Chapter 8
EIGHT
Olly
‘Can you imagine?’ Zeb rants as we power walk back to the hotel across Waterloo Bridge.
‘The happiest day of your life, you’re getting married to the dishiest captain that pre-war Austria has to offer, and then the nuns you lived with for ten years sing a diss track about you as you walk down the aisle? ’
His tirade is inspired by the radical, modern revival of The Sound of Music we’ve spent the evening watching at the National Theatre.
‘I think it’s offensive! I’d have stopped the wedding procession and said, “Listen up, you silly old nuns, if you sing another word of ‘How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria’ at my wedding, I’m going to throw hands! ”’
I laugh too hard. ‘I completely agree, but I’m not sure that’s what the visionary European director wanted us to take away from the production.’
He tuts. ‘That seems like a him problem.’
We both laugh, and Zeb links my arm. As ever, it’s not particularly comfortable for either of us, given the near foot height difference.131
He starts to sing, ‘What did Elaine want when you spoke this morning?’ replacing the lyrics about a light rain on a bed of roses from the first line of ‘My Favourite Things’. I knew he was going to want more details eventually, but I’ve avoided it nearly all day.
I pick up the tune, and lie, ‘Nothing, she told me my singing was … charming,’ making up rhymes on the fly.
He knows me too well however, and trills, ‘That isn’t true, Olly spill me the tea!’
‘It’s complicated, I can’t tell you rightnowZeb…’ I sing, not having enough notes to fit in my last words.
He comes to a stop, refusing to move any further. ‘What do you mean? Was it about your song?’
There are only a few metres between us and various other contestants, so I keep things vague. ‘Just … wanted to talk through both my song options and figure out which one will show me off best.’
‘Well, nothing’s going to showcase you better than the song from The Merman. I hope you put your foot down?’
I nod, despite having no idea whether I’m going to choose the song of my heart or follow my head and take their advice.
Zeb’s not the person to talk about this with though; he’s so (wonderfully) militant in his belief that queer people should be loud and proud, he’ll view me singing anything other than ‘Safe from the Waves’ as a betrayal.
It’s not his career on the line though.132
‘Your song choice is perfect. You smashed it,’ I say, turning the attention away from me.
‘It’s on the nose: me singing “Goodbye” from Catch Me If You Can, to say au revoir to the stage. But I get to do as many riffs and runs as I fancy, so it feels like the right fit if I make the final six.’
‘It’ll go down a storm!’
‘Aye, a bit like you have with your roommate by the sound of things,’ Zeb says with a wicked smile.
‘What? Did Tarun say something?’
‘Well, during this morning’s break, Oisín made his usual shitty comments about your size, and Tarun told him to stop! He said you were a really good guy and didn’t deserve to hear horrible things about yourself.’
‘Really? What did Oisín say?’
‘That he was going to stop. I mean, let’s not hold our breath when it comes to the devil’s spawn, but Tarun genuinely seemed to get through to him.’
What the hell? Tarun and I are getting on well, but for him to stand up to someone he’s done full productions with is way beyond what I expected from him.
He’s in the crowd ahead of us, where he turns and gives me a wave as he lifts his phone up to take a picture of the River Thames with the illuminated National Theatre behind it.
Photo taken, he turns back around and seems to be chatting to Oisín with ease, so he can’t be too outraged by him. 133
‘I guess he keeps taking us by surprise today,’ I say, now there’s enough distance between us and the other competitors to discuss Tarun’s big announcement.
‘I couldn’t believe it, my gaydar is never wrong!’
‘Do we think he’s told other people, or are we the first?’
Entering the hotel lobby, Zeb shrugs. ‘Dunno.’
‘I’ll chat to him about it now. Find out what his boundaries are and all that.’
‘Good plan, BFG. I’ll leave you to chat to your braw, homosexual roomie and trudge back to the animal enclosure they’ve forced me into for the week…’
I guffaw. ‘Are Hugo and Nate really that bad?’
‘Nah, Nate’s great and chill. Turns out he’s into science as well, super geeky about how lights work and all that, so we’re doing a lot of the same A Levels.
I like him. It’s Hugo who has the energy of an escaped chimpanzee.
He’s obsessed with hiding things and is hairier than an ape, but I can handle him. ’
‘Good. Don’t want you suffering without me.’
