Chapter 7
SEVEN
Olly
Psychological warfare is in full swing at the rehearsal studios on Wednesday morning. Across the room, people glare at anyone they think looks ready to get up and sing, as we wait to perform our options for the top six places.
It’s agonising watching Elaine chat to Oisín and Tarun, presumably about what songs they’ll sing for their nominated character, seeing as that didn’t get sorted yesterday.
Oisín looks as gleeful as Mrs Lovett having a customer arrive in her pie shop in Sweeney Todd, so he must have been given ‘Empty Chairs at Empty Tables’ as a solo, just like he wanted.
I hate it when good things happen to awful people.
‘Right, who’s going to show me their options for the final six first?’ Elaine asks, and Oisín, already up by the piano, swoops in and puts his sheet music in front of Marty. All around me there are deflated sighs from competitors who were desperate to perform first.
Oisín stands confidently in the space and gives his best ‘I’m Alive’ from Next to Normal but ends up having to 114perform both his choices.
We’ve been told to sing the song we’re most keen to do first, and they’ll only ask for the second choice if they think the first one isn’t the best option for the showcase.
Elaine saying, ‘I’m Alive’ was ‘a bit beyond his range’ and that he should do ‘Sandy’ from Grease instead, is the best start to the day I can think of.
It’s easy to read from the glum look on his face as he sits down that he knows ‘Sandy’ is a basic-bitch option.
My plan is to go fifth or sixth. I want to leave enough time to settle in, but not so long that I get jittery waiting to perform. However, eight people have already beaten me, determined girls elbowing past me to secure their place.
Beth Hampton delivers our third ‘The Wizard and I’ of the morning with aplomb, so much surer of herself since transitioning, than she was last year.
But Elaine decides that she’d be better showing off her sonorous alto with her second choice of ‘Far from the Home I Love’ from Fiddler on the Roof.
She finishes, and I’m not going to take no for an answer anymore.
I’m going to be the next to sing. But when Beth sits down, and I lift my bum off my seat, I’m surprised to be pipped at the post by Tarun.
I’d thought he’d be the nervous sort who waits until the end, but he’s gone straight up to Marty with his sheet music, which we bribed the hotel receptionist to print this morning. I plonk my bum right back down. If he’s ready to perform, I won’t fight him for his position.115
His hands are trembling, and not many people are even paying attention to him as he waits to perform.
I think that because people saw what an inexperienced dancer he is, and heard Oisín spreading the word that Tarun was his understudy, they aren’t expecting a lot from him.
Ella, Andrew and I are all watching him closely though, willing him to prove them all wrong.
As Marty plays the opening chords, his energy shifts. The nerves are cast aside, and he commands the space with narrowed, determined eyes. When he sings, more people give him their full attention, exchanging looks of surprise as his kick-ass voice emerges.
There’s a magic quality to watching someone be exactly where they’re meant to be.
Tarun probably wouldn’t believe me but, beneath his nerves, he exudes the same aura as every other Larrys finalist. It’s undeniable that on stage (or the pretend one that a rehearsal room provides when chairs are put to face one direction) is where we all belong.
Tarun’s entirely responsible for giving such a good performance, but I’m glad I told him not to do his best Julie Andrews’ impression.
That would have gone way differently. His voice sounds even better with the rehearsal room’s acoustics, especially in his powerful top register as he knocks it out of the park.
I indulge and check out Oisín’s reaction and he’s nodding, genuinely impressed.
116But there’s a flicker of annoyance behind his supportive facade.
His ‘understudy’ has nailed his song and gained the approval of the whole room.
As he finishes, Tarun looks surprised to receive so much applause as Elaine and Marty exchange satisfied looks. ‘Great performance, Tarun. I think that’s a perfect option for you.’
Tarun
Well, that went well. I didn’t even have to do ‘Singin’ in the Rain’.
People are still clapping as I sit down, Oisín giving me a whoop, and my cheeks burn up.
‘That was so good, Tarun!’ says Ella beaming at me. I don’t know how I thought it would go down, but it certainly wasn’t like this.
Olly’s friend Jasmine is up next with ‘If My Friends Could See Me Now’ to which she gives her all, complete with a dance break in the middle. She carries herself with way more maturity than anyone else I’ve met my age, and Elaine says she thinks it’s the right song for her.
