Chapter 28
Ronan
This is it. She’s mine. The girl I’ve been pining for, yearning my little heart out for is mine. My sixteen-year-old self would think I’m a fucking legend. Twenty-seven-year-old me knows the truth. I’m just a lucky bastard.
“Soy tuyo, no te detengas.” She cries out as I let her nipple go with a pop to lick up the delicate line between her breasts and gently bite the fullness of the other. Her hand sinks into my hair, gripping it tightly.
I’m yours, don’t stop.
Mine. Mine. Mine. My heart chants with each thrust until it can’t help but answer her.
“Nunca, Emmy. Eres toda mía.” I growl into the crook of her neck.
Never. You’re all mine.
Her eyes fly open on a gasp, jerking back in surprise. Ah, fuck. Now she’s going to know I’ve known what she’s been saying all these years. Or maybe she thinks I just learned a few words to say in bed. Either way, it’s a weight off my chest.
I think she’s going to yell, get angry and storm off and maybe she was going to but leaning back from me made the head of my dick press even deeper. Her eyes roll back as her pussy strangles my cock and she shatters.
It’s a beautiful, glorious thing to watch her come apart. I watch her even as my own release crashes through me, until the force of it has me squeezing them shut just to survive.
She slumps against me, sweaty and limp. My head hurts instantly, a throbbing that makes me want to take an entire bottle of pain relief, but I just lay my forehead against her soft shoulder and it nearly has the same effect.
I plant soft kisses on her shoulder. We stay there, clinging to each other, neither of us watching the clock.
“Marry me.” I chuckle. It’s been something I’ve always said to her, since we were kids. Maybe it’s been layered with humor, but I always mean it. Somehow, it was exactly the wrong thing to say right now. Her entire body stiffens.
“You don’t want that, Ro.”
“Maybe not this exact moment and only because I know you want an island beach wedding, but I sure as fuck do.”
“No. Y-you can’t.” She rises off me, wincing at the loss.
“Well, I do.” Why am I arguing with her about this? So unromantic. And why doesn’t she want to let me be romantic?
I stand, going to the bathroom for a washcloth but my heart falls when I return to Emalyn pulling her clothes on.
“You take the bed, I’m gonna head into the office for a bit.” She mutters, knowing damn well I know she can do everything she needs from her laptops here.
I drop the washcloth on the end of the bed, not bothering to cover myself as I run a hand through my hair. It’s stuck up in every direction.
“Fuck, Emmy, why won’t you let me in?” I laugh but it’s hollow. Her head jerks back. Daring to bring up what I know I press on, “How can you see yourself as so worthless that you won’t even accept the bare minimum from me?”
“Because!” She shouts her eyes wide and filled with unshed tears. Her eyes drop to the floor. My heart breaks along with her voice when she says,
“Because…”
My hand comes to her wobbling chin as I tilt it up.
“Why, sunshine?” I whisper. Her face crumples.
She jerks her chin out of my hold, turning away from me.
“That right there. Sunshine. That’s how you see me isn’t it?” Her arms splay wide, tears freely streaming down her face ruining her face. “This bright, happy girl? Well, I’m not.”
My head is shaking, denying her words but she doesn’t stop, her voice getting louder.
“And I’m scared— no. I’m devastatingly terrified that when you see me— The real me… You’ll leave. You’ll leave when you see how dark it can get. When y-you see…”
I take a step closer as her head tilts down, curls cascading over her shoulders and sticking to the side of her tear slicked face. Emalyn’s hands twist together in front of her as she whispers, “I’m… I’m no sunshine. I can’t be what you need.”
I want to go to her. Pull her into my arms and give her all the beautiful promises my heart is screaming to declare. Explain how my heart is always singing her name. Instead, I give her what she needs. Something real.
“You’ve got it all wrong, baby.” I pull my lip through my teeth. I lean back against the counter, gripping it with both hands and crossing one foot over the other. “That’s not why I call you sunshine.”
Her eyes snap up to mine, flaring in surprise, brows pinched.
“Happy go lucky? Is that really how you see me? That I only love you because of some misguided idolization? No. That’s not it.
” I shake my head. My eyes never leave hers, even when she becomes blurry through my tears.
“You know that part in Forrest Gump when he says ‘but at night time, when there was nothing to do and the house all empty, I'd always think of Jenny.’ That’s not how I love you.”
She scoffs.
“I’m serious. I don’t just love you when I'm alone and it’s quiet.
I think of you in the middle of overtime, I think of you when I’m out with friends, or trying new restaurants.
Because without you… I am the empty house.
