Chapter 16
Ronan
Strolling up to Ryan’s elevator, I use the spare key he gave me for emergencies.
Thankfully, my doorman is childhood friends with his doorman, who after a lot of convincing let the close friends only guests in his apartment for me.
After paying my nephews to babysit Poppy and showing them how to put her in the little baby carrier that Emalyn fashioned for the puppy, I’m ready to crash Ryan’s apartment and set up for the party.
I planned for everyone to get here soon after me while Ripley distracts Ryan.
I drum the beat of a rock song on my leg as I wait for the doors to open.
Pulling my phone out, I check the text that just came through.
Vanessa:
I got the invite, I’m on my way!
Frowning, I reread it twice more.
What invite?
The elevator doors open and I step forward only for a loud cheer to stop me dead in my tracks.
A mix of “Surprise!” and “Happy Birthday, Ronan!” ring in my ear. Familiar faces like my agent, Ford and a lot more people than I invited over to celebrate Ryan’s new apartment and contract signing now stare back at me with expectant expressions.
To celebrate my birthday.
The day I haven’t celebrated since I spent it in the waiting room of a group home. Emalyn stands to the side worrying her bottom lip and toying with the hem of her pink dress. Her eyes lock on mine.
Not wanting to be the party pooper, I slide that easy mask into place.
“Hey!” I shout, throwing my arms out, being a good sport. Everyone mingles at once, congratulating me on the shut out and wishing me a happy birthday. When I get to Ryan I shoot him an incredulous look.
“Hey, man.” He grins, awfully proud of himself, “How do you like your party?”
I shove my hands in the pockets of my jeans as I pretend to evaluate the place. There are some guys from other professional sports teams, a few celebrities and a lot of people from the Bruisers.
“Yeah, it’s alright.” I downplay it because the place is immaculate and decorated to the nines.
The life size ice sculpture that I ordered of Ryan shooting a puck in his hockey gear has a matching one of me next to it.
Fucker altered it to look like he scored one on me— which has never happened.
I throw a thumb over my shoulder to gesture to it.
“Did you have inside information the whole time? Those take at least a week’s notice to get.”
“Yes. I took your advice and found a loyal doorman.” Ryan snickers.
“Fucking Jeremy.” Shaking my head, I reach for my drink.
“I told him to bribe you for all you’re worth.” He grins.
The party is in full swing, complete with loud music blaring from the speakers and a makeshift dance floor in the center of his large apartment.
“I’m gonna step out for a minute.” I gesture to the balcony doors.
Ryan nods his head about to say something but his gaze is caught on the elevator doors.
Presley, Tate's little sister, steps out.
His eyes widen on her as she gives the room an easy scan.
When she notices Ryan, she scowls and stalks in the other direction.
“Hey, I’ll uh, catch you later…” He stumbles over his words without looking at me as moves in her direction.
Huffing a laugh, I swipe a bottle of liquor off the counter and head for the sliding glass door.
An arm snakes around my neck just before I can slip out. I stiffen.
“Hey, you.” Vanessa smiles up at me before she leans in and whispers, “Ford told me to be here. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine.” Nodding, I gently pull her arm off me. Has Emalyn seen her here? Maybe that’s why she hasn’t come to talk yet. Glancing her way, I notice a male figure pulling her to the dance floor.
Is that…?
Kade.
Blowing a breath through my nose, I do my best to give Vanessa a reassuring smile.
“Why don’t you go enjoy the party? I need some air.” Thankfully, she doesn’t seem disappointed as she pats my forearm and heads to a group of girls on the dance floor.
The air is warming up but there’s still a chill in the air tonight.
Better warm up.
Taking a swig from the bottle, I lean back on the patio furniture. Damn, he went all out. This is the most comfortable couch I’ve ever sat on. Settling in deeper, I take another drink as I stare into the night sky. Can’t really see the stars here, but I imagine a shooting one anyways.
I don’t know how long I’ve sat out here slurping down tequila like it’s water when I hear my favorite person calling my name from the door.
“Ro?”
A smile tips my lips. My favorite name. Wild curls and worried brown eyes appear in my vision.
“Ro?”
