Chapter 12 #2
‘They make a decent milkshake,’ Olly says, breaking the silence between us.
‘That’s a five-star review considering how much you hate the whole idea of this place…’
We keep our eye contact as I take one last slurp of the drink, it’s gone in a matter of seconds. ‘Yeah, maybe…’ Olly chuckles.
‘Tarun?’
Both our heads snap to the direction my name is being called from, our connection broken in an instant as I nearly choke on the milkshake.
‘Claire?’ I ask the clerk from my dad’s law firm, a lady in her forties with a kind round face and her hair tightly curled. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I thought it was you behind all that whipped cream! I’m on my annual trip: I come over and see Phantom once a year and I heard about this amazing singing-waiter diner. What are you doing here? Your dad’s never mentioned you like musicals?’
My entire body is hot and itchy, like a stress rash is spreading across my skin. ‘Aye… I’m here for a residential…’203
Olly’s jaw goes slack as he looks between me and Claire, who clocks I’m not alone.
‘Hello! Are you a friend of Tarun’s? I work with his dad back in Derry!’
‘Pleasure to meet you, Claire,’ he says, able to charm mums with an impressive ease. ‘I’m Olly. I met Tarun on his … residential.’
Our eyes meet once again, silently communicating my thanks for him keeping to the non-specifics I’ve given her.
‘We’ve got to be on our way,’ she says, looking to a man in a football shirt who seems to be hating the diner even more than Olly. ‘Promised the hubby he could go on a tour of the Arsenal grounds if he came here with me. But what a small world! I’ll tell your dad I bumped into you.’
‘Don’t,’ I blurt out, causing her to cast her eyes over to Olly with concern. ‘You … you can say you saw me in London but … don’t mention about it being here. Not at a “stagey diner”… Please?’
Her kind face is apprehensive, but she nods. ‘Aye… He’s always rolling his eyes whenever I put showtunes on in the office. So, we met in the street, didn’t we?’ She gives me a wink, and I’m relieved.
‘Thank you.’
‘Not a problem!’ she coos, getting her husband up from his chair and starting to go. ‘Have a fun afternoon you two!’204
And with a wave, she’s up the stairs and gone. My shoulders must drop at least three inches.
‘Tarun … are you okay?’ Olly asks, his face serious, reaching out his hand over the table.
‘Aye… I just… I didn’t think we’d bump into someone who knows Dad. If word gets to him what I’m really up to…’
I can’t finish the sentence. It’s too painful to say out loud. I put my fingers into Olly’s hand and clasp it tight as I take a deep breath in, followed by a big exhale.
‘Can we get out of here?’
‘Of course,’ Olly says without pause, squeezing my hand as he flags the server over for us to pay. It’s no longer the fact he didn’t want to be in here in the first place that makes him so quick to leave; he can see I need to go. ‘Where do you want to head?’
I close my eyes and only one place comes to mind. ‘Are you up for a trek? You’ve shown me your favourite place in London… I want to show you mine.’
He smiles; the worry he’s been wearing evaporating. ‘That sounds perfect.’
I slip my hand out of his and get my phone out. ‘Alright. Let me figure out the best way to get there.’205
Olly
The smell of wet concrete hits us as we exit Crystal Palace station, drizzle splashing our heads.
‘I’ll be honest, Tarun, I didn’t expect your favourite place in London to be a rainy car park,’ I say with a mischievous grin. After the worry he felt in the diner, I’ve been doing my best to keep the mood light and his mind off anything troubling him. ‘What wonderful taste you have!’
He pouts at me. ‘It’s obviously not here. It is outside though, so I’m sorry about the rain. And it’s pretty hilly…’
I shrug. ‘I’m from the Calder Valley. Power walking up hills while it pisses down is something I’m used to.’
‘Alright then…’ he says, his face painted with nerves as he leads us down a steep path, past an athletics stadium and into a park.
‘What’s the back story of your favourite place then? Maybe you can give me some hints?’
He looks up at me, a panoramic view of London behind him. ‘Mum grew up down the road, and my nani still lives near here, so we visit her for a bit every summer. When I was a kid, we’d come all the time to play in the park and … see what I’m about to show you.’
‘What is it? You’re being so mysterious!’
He half smiles, his left dimple deepening as he looks both happy and nervous.206
‘I hope they’re not a massive let down… We should be able to see them in a second.’
The slope gets steeper and the trees get thicker before we turn a corner and see something unlike anything I’ve ever seen, on stage or in real life. ‘Oh my God… What the fuck are these?’
Tarun bites his bottom lip as I laugh at an array of giant clay dinosaurs dotted around a lake between green foliage.
‘They’re the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs. The Victorians built them based on what they thought dinosaurs looked like from the fossils they’d found.
They’re completely inaccurate, but it’s cool they’re still here,’ he says.
I run to the edge of the lake, reading an information sign for an Ichthyosaurus. ‘They’re camp! There’s something very theatrical about making gigantic hulking statues based on guesses. These tie in with your geology studies, right? Did they inspire you to become the geologist you are today?’
He joins me to read the sign. ‘Maybe… They’re important to me. I … I actually had my first panic attack here.’
I stop reading the sign and give him my sole focus. ‘Really?’
His face is so open and pure as he figures out what he wants to say.
‘When I was seven, we came to play in the park with my cousins. It was packed with other kids 207though, and I got overwhelmed. I thought the dinosaurs would come to life and eat me, so I screamed and hyperventilated. They had to carry me away because everyone was staring at us.’
He cautiously hops over a puddle of muddy water, which I follow him over in one long stride, and we take a seat on a soggy bench.
‘I didn’t come back here for years after that.
I was certain they’d kill me. I must have been ten when Mum said we were going for ice cream, but she drove me here instead.
