Chapter 38 #2
Regretfully, he withdraws his hand, but Kieran catches him by the wrist. Their eyes lock, Kieran’s full of heat that threatens to burn down whatever is left of Ash’s restraint.
As much as he’s tempted to slip into Kieran’s mind, he doesn’t.
He already knows what he’ll find, and that would be the final straw.
“Should we order dessert?” he asks, just to have something else to focus on.
“I thought you weren’t hungry.”
“I always have room for dessert. Plus, you’re paying, so I’d like to take full advantage.”
“Self-absorbed dick,” Kieran mumbles, hiding a smile. He lets go of Ash’s wrist, flicking through the menu. “What do you want?”
It takes a considerable amount of effort not to turn into a cheesy romance character and answer with an even cheesier “You”. Somehow, Ash manages to hold back, and absentmindedly selects a random item from the dessert menu. Kieran will probably eat most of it, anyway.
They leave the restaurant an hour later. Ash did, in fact, only manage to get a couple of bites in before Kieran got his paws on it, complaining Ash is way too slow of an eater. True—Ash doesn’t eat like a war is about to break out, but his snail pace was simply because he didn’t want to leave yet.
He still doesn’t, but he forces himself to face Kieran and bid him goodnight.
“Thank you for—”
“I want to show you something,” Kieran cuts him off, his fingers pulling on a loose thread on the pocket of his jeans. "Or do you have a curfew?”
“My goldfish is waiting for me.”
Kieran scowls, and fuck, he looks so damn pretty like that. “It will survive without seeing your stupid mug for a couple more hours.”
“You’re such a sweet talker. I’m not sure I can restrain myself for much longer.”
Kieran peers at him from under his lashes and licks his lips. “No one said you have to.”
A damn siren, that’s what Kieran is. And he has Ash under his spell, like a stupid, horny sailor.
“What do you want to show me?”
Kieran just cocks his head towards his car. That’s…not good. Because out here, Ash can at least put some distance between them.
He ends up following Kieran regardless. He can’t say if it’s disappointment or relief that floods him when Kieran puts the car in motion, fully focused on driving.
Both, he decides, with maybe, like, a 60-40 ratio. But he’s still grateful when Kieran pulls up into a parking spot at Burleigh Beach five minutes later, then grabs a blanket from the boot.
“Stargazing? That’s what you wanted to do?”
Kieran shoots him a disgruntled look. “So what? You don’t wanna? Too cool for that?”
Ash opens his mouth to explain he didn’t mean it like that, he’s just surprised. He didn’t consider Kieran the type.
Then again, Kieran’s been nothing if not unpredictable, so it’s not that shocking. Or Ash isn’t as good at reading people as he believed.
“Not at all,” is all he says. “Lead the way.”
Kieran continues glaring at him through slitted eyes for a while longer, before grumbling something under his breath and walking towards the beach.
“Is this what you do in your free time?” Ash asks as Kieran lays the blanket down. Or tries to, losing his fight with the wind. With a chuckle, Ash grabs the two opposite corners and helps him set it down evenly.
They sit down next to each other, the small width of the blanket making it challenging to put any space between them. Ash doesn’t particularly mind.
Staring at the waves rolling gently against the shore, Kieran says, “I used to come here with my partner.”
“Oh?”
That’s…a little odd. If it weren’t for the nostalgic expression, Ash would suspect Kieran’s baiting him. Because who brings a potential love interest (not that Ash is planning on doing anything about the potential part) to the place that invokes memories of their ex?
That doesn’t seem to be the case, though, which makes it all the more confusing. Maybe today would be their anniversary? And Kieran is feeling sad and lonely? Ash can only guess, because when he tries to sneak a quick look at Kieran’s thoughts, he comes up empty. Strange…
Ash must’ve been staring a little too intently, because Kieran barks out an aggravated, “What?”
“Nothing. I just…never expected you to be so romantic.” Sentimental would be a better word.
Kieran scoffs. “Like you are any better.”
“You don’t know that.”
Especially since Ash has never had any real opportunity to put those romantic traits into practice. And those rare times he did a little? It’s unlikely the other person appreciated it.
“Call it a hunch.”
Kieran doesn’t elaborate further. Instead, he slides all the way down onto his back, locking his hands behind his head.
Ash mirrors him, folding his hands on his stomach instead as he turns his eyes to the starry sky.
The light pollution isn’t as strong here, making everything shine so much brighter.
It’s pretty enough that it keeps his attention away from Kieran.
At least for a bit. All too soon, his gaze is glued to Kieran’s profile.
Ash hasn’t drawn in a long time, but damn if he doesn’t wish he had a piece of paper and a pencil right now.
“So, this partner of yours…” His nosiness gets the better of him. “Was it serious?”
Kieran’s chest stops mid-rise and his throat bobs. He whispers, “Yeah.”
Okay. A touchy topic, if that wasn’t clear before, but Ash can’t help it. He wants—needs to know the rest of the story. What kind of person can get Kieran looking like that? Not angry, not bitter. Just…sad.
Most people, one way or another, end up carrying a significant dose of resentment post breakup.
A special few stay friends, especially if they’d been friends to begin with, but honestly?
Kieran doesn’t strike him as level-headed where emotions are involved.
Definitely not as someone who would break up amicably.
Could it be…his partner passed away? That would explain a lot.
Apart from the fact that whenever Ash has looked into his mind, he never bumped into a memory of a significant other.
He’s seen a blonde girl about Kieran’s age flicker by, once or twice, but given the context of those thoughts it’s unlikely she’s the person in question.
