Chapter 18 #2
‘Not at all. I was being stupid. I let other people get in my head. I should never have gotten angry with us for Marty giving me that note… It’s because of how I sung “You Will be Found” to you that I realised I was doing everything wrong.
If I hadn’t been myself in that song, Rob Harrison wouldn’t have picked out that I am a good performer and given me the advice I needed to hear. ’
‘Olly! He gave you praise?’
I nod, beaming just thinking about it. ‘And he told me that whatever happens, being authentic to yourself, even if it makes some people casting you harder, will always be worth it.’
‘So you’re going to sing The Merman song? When you get into the final six?’
‘If!’ I laugh. ‘And no. I did try… I went to Marty and begged him to let me go back to my first choice, but he tore up my sheet music and said I could do what I liked when it came to how I perform, but he chooses what I sing.’
‘Olly…’ he says, stroking my hand.
‘It’s okay. I’m happy. I did myself proud out there, and all the people I love are here. As long as I get through the end of act one with a shirt on my back and singing out proud for all to hear, I’ll have made up for last year.’298
We look over to the group on stage, where Jas is making an absolute meal out of the song she thought ‘too slight’ a showcase to get her into the final six. The audience are eating up the way she’s flirting with all the other people on stage, especially Helen Dobson’s Ursula the Sea Witch.
‘Their medley’s nearly over,’ I say, looking to Tarun. ‘You need to get ready!’
‘Aye,’ he says, looking down at his purple shirt, certainly not Marius appropriate. ‘I’m so happy I met you, Olly. You make me feel I actually belong here…’
‘You do, Tarun,’ I say, adamant. ‘You’re a theatre kid forever now.’
He blushes. ‘Okay. I’ll be thinking of you, when I’m singing about Cosette.’
And, before I can tell him that is probably the most romantic thing anyone will ever say to me, he runs away to the quick-change booth to get ready.
‘Break a leg!’ I call out after him. If there was a swear jar for how many times the cast have said that phrase this evening, we’d all be bankrupt.
I exhale, so proud of Tarun and all my friends. If ‘You Will be Found’ is my last chance on stage tonight, I’m going to make the most of sharing the stage with all of them. But first, I’m going to watch Tarun absolutely smash his performance. Because he’s born to do this.299
Tarun
‘And that’s how I ended up in an influential producer’s mansion wearing only a bath towel!’ says Rob Harrison on stage. ‘I told you it wasn’t as scandalous as it sounded!’
I’m in the wings, now wearing my cravat and waistcoat for Marius, directly behind Oisín in the queue. He’s fretting with nerves, and however shit a person I think he is, it’s hard to watch. Tonight’s as important for him as it is for Olly.
‘Break a leg, Ois,’ I whisper to him. ‘You’ll be grand.’
You’d think I smeared dog poo all over his costume from his screwed-up face. ‘I don’t need luck from you. As if you actually came back after all that… Don’t show me up.’
Woah. ‘I’m just going to do my best, Oisín. I suggest you do the same.’
‘Pfft,’ he huffs, turning back to the stage.
The announcement comes. The lights on stage dim. I’ve only myself to rely on now. Following the group, I enter the stage and find my spot.
It takes forever for the announcements and poses to reach me.
When my name’s called out, I’m meant to be fired up with revolutionary fervour, thrusting my fist into the air.
I send my arm shooting up with so much momentum though that I stumble, launching forwards 300towards the edge of the stage.
I put my foot out to stop from falling flat on my face and am successful.
The audience clap, and Mum’s familiar voice pings out shouting, ‘Go on, Tarun!’
The rest of my group are announced, my chest rising and falling as I hold my pose. And then the medley starts, Philippa taking her place centre stage.
I try not to think about much during the first few soloists. The best thing I can do is stay in the moment and give each performer the focus they deserve during their minute in the spotlight.
Oisín’s coming to the end of his featured moment, and I take a deep breath.
I’m angled towards the left-side wing, and in the darkness there’s a tall boy visible over the crowd.
Olly’s there, willing me on, wanting me to do my best, so I will.
