Chapter 18
Eighteen
When Dax falls asleep, I leave the pool house to get him a fresh change of clothes. If Claudia will snoop through Christie’s wardrobe for me, it’s not much of a stretch to ask her to do the same in my brother’s room.
As I meander through the first floor, I near Dad’s study. The door is ajar, and light streams across the hardwood floors. I press my hand firmly into my queasy gut, and step forward. This is a mistake, but I push the door open anyway.
“Dad?”
Dad’s focus lifts from his work, and a pleasant smile brightens his face. “Vanessa.”
“I just wanted to show my face before going upstairs.”
“I’m not happy about the way you spoke to me.” Disappointment sharpens his stare. “But I’m glad you’re back.”
“I told you, I never left.”
“But you got on the motorcycle with that boy.”
“You only cared about me being around Dax once LJ brought him up.” Heat rises in my voice. “You don’t care about how long I’ve actually been seeing him.”
Red morphs from underneath his shirt collar and rises up his neck. “How long has this been going on?”
“It could be a day, a week, or a year. It wouldn’t matter,” I argue. “I won’t stop seeing him.”
“Yes, you will,” Dad replies, stealing some resolve. “That boy isn’t good enough for you. Not for my daughter.”
I click my tongue and pat the space over my heart. “You don’t even know him. Can’t you try to understand why he’s in my life?”
“How could I possibly understand?”
“How about listening to me for once?”
Dad sighs, standing from his chair. “This conversation is going in circles. Just promise me you won’t see him again.”
“That’s like asking me to stay chained to this house. Is that what you want?”
He walks toward me. “That’s never what I’ve wanted for you.
I want you out in the world, making a difference.
And you have exceptional skills to do so.
” He pauses and brushes back a lock of my hair.
“But when you came back from Switzerland, I promised myself I’d never lose you again.
I never want anything to get between us because those months were far too difficult. ”
I let my guard down and lower my voice. “You’re afraid of losing me?”
He smiles, and his eyes grow glossy.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes, and I suck in a shaky breath. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
Dad pulls me into a hug, and silence fills the room.
My breathing is quick and shallow as thoughts collide in my head.
How will I ever have a proper relationship with my dad if I can’t talk to him about my boyfriend?
And is he really afraid of not having me in his life if he’s ordering me to stay away from Dax?
This won’t work.
“I’ve missed this,” Dad whispers, rubbing a circle on my back. “I’ve been so happy to have you home, but I’ve been walking on eggshells. There’s been such awkwardness between us. Am I right in thinking it’s because you’re still siding with your mother?”
I gasp and pull out of the hug so I can look Dad in the eye. “I never sided with her.”
“But you left.”
I nod, swallowing hard. “Because she asked me to.”
Dad smiles. “Ash said the same thing about you.”
“It’s true. If you had asked me to stay, I would have.”
“I would’ve asked if I'd known anyone was leaving. I didn’t realize how hard I needed to fight to keep my family together.”
I bite into my cheek to distract myself from the breaking of my heart. “Is that what you want? Your family back together?”
He rubs my arm. “I just want my kids home and safe. That’s my number one priority.”
I give him a small smile and nod. I’m glad his priorities don’t include Mom, because unfortunately, I know he isn’t part of her plans.
I sniff back my tears. “You know, about that boy…”
Sternness creases his face. “I don’t want to hear about you spending another second with him.”
“Dad’s he’s not…”
“You don’t know what he is.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Vanessa, you’ve been sheltered from the harshness of this world.”
My hands ball into fists. “You have no idea what I’ve seen. If only you’d been there today.”
“Why? What did he do to you?”
I groan and move to the doorway. “One day you need to start listening to me. Dax will never hurt me.”
“If you go near him again, hurt is all you’ll get.”
“You won’t be seeing me at dinner,” I say, leaving the room.
“Vanessa, tell me you heard me.”
I turn back into the room. “Sure, Dad. I’m your good girl, aren’t I?”
Leaving him staring at the doorway, I fly up the nearest staircase and hurry to Ash’s suite.
I knock on his door, and there’s no answer.
I push the door open and walk inside. There’s a change of clothes tossed on the end of the bed, but the rest of the room is neat thanks to Claudia.
She obviously hasn’t been here since Ash got home and changed his clothes for dinner.
I head straight for the chest of drawers by his closet.
Still with shop tags, I find sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a hoodie, and bundle them together.