“What happened?” Ash asks quietly, preparing for the worst and stitching together some words of comfort.
A muscle jumps in Kieran’s cheek. Exhaling through his mouth, he turns his head towards Ash.
“The timing wasn’t right.”
The vague explanation leaves Ash with even more questions, but he keeps them to himself. If Kieran wanted to tell him more, he would. He usually doesn’t shut up, so talking is definitely not an issue.
“That’s a shame.”
“It’s okay. What’s meant to be will be.”
How…unexpectedly wise from him. And also, why does it sound like a challenge? Like he’s somehow referring to Ash, to them?
You’re just feeling guilty. Don’t look into it too much.
That’s easier said than done. Something about Kieran makes him question every single thing.
He turns his gaze back to the sky, saying the first random thing that pops into his head.
“Do you look up and wonder if aliens are watching us?”
“Is that what you do?” Kieran asks, voice lighter, laced with amusement.
“I used to, when I was little.” He swears he can taste the skepticism in the air. “Okay, I still do.” He’s always felt like an alien, like he should live on another planet.
The confession draws a beautiful laugh out of Kieran, the sound of it making Ash smile wide.
“Hm…I don’t care about aliens. Unless Sigourney Weaver is slaying them.”
Ash files Kieran’s movie preferences away for future reference, then berates himself for even considering a future involving Kieran.
“What do you care about?”
The space between Kieran’s brows furrows, as though he’s never before asked himself that question. It takes a while before he answers.
“When I was little, I believed there was a star in the sky for everyone. I used to look up and wonder which one was mine. And what would happen if two stars collided. What if my star collided with someone else’s?”
To most people, this would probably sound like a cute story. That’s not what Ash hears, though. All he can see is Kieran as a child, looking up at the sky and feeling so lonely that even the stars millions of light years away felt closer than the people around him.
It takes everything he has not to reach over and hold his hand.
“Did you ever find out?”
“Yeah.”
It’s not the answer Ash was expecting. And it makes him wonder if they’re still talking about the same person. The one who didn’t come at the right time. It sounds like Kieran is still waiting for them—for the right time.
So why is he even wasting time with Ash?
“So? What happened?”
Their eyes meet, and Kieran’s lips curve up into a small, breathtaking smile.
“Something really fucking amazing.”
Suddenly, before Ash can gather his bearings, Kieran lifts himself up and rolls half on top of him.
One of his forearms lands next to Ash’s head, a hand splaying flat over Ash’s chest where his heart is currently having a party.
Then he grins, as if he found the proof he’s been looking for.
His eyes flick to Ash’s lips, the intention clear.
It’s fucking torture.
“Kieran,” Ash murmurs, tone pleading.
Letting out a frustrated groan, Kieran backs off. “What now?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
Ash sighs. There’s enough reasons to fill a whole-ass book. “Because I don’t want either of us to become attached.”
Kieran gives him a deadpan look. “A little late for that, don’t you think?”
“Fine, then any more attached.”
Sitting up, Kieran’s hands fly into his hair, and he screams towards the sky. “God, you are insufferable. I don’t even know why I’m trying so hard. You’re gonna marry me either way.”
Um…what? “Say what, now?”
“What?”
“What did you say?”
“I said you’re gonna marry me either way.”
“I am?”
“Yup.”
“Right.” Ash licks his lips. “And you know that for sure because…”
Kieran hesitates. “I went to see a psychic. He told me.”
This conversation has taken a highly unexpected turn. The most worrying part? Kieran looks dead serious.
“A psychic told you that I’d marry you?” Kieran nods. “Right. Are you feeling okay?”
“No,” Kieran grunts. “I’m annoyed and horny. But mainly annoyed.”
And Ash is confused and horny. But mainly confused.
And suddenly cold where Kieran's not on top of him anymore.
“Come on,” Kieran says, getting to his feet.
“Where to?”
Given the events of the past few hours? The statistics point to the next stop being a dungeon.
Or maybe the altar.
“I’ll drop you off at your office, so you can pick up your sissy car.”
Or not.
Truth be told, the two former options sounded way more exciting than Ash going home to his apartment. His quiet, neat apartment. Without Kieran.
“Come on,” Kieran repeats, ushering him off the blanket so he can roll it up.
The drive to Ash’s office passes in a quiet, uneventful manner, but there’s nothing calm about it. Ash doesn’t even know where to start unraveling the tangled ball of emotions lodged tight in his throat. Maybe he should hand over his license. This is disgraceful.
And when they finally arrive? It takes him longer than he’ll ever admit before he’s able to get his body to move and exit Kieran’s car. Even after he does, he still hesitates closing the door. Because it feels like when he does…something will come to an end. Not just this ‘date’.
“Thank you for dinner. And for giving me a…glimpse into the future.”
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
He cracks a smile. “Drive safe, Kieran.”
“Ash?” Kieran leans halfway over the passenger seat. “You can bullshit yourself, but it already happened.”
Processing the fact that this is the first time Kieran’s called him by his name—and hung up on how right it sounded rolling off his tongue—Ash asks, a little dazed, “What’s happened?”
“Our stars. They collided.”
Against his better judgment, Ash smiles. Because that’s exactly how he’s felt the whole time. Their meeting did feel more like a collision than anything else.
And yeah, it was fucking beautiful.
“Goodnight, Kieran.”
Kieran holds Ash’s gaze for a while longer, then releases a shuddering breath and slides back into his seat. “Yeah, yeah. You better dream of me.”
Ash waits until Kieran has driven away to say, “I have a feeling I will.”