Chapter 30
Ronan
“Goalie!” A few people clap me on the shoulder and welcome me back as I pass. I'm not back yet. I’ve been cleared for some exercise but not ice time. Not full practice yet, let alone a game in the finals. If we lose tonight, we lose the entire series.
I should go check on the backup goalie but there’s only one thing on my mind right now.
I find my way to my seat, heart pounding as I tear it open with shaking hands. I don’t bother waiting until we are in the air. I don’t want to wait another second to see what she wrote and I don’t care how pathetic that makes me.
Ronan,
I don’t know how to write this. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings, my worries or my own dreams. It’s not that I don't want to, but everytime I open my mouth to share anything vulnerable, there’s a voice in my mind that reminds me how easy it is to lose someone you love. To make someone stop loving you.
I’ve been a complete idiot by letting my insecurities and fear make my choices for me, even when you’ve given me every reason to be brave. I’d like to say this is me being brave but in reality... I just need to put everything down on a paper I can hide behind.
I’ve used our lives being intertwined by my best friend and your sister as an excuse to keep distance between us.
She has always said every foster kid's dream is to have a big family. Watching her get her dream life after her shitty ex, makes me want to believe there’s a happy ever after for us too. But there’s something you need to know.
I can’t have children. My appendix burst when I was a child, and the complications left me sterile.
I couldn’t let you love me, thinking I’d be able to give you a big family. I told myself I couldn’t hurt you like that. If I'm being completely honest, I’ve been protecting myself too. I didn’t want to lose you and I’ve been punishing us both out of fear you’d see me as damaged goods.
I hope you can forgive how long it’s taken me to be ready, but I am.
You asked me to choose.
I choose you, Ro.
I choose you today, tomorrow and every day after.
Always,
Your Sunshine
I read the letter over and over again. After we land, after we check into the hotel, and even as I’m walking through the halls in the direction of the locker room before the game that decides if we still stand a chance.
I should be focused on the game. About the backup goalie.
The pressure. The fact that our entire season came down to sixty minutes of hockey.
Instead, all I could think about was her.
Not the part about children or about being afraid.
The part where she chose me. After everything we'd survived.
Every missed opportunity. Every time I'd reach for her only to have her pull away.
She chose me.
A laugh escapes me, earning a strange look from one of my teammates as we walk through the tunnel.
My sunshine thought I cared about any of that.
Children. Biology. Any of it. If Emalyn wanted a house full of kids one day, we'd figure it out.
If she didn't, we'd figure that out too.
The only thing I knew for certain was that she'd finally stopped running.
And for the first time in weeks, I felt like I could breathe.
My hackles rise when I see a familiar figure down an adjoining hall, shoulders slumped and cowering away. Her agent has a finger in her face and scolds her. Loudly. Anyone walking through this tunnel can hear, including me.
“If you think for a second you’re irreplaceable…” She continues spitting insults and degrading threats.
Tucking the letter in my pocket, I turn down the hall and force myself to take a calming breath before getting involved.
“What’s going on here?” I ask, standing to my full height next to Vanessa. Her agent stands straighter after noticing me, brushing the hair from her face and giving me a prim smile.
“Oh, Mr. Grady. I was just about to take Vanessa to find you for your debut outing as an official couple.”
She informs me, while Vanessa remains stiff next to me.
My brows pull together.
“Clearly there’s been a misunderstanding.
My team reached out yesterday that we are ceasing any arrangements regarding a PR relationship along with the Campaign.
” I say, keeping my voice calm and level.
When she tries to interrupt, I continue talking over her.
“And to see any agent treat a young athlete in that manner is despicable. Especially one of her standing, despite her young age.”
“Well, I’m just trying to teach her some work ethic. Honestly, she—“
“Is one of the top female soccer players in the country.”
“World, actually.” Vanessa mutters, a blush creeping across her cheeks when I glance at her.
“In the world.” I correct myself. “In fact, I think you’ve forgotten you’re speaking to one of the most successful athletes in the world. If anyone’s out of their league here, it isn’t Vanessa.”
Her agent turns red in the face, stammering over her word until finally promising that we’ll be hearing from her.
Vanessa wipes her cheeks, avoiding my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I was only showing up as a fan. I don’t know why she was even here.”
“Vanessa we’ve been over this already,” I tsk, throwing my arm around her shoulders.
“You’re here as a friend. And as your friend, I’m sure that I can get you not just behind the glass seats, but a better agent too.
” I grin before passing her a business card.
Yes, I carry them around in my gameday suit.
They come in handy. “You just call that number and tell Dante you need a new agent. He’ll get you out of your contract no problem. ”
She glanced between the card and me as I walk us down the tunnel.
“Really?”
“For sure. But I’m probably required to inform you not everything he does is totally legal. Just don’t ask him too many questions.” I wave my hand through the air to emphasize my point and she snorts.
“Got it.” She chews her lip before asking, “What about your scholarship funding? Isn’t that what you got out of it all?”
I shrug, glancing around.
“There will be other funding opportunities. Sandy’s foundation does well enough on its own for now.” I chuckle before adding, “Besides, I can just guilt all my rich friends into donating too now.”
We snicker as I make a deal with a fan to trade seats with her— one that includes a shit ton of signed merch and season tickets for next year before I make my way back toward the locker room. Even though I won’t be playing, I’ll be sitting on the bench in a Bruisers jersey, win or lose.
My hand traces the edge of the letter, keeping Emalyn close even as my heart pounds in anticipation for tonight.
As I push the door open, I’m met with a loud applause and teammates cheering for me. A grin splits my face as each of them come up to slap me on the back or hug me. These guys have become my family.
“You guys know I’m not playing tonight, right?” I raise a brow when Fitz and Ryan are holding up a cake so big it takes both of them to put it on the table.
“No shit?” Ryan asks, pretending to be shocked. Tate smacks him on the back of the head.
“It’s s’mores flavored.” Fitz winks before using his fork to take the first bite. Of my cake. He grins with a mouthful of cake.
“You f—“
“Welcome back man.” Ripley gives my back a hard pat.
After some time, I make my way to my locker and change into a jersey and jeans. I kiss the photo in my helmet and touch the hockey skate charm that I’ve had at every game since I took it from Emalyn’s bag all those years ago.
But tonight, my wish isn’t to win the game. My hand pats the letter still safe in my pocket. For the first time in my life, I already had everything I wanted.