There's no fresh flowers, no open windows. And when I can think of a better way to say that, I will. But right now? It’s the only truth I’ve got, Sunshine. ”
“Ronan…”
“Talk to me. Please.I don’t give a shit for rainbows and temporary happiness.
I know everyone thinks I'm just a playful guy but you’ve always seen through me.
I’m not scared of the dark. I’ve lived in it, hell, even gotten comfortable in misery.
” I take a breath. Chest and hands shaking with emotion as I reach for her.
I gently pull her to me, placing a kiss on her wrist before placing her arms around my neck. My fingers gently trail down her arms.
“You always imagine the worst case scenario but don’t forget to imagine the best one too.”
She doesn’t answer.
My head drops forward, and I take a step back. After pulling on clothes, I shove my feet into a random pair of shoes.
“Where are you going?”
“I can’t do this anymore, Emalyn. I think…” I bite my lip to keep the tears away. “I think you need to decide if you can let yourself have what you want. If you can stop listening to every thought telling you you’re not enough.”
When she’s quiet again, I start toward the door. With every step, I pray and hope and silently beg that she would stop me. Tell me I’m right, and we deserve each other. She doesn’t. The doorknob twists under my hand.
“Wait.”
I glance over my shoulder.
Emalyn holds out my navy hoodie. When I reach out to take it, I freeze. It’s… warm.
It takes everything in me not to haul her to me and beg her to choose me.
To just say thanks and walk numbly out the door, ignoring the way she snuggles Poppy close to her chest and the sobs I can hear from the hallway the second the door closes.
I stand outside her door, waiting to see if she’ll open it. Chase after me, change her mind.
I stare at the doorknob, waiting for it to turn.
One minute turning into five, until I just feel pathetic.
Frozen Five
*Ronan dropped a location pin*
Ronan:
Anyone near me?
Ryan:
I’m at Bridgette’s house. “Family” dinner.
Ripley:
I can be there but it’ll be a few hours. Rosie’s been fussy.
Tate:
I’m fixing another window. Matty was practicing that pitch you showed him.
Fitz:
I’m five minutes away.
Ronan:
Literally anyone else.
Fitz:
Suck it up, Goalie. I’m coming for you.
Ronan:
I’m not your backpack.
Ronan:
If you show up on a motorcycle, I swear to you I’m not getting on that thing.
Fitz:
We’ll see.
I clutch to his back like a baby koala. I’d scream if I didn’t have a killer headache.
It’s been enough time that it’s technically safe, but realistically the med team would kill me if they saw this.
I smirk at the thought of Dakota getting wind of this.
Maybe that’s the perfect payback for the way he’s weaving in and out of traffic like he’s late to practice.
When he finally pulls up in front of my apartment, I all but fall to the ground and kiss it.
“Fuck you very much.” I grumble and shove the helmet into his chest.
“You can’t tell me that wasn’t fun.” He grins good naturedly. I roll my eyes.
“It wasn’t. Not even a little.” I grumble again, trying to pull the leather jacket off and getting my arm stuck. I try to yank it free, but only get more frustrated. Fitz tilts his head back with a booming laugh, only coming to my aid after I shoot him a glare.
Instead of leaving, he lingers near the door. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other like he has something else to say. With a huff I wave for him to follow me up to my apartment.
“Help yourself to whatever.” I offer before turning on the T.V. and plopping down on the couch. I don’t plan on moving from this couch until it’s time to fly back to Vegas for the finals game. If we win, we’ll still have a slim chance to win. If we lose, it’s over. For now, at least.
“You fucker. There’s nothing in here.” Fitz calls from the kitchen, shutting the fridge. “What the hell do you eat?”
“Huh? Oh, I normally have someone pick stuff up but I was staying at Emalyn’s.
So no poptarts this time—theif.” I say distractedly, eyes closed and head leaning back.
Unable to get comfortable, I lay on the floor on my back.
And then, because I can’t stand the thought of anyone being hungry I add, “I can order something though.”
He settles on the other end of the couch, side
eyeing me.
“I thought Ryan was joking about the lying on the floor thing.” He mutters.
“Nope.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Ah. So he’s here to keep an eye on me or something. Now it makes sense.
“Nope.”
He just nods and settles back.
“Just to be clear, we aren’t talking about the fact I picked you up from Emalyn’s place? With a hickey on your neck and crying your eyes out.”
“Not crying my eyes out.” I huff. “How do you know where she lives?”
He shrugs. “Picked Dakota up once after their girls' night.”
With another huff, because I’m nothing if not a little dramatic, I pull out my phone and send off a text to Dante to call me in the morning about something important.
When the delivery of donuts and breakfast sandwiches arrives, we eat in silence.
Maybe he’s an alright guy.
Barely.