“Hey, Sunshine.” I gently pull one of her curls, watching as it bounces back up. Patting the seat next to me, I give her my best attempt at a smile.
She smooths her dress down as she sits, leaning into my side. I ignore the flutter in my chest as she lays her head on my shoulder.
“Saw Vanessa here. She was looking for you.” She murmurs while taking a sip from the tequila bottle.
“Oh yeah?” I glance down at her without turning my head.
“Yep. That was probably an hour ago now.” Her words are slurring a little bit too, and we may both be more buzzed than we are letting on. She passes it back to me and I drink.
Has it already been an hour?
I guess the pity party has been going strong. Mostly because today is the worst day of the year. Emalyn’s face tilts up to mine, her eyes holding mine.
“Talk to me, Ro.” She says softly.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re really not.”
“I am!” I insist even as my voice breaks. “I-I’m fine.”
“You’re not! No tienes que seguir fingiendo. Veo la máscara que llevas puesta.” Emalyn says, giving my arm a little shake as she speaks.
You don't have to keep pretending. I see the mask you're wearing.
Her hand squeezes my bicep as she talks. When she tries to remove it, I place my hand over hers.
“I just don’t like my birthday. That’s all.”
“Reconozco tu máscara porque llevo una similar. Please don’t lie to me, Ro. We don’t have to talk… just don’t pretend.” She mutters.
I recognize your mask because I wear a similar one.
Her heels clatter to the floor a moment before her painted toes appear on the coffee table in front of us.
My thumb taps out a song on the back of her hand as we drink in silence.
I’ve sunken down far enough that my knees are nearly touching the coffee table.
Emalyn’s head still rests on my shoulder, a hand on my arm.
The warmth of her beside me is familiar and comforting.
It’s also the bane of my existence because it’s not mine to keep.
The worst form of torture is having her close enough to touch, but never really having her.
Not in the way Kade gets to.
I can’t walk into a room and kiss her like I want to. She’s my Emmy, but she’s not mine.
Can anyone own the sun though?
I mean it is a star and you can buy stars. I’d buy it for her if she wanted it.
How can I know if she wants it if she doesn’t tell me?
I want to be able to open up to her. Talk about my past and give her that piece of me, but how can I when she keeps parts of herself locked away too?
Pulling her feet into my lap, I rub her arches with my thumbs. Those heels always leave her feet sore.
“I met someone at the ticket giveaway. The meet and greet before the game tonight.” I blurt out before I can change my mind. I should be calling my therapist about this but I don’t want to when it’s this late. Emalyn doesn’t say anything, she just waits for me to continue.
“His name is James Christopher Murphy.” I scoff, ignoring the sudden wetness streaking my cheeks. “Can you believe it?”
“Believe what?”
“A-And he didn’t even recognize me. Not until she did.” My words are slurred and nearly unheard through my sobs. Climbing onto the seat, Emalyn sits on her knees next to me and pulls me into a hug.
“Shh. No te preocupes, mi amor. Estoy aquí. I’m here.” Don't worry, my love. I'm here.
You’re not though, I think to myself.
“I didn’t even know.” I mutter rubbing the tears away with the palm of my hands. She rubs her hands up and down my arms. Taking a deep, shuttering breath, I stand and swipe the bottle from the table. Everything rushes and swirls, causing me to stumble.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I just hate my birthday.” I swipe a hand through the air like it can erase the scene I just made. She gets to her feet and opens her mouth, like she’s going to argue. Like she’s going to tell me she’s here for me when the absolute last person I want to see steps outside.
“There you are.” Kade says, wrapping an arm around her waist. I glare at his hand. If only my eyes had a laser setting. He lifts his drink to me adding, “Happy birthday, man.”
“Thanks.” I smile. Fake. It’s all fake. My eyes find hers, but I quickly look out to the city, running a hand through my hair. Deciding not to be out here with the happy little couple, I brush past them while muttering a goodnight under my breath.
Kade catches my arm as I try to pass, spinning me back towards them. Not that he’s strong enough to move me— I’m just wasted. My eyes narrow on the place his hand is on my arm. He quickly drops it.
“Oh, hey- uh…Still up for the fishing cabin? It’s going to be great weather for it.” Kade offers in his nice guy voice. Emalyn’s eyes widen at me in a clear attempt for me to say no.