Keeping my head down, I move back down to the first floor. With everyone on their way to the dining room, I make it to the pool house undetected. I move into the bedroom and plonk the clothes down on the bed by Dax. He shifts on the bed, groggily opening his eyes.
“Hey. What are you doing?” he mumbles.
“I got you a change of clothes.”
“Oh, thanks.” He yawns and sits up. “Are they your brother’s?”
“He won’t miss them.”
Dax gives his T-shirt a whiff. “Maybe I should take a shower.”
I throw a thumb over my shoulder. “Bathroom’s right over there.”
On his way out, Dax pulls his T-shirt over his head. It’s painful to watch the way he hunches and grimaces.
“We should think about organizing a doctor’s visit.”
He walks into the bathroom. “Right now?”
“I can arrange for a doctor to come here to the manor.”
“No. I don’t want to tip off your dad and get you into trouble.”
“I can handle myself. Besides, Murphy won’t say anything about it. Like I told you, I have loyal staff.”
His jaw flexes, and he shakes his head. “It was off-putting hanging out at the mall in Victoria Falls. I don’t think I could handle a swanky doctor. Maybe I should just go back and see the doc at Logan’s Point.”
“I can call Dr. Harris and arrange a time for us to see him in private.”
His eyes light up. “You’ll really go with me?”
“Of course. I said I would.” I pull my phone from my back pocket. “I’ll give him a call now.”
Dax closes himself in the bathroom, and I wander down the hallway, waiting out the rings until someone answers. It’s Nurse Cindy.
“Oh, hi, Vanessa,” Cindy replies. “Are you coming in? Like every Sunday, we’re swamped.”
Guilt clamps down on my stomach. “Ah, no, I’m sorry. I was wondering if Dr. Harris is available?”
“Not at the moment, sorry. Do you want me to leave him a message?”
“I was just wanting to arrange a time to see him in person.” I fidget with my bracelet. “In private.”
I hear the clicking of keys. “Hmm. He’s in surgery tomorrow morning. I don’t think he’ll be done until early afternoon. And then he’ll need to be around for post-op care. Is it about the fundraiser?”
“No, it’s medical, I mean private. Are you able to book me time with him?”
“How about tomorrow afternoon at four?” Cindy suggests. “It’s the first time I can semi-guarantee availability. You won’t need to see him for longer than thirty minutes, will you?”
I glance at the bathroom door. “Umm, I dunno. Maybe not.”
“Maybe if he needs to see a patient, you can wait for him to come back into your meeting?”
“Yeah, maybe,” I reply. “Thank you for booking that in, Cindy.”
“No problem. If you have any spare time to spend with us, we’d love to have you back.”
Another whack of guilt. “Mm-hmm. Yep. I’ll see you.”
I end the phone call and exhale heavily. I plonk onto the edge of the bed and rest my forehead in my palms. Listening to the shower running, I try to focus on the boy who needs me, instead of spiraling with heavy thoughts.
When the water turns off, I force myself to breathe slower, but it only causes me to sweat. The more I try to compose myself, the more worked up I get.
“Are you okay?” Dax asks, entering the room in the new T-shirt and sweatpants.
I force a smile. “You’re booked in tomorrow at four p.m.”
Dax tilts his head. “You don’t look happy about it.”
“No, I’m okay. The nurses just sounded like they needed help.”
“Do you want to go over there?”
Sadness droops my shoulders. “No. I want to stay here and make sure you’re okay.”
Dax bends at the knees and scoops me into his arms. “You’re feeling guilty.”
“My mother would be so disappointed in me. I can hear her voice in my head, telling me I’m dishonoring my commitments.”
“Hey, hey,” he whispers, stroking my hair. “Your mother left her family commitments behind. She’s not exactly a role model.”
I lay my head on his chest, and a weight slips off me. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
“I saw those nurses praising you,” Dax says. “They also told you to make the most out of your free time. Yes, they appreciate all you do for them, but they also want you to have fun.”
“Fun isn’t a priority.”
Dax playfully knocks on my head. “Hello? Vanessa’s mother, get out of her head.”
I giggle and hug my arms around his waist. “At least the hospital has been a good cover to get my friends off my back. The little white lie has allowed me to be with you instead.”
“Hmm. Maybe you are a bad girl,” Dax jokes.
“I can’t help that you’re my addiction.”