Chapter 20 #2
Zeb’s bouncing on the balls of his size-six feet, and I can’t help but root for him as well as myself.
What an amazing bow on top of his time performing it would be to be crowned this evening.
Of course, I’d love to win. It would help prove to myself and all the bigger gay boys out there who’ve ever been told to ‘be less’ – to lose weight, to stop being so over the top, to hide who they are – in order to have a successful career, that sometimes the best thing you can be is yourself.
But what does winning the Larrys even mean? Nothing has gone to plan, and yet I’m still standing here in the final six. As long as tonight’s the start of a long life and career performing on stage, I’ll be a winner.
Zeb grabs my hand, and we squeeze as hard as I’ve ever squeezed anything while we wait to find out the results.
I close my eyes and think of Dad, who loves me without conditions.
I think of all my Larrys friends, but 332especially the genius holding my hand who’s helped me become a better person and performer to reach this point.
I think of Tarun, who makes me feel both special and seen.
And finally, I think of Mum, who would be proud of me for being the only thing I can be: myself, whether I win or lose.
‘The winners of this year’s Larrys are…’
Tarun
‘…Gabrielle Jiang and Zebediah Kasule!’
A giant blast of confetti shoots from the fly tower above us, and I gasp, seeing not a flicker of disappointment on Olly’s face as two of his best friends are named the champions.
We all hug, not knowing whose arms we’re grabbing onto.
The noise in my head that drove me to run away mere hours ago is blissfully silent now.
I’m on stage with wildly cool, hilarious friends, all cheering on two great performers rightfully winning.
Zeb and Gabby go forwards and Olly runs back into the crowd of finalists and hugs me.
‘I’m sorry it didn’t go your way,’ I whisper to him.
‘I couldn’t have lost to two more deserving people! I’ll have to smash my drama-school auditions on my own merit. I’m certain I can.’333
The two winners stand at the front, crying as they have their picture taken, and everyone on stage hugs, jumps and dances to the music playing.
‘Olly?’ asks Rob Harrison, tapping him on the shoulder. ‘I’ve someone here who’d like to meet you…’
He stands to the side and the frail old judge, Marie Benton, smiles warmly at Olly.
‘Ms Benton!’ he says, as if he’s meeting a member of the Royal family, stopping just short of a curtsey. ‘It’s such a pleasure to meet you!’
‘I wanted to express how wonderfully I thought you performed this evening. Two such diverse performances, and I’ve always thought The Merman was an underrated gem. I trust we’ll be seeing you auditioning for Ashford?’
His eyes go wide. ‘Yes! Yes I am! My audition’s on the eleventh of May!’
‘Excellent,’ she says. ‘I’ll make sure the panel know how impressed I am and to look out for you.’
‘Thank you! That means the world to me.’
Then she turns her head to me. ‘And you’re the Marius who surprised us all on the guitar, yes?’
I’m speechless, but I just about get a nod out.
‘I hope we’ll be seeing you applying for our actor-musician course when you’re looking at higher education. Excellent musicianship!’
‘Uhh… Yes! Thank you!’ I squeak out.334
She smiles and excuses herself as Rob grins at Olly. ‘Nailed it, Ol. You did exactly what you needed to tonight. You showed them all. I look forward to us being in a show together someday.’
And with a wink, our host is gone, as Olly bounces so much I think he might take off into space. ‘Tarun… She liked me! She liked gay me! And you! Yes, the actor-musician course would be perfect, if you think you might be interested in taking performing to the next level…’
At the start of the week, I didn’t hope to dream that an anxious boy could be a professional performer. I was barely brave enough to dream of being a professional anything. But now… ‘Yeah. I think I’d like that a lot.’
Photographs done, we all swell forward to congratulate the winners, and people dance to the orchestra’s music.
‘May I?’ Olly offers me his hand, handsome and carefree in his purple shirt.
‘With pleasure,’ I say, letting him take me in his arms and join in the dancing – well, bopping in our case – together.
‘What song is this?’ I ask, listening in to the sweeping romantic tune, as Olly bursts out laughing.
‘You’ll never guess… It’s this fantastic cut song from Les Mis called “I Saw Him Once”…’335
‘You’re joking!’ I spit out. ‘They can’t be playing the song that made me think you were an arrogant prick!’
He shrugs. ‘Musical theatre is magic like that sometimes… There’s often a reprise that illuminates how much the characters’ opinions of each other have changed. “People Will Say We’re in Love” from Oklahoma is a perfect example.’
‘Well, I did promise you I’d listen to it. I want to know all the cut songs, all the secrets, all the things that make you love musicals.’
Because I love them too. It’s something we share, even if Olly has years more knowledge and devotion than I have.
It’s the same things that made the little boy in his mum’s dress love them: they contain the joy and positivity that’s missing in everyday life.
And now I appreciate they’re sometimes much deeper than the jazz hands and glitter appear.
‘So … I can take you to a show for our first official date?’
‘And the second and third…’
‘How do you feel about a repeat visit to something we’ve already seen?’ he says, smiling broadly. ‘You loved Syphilis Rising!’
I whack him, bursting out in laughter. ‘Wise up, it’s Sisyphus, and you know it!’
‘Oh yeah, so it is.’ He grins, leaning down to kiss me, 336smack bang in the middle of a West End stage. And to quote a song from the first musical I was in, it really is one of ‘My Favourite Things’.337338