Chapter 21
TILLY
Hey, Hellcat,
You have no idea how much it meant to me to get that picture in your last letter.
I know it’s one of your favourites, so I hope you kept a copy and I don’t have the original.
I’d hate for you to not have it anymore.
I’ve got my copy pinned up on the wall beside my bed.
It’s not the same as being out with you guys, but it’s really fucking nice to have something from you in here.
How have you been? I know I’ve taken a few weeks to reply this time, but I couldn’t write you for a while. My temper got the better of me. It’s the only time I can let myself get like that if I want to get out early. I want that so badly.
I spoke to Ash. He said you started working at the ranch last week. How has it been? Are my parents treating you right? My dad been patient while you learn? I want to ask if they’ve brought me up . . . but I won’t. I know the answer would make it harder to keep my cool.
I hope you aren’t mad at me for taking so long to reply. I miss you guys. Tell Ash I’ve had more than enough time to start planning the first thing we’re going to do together when I get out.
Rowe
“Where’d you go? I’m at the ranch, and you’re not here,” Ash says the moment I answer his call.
“Hello to you too, twin.”
“Hey, Tills. Sorry.”
“Jed sent us on a bit of a field trip today. We’ll be back tomorrow.”
Or preferably tonight. After spending the last hour standing outside the motel room with our bags on either side of my boots and a pissy attitude, the last thing I want is to spend the night here.
I’d rather endure an awkward three-hour drive home, even if it would have been fun to tease him further than I got to earlier.
“We?” Ash pokes.
I huff and rub the toe of my foot into the cement walkway. “Yeah. Me and Rowe. I think his dad likes torturing me.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it. You’re a shit disturber.”
“That’s a rude thing to say to your sister. The next time he wants to send someone on a ridiculous errand like this, I’m volunteering you.”
“You could try. We both know his wife likes me too much to let him bully me.”
“Yeah, lucky you. I’m not sure that’s the brag you think it is unless you’re in the market for a cougar,” I grumble.
“Don’t be gross. Maybe you’ll have the chance to suck up to her a bit while you’re working there and won’t be so jealous. We both know you’re trying to deflect.”
“What makes you think I want to be her favourite person in the world? There’s no universe in which I’d suck up to her, Ash.
I prefer it that she doesn’t like me. It means I don’t ever have to visit or listen to her endless rants about the poorly maintained highways.
You’d think she was on the town council or something with how many opinions she seems to have about everything around her. ”
“Woof, there’s a lot to unpack there.” His laugh is soft, vibrant. “Let me know when you’re back, and I’ll swing by again. I was thinking the three of us could go out this weekend after Rowe’s comp. You’re coming with, right? It’s sure to be a Faye-free night.”
As if Rowe would have told me about when and where he’s competing next. We don’t need a repeat of what happened last time. I think I’m even more volatile now.
Still, I can’t keep from asking, “What comp? Where?”
“Ah, shit. Forget I said anything. Tell him that I’ll call tomorrow.”
“Nope. Give me the info, you little sneak.”
“It’s out in Ponoka. That’s all you’re getting from me.”
I swap my phone to my other ear and stretch out the tight muscles in my neck. “Fine. If he makes it through tonight, I’ll make sure he knows to call you in the morning.”
“What does that mean? Are you giving him a hard time?”
My scowl is instant. “You don’t have to make it sound like I’m bullying him. He’s not exactly warm and fuzzy to me either.”
“I know how you are when it comes to him. Are you really getting along that poorly? Still?”
“Don’t say still as if we haven’t been out of each other’s lives for years. And I’m not talking about this with you right now. My mood’s already bad enough,” I say bluntly.
“If this is about the crush you had on him, Tills, I already knew about that—”
I cut it off with a rough noise. “Nope. Stop talking.”
“It’s true. You’re my twin sister. Did you really think you could hide that from me? Is that what’s going on now too? Are you still into him?”
“Ash,” I snap, debating throwing my phone into the parking lot. “Drop it.”
“So you are, then.”
“Stop before I hang up on you. I’m serious. This isn’t a topic for us to be discussing, especially when you’re not here for me to beat up if you say the wrong thing.”
He sighs harder than necessary. “Fine. But you do know that you can talk to me about these things, right? I know we haven’t seen each other all that much and that the last few years have been hard. I’m still your brother, Tilly. Your twin.”
“I know.” My annoyance deflates, making room for guilt to come rushing in. “I’ll text you when I get back, and we’ll make plans to do something. With or without Rowe. I promise.”
“Sounds good. Just try not to go at him too hard. He’s got his own shit he’s dealing with too. It just doesn’t always look like it.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll try to remember that.”