I panicked again but, when I saw the dinosaurs, I stopped.
They were just lumps of clay. I’d been scared for so long, that I’d made them way worse in my head, crazy red eyes and huge, sharp teeth.
That’s why I like coming back here: it reminds me that most things are nowhere near as scary as how my brain warps them to be. ’
I’ve not looked away once while he’s told me why this place matters to him. ‘That’s so lovely. You have to remember that if you’re worried tomorrow.’
‘I will,’ he says, shuffling to sit on his hands. ‘Thank you for coming all the way out here to see them. I’m glad I got to share my favourite spot with you,’ he says, teeth chattering.
‘Are you alright with the cold?’
‘Aye, I’m grand,’ he says, despite the fact he only has a t-shirt and light maroon jacket on.208
‘Stop lying. You’re freezing! Take my coat for a bit.’
He tries to protest but I already have my big parka off before he can stop me.
I wrap my coat round his shoulders, and it’s so big it’s more of a thick cape on him.
His warm, moist breath hits my face. I should back away, but being this close is as comfortable as it ended up being sharing a milkshake with him.
‘I appreciate it, Olly,’ he says. He opens his mouth to speak again but stops himself.
‘What were you going to say?’ I ask, considering the smallest shifts in his expression.
‘I was going to say,’ he states, pausing to take a breath. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as kind as you. You’re one-hundred per cent genuine in how passionate you are, not just about musicals, but about people.’
My cheeks flush – half from the cold now I’m without my coat and half from the compliment. ‘That’s very nice of you.’
‘I mean it. I can’t believe that Oisín put you through all that shit, and that I got you so wrong at the start of the week. I’m glad I know you properly now.’
‘Ditto with you! Last year, stood in the wings with no shirt, Oisín nearly ruined my perfect week, and I really wanted this year to be perfect. To make the top six; to show everyone I have what it takes. And I still hope for that, of course I do, but it’s as important to me that I’ve 209made connections with people for life. With Zeb, Gabby, Jas and … with you.’
His little finger brushes the edge of my hand, and I shudder. It’s a tiny gesture that could mean nothing at all, but it could also mean everything.
‘I’m really happy I met you, Olly,’ he says, his finger tracing my palm now, less able to be explained away as a mistake. Our hands linger closer and closer together on the bench, and we haven’t broken eye contact in what feels like minutes. I like this boy so much…
‘Tarun, there’s something I want to do, but I’m not one-hundred per cent it’s what you want…’
He gives the smallest little cock of his head, and it suggests everything. It says, ‘we want the same thing’. It says, ‘go on’.
I hope I haven’t read him wrong – the hand holding, the deep conversations, the endless eye contact. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but this is the person I want to do this with for the first time. This kind, anxious, beautiful boy.
‘Yes,’ he whispers, and if this was a musical, there’d be an epic key change any second now.
I take the risk. Sat on a damp park bench, next to some gigantic, anatomically inaccurate clay dinosaurs, I lean into Tarun Attri.
I lean in and I kiss him.210
Tarun
It all happens in slow motion.
His handsome face comes towards me, his head tilting to the left-hand side.
His soft, gentle lips brush against mine, causing my own to tingle with the warmth of his touch, the bristles of our facial hair rubbing against each other.
His comforting scent of clean bed sheets and green-apple shampoo hits my nose.
The taste of Biscoff lingers on his lips, as I’m sure it does on mine.
Our shallow breaths move as one, so much louder in my head than the rest of the quiet park, and the kiss extends into something more certain.
We pause, pulling back from each other, and I stare into his hazel eyes. He’s vulnerable and exposed, nothing like the confident Olly most people see.
‘I… Was that alright?’ Olly says, breaking the silence.
I rub my face with my palms, processing. ‘Of course! You … you like me? As more than a friend.’
He relaxes, shaking his head with a nervous chuckle, putting his hand in mine.
‘Yup. Have done for days now. Since getting to know how thoughtful you are… How brave to be at the Larrys when it’s ten times harder for you because of anxiety and all the shit with your dad…
211And hot! I’ve been in a flap every time I see you without a shirt, and then thought I had no chance when you liked Oisín… ’
I take a deep breath. My first kiss with Oisín feels like nothing now.
What’s a fumble in the dark, barely certain who you’re even kissing, with an eejit, compared to a moment like we just shared?
Something built on trust, connection and attraction.
‘That was stupid of me … turns out I barely know him! It’s you I like, Olly. ’
He blushes, looking so fecking adorable. I’m briefly distracted by the movement in my trousers but ignore it as he asks, ‘You … you don’t think I’m too fat to fancy? Like Oisín does?’
‘Don’t pay his words any attention, okay? He’s a dick, and jealous of you. I like how big you are. I haven’t stopped thinking about your chest since I saw you topless… I wanted our hug yesterday to never end because my face was buried in it!’
He rolls his eyes, but I think more from embarrassment than annoyance. ‘But…’
‘But nothing! Forget Oisín and his shit. See yourself like the rest of us do – handsome and so, so … generous. So good.’
He holds up his finger and links it with mine. ‘I promise. I promise I’ll try.’
‘Good,’ I say, looking up at his face, so full of humour 212and care and encouragement. How could my dad not want me to be with someone like this? How can he be against the musicals that brought me and him together? How can he not see how lucky I am to have Olly by my side?
So, I ignore the worries of what my dad or anyone would think. I know that I’m doing what’s right for me. I part my lips and exhale.
For maybe the first time in my life, I’m the one to lead. I move in and our lips brush again, our interlocked fingers dropping to the bench. The whole dim, grey park disappears from view as I’m wrapped in the warm kiss of Olly Redmond, the kindest boy I know.