‘I do my best!’ he says, blowing me a kiss goodbye, and I head to my room.
It does seem I’ve had the better deal with roomies. After thinking I’d been lumbered with a grumpy, straight boy, who’d have thought he’d turn out to be a cute gay guy?134
Tarun
I turn my head to the door as it swings open, Olly stepping inside.
‘Evening!’ he says, throwing off his bag and launching himself onto his bed. ‘I can’t wait to get your full review. I could feel your shoulders next to me slumping further down with every passing minute. You hated it, didn’t you?’
I swallow, having avoided giving him my thoughts by running off with Ella at the interval and at the end. I don’t want him thinking I’m ‘basic’ for not liking something avant-garde but… ‘No… Just… It wasn’t the show I know and love. Like, I didn’t get the set?’
‘It was brown paper wrapped in string, like in the song! The programme note said it was a metaphor for the binds of fascism, with the paper being torn at the end symbolic of how flimsy the foundation of fascist ideology is.’
‘But they didn’t smile even before the Nazis came into their lives! Could they not have found a mountain for them to climb at the end at least? And why were all the Von Trapp children in their fifties?’
He laughs. ‘It’s a very specific style of theatre making. “Reinventions” that turn your expectations for the material on their head.’
‘I could tell it was clever, and it made me think about 135things that I never considered when I was in the show, but I don’t think I enjoyed it.’
‘That’s fair,’ Olly says, sitting up. ‘You can’t love every piece of theatre. Some people hate Legally Blonde, while I think it’s a modern masterpiece.’
‘Yes! The filmed version on YouTube is so good,’ I say, glad to be able to piggyback off his enthusiasm.
‘You’re a man with good taste,’ he says, before we fall into a natural silence as he plugs his phone into charge. When he looks back up at me, there’s a different look in his eyes.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘I wanted to say thanks.’
‘What for?’ I thought he was going to launch straight into the, ‘you came out to me earlier’ conversation, but I don’t think it’s that he’s talking about.
‘Zeb told me you asked Oisín to stop saying things about my size.’
I shift on my bed, putting my full weight against the wall behind me. ‘It was nothing.’
‘No, it was really good of you. It can’t have been easy to speak up to someone you’ve known way longer than me…’
‘That doesn’t mean he can talk crap about you. Anyone would have done it.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ he says, pushing the hair off 136his face. ‘Like, I know you said you’re not best mates, but you’ve known him a while. Does he know about what you told me and Zeb earlier?’
I skirt around his question, still unsure what happened between Olly and Oisín last year.
Yes, Oisín knows I’m into boys but explaining to Olly that the reason Oisín knows that is because I kissed him would probably kill the good vibes between me and my roommate.
‘The only person I’ve ever said the words, “I’m gay” to before you and Zeb is my mum.
I had no plans to come out to anyone else this week, but your song made me feel like I could do it. ’
‘It really had that kind of impact on you?’
‘Aye. You being brave enough to stand in front of a thousand people on Saturday and sing that truthfully about being gay… It made me think I can tell at least a few people that will get it. You were so good, Olly.’
He lowers his eyes, bashful. ‘Well, cheers. That means a lot. Do you fancy swapping your response with Marty and Elaine?’
‘What? How could they think you were anything other than great?’
He sighs. ‘They don’t want me “outing” myself in the final. They think drama schools will be less interested in me if I show up as my big camp self. They want me to play straight instead.’137
‘And hide you’re gay? I thought the musical-theatre world was … past all that?’
‘In some ways, but casting is still a bit … traditional about who can play what kind of roles.’ He takes a deep breath, holding in his emotions. ‘I dream of playing Javert and Sweeney Todd professionally one day, so they’re right. People don’t often think about “gay” performers in those roles.’
‘The song was so good though,’ I say, scooting forward to speak to him properly. ‘I don’t know if I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. I mean, I always choose the safe option when I can, and I’ve told barely anyone I’m gay.’
‘Not being out to everyone doesn’t make you less qualified to have an opinion on queerness,’ he says, brimming with passion.
‘We were “born this way”, Tarun, so you know how it feels on the inside. Hell, if we’re having to prove ourselves to qualify for a gay card, I’ve not even kissed a boy, and being gay is still a big part of who I am. ’
I blink. ‘You’ve not…?’ and he shakes his head.