Oisín sings his final line, and it’s my turn. It’s time.
Stepping up, my vision blurs as the spotlight hits me.
But I sing my first line to Oisín, warning him that he doesn’t know how it feels to fall in love with someone.
And I know Elaine won’t be able to complain that I’m not communicating exactly what Marius is feeling, because it’s what I’m feeling too.
The stakes feel impossibly high, and I know my performance is convincing.
The audience titters at me scolding Oisín, and it is funny. We’re both Marius, so he was there that night. It’s like Marius is having an argument with himself. But I 301know the double layer of humour: that Oisín doesn’t know how it feels. To fall for someone without having an ulterior motive.
The laughter of the audience calms me. This is all ridiculous! But brilliant.
I lock in, using my decision to come back this afternoon to recreate the push and pull Marius is experiencing.
And my solo’s over, as soon as it began.
I get to enjoy the rest of our medley, the pressure off as I dance like the world’s ending to Hugo’s solo from Mamma Mia, and the rest. We hit our final pose, and that same audience that encouraged me with their laughter does so now with their applause.
How could anyone not enjoy the feeling of being uplifted? Supported?
We rush off stage to get ready for ‘You Will be Found’, this time my shirt exactly where I left it. I’m changed in no time and head back into the wings where Olly is waiting for me.
‘You smashed it!’ He beams, but I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
‘I know it was good we sang to each other earlier, but we’re not doing that tonight. Focus on sharing everything with the audience, so they go into the interval only thinking about the brilliant, friendly giant.’
‘Or what?’ he laughs.302
‘Or … I’ll sleep in the single bed tonight. Understood?’
‘Okay! Okay!’ He gives me one last hug. ‘It’s all for the audience now.’
The twinkle of the opening chords plays, and I rush to my starting position. When I walk on stage, you’d never know I’d been panicking mere minutes earlier, or even that I was nearly miles away from the final a few hours ago.
Olly’s true to his word, and shares his love for performing with everyone, not just me. He sings his last solo line to convince the judges with so much passion it makes my heart catch in my throat.
As we all sing in harmony, what they said in the video message earlier rings true: it would have been wrong for me not to be here tonight, all thirty of us together, united in song. I’ve still so much to learn, but I belong.
‘You Will Be Found…’
The song ends and the audience rise to their feet. They go on and on applauding, until Rob walks out on stage and gestures for them to stop.
‘Well, folks, I think we can safely say the musical-theatre industry’s safe in the hands of the next generation of talent, don’t you?’
This receives another round of cheers. I try not to squirm at being talked about in the same way as the other finalists. The boy who nearly quit wouldn’t believe that. But tonight, it maybe feels like a possibility.303
‘We’re going to have a fifteen-minute interval for the judges to decide who stood out the most this evening. They’ll choose six competitors to perform again, so we can decide our winners. You won’t want to miss what the finalists have prepared for you, so grab a drink and head straight back!’
The orchestra plays an instrumental version of ‘You Can’t Stop the Beat’ and we mill about off stage, looking into the unknown. The first act we’ve rehearsed; the second half has a lot more uncertainty.
Contestants pat me on the back, congratulating one another, but when I see Olly waving me over to join him and Zeb in a corner, I rush to join them.
‘Good, you’re here,’ he says, bouncing on his heels. ‘I think I need to do something risky…’
‘Tell us,’ Zeb says, cutting through Olly’s nervous bluster.
‘I want to sing the gay song if I make it to the final six. I tried to go through official channels earlier, but Marty tore my sheet music up… I just know I’ll regret the entire final if I get through and sing a song that means nothing to me.’
‘Of course you have to do it!’ Zeb says, Olly’s excitement spreading. ‘But how? If Marty’s refusing to play it, and there’s no sheet music.’
I swallow, because I know the answer. It’s terrifying to suggest it… To actually do it.304
But looking up at brave, brilliant Olly, I know I have to push through my fear and do something I’ve never done before.
‘I’ll accompany you. I’ll play it on my guitar.’