Before Jasmine’s anywhere near her seat, Olly’s up and standing at the piano, wearing a Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark t-shirt.
I didn’t think he was a Marvel fan but turns 117out it’s a massive, failed musical as Olly explained when I asked him about it this morning.
He must want to perform sooner rather than later, too. I hope it goes well for him.
‘What have you brought for us, Olly?’ asks Elaine, playing with her pencil.
‘My first choice is “Safe from the Waves”, from Baxter and Hall’s The Merman that ran Off-West End.’
‘Whew!’ says Marty, turning to address the finalists. ‘A deep cut from the writers of Sisyphus Rising’s back catalogue, kids. There’s not a cast recording, so I don’t even know the song!’
Whispers pass around me, people seeming to have something to say about impressing Marty with an unknown choice.
‘I heard it on a bootleg, then I DMd the writers, who kindly sent me the sheet music.’
Elaine stops playing with her pencil, and everyone seems to be waiting with heavy anticipation. ‘Okay, let’s hear it.’
He takes a deep breath as Marty plays the song’s tender introduction on the piano.
‘Living down here where I am not free,
Up there’s a land where I could be me.
No one dictating, and no one fixating on how a man behaves.118
‘It’s a definite risk to stand on two feet,
But there’s a beautiful man who’s waiting to meet
me ’neath the sky, a glint in his eye, proud, safe from the waves.’
Olly has an amazing, rich voice, like Terry’s Chocolate Orange.
And he sings each word with such clarity that I can take in everything he says.
The song’s clearly about being gay, and how that puts you at odds with a world not built for you.
I’ve never been so open about who I am. But Olly is doing exactly what he was talking about last night: bringing the core of himself to this song, communicating his truth through this gay merman.
All his natural energy and charisma is funnelled into his still and peaceful performance.
The real-life struggles he faces shown through his open, vulnerable performance.
It’s my favourite of the day by a mile. Most of the others were showing off how high they can sing, while this song does more than that.
It means something to Olly, and it speaks to me too.
It’s the purest portrayal I’ve seen of the blur of emotions I feel about my sexuality that I usually don’t know how to express, and the music soars with the same potency as the songs in the show last night.
‘Time to say my goodbyes, f ind a love that is pure,
Mum, this is my chance, to be safe and secure…’119
The mention of ‘Mum’ causes tears to slowly roll down Zeb’s cheeks; he must know how much harder that hits for Olly. There’s loud applause when Olly finishes, and most people whoop and cheer. It’s the biggest response so far.
His cheeks bunch up from smiling as he takes in the response, and so do mine. He looks so mature and comfortable, ready to perform in the final right now if he needed to.
I feel … proud of my roommate. He really is a star performer. Born to stand on stage and make us all understand ourselves better. But I shouldn’t be surprised by that, that was clear from the moment we started seeing eye to eye.
‘Let’s take a fifteen-minute break there! Olly, can you come chat with me and Marty?’
Elaine hasn’t said whether or not he can perform his first choice, but of course he should. I want to congratulate him. But Zeb runs up and wraps his arms around him, and I know I’m not needed. Everything will be alright with Elaine, and he’s got his best mate.
He’ll be grand.120
Olly
The studio clears out, people rush to the loo or to fill their water bottles as I catch my breath. From the reactions, I know it came across like I meant it to: truthful.
But the way Elaine’s looking up at me from her desk, after asking to speak to me privately, suggests I haven’t got a slam dunk in approval. She’s considering her words.
‘Hey,’ I say once it’s just us and Marty in the room.
‘Olly, that was lovely. It’s a beautiful song, and you performed wonderfully.’
‘Cheers, Elaine. That means a lot coming from you.’
She smiles, looking to Marty, unscrewing his flask of coffee. ‘Yeah, it was great, Ol. We just want to check you’ve … fully thought through the risks of performing a song with those themes.’
‘What? Feeling out of place? That would mark half the musical-theatre canon as risky.’ I laugh, trying to make a joke. It’s pretty standard I Want song material.
‘No,’ Elaine says plainly. ‘We mean performing explicitly queer material.’
My stomach drops.
‘Obviously we’re not homophobic. I’m as queer as they come, and Elaine has worked with half the gays in London. But with your drama-school auditions coming 121up, you might make things more difficult by outing yourself on such a public platform.’