Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Late the next night in a restaurant’s private dining room, Jake sat back in his chair and listened to the other Masters and Mistresses talking. The various conversations were drawing to a close. The monthly Shadowlands M Cullen was one of the strongest Doms he knew.
Cullen’s mouth tipped up when Jake didn’t answer. “Who told you a Dom couldn’t show weakness?”
“Professor in grad school. A Marine Gunnery Sergeant who served in about every war zone since Moses and had so many medals he could’ve used them for weightlifting.
” Jake frowned, remembering his first sight of the battle-hardened vet.
Jake had been maybe twenty-one? Young enough to hang on the Dom’s every word.
“He introduced me to the lifestyle. Mentored me.”
Gunny had missed the camaraderie of the Marines. Missed having younger men to supervise. Upon discovering Jake’s interest in BDSM… Jake grinned and shook his head. In hindsight, he realized Gunny was delighted to find someone like Jake to train.
“Got it.” Cullen drank half his beer and then leaned an arm on the bar top.
“Not a surprising stance considering the Marine mentality. However, I disagree. Much as we Dominants hate to admit it, we’re human.
You can pull off that infallible, invulnerable shit if the submissive only scenes with you occasionally, but the facade will fall apart in a relationship. ”
Jake stiffened. “You’re saying being strong is a pretense?”
“Sometimes. We are strong. We also get hurt and need help.” Cullen glanced at his burned arm.
“Last I looked, even Doms lose loved ones or jobs or pets. We need to mourn. We get depressed.” He smiled.
“Some of the best sex of my life was the night Andrea bratted me out of a black hole. I needed her, and she knew it.”
Jake scowled. “I don’t—”
“Giving is a two-way street, buddy. Don’t deny your submissive the pleasure of being able to help you. Of knowing she’s needed.”
The pleasure of helping. His mentor had denied anyone that satisfaction, hadn’t he? “I’m fine, Sheffield. Don’t need help.” Gunny’s color had been gray, his age finally showing after his most recent heart attack. He’d been crippled up. Jake had wanted so fucking badly to assist—and been refused.
Was it strength that’d kept the old Marine from accepting any support…or a kind of weakness?
“There he is. And Jake too.” Andrea’s slightly accented voice drifted across the bar.
Jake glanced over his shoulder, relieved at the rescue. Fuck. Seemed like his life since meeting Rainie had been a mess of confusion.
“Jake, it’s good to see you.” Andrea smiled at him, then her Dom. “Sir.”
Cullen pulled her between his long legs. “Jake just reminded me you’re the best thing in my life.”
“Jake is right.” Andrea’s smile softened into pure beauty. “I love you, mi Senor.”
“I love you, too. Marry me, little tiger. We—” Cullen swore under his breath and released her. “Sorry. I’ve had too much to drink.”
“Sí. I will.” Andrea’s answer was swift and sharp. “Marry you.”
Cullen’s hands clamped onto her arms so hard she squeaked. “Sorry, love, but…you’ll marry me?”
Her eyes gleamed with tears, but her smile would rival sunlight. “Sí.”
“Fuck,” Cullen muttered. “You said yes—you really did.” His craggy face split in a huge grin as he pointed at Jake. “You’re my witness.”
“Got it covered.”
“No escape for you now, love.” Cullen pulled his captive closer.
Grinning and trying to give the two some privacy, Jake spun on the barstool—and came face-to-face with Heather. “Hey.” She’d cut her hair, he realized, and the brown strands curled around her face. “I didn’t realize you were in town.”
“It’s good to see you, Jake.” She took the hand he held out and kissed his cheek. Her scent was still lightly floral, her lips soft. “I was at a convention in Orlando and popped over to visit friends here.”
Of course, the Shadowlands submissives would be part of her gang of buddies.
“We arranged for me to drop Andrea off so she can chauffeur Cullen home in his truck.” Her smile brightened. “And probably celebrate their engagement.”
“Probably,” he agreed, hearing the sounds of someone being thoroughly kissed behind him.
When a person at the bar muttered sourly, “Get a room,” Cullen laughed. With Andrea tucked against his side, he kissed Heather’s cheek, slapped Jake’s shoulder, and was out of the restaurant in seconds.
“Well.” Heather stared after them. “I didn’t even say congratulations.”
“I don’t think they noticed.” Jake took a drink of his beer. He was happy for Cullen, no question about that, but felt pretty damned sorry for himself. How pitiful was that?
But the woman he wanted had dumped him in favor of her career. And here was Heather, who’d done the same. Fuck, he needed to reevaluate his handling of relationships.
He motioned to the bartender. “What can I get you, Heather?”
She hesitated before sliding onto the barstool Cullen had vacated. “Just a diet soda,” she told the bartender before asking Jake, “How is the clinic doing?”
“Busy.” If they could have kept Rainie, they’d have expanded. “How’s your job?”
“Wonderful.” Her smile was still sweet. “I’ve been promoted.”
“Good for you. I’m sure you earned it.” She would have. As a submissive, she’d always given a hundred percent. He couldn’t imagine she offered less to her career. “You look happy. Apparently, you made the right decision.”
Her gaze dropped, and her weight shifted on the barstool. “I did. Although, I almost changed my mind and stayed, you know.”
Jake watched her as he took a slow sip of beer. “No, I didn’t know.”
“I was torn.” Her hands opened and closed in her lap. “If you’d said you needed me…if you’d given the slightest hint that losing me would upset your life, I’d never have been able to leave.”
Jake straightened, winded as if she’d kicked him in the gut. “What fucking hint? I love”—when had the word turned past tense?—“loved you. I don’t understand.”
“I know.” Gaze on her drink, she traced a finger through the condensation on the glass. “You know, we all love our family, friends, even pets. But a person doesn’t need a dog. They’re not essential to happiness. It’s not a give-and-take relationship.”
“I never treated you like a pet.” Jesus.
“No.” She huffed in exasperation. “But people who start a life together, they rely on each other. Lean on each other. Know each other’s weaknesses and worries so they can assist.”
“Right. Go on.”
“You supported me. But…I never did that for you. I didn’t make any difference in your life. You didn’t need me.”
“Heather—”
“I gave you nothing you couldn’t get from a couple of friends and an occasional sex buddy.”
Jake straightened. “That’s not true.”