We say goodbye, and I hang up, letting my phone stay against my ear for a beat longer. I lean harder against the wall, closing my eyes and sliding my phone into my pocket. Without looking at the time, I know it’s late. Too late to be standing out here by myself with all of our shit with me.
One more minute.
If he’s not back in a minute, I’ll go inside and call Ash back. He’ll come get me, no questions asked. That’s just my brother. He’s too giving sometimes.
Blowing out a breath, I force my eyes open.
The flood of headlights has my stomach launching into my throat.
I push away from the wall and swing one foot in front of my body.
If it weren’t for the PS brand on the passenger door, I would have mistaken the truck for someone else’s when it pulls into the lot with a shoddy silver trailer behind it.
Rowe parks in between two rows of parking stalls, and then I’m moving. With our bags in my hands, I rush down the balcony and take the stairs two at a time. He doesn’t get out or turn the truck off, but that doesn’t stop me.
Our eyes catch through the open window, and I speak first. “Are they in there?”
“Yeah. All three,” he says, voice deep, almost raw.
I drop the bags on the ground, and once he eyes them, realizing the decision I’ve made, I go to the back of the trailer. Red lights burn into my eyes while I pop the latch, cursing at how tight it is. The door is heavy, but I manage to heave it open before Rowe joins me.
He stands closer than I was expecting, and I fall victim to the pull between us, glancing up at him.
There’s so much he’s hiding in those grey eyes, and I want to tell him to just blurt out everything he’s thinking.
It’s unlikely that he would, but for right now, the risk of being turned down doesn’t feel as scary.
Not when I’m standing in front of three broken horses that I know his father doesn’t want and won’t be happy to see pull up on his property. The same ones I begged his son not to leave behind.
“How did you get him to let us have them?” I murmur, afraid that if I speak too loudly, this will all disappear.
“It doesn’t matter. They’re ours.”
Ours. Not his. Not his father’s.
He shifts on his worn boots, staring down at me with this obvious . . . exhaustion. It’s deep, sharp, like he hasn’t spent a single day without feeling it weigh on him. My protectiveness rears its ugly head, provoking me to do something to help.
I don’t give myself a chance to change my mind once I make it.
Without breathing, I step forward and hug him. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my palms to his back, holding him tightly. There’s a familiar warmth against my cheek when I settle it against his chest and exhale, blowing out my anxiousness.
Time doesn’t seem to move like normal. It stalls, then glitches in an attempt to catch back up.
One second, he’s standing frozen, his hands at his sides, and the next, I’m biting down on my tongue to trap a moan when he palms my back and drags his touch up.
Every hair on my body rises in response to his hands on me, and I nearly vibrate from the effort of holding myself still.
His palm continues to move, climbing further up my back until he fills it with my nape, fingers curling into my hair. The second finds a home between my shoulder blades, pressing just hard enough to urge me closer, until we’re planted together.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my breath ruffling his shirt, blowing his cologne into my nose.
He almost pulls my hair at the root from how tight he’s holding me. I feel the movement down in my toes. For the first time in years, I feel completely safe and protected. That’s a hard realization to stomach after what my last few months have looked like.
“Don’t thank me for this.”
I can’t bear the thought of stepping back yet and losing this, so I don’t. He doesn’t say anything when I shuffle forward, my boots directly between his now. If his heart is racing even half the speed that mine is, maybe I’ll be able to hear it like this.
“Did you at least kick his ass for what he did to them?”
“Yeah, hellcat.”
I dig my fingertips into his muscles. “Your dad is going to be pissed.”
“Let him be. His reaction isn’t anything you need to worry about,” he grunts.
The laugh that escapes me is so sudden I almost jerk in surprise.
Rowe tenses for a beat before his fingers start to knead the back of my head, almost like he’s finding comfort in the motion too.
I look in front of me, letting my forehead roll across his chest as I suck in a desperate breath.
He takes advantage of the new angle and holds me tighter.
“Do you want me to drive home? You look like you need to catch a nap,” I offer.
“Is Tilly Whittman trying to be generous right now?”
“I don’t know, is Rowe Carrigan really making a joke about it?”
He scoffs, releasing a noise low in his throat that almost sounds like a chuckle. “Let go of me, leech. I’m driving.”
“Leech?” I echo with a scoff. Reluctantly, I push myself back and remove my fingers from where I’ve started trying to imbed them into his back. “You’re the one all but begging for me to take my hair out so you can run your fingers through it.”
“It could use a good brushing first.”
He turns his attention to the trailer and closes the door, busying himself with getting it locked up tight.
“Oof. Okay, jackass.”
The playful wink he throws me over his shoulder has heat flaring across my chest and up my throat. I bolt down the side of the trailer to the truck, hoping like hell he didn’t notice me blushing like a teenager. Fuck, he’d be unbearable if he did.
And I’m already too close to losing my mind as it is.