Chapter 10
SIXTEEN YEARS OLD
TILLY
“Come on, Tilly! It’s not even that cold!”
I ignore Lacey’s shrill plea and continue to stand on the dock.
She’s lying. I can tell by the blue hue of her lips as they bob just above the water.
The lake is a couple of inches short of six feet deep over here, but she’s so small, it’s no surprise she’s struggling to keep her body floating while the boys are standing on their toes.
Her short hair is plastered to her forehead, dripping into her eyes while she continues to splash around, grinning.
I cock a hip and lower my hand to hold it, watching as Ash swims up to her and threatens to dunk her under the water.
She giggles so loud it makes me wince before swatting at my brother’s chest. His answering chuckle is so freaking gross.
“We’re just friends,” he told me when I asked about why he was always inviting her to hang out with us. “Aren’t you guys friends too?”
I still don’t have a real answer to that question yet. Are we friends? Real ones? She seems to think so. Maybe I should just give in and become besties with her. I’d fit in more that way.
“You’re being a dud, Tills,” Shade shouts, beckoning me over with a wave of his hand.
When I was thirteen, I swore I had a crush on Shade, but the older we’ve gotten, the clearer it’s gotten that I don’t.
He’s always flirting with our classmates and spraying way too much body spray at his locker.
Then, there’s his whole obsession with art.
I don’t think it’s possible for him to love a girl when he’s so focused on his sketchbook.
It’s like the cowboys with . . . well, their cowboy shit.
There’s no time for girls with them unless all you want is to fool around in the bed of a dirty truck on a back road.
Even then, they’d be covered in dirt and horse shit from working all day and probably lazy too.
I’ve never cared much about my virginity, but I know that’s not how I’d want to lose it.
That’s not for me. I’ve actually got taste. It’s not like I’d entertain the idea of a cowboy ever. Totally ew.
“You’re just going to dunk me,” I argue, despite the fact that I’ve already started wrapping my hair into a bun on the top of my head in preparation.
Walking to the edge of the dock, I risk a look at the grey eyes of the guy silently watching me. Rowe Carrigan is silent and broody, but I think I like that about him. Plus, he’s the only person who hasn’t tried to get me into the water today.
Maybe he’s actually been paying attention to me all these years.
Enough to know that I don’t like peer pressure, at least. I love swimming and lake days, but I always wait until everyone else has worn out some of their energy before joining them.
If I don’t, I’m always the first one dunked, and I hate water in my eyes almost as much as when it goes up my nose.
I lower myself to the edge of the dock and stretch to dip my toes into the water before shooting a look at Lacey. “I knew you were lying. It’s freezing.”
“It’s always freezing,” Ash groans, splashing a shot of water at me.
It splatters over my exposed stomach, and I glare. “You’re going to get it.”
“Ooooh, I’m so scared of the girl who won’t even get in!” he taunts, waving his hands like a weirdo.
Lacey splashes him, drawing his attention from me. I release a breath and drag my toes through the water, getting used to the subtle bite of cold. Truly, it’s not that bad. It’s August, and the summer has been a scorcher.
“Have I ever told you how hot you’ve gotten this year, Tills?” Shade asks, his attempt at flirting with me hitting a wall when I roll my eyes.
“I hate when you call me that.”
“Why? Tilly is so boring.”
I stare at him with my face scrunched with annoyance and head shaking slightly. “You only swapped one letter, genius.”
“Yeah, and I think it’s better like that.”
“And I’d like you better if you cut your hair. It looks like a mop on your head,” I shoot back.
He moves his head side to side, shaking his wet, long black hair out like a dog. His grin is feral as he howls, as if he read my mind. I cringe, leaning back and away from the spray. Rowe finally intervenes, fisting Shade’s hair and shoving him beneath the water.
I let a smile break out on my face and clap in approval. “Finally, some peace and quiet.”
Rowe’s expression takes on a smug hue when he finally releases Shade. The troublemaker bursts out of the water, blowing some out of his mouth like a fountain before going for the guy beside him. Rowe’s ready for him, and once Shade reaches out to try and grab him, they’re wrestling.
I almost feel bad for Shade. Rowe’s the biggest guy in our grade and has a glare that, if he ever turned it on me, would probably make me piss myself.
It doesn’t even look like it takes any effort for him to shove Shade away and push him under the water again.
A laugh escapes me before I can trap it, and he whips a look over at me, the corner of his lips twitching.
“How long should I hold him under for, hellcat?”
I tilt my head, humming. For some reason, that name has never annoyed me.
“I’m not sure. How long can he hold his breath?”
“A minute, I think,” Ash answers, swimming closer to the dock.
I set my hands on my knees and lean over, trying to get a better look at Shade’s flailing arms. Every few seconds, he manages to land a hit on Rowe’s chest, making him grunt and wince.