“Sounds great. I’ll be free since we have a short reprieve before the next game.” I smile. Why do I torture myself like this? Am I really wanting to go just to watch them fawn all over each other?
“Oh that’s perfect for me too.” Vanessa says from behind me. I didn’t hear her come out. Her arm snakes around mine.
Does she really need to come if there are no reporters there? I haven’t even signed the official contracts yet, so she isn’t exactly my girlfriend. Pretend or otherwise. I’m just about to tell her that when Emalyn speaks up.
“Perfect. We will all be there then.” Her voice comes out all high pitched and squeaky. The agreeable pushover voice I haven’t heard since her father died sends a wave of anger through me.
“Perfect.” I grit out, pulling away from Vanessa and staggering back inside.
The party hasn’t slowed down at all. I really hope Coach doesn’t get wind of it or he’ll have all our asses. We are not supposed to be getting plastered during the playoffs.
Ryan has one arm slung around the ice version of himself and a drink in the other hand. He raises it when he sees me.
“Heyyy! Birthday Boy!”
Damn and I thought I was plastered.
“I’m heading out.” I shout over the music.
“Oh shit, okay. I think I saw Vanessa over that way.” He says and gestures broadly to the entire party.
“Thanks.” I scratch my head, glancing around before lowering my voice, “Could you just tell her I wasn’t feeling well?”
“For sure.” He pats my shoulder and ends up holding onto me for support. Which is a terrible idea because it makes the floor tilt and send us toppling over.
“Get off of me, you troll.” I groan pushing him off.
“A handsome one though, right?” He chuckles and tries to drink from his cup that somehow didn’t spill on the way down.
“You’re ridiculous.” I try to climb to my feet and stumble into a wall.
“You’re wasted.” The wall says. “Come on, your sister will kill me for letting you out of my sight in this condition.”
“Where is Alli? I miss her.” I pout. “You guys should all come over to my place. It’s super quiet all the time now. Your house is always noisy. I need noise.”
“Okay, bud. We’ll do that.” He pats my back. The force of it causes me to burp, surprising us both.
“Did you just… burp me? I think you’re ready to be a dad.”
“I’m already a dad.” Tate chuckles, throwing an arm around my waist. The more I try to walk, the less my legs seem to work. He glances at me, seeming to come to some conclusion. “Okay, then.”
“Wha—woah.” I groan as the world turns upside down. “Dude, your ass is in my face.”
“Well, as drunk as you are I can’t say you’ll remember it tomorrow.” He shrugs, my body going up and down with the movement. I feel like I'm on an upside down rollercoaster which is just not a good feeling.
This is humiliating. Tate seems to convince everyone I just partied a little too hard and that I’m fine which seems like a perfectly acceptable explanation.
Except it’s a lie.
Which I continually blurt out every time he tries to talk.
“He’s lying. I am totally fine. One hundred percent fine. Someone throw me a pitch right now. I’ll block it.”
“Now he’s mixing up his sports. Are you sure you don’t want me to help you get him home?” Someone who sounds a lot like Ripley says.
While they talk about me like I'm not here, I spot Emalyn giggling with Paige and Dakota.
“Wifey!” I call out, gaining her attention.
“Nope, you’re done.” Tate says, walking us toward the elevator, “I think you’ve forgotten about your little arrangement.”
“What?”
“Exactly. You know Alli is in PR and your agent has to share information that would be relevant to the team. You can’t be dating one person and calling another wifey.”
“I don’t want to be dating anyone else.” I pout, giving up the fight and letting my head hang. Tate is strong as hell to carry me like this. I’m not a small man. “Need you tell Coach I’m not going to be at film tomorrow. I’m going fishing.”
“Yeah, okay.” Tate snorts.
“Hey, I’m a great fisherman. Why does no one believe me?”
“Okay, buddy. Let’s see what you say after you’ve slept it off on my couch.”
“Do you think Alli will make me those chocolate pancakes? I love those.”
“Sure thing.”
I hear the soft pitter of paws on wood before Poppy is sniffing me with her little nose, giving little kisses on my hand until I scoop her up. She snuggles into the curve of my neck and we both fall asleep.