment where it’s just him and Ash and this fragile, temporary, perfect thing that belongs to them.
He wants to cling onto this feeling, carry it with him wherever he ends up, however long he has to wait.
Even if everything else disappears like it was never there, this feeling will stay.
A reminder that someone out there wants him, even if the rest of the world casts him away like a piece of trash.
That he’s worth so much more than he ever let himself believe.
“What about me?” Ash asks. He’s barely pulling out now, just rutting into Kieran like he can’t bear to be separated for even a second. “Who do I belong to?”
“Me,” Kieran stammers through the pleasure-pain. “You belong to me.”
“Fuck.”
That’s the only warning he gets before Ash’s movements stutter, his arms tighten, and then he stills. Seconds later, he’s pumping Kieran full of come, his cock throbbing with every jet.
A weird, primal part of Kieran’s brain translates it as Ash marking him as his.
It feels like a brand, like sealing the deal.
He sighs, feeling tired, satiated and full.
He can sense his consciousness slipping away bit by bit.
He doesn’t fight it, doesn’t need to. He’s safe, loved, and exactly where he’s supposed to be.
He drifts off to the soft sound of Ash’s voice, lulling him to sleep.
“I love you. You are mine. I love you.”
Love you too.