The brute of a sixteen-year-old responsible for the splash of water finally releases Shade. A blanket of black hair droops into his face before he tosses his head back and jumps right on Rowe. He manages to gain an advantage and pushes him beneath the water with the weight of his body.
I think Rowe let him do it.
I’m proven right the moment he shoves Shade off him and breaks the surface, only to swim away.
I try not to gawk when he stops at the edge of the dock and sets both hands on the wood.
His fingers are long, and the veins on the backs of his hands bulge as he pulls himself up.
There’s no sound of struggle, only the whoosh and drip of water when his body leaves the lake.
I blink quickly, an unfamiliar sense of heat building in my belly at the same time he sits beside me, stretching his arms ahead of him.
Their muscles strain, almost . . . rippling with the easy movement like they do in the movies.
I’m suddenly hyperaware of how close he sat to me and that I can feel his body heat against my side.
The skin on my arms and neck prickles, hairs rising.
I clear my throat and try to act normal.
Yeah, normal. Definitely not like I’m struggling to pull air into my lungs or anything.
That would be so weird. Especially considering he’s my brother’s best friend.
I’ve known him since he was too short to ride a horse by himself and would pitch fits about it.
“What are you doing up here?” I blurt out.
He shrugs a shoulder, causing our skin to touch briefly. “I don’t want to kill him.”
“You won’t. He’s annoying, but in the same way family is.”
“My family isn’t annoying. They’re a pain in the ass,” he grunts.
I laugh, unable to help myself. It’s a good break in the tension, though. “Yeah, yours does kind of suck. That’s why you’re a part of ours now.”
“Is that right?”
“Don’t act coy. You know my parents love you. They’d adopt you if they could.”
Maybe that would be enough to cut this new attraction. I can’t very well think my could-be adopted brother is hot, right?
To make matters worse, he’s a cowboy. And not the type that just wears the hat and boots to get laid.
The real kind. He walks funny from how long he spends in a saddle and has to shower before leaving the ranch because of the horse smell that always clings to him.
If he’s not hanging out with us or at school when he bothers to show up, he’s working for his dad, training horses or riding the bucking ones to try and practice for when he starts entering rodeos.
I’m so used to him wearing dirty shirts and jeans that I haven’t noticed the way he’s somehow grown abs and biceps the size of my thighs this year. This is the first day we’ve all been at the lake since last summer, and now . . .
“Your parents are nice people,” he says, almost softly.
I swallow, folding my hands into my lap. “Don’t give them too much credit now. You know how my mom can get.”
“Right. That’s where you get it from.”
“What does that mean?” I gawk, lips parting.
His cheek dimples as he fights a smile. “There’s a reason nobody ever compliments you.”
“Because it makes everyone else feel inadequate?”
He scoffs in the back of his throat. “No. Because you don’t need any more confidence than you already have. You’re a man-eater, hellcat.”
“Or maybe they don’t give compliments as well as you do, so they don’t even try,” I counter, skin flaming.
“That wasn’t even a compliment.”
“It was to me. There’s nothing I love more than making a man’s life miserable.”
“I feel bad for your future husband, then.”
It’s a joke. One that I usually wouldn’t have thought twice about. In this moment, it clips the wings of the butterflies that were flapping in my stomach.
“What makes you think I’m even interested in men? Maybe I’m only attracted to women.”
He turns his head, intrigue glistening in his eyes. “Are you?”
“Yeah.” I’m grateful I’ve put my hair up when a droplet of sweat clings to the back of my neck. I refuse to look at his body again, knowing it’ll expose me before I can clarify. “I like both. Okay? At least, I think I do.”
“I don’t care what you’re into. Maybe I’m interested in both too.”
“You are?” I sputter, the word running free.
He brushes it off, but his pinkening cheeks betray him. “Would that be so surprising?”
“I mean . . . yeah. Kind of. I’ve never seen you look at a guy that way.”
“And you so openly gawk at girls?”
My chest shakes with a laugh. “Touché. Well, I don’t care either. If you are into both.”
There’s an agreement being made in the silence that follows. Like we’re both promising not to tell anyone about each other. I trust him instantly.
“You should get in the water now,” he mutters.
“Why? You’re itching to dunk me under, aren’t you?”
His smirk is the last thing I see before he’s planting a palm to my spine and shoving me forward. I manage to pinch my nose before falling into the lake, sinking like a rock. A sense of freedom cracks open in my chest as I start to kick my legs.
I smile in the water while swimming beneath the dock. Lifting my hand, I finally break the surface. Rowe doesn’t have a chance to react when I clutch his ankle and tug. I’m not strong enough to pull him myself, so Shade joins me, followed by my brother and Lacey.
Together, we manage to send him careening into the water. My eyes clash with a pair of bright grey ones before his head disappears beneath it, and I know with absolute certainty that I’ve got a crush on Rowe Carrigan.
I want my twin brother’s best friend, and one day, I’m going to eat him alive.